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Forums > Home› Ten Forward

Please read my joke.

jumpingjsjumpingjs Member Posts: 0 Arc User
edited September 2013 in Ten Forward
I have been attempting to create a humorous paragraph for some time now.

I have studied "Algorithms" that make people laugh, as well as why people laugh. Of course, I listened to Data, as he knows what he is saying, even if others do not laugh.

Here goes ...
Captain Picard asks the replicator for a nice juicy bit of Rib eye steak. He cooks it the way he wants too, like a Frenchman, and invites Data (Post ST:VII) to try some of his cooking. Data tries it and is puzzled. Picard asks what is wrong. "Is it alright?"
Data replies "Naaayyyyy captain! This is horsemeat!"


Bur-dum char!
Hopefully I'll come back from my break; this break is fun; I play intellectual games.

I hope STO get's better ...
Post edited by jumpingjs on

Comments

  • dahminusdahminus Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    /facepalm

    1. Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get to the house on the other side...

    Knock Knock

    Who's there?

    THE CHICKEN

    2. Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

    Cause then it would be a foot

    3. How does a gal horse say hello?

    *TRIBBLE voice on* Heeeeeeeyyyyy

    Enough with the fun...!
    Chive on and prosper, eh?

    My PvE/PvP hybrid skill tree
  • cgta1967cgta1967 Member Posts: 86 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    are you on a thread creating frenzy today ?






    .


    oh..... and, "what's brown and sounds like a bell ?"


    " Dung ... "




    .
    _______________________
    ---- FIRE EVERYTHING ! ----
  • lindalefflindaleff Member Posts: 3,734 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    A true story:




    At the pinnacle of the tree, I endeavoured to place the star,
    Yet the journey to the top was so very, very far.

    The height of which I climbed set my face aglow.
    I was struck with a sudden case of vertigo.

    From atop the ladder, I did fumble.
    To the ground, I did tumble.

    Down I plummeted from the tree, so tall.
    The presents beneath broke my Christmas fall.
    I completed a 2-man CSE, ISE, and KASE, Optionals included. And I soloed Winter Invasion.
    My Ship Builds: USS Conqueror, HMS Victorious, HMS Concord, ISS Queen Elizabeth, Black Widow III
    Click here to view my DeviantArt.
  • oldkirkfanoldkirkfan Member Posts: 1,263 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    Why did the chicken cross the road...?






    To get away from these jokes
    Caitian Star Pride
    Ferasan Shadow Force
  • jmaster29jmaster29 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • drake122svkdrake122svk Member Posts: 731 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    So, what's the difference between Iron Man and Iron woman...

    ... One is a superhero, the other is a simple command.
    https://www.youtube.com/Drake122
  • starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    What do you call it when your bridge officers get sick from bacteria?

    A staff infection.

    Ok, that one works better said aloud.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
  • lindalefflindaleff Member Posts: 3,734 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines!

    Have you heard the story about the broken pencil? No? Oh well. There's no point to it, anyway.
    I completed a 2-man CSE, ISE, and KASE, Optionals included. And I soloed Winter Invasion.
    My Ship Builds: USS Conqueror, HMS Victorious, HMS Concord, ISS Queen Elizabeth, Black Widow III
    Click here to view my DeviantArt.
  • philipclaybergphilipclayberg Member Posts: 1,680
    edited September 2013
    "We are Locutus of Borg. Have you any Grey Poupon?"

    "Now tell me again -- how do I set my laser printer to stun?"

    "We are Curly of Borg. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo."

    "I was assimilated and all I got was this t-shirt."

    (I used to write down taglines from a BBS sci-fi echo conference back in '89 and '90. Wish I'd kept them. This was all I could reemember.)
  • daveynydaveyny Member Posts: 8,227 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    How many Star Fleet Engineers does it take to change an overhead light?
    Three, one to hold the bulb and two to turn the anti-grav platform.


    How many Cryptic Devs does it take to find a BUG in the game?
    I don't know..., They are still working on it.

    :P
    STO Member since February 2009.
    I Was A Trekkie Before It Was Cool ... Sept. 8th, 1966 ... Not To Mention Before Most Folks Around Here Were Born!
    Forever a STO Veteran-Minion
    upside-down-banana-smiley-emoticon.gif
  • lindalefflindaleff Member Posts: 3,734 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    And now for a C++ Haiku!




    void RUNTIME_ERROR()
    {
    for (int *i;; i++)
    *i=9;
    }
    I completed a 2-man CSE, ISE, and KASE, Optionals included. And I soloed Winter Invasion.
    My Ship Builds: USS Conqueror, HMS Victorious, HMS Concord, ISS Queen Elizabeth, Black Widow III
    Click here to view my DeviantArt.
  • blagormblagorm Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    Why are Gorn so short-tempered now adays?

