Ok this is my first story ever. plz feel free to give me advise, like or dislikes, comments. I hope my first will be good enouph for you all. I am by no mean as good as the aurthers of the stories I read on this furems enjoy.
Krysti Morgan was packing for her trip to Earth to attend Starfleet academy. From the time she was 5 years old she knew what she wanted. She wanted to travel the stars. The only problem was her parents and the colony she lived on. The colony was against any military organization and was against any type of armed conflict. They believed that diplomacy will solve any problems that people or nations had. Krysti new that diplomacy did not always work. It has happened throughout history.
While Krysti was packing up her things, what little she owned, her mother walked into the room, so you planning on going despite mine and your fathers wish and believes?
Krysti stopped her packing and turned around to face her mother. Yes, mother Im still going. Star fleet is not all about military it also about exploring as well.
What about the war with the Dominion. Starfleet did not even try to use diplomacy to avoid that war. They shoot first and expect them to be diplomatic. Starfleet is all about conquest, Mary retorted.
Mother you should know the Dominion attacked the Federation first when they attacked Deep Space nine at Bajor. The Federation did all they can diplomatically to stop the war from going any further. What did you what the Federation to do invite the Dominion to earth and say we surrender. she replied.
Yes at least my brother and my twin sister would still be alive and the thousands of other death would not happen, she replied angrily.
Do you really think we would have kept our freedom if we surrendered to them? No, we would be slaves. I would rather die fighting than to die on my knees. Krysti shouted back.
So you would go against our wishes? she asked.
Yes, because your believes are not mine! She shouted back to her mother as she turned around and resumed her packing. Arguing with her mother was not going to convince her mother to understand her believes and her dreams. After a minute she heard her mother storm out of her room.
She let out a slow breath. She hated fighting with her mother and father but they expect her and her twin sister Kara to be just like them. She got her own life to live she cant live the life they made for her.
Within ten minutes Krysti was done packing and she secured her luggage, picks it up and walked out her bedroom that she will never see again. As she got to kitchen her mother, father and her twin sister were there. Her parent had a look of disappointment in their eyes; Kara was looking at her sister with bloodshot eyes. Krysti knew she been crying.
Kara came up to her and hugged her tight and then said, I know why you are leaving Krysti. It is ok I know you want to be out among the stars. Good luck sis, Im going to miss you. Then she let her sister go and watch Krysti leave.
Krysti left her only home she ever knew with a heavy heart and headed to the shuttle that was waiting for her. As she walked she could feel the eyes of the people watching her and hear the comments they were saying. She did not care it was not there life to live.
******* 3 Weeks Later *****
Krysti stepped off the shuttle at Starfleet Academy in San Francisco. She saw a cat like humanoid jester her over. She picked up her thing and headed for the Starfleet officer. By the pips he had on he looked to be a lieutenant. You must be Krysti Morgan. I take it you had a good trip? Im Lt. Fara, Im in charge of all students here at the academy. If you have any question please ask.
Think you sir. This is my first time on earth. I do understand my class starts in 7 days. It was recommended I come early. She asked.
Yes that is true. It gives new cadet like you to get familiar with the academy and with San Francisco. You will be bunk in the James T. Kirk dorm room 1701, it is on the first floor seventh hall room 01 on the left. The caitian said.
Thank you sir, as she headed off to the James T. Kirk dorm. She found her room. There was a good sized room with a couch, chairs and a table. There are also 3 doors on the east, north and west side of the room and it appears two are already accounted for. She went to the only unoccupied room and opened the door and entered the room to unpack before she decided to go explore the academy and the city.
After she unpacked she went to the common room and she saw her quad mates. One was pale andorian the other was another human. They both turned toward her as she came out of the room and the red headed human cam up to her with a hand out hello, Im Elisa Flores, and krysti took her hand, I am Krysti Morgan. Good to meet you. The pale andorian came up to her a shock her hand as well my name is Winter and good to meet you as well.
Krysti kind of stared at winter for a minute longer than she intended and Winter saw the confusion and said, I am Anear, an off shoot of the andorian. We are born blind but we can see.
Krysti face turns red as she was caught off guard. She never heard of them and this is what she liked and wanted to meet new people and she was getting a good start.
Hey you want to go with us to San Francisco with us. We got a week of free time so we may as well take advantage of it. asked Elisa.
Both Krysti and Winter agreed to go with Elisa into the city by the bay. Besides Krysti was getting hungry and the thought of getting some food sounded good. And beside she likes Elisa and wants to get to know her a bit better.
that the end of part 1. im sorry in advance if there are spelling error I wrote this in MS word and did a spell check so hopefully everything is correct.
Congratulations on posting - it can be nerve-wracking to submit something to a public forum.
It's a straight-forward start to introducing your characters, so I don't have anything to add regarding plot.
There's a couple of minor homophone errors in the story section, but the spelling was generally fine. If you have someone who can give it a read-through, it's usually the best way of dealing with those. The author's eyes tend to glide over the actual spelling thanks to familiarity.
Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker
Member Access Denied Armada!
My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
It's a straight-forward start to introducing your characters, so I don't have anything to add regarding plot.
There's a couple of minor homophone errors in the story section, but the spelling was generally fine. If you have someone who can give it a read-through, it's usually the best way of dealing with those. The author's eyes tend to glide over the actual spelling thanks to familiarity.
Agreed here. Plot's solid, but a beta reader would be nice.
If you have a sibling, friend, or relative with spare time, preferably an older sibling or a cousin with writing experience, consider asking them to proofread stuff for you.
thx guys for the comments. i don't have any one here that a writer to pre read, but i do take a couple days to reread it and make correction as need. i'm not going to run 4 years of SFA for char start. i will just do a long summary up to the cadet cruise before graduation. i can always go into more detail in LC and the unofficial LC i see here.
