Mission: Cube - 571

smokinssoulmate · November 2013

I've started making my own mission in the Foundary,

The episode is called Cube-571 based on the movie U-571

I have completed the initial phases Going to 1st location and the Briefing... I'm working on the maps for the actual mission now.

Anyway I wanted to paste my Script I have for the start of the mission of what I already completed.

I would be grateful for any suggestions or tips. I used to love creative writing but Grammer not my best suit.

Is this a mission you would do?

does it intrigue you to want to go further and follow the mission through?

thoughts on the characters?

Are you happy at the thought of Bring Data back through Time?

Are the scripts in Character for who were speaking, i.e I tried to use the lingo i know they use example for Rike the phrase Quite Frankly is something he said a lot?

Mission script:

Star dates for ref
Stardate 43992.6 Best of both worlds

Borg King

Admiral Quinn : [captain name] of [ship name] Report to wolf 359 to meet up with the U.S.S Defiant. You will get a more details once at the location.

Entering Wolf 359 ship scans the area and no signs of any ships are present, [players ship moves in closer to the grave site]

Incoming hail: Prepare for transport captain. / end hail.

<U.S.S .Defiant decloaks> Captain transports to the captains ready room on the defiant.

<<<Ready room>>>
Admiral Riker and Admiral Janway sitting at the captains desk.

Admiral Riker "Thank you for coming [Captains name] I?m sure you have questions and want to know the nature of why we have summoned you. Quite Frankly I have come up with a plan with Admiral Janeway experience and help. That would put us on the Offensive against the Borg instead of the Defensive. How does this sound to you?"

<Continue>

Admiral Janeway "Before we continue I have to ask you for a confirmed yes or no before we continue any further , walk away now and no shame will come to you. However if you accept and you must do so without knowing any of the facts you are in it for the duration of the mission?"

<Declined> Transported back to player ship

<Accept> Riker continues?

Admiral Riker "Captain what do you know of the events of 43992.6 the Borg incursion into the Alpha quadrant. The tails of the battle here at wolf 359 are well known. However aboard the Enterprise D we stopped the Borg ship by tapping into the Collective. We disabled the Borg cube by implanting commands into the collective consciousness.

Captain we are going to capture intact a Borg cube.?"

Admiral Janeway "Wishing you declined the mission now? Trust me it is better to not worry too much captain I've been in way tighter spots than this mission will put you in. The plan that Riker has come up with is nothing short of brilliant."

[Player] " Admiral forgive me, however back then you had Lt.Cmdr Data and Captain Picard as a Borg to be able to disable the ship both things you do not have now.?"

Admiral Janeway "[Captain names] you are going to give yourself such a terrible headache if you keep thinking in such two dimensionally terms. Admiral I think it is time shall we continue to the briefing room?"

Change room to the Conference room

People Present, 2 Section 31 guards standing by the doors armed

Cmdr Data sitting by Riker at the end of the table, Janeway by the view screen.

Player sits down. Briefing continues.

Admiral Janeway " Ok Captain I am sure we've peaked your curiosity no? Like I was told by my older self it is better if you just forget the temporal prime directive less of a headache that way. Everything you see and hear in this room did not happen captain. Although section 31 is here this is NOT directly a section 31 mission. Their involvement will come clear.

1st the matter of how commander Data is happily sitting here with us today. Data was reported killed 2379 on the Scimitar. That was not entirely true not now anyway Admiral Riker Data?s former 1st officer devised a plan to rescue Data through time. Hence Section 31 involvement an agent with their many time travel toys was able to go back to the point after captain Picard was transported out and was able to rescue Data by bringing him back to our time. This is why no body or fragments of Data were never found however slight or small. MR Data knowing his fate choose to remain here in this time line however we have kept his ?rebirth? secret."

Admiral Riker "There is many benefits of being dead, one of which is no is looking for you the other is you can slip un noticed into places better while they are not looking for you."
Janeway "Captain, we have Section 31 fighters and scouts locating a Borg cube that is suitable for our plan. We located one that is has been reasonably damaged that it has stopped to regenerate.

