Without a storyline trick like the used to depower most of the DC characters in Marvel vs. DC, or the one used to bring weaker ones up to Superman's power in Gods Among Us, there's not much competition. Even the most powerful characters on the MK roster are weak enough that an unaltered human can defeat them with sufficient skill.
On the DC side, though, all but Punisher and Cap have legitimate superpowers, and of those Punisher is a skilled as anyone in the MK group, and Cap has both the skill and strength to equal the strongest MK characters.
The other 12? You have some degree of super strength in nearly all of them, not to mention a lot of super speed to go around. Wolverine has the standby strategy of letting his healing and indestructible skeleton do the work and just not dying until his opponent gets bored and leaves. Deadpool can't heal as well and doesn't have an adamantium skeleton, but is still going to win an endurance fight - not to mention up to and including decapitation he's survived most of the things a fatality move will throw at a guy. The Hulk is pretty much indestructible once he gets going. Thor is a literal god. And Iron Man is the ace in the hole - similar to Batman, he regularly tailors his arsenal to match a new enemy. He has numerous armors stockpiled, including a number of special use ones for specific enemies, and the ability to rapidly create new ones, so his power set is quite flexible.
With some storyline equalizer, I still give the edge to Marvel, since even if you take away the superhuman status they've still got the edge in both preternatural powers and weaponry, and Iron Man is still your trump card.
Based on just characters, Marvel. Based on the game title/game in general, Mortal Kombat. Once Marvel gets away from a dungeon crawler/Diablo style game and more like a mmoRPg then it could have a chance.
In a team vs. team, Marvel would slaughter MK. Magneto alone would destroy pretty much all of MK in the first few seconds, and Hulk would mop up. Spiderman would just sit and eat popcorn.
Pit them in a more one vs. one arrangement, and it becomes a bit more interesting, at least on some matchups. Thor vs. Raiden for example.
MK doesn't have as many chars, this page only lists 64. 12 of which are actually DC chars.
Fun matchups with this theme: (my version is a lot longer)
Johnny Cage vs Luke Cage
Goro vs Hulk
Liu Kang vs Iron Fist
Kano vs Taskmaster
Noob Saibot vs War Machine
Raiden vs Thor
Reptile vs Spiderman
Scorpion vs Wolverine
Sonya Blade vs Black Widow
Shang Tsung vs Dr. Doom
Baraka vs Beast
Blaze vs Human Torch
Jade vs Psylocke
Jax vs Ben Grimm
Shao Kahn vs Magneto
Kintaro vs Sabretooth
Kitana vs Veranke
Kung Lao vs Captain America
Mileena vs Elektra
Smoke vs Frank Castle
Sub-Zero vs Iceman
Cyrax vs Vision
Kabal vs Quicksilver
Motaro vs Juggernaut
Nightwolf vs Venom
Sektor vs Ironman
Sheeva vs She Hulk
Sindel vs Archangel
Stryker vs Stryker
Chameleon vs Lizard
Ermac vs Cable
Rain vs Storm
Khameleon vs Melati Kusumu
Fujin vs Klaw
Meat vs Deadpool
Quan Chi vs Selene
Reiko vs Scarlet Witch
Shinnok vs Ares
Tanya vs Viper
Drahmin vs Daemon Hellstrom
Frost vs Emma Frost
Kenshi vs Silver Samurai
Li Mei vs Polaris
Moloch vs Wrecker
Nitara vs Blade
Onaga vs Fin Fang Foom
Ashrah vs Satana
Havik vs Havok
Shujinko vs Nick Fury
Skarlet vs Carnage
1. Liu Kang
2. Johnny Cage
3. Sonya Blade
4. Raiden
5. Scorpion
6. Goro
7. Kung Lao
8. Jade
9. Smoke
10. Shao Kahn
11. Baraka
12. Jax
13. Sub-Zero II
14. Kitana
Team Marvel:
1. Spider-Man
2. Thor
3. The Hulk
4. Captain American
5. Ironman
6. Woverine
7. The Punisher
8. Carnage
9. Deadpool
10. Magneto
11. Archangel
12. Beast
13. The Thing
14. Blade
1: Liu Kang vs. Spider-Man.