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rattler2Member, Star Trek Online ModeratorPosts: 58,596Community Moderator
edited January 2015
As a fellow fanfic author, welcome.
I know from experience what it can be like to post somewhere public. Did I do a good job? Will people like it? Will they rip me apart for getting some detail wrong?
I go through that all the time before posting something on one of the sites I frequent. Heck... I'm STILL agonizing over my latest finished project that I haven't posted yet. (I think because half of it is reboot Star Trek...)
If you got a plan, then by all means, go with it. Don't let people scare you out of finishing a project. Take the constructive critisim and learn from it, and use the flames for s'mores.
The only way to improve your skills as an author is to practice.
well it was all the fanfic I read that got me wanting to write a story of my own. I have been a trekie since I was a kid. I cant wait to do chapter 2 and to read more of y'all story.
One self-proofreading trick I find effective is to reread what I just wrote aloud, and in-character. That helps me find a lot of those homophone trip-ups. (Like "Believes" / "Beliefs" )
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Gotta agree with the chorus here. Fair amount of typos but a solid plot base. Not bad for a first outing.
"Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
— Sabaton, "Great War"
A nice solid start to your character's story. Don't really have much more to say which hasn't already been. Welcome to the fanfic world!
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A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
ok I am half way done with pt 2 of Krysti's new life story. I did some research and I think I kind of surprised myself a bit with the timeline i'm writing in right now. I want to think everyone for there comments and advice. I will endeavor to be more mind full of any mistakes I make in my stories. and hopeguly it gets easier to write.
Do you have Microsoft Word? That can really help with the simple stuff like grammar and spelling, letting you focus more on the story. Plus, a Word doc isn't as easily lost as something posted directly to the forums, since Word docs give you a warning if you close them by accident.
yes I have MS word but it don't reconized word that sound the same, just missed spelled words. that is how I wrote pt 1. I will read what I already wrote before I continue on with the story. I also reread pt 1 that I posted and I saw my mistakes. I guess I was too excited about posting my 1st story I for got to reread it. and I will reread it 2 or 3 times bfore I post pt 2.
yes I have MS word but it don't reconized word that sound the same, just missed spelled words. that is how I wrote pt 1. I will read what I already wrote before I continue on with the story. I also reread pt 1 that I posted and I saw my mistakes. I guess I was too excited about posting my 1st story I for got to reread it. and I will reread it 2 or 3 times bfore I post pt 2.
I know the feeling...when I did NaNoWriMo, my novel was a string of action scenes with a thread of plot hanging them together...
Better to fight for something than live for nothing is also my favourite quote from them. It seems the one you would most likely see on a starship plaque.
Taken from the old dedication plaque thread, here's mine:
U.S.S. DarkFyre (Miranda class) and DarkFyre A (Connie refit): "We are all but flickers of light, finding our way in the world."
U.S.S. Valhalla (Akira, this ship was mainly used for PVP and heavy fighting): "Weapons are just the backup for Diplomacy."
U.S.S. Chicago (Galaxy): "One man can make a difference. Imagine the possibilities of one ship."
U.S.S. Sentinel (Sovereign): "Standing guard over peace."
U.S.S. Viper: "Deeds not words."
I have no idea where those other ones came from, but hopefully you can get some ideas.
The enxt ship I commission will feature a line from the Ballard of Serenity: "Can't take the sky from me."
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A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Ok, please be kind and rewind. oh sorry this is not a VHS it is a story. Here is part 2. sorry there is no action yet. I am still working on a back story but Never fear I will get to it soon as you can see by the story. Enjoy.
Those seven day seemed to go by really fast for the three girls. They were becoming best friends. Krysti at the age of sixteen was for the most part was falling in love with Elisa. These feeling are a bit new to her. Elisa has red hair like krysti, but unlike Elisa emerald green eyes hers are ice blue. She does not know what to think about how she feels and she afraid and excited at the same time. What Krysti does not know is Elisa when shes not looking also taking glances at Krysti.
There were many freshman students now at the academy now. People of all species are running around getting ready for Monday. There are also some upperclassmen hanging out in the court yard watching the freshman come and go and talking among themselves.
As Krysti, Elisa and Winter were passing some upperclassmen near the center of the courtyard Krysti saw one of them approach them, hello ladies, I am senior cadet Marcus Nimitz. If there is anything, anything at all I can do for you fine ladies please give me a shout. I can give you a personal tour or help of any kind, Im here to help, he stated in cheery confidence.
As Krysti was going to reply Elisa spoke up, no thank Marcus we just took the seven day tour and we did not need a man to help us. The all three girls giggled as they left Marcus.
Some men think we girl are helpless on our own. Really if we need a tour guide we would have gotten one. Beside who knows the city better than me? I was born and raised right here in Sam Francisco, stated Elisa.
Well I would not mind if he played tour guide for me. For a human he is handsome, replied Winter.
When the girls returned to their room they put their uniforms away. Krysti went out to the common area she shared and sat on the couch with her pad in her hand looking at a holo photo of her sister and her parents. She missed them so much and she broke down and started crying.
Elisa came out hey do you want to , she stopped in midsentence as she notices krysti crying. Hey what wrong Krysti? Why all the tears?
Krysti wiped her eyes and said, it just my allergies, nothing more.
Elisa knows she not telling the truth, Really tell me what going on. You were happy all this week, telling me about your dreams of exploring the stars and now I find you here crying?
Winter came out and asked, Who is crying? and Elisa responded, Krysti is and she will not tell me why she crying.
Winter came and sat down beside Krysti put her arm around her. Elisa did the same.
Now tell us whats got you singing the blues when you should be singing sweet rock and roll, asked Elisa.
