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Forums > Home› The Foundry for Star Trek Online› The Foundry for Star Trek Online - Mission Database

New Mission - A Chance To Start Again

gusardgusard Member Posts: 10 Arc User
edited May 6 in The Foundry for Star Trek Online - Mission Database
Greetings all. I just did my first try at a foundry mission. I published it a few hours ago. Its called "A chance to start again". It is relatively short and involves three maps. It is story focused with 1 three part combat task. Please let me know what you think. Please no flaming =) constructive feedback appreciated.
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on

Comments

  • duncanidaho11duncanidaho11 Member Posts: 7,980 Arc User
    edited January 2017
    Hey, I just played it. Good first effort. The rating system is offline at the moment, so it's not possible to give an in-game review yet, but I'll be sure to add a rating as soon as the system comes back online. Overall, I'd happily give it 3 stars. Nice start, I quite liked it, but it's not yet where it could be. Full comments in spoiler tags below. :)
    I really appreciate that you took some time with the characters. The colony has some feeling to it and the space map was well populated. I thought the farm was a pretty neat setup as well, and I do very much like that you tried out a custom interior build with ceiling lights (I didn't attempt that on my first Foundry mission).

    That said, you do have to look at the overall story and ask what it's trying to do. The mission works in a functional sense (it's great for RPing) but I don't get the feel that there's much going on. You help some people out who need it and that's about it. Characters are seen to have believable problems but those don't really build a narrative arc or make strong connections to each other. Each is pretty much its own thing.

    The way to approach an update may be to think about how these characters might have been interacting on this colony. While you might imagine them each performing their separate tasks, in a logical and well ordered way, chances are that people living in a community have other (more complicated) things going on too. Personal problems, relationships, conflicts, old grudges, political differences, hidden objectives, big technical challenges, and good ol' fashioned personal ambition are some of the things that could setup a dynamic story the player could engage with.

    Just give it some thought. :)


    Some other notes and suggestions
    • Try playing around with the backdrops on maps. I noticed you used the defaults. Using something else can really, really help given an environment a characteristic feel to it.
    • Nice job placing the Romulan shuttle repair worker
    • Consider adding more scenery (ex. trees, crates, rocks, cargo lifts, lamp posts, building block walls (02), water pumps) around the colony and condensing some of the blank empty space. Think about how people might be living in a space like this and try to build out as much as you can.
    • I liked the fire pit (could always use more people :))
    • I liked the use of objectives, particularly the use of simultaneous ones. It's a well balanced mix throughout the mission.
    • I found the targs to be an interesting development. For some reason, this section is where helping the colony had the most immersive feel to it (for me).
    • There is a floating crate near the colony overseer (on the landing pad)
    • Consider placing backstory to fleeting secondary characters (ie. the Ferengi transport captain) as an optional dialog choice.
    • It's always good to restate the start location in the mission description. That way, players can refer back to it if they happened to miss it in the contact dialog or if they are intending to play the mission later. Wasn't a problem for me, but it's a good rule of thumb.
    • I was confused by the reference to a Tholian attack on a colony. Virinat was destroyed by the Elachi and Tal Shiar.
    Post edited by duncanidaho11 on
    Bipedal mammal and senior Foundry author.
    Notable missions: Apex [AEI], Gemini [SSF], Trident [AEI], Evolution's Smile [SSF], Transcendence
    Looking for something new to play? I've started building Foundry missions again in visual novel form!
  • gusardgusard Member Posts: 10 Arc User
    duncanidaho11 wrote: »
    Hey, I just played it. Good first effort. The rating system is offline at the moment, so it's not possible to give an in-game review yet, but I'll be sure to add a rating as soon as the system comes back online. Overall, I'd happily give it 3 stars. Nice start, I quite liked it, but it's not yet where it could be. Full comments in spoiler tags below. :)
    I really appreciate that you took some time with the characters. The colony has some feeling to it and the space map was well populated. I thought the farm was a pretty neat setup as well, and I do very much like that you tried out a custom interior build with ceiling lights (I didn't attempt that on my first Foundry mission).

    That said, you do have to look at the overall story and ask what it's trying to do. The mission works in a functional sense (it's great for RPing) but I don't get the feel that there's much going on. You help some people out who need it and that's about it. Characters are seen to have believable problems but those don't really build a narrative arc or make strong connections to each other. Each is pretty much its own thing.

    The way to approach an update may be to think about how these characters might have been interacting on this colony. While you might imagine them each performing their separate tasks, in a logical and well ordered way, chances are that people living in a community have other (more complicated) things going on too. Personal problems, relationships, conflicts, old grudges, political differences, hidden objectives, big technical challenges, and good ol' fashioned personal ambition are some of the things that could setup a dynamic story the player could engage with.

    Just give it some thought. :)


    Some other notes and suggestions
    • Try playing around with the backdrops on maps. I noticed you used the defaults. Using something else can really, really help given an environment a characteristic feel to it.
    • Nice job placing the Romulan shuttle repair worker
    • Consider adding more scenery (ex. trees, crates, rocks, cargo lifts, lamp posts, building block walls (02), water pumps) around the colony and condensing some of the blank empty space. Think about how people might be living in a space like this and try to build out as much as you can.
    • I liked the fire pit (could always use more people :))
    • I liked the use of objectives, particularly the use of simultaneous ones. It's a well balanced mix throughout the mission.
    • I found the targs to be an interesting development. For some reason, this section is where helping the colony had the most immersive feel to it (for me).
    • There is a floating crate near the colony overseer (on the landing pad)
    • Consider placing backstory to fleeting secondary characters (ie. the Ferengi transport captain) as an optional dialog choice.
    • It's always good to restate the start location in the mission description. That way, players can refer back to it if they happened to miss it in the contact dialog or if they are intending to play the mission later. Wasn't a problem for me, but it's a good rule of thumb.
    • I was confused by the reference to a Tholian attack on a colony. Virinat was destroyed by the Elachi and Tal Shiar.

    Thanks a ton for that detailed and thoughtful feedback. That was just what I was hoping for. :) I am currently making most of the suggested changes. Adding a LOT of background story to each of the characters and linking a few together...playing with the scenery...and planning for three or four follow on missions way down the road.
    A revamped mission should be up and running in a couple of weeks. I will be sure to post here when it is done.
  • gusardgusard Member Posts: 10 Arc User
    Just completed an update to the dialogue for the whole mission. I added a few tasks one new map. Still tweaking NPC behavior. I plan on at least a three episode/mission series.
This discussion has been closed.