Round 1: Liu Kang is unprepared for the super-fast reflexes of Spider-Man or his webbing. Despite his conventional and quite powerful kung-fu, Spider-Man takes the victory after taunting Liu Kang's haircut.
Round 2: Liu Kang, determined to lay the smackdown on Spidey, starts using his fireballs to melt through Spidey's webbing. Spidey takes a good solid clock to the side of the head with Liu Kang's fist. With one good shot, Spidey is put on the defensive. Despite trying to nimbly avoid the video game avatar of Bruce Lee, Liu Kang demonstrates his superior kung fu skill and knocks him out with an uppercut.
Round 3: Spidey is still rolling from the last round and signals for a time-out while he catches his breath. Liu Kang takes advantage of the weakness and gets revenge for the smart-mouthed comments by nailing him with his signature Bicycle Kick then uppercuts Spidey into a series of spikes.
Liu Kang wins. Fatality.
2. Johnny Cage vs. Thor
Round 1: Johnny Cage thinks Thor is just a pretty boy who carries a hammer to overcompensate what he doesn't have in raw skill. Thor considers Johnny Cage a vain egotistical fool who is no match for an Asgardian.
Thor allows Johnny Cage to knock him about a few times, before striking him with a bolt of lightning and knocks him into the sky. He lands somewhere in Outworld while Thor keeps his sunglasses as a trophy.
Thor wins.
3. Sonya Blade vs. The Hulk
Round 1: Bruce Banner gets turned down on a date by the blonde bombshell who was having a really bad day after hearing about Johnny Cage taking a hammer upside his skull. Banner gets angry and Hulks out. Sonya Blade kicks him repeatedly only to make Hulk angrier.
After taking a good solid punch that breaks most of her bones, she gets back up (I don't know how they survive that kind of punishment either). After hitting him with her pink energy bolt, Hulk shrugs it off and grabs her by the ankles and bashes her bloodied remains around the bar he just destroyed with their fight. Then he rips her body in half and after realizing what he's done, tries gluing her back together to no avail.
Hulk wins. Fatality.
4. Raiden vs. Captain America
After arguing over who is responsible for this poorly-written story arc of Marvel meeting MK characters, Cap and Raiden start mixing it up. Despite striking him with several bolts of lightning and superior kung fu skills, Cap clocks him in the back of the head with a well-timed shield throw and then proceeds to brutally beat the thunder out of him. Then he picks raiden up by his robe and tells him that there's only one God, and it isn't Raiden in a single panel fully illustrating how Cap's one-liners are often more memorized than his fighting skills. Cap punches Raiden in the face afterwards.
Captain America wins. Brutality.
5. Scorpion vs. Iron Man
After being harassed by the demons in the bottom of a bottle, Tony Stark is harassed by a demon in a yellow ninja suit. Being hired to kill Tony Stark as part of the invasion by Outland, Scorpion punches Tony Stark hard enough he flies through a wall. Summoning his Iron Man armor, Iron Man returns with a vengeance. Despite being mosty drunk, he holds his own, although his inebriation prevents him from outright destroying Scorpion. After his harpoon doesn't penetrate his indestructable armor, Iron Man follows up with a harpoon of his own and electrocutes Scorpion repeatedly until a massive barrage of Stark Industries anti-personnel missiles annihilates the yellow ninja in a hailstorm of Michael Bay worthy explosions.
Iron Man wins. Fatality. (Is it really a fatality if Scorpion isn't technically alive?)
6. Goro vs. Wolverine
Round 1: Goro and Wolverine have a short number of dialogue but it's clear both characters are socially volatile and it doesn't take much before they start fighting. Goro's impressive size compared to Wolverine's five-feet-and-change stature resembles a David vs. Goliath scene. Despite getting carved up by Wolverine's claws, Goro is able to bash Wolverine around to the point his healing factor is working overtime. Missing most of his body, he seems defeated until Goro gives the obligatory triumphant one-liner about how he is the best. Getting a second wind, Wolverine hits him in the groin with one set of claws, stunning him in excruciating pain. He follows up by decapitating Goro with the second set of claws and remarks that it is actually Wolverine who is the best.