Come on Krysti you can tell us what wrong. It might make you feel better if you talk to us about what is bothering you, replied Winter trying to get Krysti to talk.
Krysti could not hold back the flood gate as she laid her head on Elisas shoulders and cried. Winter noticed a pad in Krystis hand and reached down and took it from her and looked at the photo of Krystis family.
Elisa, I think I know whats wrong, as she hands Elisa the pad. Elisa looked at the photo of two Krystis and what are to be her parents. I think you are right Winter. I think she got the bad case of the homesick blues.
Elisa gently lifted Krysti head up to look her in the eyes, you miss your family Im guessing. Am I right? krysti spoke softly, yes, I miss them so much. And I miss my sister most of all. This is the longest we been apart.
Krysti told her two best friends about her colony and her parents and their belief and how she wanted more out of life than being a farmer on some back world colony. Through all of this she did not dare tell Elisa she was in love with her.
After an hour of listening to Krystis story Elisa spoke up, well Krysti you got to live your life the way you want to. No one can fault you for that. I will be here for you. And Winter spoke up as well, and me too. We are best of friends and we look out for each other.
That seemed to cheer Krysti up a bit, Ok how about we get some lunch. This mushy stuff making me hungry. She said and laughed.
To Elisa, Krystis laugh is music to her ears.
************* May 21, 2410 *********
Captain Krysti Morgan was looking out the window from her ready room on the brand new Hephaestus class Multi-Vector Advanced Escort. It was the second ship in her class. The design of the Hephaestus class is better than the Prometheus class was. It saucer is more of triangular and better designed than the triangular dome of the Prometheus class. And her 4 nassels were flat instead of the round ones used by Starfleet.
The door chime sounded interrupting her thoughts on her first weeks on earth and the start of her Starfleet career. Before she answered she saw the reflection of the borg implant above her left eye. She reach up to touched it with her left hand, the hand which also has a borg implant, always reminding her that she was once borg.
She turned away from the window, come. The door opened and in stepped Admiral Quinn, hello Captain, I hope you dont mind me coming over here and asking you if you chosen a first officer yet. It is past time for a decision to be made if not Ill have to make one for you.
I have and I chosen my entire staff except for my Chief Engineer, for which I was told would be provided to me because of the borg tech we got, Krysti replied as she sat down behind her desk and gave the Admiral her padd that contained the people she wanted on her command staff, without her XO on it.
those are some good choices made for your command staff and Ill see that the orders are sent out, but I still dont see your selection for first officer, stated Quinn.
There are many good qualified officers out there. Request to have 24 more hours to decide sir?
Denied captain, you had plenty of time to come up with one. I must have your decision now so I can give other newly promoted captains a choice. I have delayed their choice long enough, Commanded Quinn.
Ok Admiral fair enough. I want Elisa Flores as my XO, she replied.
She is not even on the list. She was promoted six month ago, she not even up for Commander, said Quinn.
I know that but I think she would make an excellent first officer and on top of that I think she has been unfairly passed over for promotion a few times. I read her file. She is a good officer. I have also noticed that Captain Nimitz did not approve of her promotion twice, once while she served on the New York while he was XO and the other time on Texas. I believe he will not approve her promotion to commander when the time is right., I replied.
That is beside the point Captain.
Three years ago I was liberated from the borg and I was giving the rank of Lt. Commander. If whats left of my memory I was only a LTJG before I was assimilated. Is that SOP for liberated borg? Sir there is nothing in her record that indicates why she was passed over for promotion. There were no discipline problems. All I see in her record are letters of merit and awards for bravery and going above and beyond the call of duty. Why she got passed up for promotion is anybody guess.
That was a unique situation, Captain. You had nearly 20 year experience as a borg in charge of a borg cube and you still retained that knowledge.
Well sir you asked me to give you a name. You did not say or give me a list to choose from. Elisa Flores is my choice.
Alright Captain, I will see that she transferred to your command, said the admiral. You do realize this will Make Captain Nimitz upset taking his Tactical officer from him.
Sir if I remember right he was a little arrogant and too sure of himself when he was at the academy. He tried to get me or Elisa to date him when we were a freshman at the academy and he really does not like to be told no for an answer. And why is he not an admiral all ready she asked.
Well in his defense he turned Admiral down several times. You should see her in a couple days, the Texas is on her way back to earth for repairs anyways and you will get your Chief Engineer in about 4 days as well, said Quinn.
Thank you Admiral. Is there any more items you like to go over before you leave?
No thank you, I will leave you to your work. He said. Krysti walked him to the door of her ready room and they both looked at the command plaque the read:
U.S.S. Prometheus NCC 74913 A
Better to fight for something than live for nothing
Admiral Quinn departed the ready room as Krysti followed him out to the bridge, captain I can find my way to the transporter pad, no need to escort me.
Krysti said here farewells to the admiral and returned to her ready room and her thoughts.
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enjoy the story folks
Another good, solid piece. You're certainly getting across these characters well. Nimitz sounds like a tool, keeping Elisa on board for 'less than honourable reasons' or at least that's the impression I got from it. I like how Krysti is fighting for her friend at the end.
I look forward to the next part. And never apologise for not having any action in your stories. Action sequences should flow naturally from the story, not be shoehorned in just for the sake of it. It's also a completely different beast writing action sequences compared to dialogue parts, so it's a good idea to get comfortable writing the characters before jumping into fight scenes.
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A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
Another good, solid piece. You're certainly getting across these characters well. Nimitz sounds like a tool, keeping Elisa on board for 'less than honourable reasons' or at least that's the impression I got from it. I like how Krysti is fighting for her friend at the end.