We have re-called the proto-type of the U.S.S Enterprise D and refitted for use Commander Data has rebuilt the lab that was originally on the Enterprise with a few modifications. All we need now is a Borg drone. It has to be a drone from the same ship for it to work effectively."

[mission info] Captain your orders are to go to the location of the Borg Cube which are being uploaded to your ships computers as we speak. You will first Board the Borg cube with an Tactical away team and Mr Data will be joining you. You will capture a Human Borg Drone suitable for the connection. Commander Data will then connect to the ship while still aboard and copy parts of his Prosotronic net into the Borg cube computer system, Hopefully creating enough distractions for the Borg.

Next

Mr Data will take the Borg Drone to the Federation ship and begin the process of connecting to the collective.

Once the Connection is made, the Borg cube will initiate the Self-destruct you must go to the computer core and stop the Self-destruct.

Once the self-destruct has been stopped Commander Data will attempt to cut the subspace connection to the Borg Queen, commander Data will be the one voice that will be order to chaos.

Essentially Data will become the Borg King.

Using the Borg?s cube transwarp drive you will escort the Borg cube back to Federation space for further examination.

You are instructed to guard that Borg cube from anyone that approaches you even Federation ships, I repeat even Federation ships. No one must know we have this Borg Cube, once you reach back here to wolf 359 Section 31 ships will Identify them selves and take the cube ship from you.

Captain this is not a Joint task force operation the Klingon's will not be helping you.
[/missioninfo]

Player ends briefing

Player transports back to players ship. exit sector//

lincolninspace · November 2013

I think adapting submarine stories is a great idea, after all The Wrath of Khan is essentially a submarine story in space. I am considering an adaptation of K19 the Widowmaker myself. The problen you will have is that the end user licence agreement for the foundry forbids you from using any actors likeness. So Admiral Quinn is ok, The USS Defiant is ok, but Riker and Janeway are not. I also don't think that Data looks different enough from Brent Spiner to be safe. So unless you make them dramatically different looking than the actors who played them, you cannot use those characters.

Also The Enterprise D was destroyed in Generations. The prototype of the Galaxy class would have been the USS Galaxy.

mwhitaker · November 2013

Terrible grammar. Quite frankly doesn't belong at the beginning of a factual statement like that. That's like saying "Quite frankly the sky is blue." Kudos on the character canon but adapt that some more. A lot more.

mwhitaker · November 2013

Wow. After reading further into this, are you a native English speaker? These sentences are barely coherent enough to comprehend. Not sure if I can understand the dialogue well enough to critique it...

smokinssoulmate · November 2013

Yeah well, like I said I was never an English major and I am horrible with grammar. I type how people speak which is often with poor grammar too. Well thanks I will work on it.

hippiejon · November 2013

Hey man.

You're going to want to ignore the couple rude responses above.

That guy has been on a multiple sub-forum rant about not understanding what people are typing, and has generally acted like a rude jerk, insulting non english speakers and anything that doesn't meet his criteria of perfect writing.

That said. The things said by lincolninspace are spot on here.
Starships lend themselves to adaptations of submarine stories.

You're going to want to have a look at the Foundry EULA though because of the likeness issue. You wont be able to use Janeway and Riker, unless you make them look WAY different, which (I Imagine) would lose that effect you are going for.

Don't let people who reply with insults for seeimingly no reason when they give "feedback" stop you from continuing your writing. Let your stories out, man. If spelling and grammar are a sticking point for you, work with someone to help edit your stuff.

Just don't let posters like the fellow above stop you from expressing the stories you have in your mind. Writing and expression are a gift, man. Writing is an incredibly cathartic and creative experience. Magic exists in your mind.

Writing is magic.

Peace
- John

kirksplat · November 2013

OP, I think you have some creative ideas. But, it might be best for you to learn the Foundry before really trying to write a script. Our stories are really shaped by what we can and cannot do. I don't say that to discourage you, but to encourage you to learn the limitations and what can't be done before you really get into building and writing a mission.

Your entire script is a long example of things we can't do, unless we get really creative with the Eula (user-end agreement). Basically, all of your characters are forbidden due to actor likeness issues.

It's great to see someone very eager to make their ideas come alive. We can help you a lot, but there really is a learning curve before it gets to this point.