    The Gorn women are locked away on some God-Forsaken slave camp, and the males have to suffer being alone, and despise those why ridicule them thinking their female loves didn't exist.

    *Horrible Joke: Score 10*

    *Possibility of Joke Being Better: 8/10*

    *Possibility of it Being a Risky Joke to Tell? 11/10*

    I think you can get the rest of the joke
    R'tolves Will Spread Thier Peace and Will Prevail Over the Hostiles Who Dare Hurt Such A Isolationist Consitutional Monarchy!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    jumpingjs wrote: »
    I have been attempting to create a humorous paragraph for some time now.

    I have studied "Algorithms" that make people laugh, as well as why people laugh. Of course, I listened to Data, as he knows what he is saying, even if others do not laugh.

    Here goes ...




    Bur-dum char!

    Data and Geordi respond
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
  • UnknownUnknown
    edited September 2013
    This content has been removed.
  • marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    A clone, a priest and a Ferengi walk into a bar...


    That's funny without a punchline :cool:
  • oldkirkfanoldkirkfan Member Posts: 1,263 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    I was going to post the funniest joke I know, but, I couldn't find a picture of the US Congress.
    Caitian Star Pride
    Ferasan Shadow Force
  • lindalefflindaleff Member Posts: 3,734 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    What is brown and sticky?

    Neelix's "Even better than coffee" substitute. :rolleyes:
    I completed a 2-man CSE, ISE, and KASE, Optionals included. And I soloed Winter Invasion.
    My Ship Builds: USS Conqueror, HMS Victorious, HMS Concord, ISS Queen Elizabeth, Black Widow III
    Click here to view my DeviantArt.
  • catstarstocatstarsto Member Posts: 2,149 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    Did Picard marry the Borg queen?

    Picard: "..we have engaged the Borg.."
    Picard: "It wasen't enough to assimilate me, I had to give my self to you freely..."
    Queen: "...as you can see, I have found another..." (talking about Data)


    Listen to all thier dialoge, and then deside...




    XD
  • bones1970bones1970 Member Posts: 953 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    My life is like a fairy-tale....
    every time i come home there is a witch on the sofa.
  • scruffyvulcanscruffyvulcan Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    Knock Knock.

    Shut up, Wesley.
  • lindalefflindaleff Member Posts: 3,734 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    If you take a bag of peanuts and nail them to the wall, you now have a bag of wallnuts. Proven fact! :D
    I completed a 2-man CSE, ISE, and KASE, Optionals included. And I soloed Winter Invasion.
    My Ship Builds: USS Conqueror, HMS Victorious, HMS Concord, ISS Queen Elizabeth, Black Widow III
    Click here to view my DeviantArt.
  • mjarbarmjarbar Member Posts: 2,084 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    Question: Did you hear that Jonathan Frakes is starring in a remake of an old
    James Bond movie?
    Answer: It's called Moonriker.

    Question: What did the Jamaican say to the Ferengi captain who was visiting Earth?
    Answer: Have a nice Dai Mon.
    hZbIdbh.jpg
    THANK YOU FOUNDRY - YOUR CONTENT GAVE ME MANY HAPPY HOURS
    Get the Forums Enhancement Extension!
  • lindalefflindaleff Member Posts: 3,734 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    A Romulan Admiral in Starfleet? It's a faaaaaaaake!
    I completed a 2-man CSE, ISE, and KASE, Optionals included. And I soloed Winter Invasion.
    My Ship Builds: USS Conqueror, HMS Victorious, HMS Concord, ISS Queen Elizabeth, Black Widow III
    Click here to view my DeviantArt.
  • sandormen123sandormen123 Member Posts: 862 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    I realised why he survived on that planet for a Whole year. It wasn't only because of the dates, but also the sundae's...

    Freely recitated from a conversation between Tuvok and Neelix.

    :D
    /Floozy
  • sandormen123sandormen123 Member Posts: 862 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    bones1970 wrote: »
    My life is like a fairy-tale....
    every time i come home there is a witch on the sofa.

    Oh, God. this is the best one yet.
    /Floozy
  • lindalefflindaleff Member Posts: 3,734 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    You double posting heathen! :eek:
    I completed a 2-man CSE, ISE, and KASE, Optionals included. And I soloed Winter Invasion.
    My Ship Builds: USS Conqueror, HMS Victorious, HMS Concord, ISS Queen Elizabeth, Black Widow III
    Click here to view my DeviantArt.
  • jorantomalakjorantomalak Member Posts: 7,133 Arc User
    edited September 2013
    My life is so epic its like getting to go to sea world each and every day for the rest of my life

    cause each day i wake up i see shamu in the bed next to me :D
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