I look forward to the next part. And never apologise for not having any action in your stories. Action sequences should flow naturally from the story, not be shoehorned in just for the sake of it. It's also a completely different beast writing action sequences compared to dialogue parts, so it's a good idea to get comfortable writing the characters before jumping into fight scenes.
Well said, grylak. Superfluous action is what got us "Scorpion" and "Macrocosm"...*shudders*
A nice addition, xancha. I see that you're going more for the upstanding officer sort than the grim 'n gritty antihero type that too many people (myself included) write these days.
@xancha: Have you ever heard of bravewriter.com? They're this semi-formal online writing group, with fiction and nonfiction courses. I actually got into writing because of that site; I recommend it highly. They're relatively inexpensive, too; they have home study courses that average around $80.
Another option is this site. It's got an entire section on writing and worldbuilding; perhaps less useful for you than for others because the only major issues here are in style rather than substance, but it's still an invaluable resource for any writer.
Please keep writing, and don't get discouraged if you get a bad review. Just keep getting advice, stay inspired, and above all have fun!
I'm going to echo everyone else here by saying that for a first-time writer, you're doing a really good job. So far, your characters are well-thought out and likable, and not many authors would have the nerve to do a time skip so soon into the story (although having Krysti serving for several years and working her way up to Captain is a lot more believable than being promoted fresh out of the Academy, I think). Looking forward to seeing more of it.
I'm going to echo everyone else here by saying that for a first-time writer, you're doing a really good job. So far, your characters are well-thought out and likable, and not many authors would have the nerve to do a time skip so soon into the story (although having Krysti serving for several years and working her way up to Captain is a lot more believable than being promoted fresh out of the Academy, I think). Looking forward to seeing more of it.
thank you Ambassadormolari and all for your advice and support. I really means a lot for a 1st time fanfic writer. and you ppl are great writers. it was reading all of your stories that got me want to write.
Well as you can see she did not spend all her adult life in Starfleet. as for Krysti and Elisa befriends well that is for another story. life is not a bed of roses for krysti. as the opening of Captian krysti in 2410 I hope I put a little bit of self pity in her for what she became or what she was.
and wolffren I was thinking about writing krysti as from another universe like Three is. I got the name Krysti from a char I had in a rpg heros unlimited. you might like her in that setting
Krysti read all the reports about the work that is still being done on the Prometheus. Krysti ordered herself a cup of hot chocolate and took a sip then went back to her thoughts.
It has been nearly 20 years since she last seen her two best friends. She thinks Winter will be happy to see her but Elisa she just dont know. She will just have to wait and see how it turns out.
By all rights both Elisa and Winter should be captains in their own right. Elisa had been passed over twice in her career and Winter had some blemishes on her record. Mainly breaking the nose of her commanding officer and breaking the jaw of her of the XO on her last assignment.
As Krysti thought about Winter punching her captain she thought they must have gotten her mad enough to get punched like she punched Marcus Nimitz back at the academy
Starfleet Academy September 2385
Now that the academy orientation and class introduction was complete and they settled down in their classes the three girls got into a routine. It was made easier since all three of them were in the security and tactical field they had the same classes together. Regrettably Marcus Nimitz was the class leader. Krysti did not like him at all he was too arrogant.
Marcus had been trying to get her on a date. He has asked for two weeks and he got the same answer, an answer he does not like. What gives her the audacity to say no to him. He comes from a family that has a long line service since World War 2.
He had checked on Krysti background, it pays to have friends in the right places, and she comes from a back water colony. Elisa he checked was just some local that was lucky that there were people to take her in. She was a mutt as far as he was concerned and lucky to be here at all.
But Krysti was different; she had innocents about her, but yet held herself with pride. It did not hurt that she was a bit naive as well. That appealed to him. Her naivety should have given him an advantage with her but Elisa and that Alien so far had interfered. Marcus had noticed the looks that Krysti gives Elisa, it should be the look that she give him.
He had to get her alone away from that alien and that pompous of a girl, Elisa.
As lunch time came up the three girls left class together and headed for the mess hall. As they were crossing the court yard krysti spoke up. Hey I need to go back to the dorm for a few. Ill meet you there.
Ok dont be long, said Elisa. Then Krysti headed off to the dorm unbeknown to krysti Marcus Nimitz silently followed krysti to the dorm.
Krysti entered the dorm and Marcus entered close behind. As Marcus entered the dorm Winter just happened to see Marcus enter a few seconds after Krysti did. Elisa I just seen Marcus following Krysti. He has been eyeing her for a while Im going to see that she will be ok.
You need me to come with you? Elisa asked. No I got this. Replied Winter.
Krysti was just about to her quad when Marcus put a hand on her shoulder and stopped her. She turned around to see who it was. Hey there Krysti.
What do you want this time Marcus, Krysti said?
Marcus did not like the tone she had with him. She should show him some respect, after all he was the Senior Cadet. He thought he will have to remind her of that someday. Well I just wanted to ask you if you changed your mind about that date, Marcus replied.
I told you many times the answer is no. Krysti said getting a bit annoyed as she started to walk away.
She did not get to far when he grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall, Im not done talking to you. What gives you the right to tell me no. You should feel honored that Im asking you out on a date. There are plenty of other girls that would love to date me.
Well then why dont you go and ask them and leave me alone. I said no and that will not change, replied Krysti with a bit of anger in her voice. You will just have to live with my answer. Now let go of me!
Krysti yanked her arm away from Marcus grip and tried to get away from him but he grabbed her again and back handed her. She let out a yelp, Listen her you little tease, I think it is time you know your place.
Marcus started to drag her to his room. Krysti tried to break free but he was just too strong. HELP!........ Help! ., Marcus slapped her again, shut up. No one is a round to help you.