Wolverine wins. Fatality.
7. Kung Lao vs. the Punisher
Round 1: Punisher sees Kung Lao as responsible for this mayhem that seems to be milking every issue for what it's worth. Despite a hailstorm of bullets and a failed claymore mine going off, Kung Lao continues to survive. He follows up by almost disembowelling Frank with a hat throw.
Round 2: Still reeling, Frank gets up and goes hand-to-hand after wasting all of his bullets and ammo. Kung Lao admires his drive and tells him that he does not wish to fight him. Frank ignores him and erronously tries engaging him in hand-to-hand. Despite a series of pleas from Kung Lao, he is forced to subdue Frank by breaking his arms.
Instead of finishing his opponent, he reveals that Kung Lao is not the enemy the Punisher is after. He reveals the secrets of Outworld and the two amicably agree to work together to resolve the storyline.
Kung Lao wins. Friendship.
8. Jade vs. Carnage
Round 1: Carnage is on a killing spree as he tries to reach the source of the blending of universes, hoping to achieve ultimate power like he was in the '90's. Jade stands between him and Shao Khan. Despite impressive work with her staff, Carnage eviscerates her and cannibalizes most of her before the ESRB censor board digitally blurs it out.
Carnage wins. Fatality.
9. Smoke vs. Deadpool
Round 1: The constant teleporting between the two, amplified by the smokescreen from the greyish ninja results in the two dealing it out hand-to-hand. Deadpool's constant trolling bothers Smoke and Wade gets the upper hand. After numerous pop culture one-liners and breaking of the fourth wall, Smoke is knocked out.
Round 2: Smoke returns with a vengeance and makes a point to crush Wade's larynx to stop him from talking, much to the dismay of Deadpool fanboys. He chokes him to death and forces him to breathe in smoke. After a thinly-veiled drug reference by the merc-with-a-mouth, Smoke realizes his healing factor will make him outlast any fight. Smoke improvizes by uppercutting Wade into a pool of acid next to them, dissolving his body. No amount of Rob Liefeld pockets are able to contain a deus ex machina to prevent Wade from melting down to a skeleton as he floats away.
Smoke wins. Fatality.
10. Magneto vs. Shao Khan
Round 1: The two megalomaniacal villains meet each other and after much grandstanding, Shao Kahn gains the upper-hand through his brute force punches and kicks, and teleporting abilities. After trying to knock Magneto's helmet off with his hammer, Magneto stops it and proceeds to beat Shao Kahn to death with his own hammer while standing in the air with his arms crossed in an arrogant fashion.
Magneto wins. Fatality.
11. Archangel vs. Baraka
Round 1: Realizing his character has been rebooted and retooled over many years simply because he quite likely has the lamest superpower of any X-Men, he drinks his sorrows away while contemplating his various superpowers and incarnations he's taken. Baraka arrives and is hungry for chicken. The two end up fighting with Baraka dead set on eating Angel's wings.
Since Angel's fighting prowess has never been anything more than 'meh', and his entire superpower in the X-Men has been the ability to fly (discounting his incarnation as Death and his secondary mutation that lets him heal others), Baraka easily skewers Warren Worthington III and harpoons him against the wall and realizes he isn't a giant chicken man at all after amputating his wings with his arm blades.
Baraka wins. Fatality.
12. Jax vs. Beast
Round 1: Two of the most unfavored characters in either franchise with writers butchering their characters by giving them gimmicks such as mechanical arms and turning the other into a blue cat person. Jax and Beast are fairly evenly matched. Despite two full rounds, both of them are quite badly beat up. The issue ends on a cliffhanger that is never quite resolved until 20 years in the future when writers use it as a plot element to a completely new story and retconning the fight ever happened the way it did.
Noone really wins. Noone likes Jax or Beast.