Also, ignore the guy who is about to get banned.

castsbugc · November 2013

Ok, so this might end up with me picking apart the story, and I apologize ahead of time for that, but things that I see right off the bat...

Ok first issue I see is the EULA prohibition on likenesses, so Riker Janeway and data are 'out'
This can be worked around easily enough though.

a member of rikers staff can stand in for him
someone who has contact with janeway and or 7of9 could stand in, as both worked on borg task forces
in the STO timeline, the positronic matrix that was data was restored in B-4, so no time travel is necessary, but again you cannot use the likeness so it doesn't fly. However we do know that Dta goes on to captain the Ent-E until circumstances lead to the commissioning of the F. Someone associated with data could potentially stand in, additionally it might also be possible to have another android that Data has created as a 'child' stand in to substitute with a copy of all data's memories

Your player response, if intended to be a response on a button, wont work because of character limitations.

Section 31 is still a shadow organization in the heart of the Federation, I don't know that they would be widely known, even if everyone on DS9 was familiar with them (and we have interacted with that <redacted> Drake.

Questions:

why are we capturing a cube, what is the intended purpose (other than things go horribly wrong once its done)?
Why is a copy of a 60 year old starship design(at least if I am reckoning my design implementation timeline correctly) needed for this to work?

Another point I need to bring up is you cannot 'path' NPCs to follow you, so beaming an away team with an additional character along, it will not be an easy thing.

As it stands, I would not personally be interested in playing it, but I need to qualify this with the fact that I do NOT like fighting the borg, so that colors my opinions of this.
From a story standpoint more is going to be needed to hook me as to why we would be doing this, when its not likely to end well, especially given where its being taken and ESPECIALLY given that we would be surrendering this to Section 31.

With all that said and the flames dying down from my destruction.... If you can answer the questions I pose, and craft a story that references events like you want, explains the reasoning behind events, and draws you in (and maybe even go completely awry), I might look at it as something to play. But let me also put this qualifier on there. You DO NOT have to write for me, you have to write for yourself. The EULA stuff is a major breaking point that you will have to resolve in order to create a 'clean' mission, but in the end, you need to create the mission that you feel appeals to who you want to play it, appeals to your sense of writing, and that appeals to the greater voice of those who don't want to invoke the demonic lawyers from neverwinter to smite your mission for being a legal nono

smokinssoulmate · November 2013

castsbugc wrote: »

Questions:
why are we capturing a cube, what is the intended purpose (other than things go horribly wrong once its done)?

Why is a copy of a 60 year old starship design(at least if I am reckoning my design implementation timeline correctly) needed for this to work?

I'm going to start with question 2 if that is ok as the answer is longer. I'm looking over the TNG episodes because i forgot it's name. However the one episode Worf takes his son into the Holodeck to play the Western story.

Data and La forge were doing the testing that would possibly allow Data to control ship functions but a power surge. Made Data's programming reak havoc with the ship. Also Data was in the lab to connect to the Borg. The newer ships would have safe guards to avoid that happening again. The prototype wouldn't. I planned it so Data would make the surge happen again so it would play Havoc on the Borg Cube systems allowing the away team to search for a Human Borg Drone.

I had made a couple of Drone you walk pass say funny stuff, that Data had said during the TNG series. So to answer Q2 as they could not be sure the accident would happen again on a newer ship It made sense for me to use a ship where it originally happened.

Q1, Why there is many Whys. Like Data said we should of thought of everything they could of discovered by keeping the Cube it would of saved lives.

Data would be in control of the ship after the Data gathering is done they could liberate all those Borg (future life subs).

Also to keep in mind of the Federation. Tal shiar and others have got their hands on the Borg ships and Technology. Star fleet has to keep them selves in the game and they will need to get their hands on a ship with out the others knowing. Including the main populace.

They should be able to take over the Cube with out the Borg knowing the ships lost, just missing or damaged more than they reported - Just like the movie-. The federation would be able to tap in to the Borg communications without the Borg knowing they are listening.

If one word of this gets our the jig is up so they would have to keep it hidden even from most of Starfleet. Hense Section 31 they are good at keeping secrets and keeping stuff hidden.