Winter heard the plea for help. From the sound of the voice she knew it was Krysti. She ran to catch up to her. As she rounded the corner she saw Marcus slap Krysti. That got her blood boiling. She ran up to Marcus and punched him in the jaw. Marcus fell back releasing Krysti arm.
Krysti heard a snap as winter punched Marcus in his jaw. As soon as she was released she stepped away from Marcus. Winter was getting ready to pounce on him but Krysti pleaded, Winter stop, Im free and Im fine.
Winter stopped and looked at Krysti, are you ok Krysti? Did he hurt you?
No he slapped me a couple times, but Im not hurt.
With-in minutes Starfleet security showed up and escorted us to the security office while they got Marcus to sickbay. Krysti told them what had happened between her and Marcus and about all the time he asked her out on dates and her refusals to do so. Winter confirmed my story up to the event that she punched him. We were told that all three of us will have to go to discipline board.
After we were released we met up with Elisa and told her what was going on. She was not too happy about it. Elisa had to give a statement as well to the events that led up to the encounter.
***************** 2 week latter *****************
Krysti and Winter were seated at a table before Captain Maria Santiago while Marcus was just a few feet away sitting at the other table with his father Admiral Chris Nimitz. Elisa was seated behind Krysti and Winter. She was only her to give her testimony.
Captain Santiago is the Dean at Starfleet Academy. She was in charge of cadet discipline. She has a reputation of being fair and firm. It was said she could smell a lie. Some say she was batazoid.
S
he was about to give her verdict. She took one last look at the statements and all the evidence in the case. She looked up, will both parties rise. Krysti, Winter and Marcus and his father stood up behind their respective table.
Once they were standing she spoke, I have read and seen all the evidence in the case. I find that cadet Marcus was at fault for the events that transpired on or about September fifteenth. Cadet Marcus you had no right to force anyone into a relationship with you. I also find you guilty of making a false statement.
Marcus was angry. You could see it in his face as his face went red. His father leaned in and whispered something into his ear.
Cadet Marcus you will be suspended from the academy flight team for the remainder, as well you will be on probation for your last year here at the Academy. Then she looked at Krysti and Winter, Cadet Krysti I find that you did nothing wrong and are free to go. Cadet Winter, despite that your were protecting a fellow cadet it does not merit your action of breaking Cadet Marcus Jaw. You will on probation for 6 months.
Marcus was irate at this point, six months probation thats all she gets for an unprovoked attack that broke my jaw. Just wait my father will have this . this alien kicked out of the Academy ., his father interrupted him, shut up Marcus you will only make it worse.
Captain Santiago slammed her gavel down, Cadet Marcus Nimitz we will have none of that bigotry here. Any more outbursts and I will see that to it that you will be suspended for the year and you will have to repeat your senior year.
That seemed to get him quite. Now then, she continued, these proceedings will be purged from your records when the probation is over, but for You Marcus, you will not return to the Academy Flight team. This discipline board is now closed you three are dismissed.
Elisa, Winter and Krysti left the room. With Winter on probation for six months it means Winter cannot go into town so the three girls went to find a way to entertain themselves on this three day weekend.
Marcus and is father left the room not in the best of moods. Marcus vowed he get even with Krysti one way or another. Marcus watched them go all the while he had a smirk on his face. Yes indeed he will get even one way or another. He knew it will take some time but he will get even.
Here is part 3. I put a little conflict in the story. It's not much but I hope it will do. I'm hoping part 4 will be the last of the introduction story but I'm going to do me a favor and not rush it. I hope you all enjoy part three. I really cant wait to get Krysti out of the shipyards and her first mission.
Assault under these circumstances falls in the realm of conduct unbecoming, and is a dismissable offence...
It indeed dose but ill explain why he was not kicked out of SFA right then. I will say it has to do with Admiral Nimitz.
one day I will get more detail into Marcus. I wrote or tried to write him someone who is argant and privaladged and got the bigotry that aliens don't belong in starfleet or on earth.
I have been in the U.S. Navy and I for one do know that some officers as some clout in the right place to get away from thing they do. It is about who you know sometimes.
I'm not sure if Marcus is going to make another appearance in the SFA portion of my story or not, but he will be talked about. that is where i'll give more info as to why he was not kicked.
Comments
It's a straight-forward start to introducing your characters, so I don't have anything to add regarding plot.
There's a couple of minor homophone errors in the story section, but the spelling was generally fine. If you have someone who can give it a read-through, it's usually the best way of dealing with those. The author's eyes tend to glide over the actual spelling thanks to familiarity.
Member Access Denied Armada!
My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
Agreed here. Plot's solid, but a beta reader would be nice.
If you have a sibling, friend, or relative with spare time, preferably an older sibling or a cousin with writing experience, consider asking them to proofread stuff for you.
Welcome to Ten Forward!
I know from experience what it can be like to post somewhere public. Did I do a good job? Will people like it? Will they rip me apart for getting some detail wrong?
I go through that all the time before posting something on one of the sites I frequent. Heck... I'm STILL agonizing over my latest finished project that I haven't posted yet. (I think because half of it is reboot Star Trek...)
If you got a plan, then by all means, go with it. Don't let people scare you out of finishing a project. Take the constructive critisim and learn from it, and use the flames for s'mores.
The only way to improve your skills as an author is to practice.
One self-proofreading trick I find effective is to reread what I just wrote aloud, and in-character. That helps me find a lot of those homophone trip-ups. (Like "Believes" / "Beliefs" )
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
— Sabaton, "Great War"
Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
I know the feeling...when I did NaNoWriMo, my novel was a string of action scenes with a thread of plot hanging them together...
They were pretty decent action scenes, though.
Ah, good times.
my ship in the story is a fleet MVAE the Hephaestus class Named USS Prometheus. what will be a command plaque statement?
thx for any ideas you may have.