13. Thing vs. Sub-Zero
Round 1: Grimm drinks a PBR while on break after helping repair the city with the rest of the FF from the chaos ensuing and comments that there's nothing like an ice-cold PBR after a long day's hard work in the heat. Begging for an ice-related pun or gag to happen, Sub-Zero arrives on cue and freezes Grimm's arm. Grimm comments in his thick brooklyn accent that it wasn't what he meant and breaks the ice off of his arm. After a two-page spread of Sub-Zero's icy machinations designed to subdue Grimm, he can't withstand his brute force or indestructable rocky shell. Sub-Zero gets cold-clocked to fulfill another ice-related pun that reminds comic readers everywhere the travesty of Batman & Robin.
Thing wins. Flawless victory.
14. Kitana vs. Blade
Round 1: In the final issue of this gimmicky story arc, Kitana and Blade go hand-to-hand. After she seems to bathe in the blood of numerous SHIELD agents who see her as a threat, Kitana gets jumped by Elektra who she promptly kills after mistaking her for Mileena. Psylocke follows shortly after and gratuitous cheesecake illustrations delight the hearts of lonely men reading this story arc. Kitana kills her too. After contemplating why so many other women are wearing skimpy ninja outfits too, Blade shows up to confront the blood-soaked fan-wielding ninja. After a lengthy fight, the writer and artist try to conclude this perverse story arc in order to avoid fanboy wrath on MK and Marvel forums all over the internet machine and a bunch of other characters start slugging it out. Magneto returns with Shao Kahn's hammer and threatens to erase humanity with Outworld's dimensional powers or something to make mutants the supreme inheritor of the earth. Or something.
Punisher and Kung-Lao return in the midst of it and Frank shoots Kitana through the back while she's juggling Blade in the air with her fighting fans non-stop. Kung-Lao and Frank convince both MK and Marvel people to team-up after they've already brutally killed or crippled the heavy hitters. Raiden and Shao Kahn, and Captain America and Wolverine summons every fighter in Outworld and elsewhere in the MK universe as the ultimate fanservice to people who like really bad characters like Stryker, and Squirrel Girl. After a few pages of controversial decisions regarding fighting prowess that will keep socially awkward people at the comic store talking for years to come, the climax ends with Liu Kang turning into a dragon and eats Magneto whole. Thor gives Shao Kahn his hammer back and forces his people to return to Outworld. Shao Kahn gives another thinly-veiled joke and tells Thor that his hammer is bigger.
Under the rubble, the bloodied hand of Spider-Man emerges to lead in to another rehashed story arc of a superhero dying and coming back to life.
Blade wins due to interception by the Punisher not a fan (teehee) of Kitana's juggling exploit from MK II. Iconians wins by a knock-out blow from a wall of text on the Ten Forward forums.
Iconians wins by a knock-out blow from a wall of text on the Ten Forward forums.
The End.
You sir have created a masterpiece.
Thank you. I will treasure this post forever.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Comments
"finishing move mass fatality CLAYMORE!"
On the DC side, though, all but Punisher and Cap have legitimate superpowers, and of those Punisher is a skilled as anyone in the MK group, and Cap has both the skill and strength to equal the strongest MK characters.
The other 12? You have some degree of super strength in nearly all of them, not to mention a lot of super speed to go around. Wolverine has the standby strategy of letting his healing and indestructible skeleton do the work and just not dying until his opponent gets bored and leaves. Deadpool can't heal as well and doesn't have an adamantium skeleton, but is still going to win an endurance fight - not to mention up to and including decapitation he's survived most of the things a fatality move will throw at a guy. The Hulk is pretty much indestructible once he gets going. Thor is a literal god. And Iron Man is the ace in the hole - similar to Batman, he regularly tailors his arsenal to match a new enemy. He has numerous armors stockpiled, including a number of special use ones for specific enemies, and the ability to rapidly create new ones, so his power set is quite flexible.
With some storyline equalizer, I still give the edge to Marvel, since even if you take away the superhuman status they've still got the edge in both preternatural powers and weaponry, and Iron Man is still your trump card.
My character Tsin'xing
Pit them in a more one vs. one arrangement, and it becomes a bit more interesting, at least on some matchups. Thor vs. Raiden for example.