So in all the entire mission is like u-571 and hunt for Red October. Stealing the ship to be able to steal technology. Understand them better, keep one step ahead of them. If needs be have a Federation controlled Borg Cube to Fight fire with fire. The Borg are defended against Omega's combined weapon power they are not prepared to defend against their own technology.

With a Android as a Borg King mind he would think faster than the Borg Queen, she always under estimate Data too.

amahood · November 2013

smokinssoulmate wrote: »

I've started making my own mission in the Foundary,

.. I'm working on the maps for the actual mission now.

forgive me for asking, yet isn't the foundry offline right now for editing?

borrowedtune · November 2013

You might want to go watch Descent I & II.

zorbane · November 2013

amahood wrote: »

forgive me for asking, yet isn't the foundry offline right now for editing?

Yup

Nothing wrong with planning ahead! I personally have a mission that's almost ready to go!

wombat140 · November 2013

Just wanted to say, please don't be put off by the criticisms, because this is a really good idea and well worth a bit of fiddling to get it right.

The main difficulty is the ban on showing characters from the series, which is awkward, because the story as you've laid it out does gain a lot from its being them - especially Data, as you say. I had a great idea about Data. At least, I thought it was great, it's up to you!
The character itself isn't forbidden under the EULA - only the face, because it's Brent Spiner's face and Spiner hasn't given his permission. What if, to cover his tracks (I like the nobody-knows-we're-here vibe you set up in the original script, when you thought he was presumed dead), Data applies for leave from the Enterprise-E and then swaps bodies with another android? Like happened with B-4? So Data's usual body, with Brent Spiner's face, and whoever's mind (opportunity for a cameo, if you happen to have a pal who plays a Soong-type android) is impersonating him on Risa or wherever robots go for their holidays, and meanwhile the real Data (i.e. his program), with the other android's face, is up to mischief elsewhere... Just an idea.

Couple of small points: Section 31 are a bit over-used in general (it should normally be Starfleet Intelligence for a spy job, Section 31 are only for rare things that are too hot or too disgraceful even for a regular intelligence service), and identify themselves FAR too often. Their greatest asset is that not many people know whether they even still exist - so a real Section 31 agent wouldn't reveal who he worked for unless in the absolute last resort. Somebody pointed out recently that that means that any spies who openly say they work for Section 31 are probably lying!

I saw immediately how amazing it would be to capture a Borg cube alive (vaguely tried to make up something on those lines myself once), but since it seems it's not obvious to everyone, maybe you should add an optional topic, enlarging on just why it's amazing!

And Whitaker, though rude, is right about "quite frankly". Catchphrases are good, but they need to fit right. "Frankly" is something you say either meaning "no kidding", or when you maybe shouldn't be saying what you're about to say. As in e.g.: "Frankly I don't know exactly what branch they work for, but they have found us a Borg cube." "Admiral Quinn thinks it's impossible, but quite frankly he doesn't know a lot about it." "Inside information. A look at their technology. Potentially, ten thousand lives. Quite frankly, I'm amazed nobody's tried to do this before."

Good luck!

smokinssoulmate · November 2013

Thanks for the support, I have no problem with making the people not look like the main characters and i'll change things around a bit.

I did complete the 1st part of this before Foundry was turned off.
I will make the alterations and make this into something really good.

I had played around with event triggers and such so it will be fun. I made a mini test after we get the Borg Drone and it's Beamed up. I had it so soon as it's captured the other Borg drones start to come at you. like 1.000 Borg Drones ( I tested it with like 40 drones) when the NPC's reach the pressure plate it turned on a force field around the away team protecting them.

to make it look like Data had started to help, then they changed to defective drones and the force field drops.. Then you would proceed to the next step deactivate the Self destruct.

I am however confused about Data Memory Alpha has it marked that Data died I tried to confirm my dates and facts before I started this. If Data was alive wouldn't they have update Memory Alpha so it doesn't show Data died on the Shimitar

http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Data

Lieutenant Commander Data was a Soong-type android, the first and only such being to ever enter Starfleet. Data was created some time in the 2330s and was destroyed in 2379, sacrificing himself to save the crew of the USS Enterprise-E.

lincolninspace · November 2013

They bring Data back in the body of B4 in the countdown comics.