Edit: I got this off a web site from Prometheus "to resist all forms of institutional tyranny"
any advice?
I'd recommend something like one of these Patton quotes:
I like "Better to fight for something than live for nothing" myself.
thanks ill use one of the quotes
Taken from the old dedication plaque thread, here's mine:
U.S.S. DarkFyre (Miranda class) and DarkFyre A (Connie refit): "We are all but flickers of light, finding our way in the world."
U.S.S. Valhalla (Akira, this ship was mainly used for PVP and heavy fighting): "Weapons are just the backup for Diplomacy."
U.S.S. Chicago (Galaxy): "One man can make a difference. Imagine the possibilities of one ship."
U.S.S. Sentinel (Sovereign): "Standing guard over peace."
U.S.S. Viper: "Deeds not words."
I have no idea where those other ones came from, but hopefully you can get some ideas.
The enxt ship I commission will feature a line from the Ballard of Serenity: "Can't take the sky from me."
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
*******************************************************************************
Those seven day seemed to go by really fast for the three girls. They were becoming best friends. Krysti at the age of sixteen was for the most part was falling in love with Elisa. These feeling are a bit new to her. Elisa has red hair like krysti, but unlike Elisa emerald green eyes hers are ice blue. She does not know what to think about how she feels and she afraid and excited at the same time. What Krysti does not know is Elisa when shes not looking also taking glances at Krysti.
There were many freshman students now at the academy now. People of all species are running around getting ready for Monday. There are also some upperclassmen hanging out in the court yard watching the freshman come and go and talking among themselves.
As Krysti, Elisa and Winter were passing some upperclassmen near the center of the courtyard Krysti saw one of them approach them, hello ladies, I am senior cadet Marcus Nimitz. If there is anything, anything at all I can do for you fine ladies please give me a shout. I can give you a personal tour or help of any kind, Im here to help, he stated in cheery confidence.
As Krysti was going to reply Elisa spoke up, no thank Marcus we just took the seven day tour and we did not need a man to help us. The all three girls giggled as they left Marcus.
Some men think we girl are helpless on our own. Really if we need a tour guide we would have gotten one. Beside who knows the city better than me? I was born and raised right here in Sam Francisco, stated Elisa.
Well I would not mind if he played tour guide for me. For a human he is handsome, replied Winter.
When the girls returned to their room they put their uniforms away. Krysti went out to the common area she shared and sat on the couch with her pad in her hand looking at a holo photo of her sister and her parents. She missed them so much and she broke down and started crying.
Elisa came out hey do you want to , she stopped in midsentence as she notices krysti crying. Hey what wrong Krysti? Why all the tears?
Krysti wiped her eyes and said, it just my allergies, nothing more.
Elisa knows she not telling the truth, Really tell me what going on. You were happy all this week, telling me about your dreams of exploring the stars and now I find you here crying?
Winter came out and asked, Who is crying? and Elisa responded, Krysti is and she will not tell me why she crying.
Winter came and sat down beside Krysti put her arm around her. Elisa did the same.
Now tell us whats got you singing the blues when you should be singing sweet rock and roll, asked Elisa.
Come on Krysti you can tell us what wrong. It might make you feel better if you talk to us about what is bothering you, replied Winter trying to get Krysti to talk.
Krysti could not hold back the flood gate as she laid her head on Elisas shoulders and cried. Winter noticed a pad in Krystis hand and reached down and took it from her and looked at the photo of Krystis family.
Elisa, I think I know whats wrong, as she hands Elisa the pad. Elisa looked at the photo of two Krystis and what are to be her parents. I think you are right Winter. I think she got the bad case of the homesick blues.
Elisa gently lifted Krysti head up to look her in the eyes, you miss your family Im guessing. Am I right? krysti spoke softly, yes, I miss them so much. And I miss my sister most of all. This is the longest we been apart.
Krysti told her two best friends about her colony and her parents and their belief and how she wanted more out of life than being a farmer on some back world colony. Through all of this she did not dare tell Elisa she was in love with her.
After an hour of listening to Krystis story Elisa spoke up, well Krysti you got to live your life the way you want to. No one can fault you for that. I will be here for you. And Winter spoke up as well, and me too. We are best of friends and we look out for each other.
That seemed to cheer Krysti up a bit, Ok how about we get some lunch. This mushy stuff making me hungry. She said and laughed.
To Elisa, Krystis laugh is music to her ears.
************* May 21, 2410 *********
Captain Krysti Morgan was looking out the window from her ready room on the brand new Hephaestus class Multi-Vector Advanced Escort. It was the second ship in her class. The design of the Hephaestus class is better than the Prometheus class was. It saucer is more of triangular and better designed than the triangular dome of the Prometheus class. And her 4 nassels were flat instead of the round ones used by Starfleet.
The door chime sounded interrupting her thoughts on her first weeks on earth and the start of her Starfleet career. Before she answered she saw the reflection of the borg implant above her left eye. She reach up to touched it with her left hand, the hand which also has a borg implant, always reminding her that she was once borg.
She turned away from the window, come. The door opened and in stepped Admiral Quinn, hello Captain, I hope you dont mind me coming over here and asking you if you chosen a first officer yet. It is past time for a decision to be made if not Ill have to make one for you.
I have and I chosen my entire staff except for my Chief Engineer, for which I was told would be provided to me because of the borg tech we got, Krysti replied as she sat down behind her desk and gave the Admiral her padd that contained the people she wanted on her command staff, without her XO on it.
those are some good choices made for your command staff and Ill see that the orders are sent out, but I still dont see your selection for first officer, stated Quinn.
There are many good qualified officers out there. Request to have 24 more hours to decide sir?
Denied captain, you had plenty of time to come up with one. I must have your decision now so I can give other newly promoted captains a choice. I have delayed their choice long enough, Commanded Quinn.