Fun matchups with this theme: (my version is a lot longer)
Johnny Cage vs Luke Cage
Goro vs Hulk
Liu Kang vs Iron Fist
Kano vs Taskmaster
Noob Saibot vs War Machine
Raiden vs Thor
Reptile vs Spiderman
Scorpion vs Wolverine
Sonya Blade vs Black Widow
Shang Tsung vs Dr. Doom
Baraka vs Beast
Blaze vs Human Torch
Jade vs Psylocke
Jax vs Ben Grimm
Shao Kahn vs Magneto
Kintaro vs Sabretooth
Kitana vs Veranke
Kung Lao vs Captain America
Mileena vs Elektra
Smoke vs Frank Castle
Sub-Zero vs Iceman
Cyrax vs Vision
Kabal vs Quicksilver
Motaro vs Juggernaut
Nightwolf vs Venom
Sektor vs Ironman
Sheeva vs She Hulk
Sindel vs Archangel
Stryker vs Stryker
Chameleon vs Lizard
Ermac vs Cable
Rain vs Storm
Khameleon vs Melati Kusumu
Fujin vs Klaw
Meat vs Deadpool
Quan Chi vs Selene
Reiko vs Scarlet Witch
Shinnok vs Ares
Tanya vs Viper
Drahmin vs Daemon Hellstrom
Frost vs Emma Frost
Kenshi vs Silver Samurai
Li Mei vs Polaris
Moloch vs Wrecker
Nitara vs Blade
Onaga vs Fin Fang Foom
Ashrah vs Satana
Havik vs Havok
Shujinko vs Nick Fury
Skarlet vs Carnage
hehehe....
My character Tsin'xing
1: Liu Kang vs. Spider-Man.
Round 1: Liu Kang is unprepared for the super-fast reflexes of Spider-Man or his webbing. Despite his conventional and quite powerful kung-fu, Spider-Man takes the victory after taunting Liu Kang's haircut.
Round 2: Liu Kang, determined to lay the smackdown on Spidey, starts using his fireballs to melt through Spidey's webbing. Spidey takes a good solid clock to the side of the head with Liu Kang's fist. With one good shot, Spidey is put on the defensive. Despite trying to nimbly avoid the video game avatar of Bruce Lee, Liu Kang demonstrates his superior kung fu skill and knocks him out with an uppercut.
Round 3: Spidey is still rolling from the last round and signals for a time-out while he catches his breath. Liu Kang takes advantage of the weakness and gets revenge for the smart-mouthed comments by nailing him with his signature Bicycle Kick then uppercuts Spidey into a series of spikes.
Liu Kang wins. Fatality.
2. Johnny Cage vs. Thor
Round 1: Johnny Cage thinks Thor is just a pretty boy who carries a hammer to overcompensate what he doesn't have in raw skill. Thor considers Johnny Cage a vain egotistical fool who is no match for an Asgardian.
Thor allows Johnny Cage to knock him about a few times, before striking him with a bolt of lightning and knocks him into the sky. He lands somewhere in Outworld while Thor keeps his sunglasses as a trophy.
Thor wins.
3. Sonya Blade vs. The Hulk
Round 1: Bruce Banner gets turned down on a date by the blonde bombshell who was having a really bad day after hearing about Johnny Cage taking a hammer upside his skull. Banner gets angry and Hulks out. Sonya Blade kicks him repeatedly only to make Hulk angrier.
After taking a good solid punch that breaks most of her bones, she gets back up (I don't know how they survive that kind of punishment either). After hitting him with her pink energy bolt, Hulk shrugs it off and grabs her by the ankles and bashes her bloodied remains around the bar he just destroyed with their fight. Then he rips her body in half and after realizing what he's done, tries gluing her back together to no avail.
Hulk wins. Fatality.
4. Raiden vs. Captain America
After arguing over who is responsible for this poorly-written story arc of Marvel meeting MK characters, Cap and Raiden start mixing it up. Despite striking him with several bolts of lightning and superior kung fu skills, Cap clocks him in the back of the head with a well-timed shield throw and then proceeds to brutally beat the thunder out of him. Then he picks raiden up by his robe and tells him that there's only one God, and it isn't Raiden in a single panel fully illustrating how Cap's one-liners are often more memorized than his fighting skills. Cap punches Raiden in the face afterwards.
