test content
Logo
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc
The Winter of Discontent
nrobbiec
Member Posts: 959 Arc User
ST-HGI4VS2ZD
Fed mission
Level 35+
"A secret distress call unveils a crisis on Andoria, the uprising of a dangerous cult is bringing with it a terror that threatens to destroy the Andorians but will it stop there? Do you break the Prime Directive in order to save it?
Missions features heavy combat both ground and space as well as branching dialogue.
Single player only to avoid spawns messing up."
I haven't used the Foundry in a very long time so be kind please.
Fed mission
Level 35+
"A secret distress call unveils a crisis on Andoria, the uprising of a dangerous cult is bringing with it a terror that threatens to destroy the Andorians but will it stop there? Do you break the Prime Directive in order to save it?
Missions features heavy combat both ground and space as well as branching dialogue.
Single player only to avoid spawns messing up."
I haven't used the Foundry in a very long time so be kind please.
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
One of the worlds I've been itching to explore in a mission is Andoria ever since we finally and at long last saw it in intimate detail in "The Aenar".
On the to-do list. Will post review.
Federation Mission - The Winter of Discontent
Author: nrobbiec
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HGI4VS2ZD
Report Start
Summary: This is a good mission with nice map designs, some pretty tough battles and well written story dialogue. I would recommend this mission to other players although not on Advanced or Elite levels.
The story dialogue needs a little work put into explaining who the cult is and what they hope to achieve. There are places in the initial maps where the player can dig deeper into the information but it is not really part of the main story. Consider using a different approach by making the cults goals and main people a part of the general story dialogue. By doing this you make it more readily available to the player. You can offset this change by creating a "Skip dialogue and provide a summary" button for the player to use. In the summary you provide the player with the needed information to complete the mission and have it make sense.
On the "I.G.V. Hravishran" map there is a mention of the problem with the cult being a "Prime Directive" issue. In my opinion, this would actually be an internal affair for the Andorian government to deal with rather than a Prime Directive issue. Your own dialogue response from the player indicates that it is an internal affair. I believe your usage is mistakenly focused on one of the 47 sub-orders that prohibit "Interfering in the internal affairs of a society"; however this would not apply to a member state of the Federation. Despite being the cornerstone of Federation philosophy the Prime Directive, by virtue of joining the United Federation of Planets, member planets are subject to its laws, regulations and authority. Therefore Andoria would be excluded from its coverage. My source for this information is Memory Alpha - Prime Directive. The argument can be made that the cult's violence against Andorian citizens is a revolt against the recognized government of Andoria, which means the Federation and Starfleet can intervene. So there would be your story point.
Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: The description is a nice start but you should consider adding a little more story. You want to draw the player in so they want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This grant dialogue seems odd and seemed a little rushed. The hidden distress call did not make any sense. If someone was sending a distress call they would want to be detected. Consider rewriting this portion to be more a part of the story that follows on the first map. You need something that gives the player a reason to click the 'Accept' button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: The initial task is good and I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.
MAPS:
Andoria System: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing the invisible object label to read "Scan for signal" or make it a larger object. The visibility of the object on the edge of the screen labeled "Invisible Object" looked odd and out of place.
-Consider replacing the use of "[Rank]" in the dialogue with "Captain" instead. This allows the player to serve in a position to support someone of lesser rank but who may, for example, be captain of a ship or in charge of a landing party.
I.G.V. Hravishran: This is a nice map design with some tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-In the dialogue the player clearly indicates that the issue would be an internal matter for the Andorian government vice a violation of the Prime Directive. I will discuss this in the summary above.
-Consider replacing the use of "[Rank]" in the dialogue with "Captain" instead.
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map.
-Consider making the "Ritchek th'Orrik" dialogue triggered dialogue that occurs when the player nears the detention cells.
Andoria: This is a nice map design with a fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding triggered dialogue to completion of a couple of the "Comb the Ice for Clues" task. It could be something from one of the BOFFs explaining what they just looked at. Otherwise the player is just running around scanning clues.
-There is an issue with the blue anomaly used for two of the clues. The anomaly vanished after the first scan but remained following the last scan, which seemed odd. Consider making the anomaly effect for two of the clues both disappear or both remain.
-Consider changing the appearance of the "Ghosts" to be triggered based on completion of the "Find the Warzone" task in the mission story. The player would read the dialogue and then decide if they wanted to engage the enemy. During the map I ran towards the location of the task but spotted the fighting before getting there and consequently engaged the enemy.
Temple of the Weyoh: This is a nice map design with some tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map.
-Consider making the "Paol th'Aurrez" dialogue triggered dialogue that occurs when the player nears that chamber.
-Consider making the "Yokub th'Ilas" dialogue triggered dialogue that occurs when the player nears that chamber.
Altar of the Weyoh: This is a nice map design with some tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider adding respawn points deeper in the map.
-Consider making the "Imha zh'Lell" dialogue triggered dialogue that occurs when the player nears that chamber.
Andoria System: This is good map design with a tough but fun battle and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider replacing the use of "[Rank]" in the dialogue with "Captain" instead.
-The final dialogue response button; consider changing "Godbye" to read "Goodbye".
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a good job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 12/30/2014 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request. The specific report in that posting can also be viewed here: Mission Critique Report - The Winter of Discontent.
Right at the beginning the invisible object is still named as such. Some spelling errors. A few buttons still had the default "Continue" on them. When searching for clues in the ice, it would have been nice to have one of my away team members comment on what I found in a popup dialogue when scaning an object.
I would have prefered to find out some more about the background of this cult but since this is meant to be the first part of a trilogy that might still happen one way or another. It was never really explained what those "Ghosts" were, where they came from and what exactly their connection to the cult was (or maybe I missed out on that). Towards the end, the plot seemed a bit rushed to me.
Overall a good mission.
Thank you very much my friend. Yes this is the first part of a trilogy, part 2 is The Chameleon's Dish which was uploaded a couple days ago. I'm writing part 3 so it'll take a little while.