Ok Admiral fair enough. I want Elisa Flores as my XO, she replied.
She is not even on the list. She was promoted six month ago, she not even up for Commander, said Quinn.
I know that but I think she would make an excellent first officer and on top of that I think she has been unfairly passed over for promotion a few times. I read her file. She is a good officer. I have also noticed that Captain Nimitz did not approve of her promotion twice, once while she served on the New York while he was XO and the other time on Texas. I believe he will not approve her promotion to commander when the time is right., I replied.
That is beside the point Captain.
Three years ago I was liberated from the borg and I was giving the rank of Lt. Commander. If whats left of my memory I was only a LTJG before I was assimilated. Is that SOP for liberated borg? Sir there is nothing in her record that indicates why she was passed over for promotion. There were no discipline problems. All I see in her record are letters of merit and awards for bravery and going above and beyond the call of duty. Why she got passed up for promotion is anybody guess.
That was a unique situation, Captain. You had nearly 20 year experience as a borg in charge of a borg cube and you still retained that knowledge.
Well sir you asked me to give you a name. You did not say or give me a list to choose from. Elisa Flores is my choice.
Alright Captain, I will see that she transferred to your command, said the admiral. You do realize this will Make Captain Nimitz upset taking his Tactical officer from him.
Sir if I remember right he was a little arrogant and too sure of himself when he was at the academy. He tried to get me or Elisa to date him when we were a freshman at the academy and he really does not like to be told no for an answer. And why is he not an admiral all ready she asked.
Well in his defense he turned Admiral down several times. You should see her in a couple days, the Texas is on her way back to earth for repairs anyways and you will get your Chief Engineer in about 4 days as well, said Quinn.
Thank you Admiral. Is there any more items you like to go over before you leave?
No thank you, I will leave you to your work. He said. Krysti walked him to the door of her ready room and they both looked at the command plaque the read:
U.S.S. Prometheus NCC 74913 A
Better to fight for something than live for nothing
Admiral Quinn departed the ready room as Krysti followed him out to the bridge, captain I can find my way to the transporter pad, no need to escort me.
Krysti said here farewells to the admiral and returned to her ready room and her thoughts.
******************************************************************************
enjoy the story folks
Member Access Denied Armada!
My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
I look forward to the next part. And never apologise for not having any action in your stories. Action sequences should flow naturally from the story, not be shoehorned in just for the sake of it. It's also a completely different beast writing action sequences compared to dialogue parts, so it's a good idea to get comfortable writing the characters before jumping into fight scenes.
A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
A nice addition, xancha. I see that you're going more for the upstanding officer sort than the grim 'n gritty antihero type that too many people (myself included) write these days.
@xancha: Have you ever heard of bravewriter.com? They're this semi-formal online writing group, with fiction and nonfiction courses. I actually got into writing because of that site; I recommend it highly. They're relatively inexpensive, too; they have home study courses that average around $80.
Another option is this site. It's got an entire section on writing and worldbuilding; perhaps less useful for you than for others because the only major issues here are in style rather than substance, but it's still an invaluable resource for any writer.
Please keep writing, and don't get discouraged if you get a bad review. Just keep getting advice, stay inspired, and above all have fun!
thank you Ambassadormolari and all for your advice and support. I really means a lot for a 1st time fanfic writer. and you ppl are great writers. it was reading all of your stories that got me want to write.
Well as you can see she did not spend all her adult life in Starfleet. as for Krysti and Elisa befriends well that is for another story. life is not a bed of roses for krysti. as the opening of Captian krysti in 2410 I hope I put a little bit of self pity in her for what she became or what she was.
and wolffren I was thinking about writing krysti as from another universe like Three is. I got the name Krysti from a char I had in a rpg heros unlimited. you might like her in that setting
It has been nearly 20 years since she last seen her two best friends. She thinks Winter will be happy to see her but Elisa she just dont know. She will just have to wait and see how it turns out.
By all rights both Elisa and Winter should be captains in their own right. Elisa had been passed over twice in her career and Winter had some blemishes on her record. Mainly breaking the nose of her commanding officer and breaking the jaw of her of the XO on her last assignment.
As Krysti thought about Winter punching her captain she thought they must have gotten her mad enough to get punched like she punched Marcus Nimitz back at the academy
Starfleet Academy September 2385
Now that the academy orientation and class introduction was complete and they settled down in their classes the three girls got into a routine. It was made easier since all three of them were in the security and tactical field they had the same classes together. Regrettably Marcus Nimitz was the class leader. Krysti did not like him at all he was too arrogant.
Marcus had been trying to get her on a date. He has asked for two weeks and he got the same answer, an answer he does not like. What gives her the audacity to say no to him. He comes from a family that has a long line service since World War 2.
He had checked on Krysti background, it pays to have friends in the right places, and she comes from a back water colony. Elisa he checked was just some local that was lucky that there were people to take her in. She was a mutt as far as he was concerned and lucky to be here at all.
But Krysti was different; she had innocents about her, but yet held herself with pride. It did not hurt that she was a bit naive as well. That appealed to him. Her naivety should have given him an advantage with her but Elisa and that Alien so far had interfered. Marcus had noticed the looks that Krysti gives Elisa, it should be the look that she give him.
He had to get her alone away from that alien and that pompous of a girl, Elisa.
As lunch time came up the three girls left class together and headed for the mess hall. As they were crossing the court yard krysti spoke up. Hey I need to go back to the dorm for a few. Ill meet you there.
Ok dont be long, said Elisa. Then Krysti headed off to the dorm unbeknown to krysti Marcus Nimitz silently followed krysti to the dorm.