Captain America wins. Brutality.
5. Scorpion vs. Iron Man
After being harassed by the demons in the bottom of a bottle, Tony Stark is harassed by a demon in a yellow ninja suit. Being hired to kill Tony Stark as part of the invasion by Outland, Scorpion punches Tony Stark hard enough he flies through a wall. Summoning his Iron Man armor, Iron Man returns with a vengeance. Despite being mosty drunk, he holds his own, although his inebriation prevents him from outright destroying Scorpion. After his harpoon doesn't penetrate his indestructable armor, Iron Man follows up with a harpoon of his own and electrocutes Scorpion repeatedly until a massive barrage of Stark Industries anti-personnel missiles annihilates the yellow ninja in a hailstorm of Michael Bay worthy explosions.
Iron Man wins. Fatality. (Is it really a fatality if Scorpion isn't technically alive?)
6. Goro vs. Wolverine
Round 1: Goro and Wolverine have a short number of dialogue but it's clear both characters are socially volatile and it doesn't take much before they start fighting. Goro's impressive size compared to Wolverine's five-feet-and-change stature resembles a David vs. Goliath scene. Despite getting carved up by Wolverine's claws, Goro is able to bash Wolverine around to the point his healing factor is working overtime. Missing most of his body, he seems defeated until Goro gives the obligatory triumphant one-liner about how he is the best. Getting a second wind, Wolverine hits him in the groin with one set of claws, stunning him in excruciating pain. He follows up by decapitating Goro with the second set of claws and remarks that it is actually Wolverine who is the best.
Wolverine wins. Fatality.
7. Kung Lao vs. the Punisher
Round 1: Punisher sees Kung Lao as responsible for this mayhem that seems to be milking every issue for what it's worth. Despite a hailstorm of bullets and a failed claymore mine going off, Kung Lao continues to survive. He follows up by almost disembowelling Frank with a hat throw.
Round 2: Still reeling, Frank gets up and goes hand-to-hand after wasting all of his bullets and ammo. Kung Lao admires his drive and tells him that he does not wish to fight him. Frank ignores him and erronously tries engaging him in hand-to-hand. Despite a series of pleas from Kung Lao, he is forced to subdue Frank by breaking his arms.
Instead of finishing his opponent, he reveals that Kung Lao is not the enemy the Punisher is after. He reveals the secrets of Outworld and the two amicably agree to work together to resolve the storyline.
Kung Lao wins. Friendship.
8. Jade vs. Carnage
Round 1: Carnage is on a killing spree as he tries to reach the source of the blending of universes, hoping to achieve ultimate power like he was in the '90's. Jade stands between him and Shao Khan. Despite impressive work with her staff, Carnage eviscerates her and cannibalizes most of her before the ESRB censor board digitally blurs it out.
Carnage wins. Fatality.
9. Smoke vs. Deadpool
Round 1: The constant teleporting between the two, amplified by the smokescreen from the greyish ninja results in the two dealing it out hand-to-hand. Deadpool's constant trolling bothers Smoke and Wade gets the upper hand. After numerous pop culture one-liners and breaking of the fourth wall, Smoke is knocked out.
Round 2: Smoke returns with a vengeance and makes a point to crush Wade's larynx to stop him from talking, much to the dismay of Deadpool fanboys. He chokes him to death and forces him to breathe in smoke. After a thinly-veiled drug reference by the merc-with-a-mouth, Smoke realizes his healing factor will make him outlast any fight. Smoke improvizes by uppercutting Wade into a pool of acid next to them, dissolving his body. No amount of Rob Liefeld pockets are able to contain a deus ex machina to prevent Wade from melting down to a skeleton as he floats away.
Smoke wins. Fatality.
10. Magneto vs. Shao Khan
Round 1: The two megalomaniacal villains meet each other and after much grandstanding, Shao Kahn gains the upper-hand through his brute force punches and kicks, and teleporting abilities. After trying to knock Magneto's helmet off with his hammer, Magneto stops it and proceeds to beat Shao Kahn to death with his own hammer while standing in the air with his arms crossed in an arrogant fashion.