You can just create your own android character. lifetime subscribers get an android boff so they are around in the game.

wombat140 · November 2013

"Memory Alpha" doesn't count Star Trek Online (or the "Countdown" comics) as fully canon, that's why Data's reappearance isn't mentioned in the summary at the top of the page. (It's mentioned in the "Apocrypha" section lower down, though.) Obviously it would be canon as far as your story is concerned, since your story is in STO too! Hope that clarifies things. Good luck, this sounds like it's going to be fun.

smokinssoulmate · December 2013

I wanted to show you guys a quick glimpse into what I am doing for this. I took most of your advise and I'm re-working the peoples names. Thank fully the reset of the foundry erased the names anyway lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MAf6P8V8Zg&feature=youtu.be

Which brings up another point. People are wanting to advertise their missions to players why don't we just make Mission preview videos and pimp out the missions on here for people to see.

starswordc · December 2013

smokinssoulmate wrote: »

Which brings up another point. People are wanting to advertise their missions to players why don't we just make Mission preview videos and pimp out the missions on here for people to see.

Some of us do. In fact Aleniskendra has a website for Foundry mission trailers. The relevant thread.

Changing the subject, who's the music in that trailer? The violin sounds like Lindsey Stirling.

Also, tech thing to point out: [Rank] is one tag. There's no [/Rank] needed. Noticed that in the mission text.

smokinssoulmate · December 2013

starswordc wrote: »

Some of us do. In fact Aleniskendra has a website for Foundry mission trailers. The relevant thread.

Changing the subject, who's the music in that trailer? The violin sounds like Lindsey Stirling.

Also, tech thing to point out: [Rank] is one tag. There's no [/Rank] needed. Noticed that in the mission text.

Good ears Lindsey Stirling - with Penatonix
thanks for the tips

Radioactive - Lindsey Stirling and Pentatonix

lincolninspace · December 2013

I find the core plot of your mission interesting. I look forward to playing it.

smokinssoulmate · December 2013

lincolninspace wrote: »

I find the core plot of your mission interesting. I look forward to playing it.

I published a Beta version of my mission to play test it. Then I realized and laughed No search bar. I think the forgot about the Tutorial videos showing the feature of using the Search bar to play test. lol

Trailer- Cube 571

Well - I made an Action Trailer for my mission. I completed the story line in the initial phase.

Then in the 2nd part I disabled the story (so i don't give it away) and just show some of the actions of what I have in mind.

---
In all I have completed the initial Skeleton of the entire mission path. I am finding what it is taking most of the time is the level design and event triggers making sure they don't over lap.

I am and want the Player to think on emotional level too. Which is why after the briefing I left in the Recommendation for you to see.

ALSO : To the QA people. I did a /bug report on the God mode to tell them it's broken. They replied saying there is nothing wrong with it.

So I was all too happy to show the glitched God Mode in the video

Trailer- Cube 571

smokinssoulmate · December 2013

Since we not able to play test and get feedback I am left with having to find another way.

I made one more video. There is no audio and it's of the same area as before.

Like with every author I wanted you to get attached to the characters. I've started naming them and bringing them to life so to speak.

If someone is willing to read the chat text/story - see how it feels and such. The Video ends at a Cliff hanger - where I am making the player make a choice.

I just need to know.

1. Is the story balanced with the action or is one or the other heavier.
2. Do you feel like you are starting to get to know these people or is there no effect at all.

any improvements?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E38rtZROqdM&feature=youtu.be

(( I always see/read when game dev's talk about new stuff and how they are excited. I always wonder why would they be they seen it already and made. Now however I am realizing. the more it comes together the more I am excited to get it finished for everyone to play it. As it stand the entire story is 2-3hrs long.))

smokinssoulmate · December 2013

Mission is finished. hope you guys like it since u all pretty much helped

make it so

One Final video.

I made the intro so you have to pay attention. However a quick on how the Intro looks now compared to the first videos

http://youtu.be/3uyc0apHpOs

Mission: Cube - 571

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