Krysti entered the dorm and Marcus entered close behind. As Marcus entered the dorm Winter just happened to see Marcus enter a few seconds after Krysti did. Elisa I just seen Marcus following Krysti. He has been eyeing her for a while Im going to see that she will be ok.
You need me to come with you? Elisa asked. No I got this. Replied Winter.
Krysti was just about to her quad when Marcus put a hand on her shoulder and stopped her. She turned around to see who it was. Hey there Krysti.
What do you want this time Marcus, Krysti said?
Marcus did not like the tone she had with him. She should show him some respect, after all he was the Senior Cadet. He thought he will have to remind her of that someday. Well I just wanted to ask you if you changed your mind about that date, Marcus replied.
I told you many times the answer is no. Krysti said getting a bit annoyed as she started to walk away.
She did not get to far when he grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall, Im not done talking to you. What gives you the right to tell me no. You should feel honored that Im asking you out on a date. There are plenty of other girls that would love to date me.
Well then why dont you go and ask them and leave me alone. I said no and that will not change, replied Krysti with a bit of anger in her voice. You will just have to live with my answer. Now let go of me!
Krysti yanked her arm away from Marcus grip and tried to get away from him but he grabbed her again and back handed her. She let out a yelp, Listen her you little tease, I think it is time you know your place.
Marcus started to drag her to his room. Krysti tried to break free but he was just too strong. HELP!........ Help! ., Marcus slapped her again, shut up. No one is a round to help you.
Winter heard the plea for help. From the sound of the voice she knew it was Krysti. She ran to catch up to her. As she rounded the corner she saw Marcus slap Krysti. That got her blood boiling. She ran up to Marcus and punched him in the jaw. Marcus fell back releasing Krysti arm.
Krysti heard a snap as winter punched Marcus in his jaw. As soon as she was released she stepped away from Marcus. Winter was getting ready to pounce on him but Krysti pleaded, Winter stop, Im free and Im fine.
Winter stopped and looked at Krysti, are you ok Krysti? Did he hurt you?
No he slapped me a couple times, but Im not hurt.
With-in minutes Starfleet security showed up and escorted us to the security office while they got Marcus to sickbay. Krysti told them what had happened between her and Marcus and about all the time he asked her out on dates and her refusals to do so. Winter confirmed my story up to the event that she punched him. We were told that all three of us will have to go to discipline board.
After we were released we met up with Elisa and told her what was going on. She was not too happy about it. Elisa had to give a statement as well to the events that led up to the encounter.
***************** 2 week latter *****************
Krysti and Winter were seated at a table before Captain Maria Santiago while Marcus was just a few feet away sitting at the other table with his father Admiral Chris Nimitz. Elisa was seated behind Krysti and Winter. She was only her to give her testimony.
Captain Santiago is the Dean at Starfleet Academy. She was in charge of cadet discipline. She has a reputation of being fair and firm. It was said she could smell a lie. Some say she was batazoid.
S
he was about to give her verdict. She took one last look at the statements and all the evidence in the case. She looked up, will both parties rise. Krysti, Winter and Marcus and his father stood up behind their respective table.
Once they were standing she spoke, I have read and seen all the evidence in the case. I find that cadet Marcus was at fault for the events that transpired on or about September fifteenth. Cadet Marcus you had no right to force anyone into a relationship with you. I also find you guilty of making a false statement.
Marcus was angry. You could see it in his face as his face went red. His father leaned in and whispered something into his ear.
Cadet Marcus you will be suspended from the academy flight team for the remainder, as well you will be on probation for your last year here at the Academy. Then she looked at Krysti and Winter, Cadet Krysti I find that you did nothing wrong and are free to go. Cadet Winter, despite that your were protecting a fellow cadet it does not merit your action of breaking Cadet Marcus Jaw. You will on probation for 6 months.
Marcus was irate at this point, six months probation thats all she gets for an unprovoked attack that broke my jaw. Just wait my father will have this . this alien kicked out of the Academy ., his father interrupted him, shut up Marcus you will only make it worse.
Captain Santiago slammed her gavel down, Cadet Marcus Nimitz we will have none of that bigotry here. Any more outbursts and I will see that to it that you will be suspended for the year and you will have to repeat your senior year.
That seemed to get him quite. Now then, she continued, these proceedings will be purged from your records when the probation is over, but for You Marcus, you will not return to the Academy Flight team. This discipline board is now closed you three are dismissed.
Elisa, Winter and Krysti left the room. With Winter on probation for six months it means Winter cannot go into town so the three girls went to find a way to entertain themselves on this three day weekend.
Marcus and is father left the room not in the best of moods. Marcus vowed he get even with Krysti one way or another. Marcus watched them go all the while he had a smirk on his face. Yes indeed he will get even one way or another. He knew it will take some time but he will get even.
*******************************************************************************
Here is part 3. I put a little conflict in the story. It's not much but I hope it will do. I'm hoping part 4 will be the last of the introduction story but I'm going to do me a favor and not rush it. I hope you all enjoy part three. I really cant wait to get Krysti out of the shipyards and her first mission.
Member Access Denied Armada!
My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
SFC's full of bureaucracy--but then again I'm not the military expert, Starswordc and Sander233 are.
Assault under these circumstances falls in the realm of conduct unbecoming, and is a dismissable offence...
It indeed dose but ill explain why he was not kicked out of SFA right then. I will say it has to do with Admiral Nimitz.
one day I will get more detail into Marcus. I wrote or tried to write him someone who is argant and privaladged and got the bigotry that aliens don't belong in starfleet or on earth.
I have been in the U.S. Navy and I for one do know that some officers as some clout in the right place to get away from thing they do. It is about who you know sometimes.
I'm not sure if Marcus is going to make another appearance in the SFA portion of my story or not, but he will be talked about. that is where i'll give more info as to why he was not kicked.