Magneto wins. Fatality.
11. Archangel vs. Baraka
Round 1: Realizing his character has been rebooted and retooled over many years simply because he quite likely has the lamest superpower of any X-Men, he drinks his sorrows away while contemplating his various superpowers and incarnations he's taken. Baraka arrives and is hungry for chicken. The two end up fighting with Baraka dead set on eating Angel's wings.
Since Angel's fighting prowess has never been anything more than 'meh', and his entire superpower in the X-Men has been the ability to fly (discounting his incarnation as Death and his secondary mutation that lets him heal others), Baraka easily skewers Warren Worthington III and harpoons him against the wall and realizes he isn't a giant chicken man at all after amputating his wings with his arm blades.
Baraka wins. Fatality.
12. Jax vs. Beast
Round 1: Two of the most unfavored characters in either franchise with writers butchering their characters by giving them gimmicks such as mechanical arms and turning the other into a blue cat person. Jax and Beast are fairly evenly matched. Despite two full rounds, both of them are quite badly beat up. The issue ends on a cliffhanger that is never quite resolved until 20 years in the future when writers use it as a plot element to a completely new story and retconning the fight ever happened the way it did.
Noone really wins. Noone likes Jax or Beast.
13. Thing vs. Sub-Zero
Round 1: Grimm drinks a PBR while on break after helping repair the city with the rest of the FF from the chaos ensuing and comments that there's nothing like an ice-cold PBR after a long day's hard work in the heat. Begging for an ice-related pun or gag to happen, Sub-Zero arrives on cue and freezes Grimm's arm. Grimm comments in his thick brooklyn accent that it wasn't what he meant and breaks the ice off of his arm. After a two-page spread of Sub-Zero's icy machinations designed to subdue Grimm, he can't withstand his brute force or indestructable rocky shell. Sub-Zero gets cold-clocked to fulfill another ice-related pun that reminds comic readers everywhere the travesty of Batman & Robin.
Thing wins. Flawless victory.
14. Kitana vs. Blade
Round 1: In the final issue of this gimmicky story arc, Kitana and Blade go hand-to-hand. After she seems to bathe in the blood of numerous SHIELD agents who see her as a threat, Kitana gets jumped by Elektra who she promptly kills after mistaking her for Mileena. Psylocke follows shortly after and gratuitous cheesecake illustrations delight the hearts of lonely men reading this story arc. Kitana kills her too. After contemplating why so many other women are wearing skimpy ninja outfits too, Blade shows up to confront the blood-soaked fan-wielding ninja. After a lengthy fight, the writer and artist try to conclude this perverse story arc in order to avoid fanboy wrath on MK and Marvel forums all over the internet machine and a bunch of other characters start slugging it out. Magneto returns with Shao Kahn's hammer and threatens to erase humanity with Outworld's dimensional powers or something to make mutants the supreme inheritor of the earth. Or something.
Punisher and Kung-Lao return in the midst of it and Frank shoots Kitana through the back while she's juggling Blade in the air with her fighting fans non-stop. Kung-Lao and Frank convince both MK and Marvel people to team-up after they've already brutally killed or crippled the heavy hitters. Raiden and Shao Kahn, and Captain America and Wolverine summons every fighter in Outworld and elsewhere in the MK universe as the ultimate fanservice to people who like really bad characters like Stryker, and Squirrel Girl. After a few pages of controversial decisions regarding fighting prowess that will keep socially awkward people at the comic store talking for years to come, the climax ends with Liu Kang turning into a dragon and eats Magneto whole. Thor gives Shao Kahn his hammer back and forces his people to return to Outworld. Shao Kahn gives another thinly-veiled joke and tells Thor that his hammer is bigger.
Under the rubble, the bloodied hand of Spider-Man emerges to lead in to another rehashed story arc of a superhero dying and coming back to life.
Blade wins due to interception by the Punisher not a fan (teehee) of Kitana's juggling exploit from MK II. Iconians wins by a knock-out blow from a wall of text on the Ten Forward forums.
The End.
Thank you. I will treasure this post forever.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon