@danqueller - I am a fan of Tosik and expect to read more about his exploits! The transition from dread to hope was really great in this piece.
@dominionchris - Welcome to the LCs! Your first post is a good start soI hope to read more of Lovok in the future. As was said, use line spacing to break up the paragraphs and watch your run-on sentences.
Finished my piece. First time I decided to take part in one of these challenges too, woo
Don't know if i'll continue it. I haven't quite decided how T'Mara goes from being rescued by the Reclaw to Virinat.
Very nice piece of work! I do hope you continue to contribute in the future.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Very nice piece of work! I do hope you continue to contribute in the future.
Thank you, I hope so to! I used to write similar sorts of things a lot but this was the first piece of serious writing i've done in maybe eighteen months - glad to see i'm not as rusty as thought.
I've made a fairly large addition to the post that finishes it up. Now, that is definetly finished for now, since the rest of the story will play out through gameplay
You're just a machine. And machines can be broken.
@squatsauce - R'ath is a great character! the gas line jonsills refered to was definitely funny :P I want to see more from R'ath soon.
@johngazman - The revision was muuuch better. I'm curious about Soval - I gether he will make a reapearance? Regardless, I look forward to reading future LCs from you
@johngazman - The revision was muuuch better. I'm curious about Soval - I gether he will make a reapearance? Regardless, I look forward to reading future LCs from you
Many thanks I've been considering some revisions to the "battle" sequence between the two ships, as, in hindsight, it feels somewhat understated. So we shall see about that.
As for Sorval; i'd love for him to make some sort of reappearance in coming LCs, maybe even as the main character, as he's arguably the most interesting of my STO characters.
Depending on how the coming LC's unfold, i'd like to expand on him and his crew, such as Shanxi, his first officer. Maybe even that well-spoken Gorn, though I have no idea where he actually came from; he's probably some white-quality Doff
You're just a machine. And machines can be broken.
@aten66 - very interesting story. If you could clean it up a little it would improve readability though. Also, more description. I got a good picture of where your character came from but little feel for who he is.
...
Changing the subject, but any fans of my characters (Frank Grimes in particular) might want to check out what they're up to now in "The Road to Ruin"
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
@aten66 - very interesting story. If you could clean it up a little it would improve readability though. Also, more description. I got a good picture of where your character came from but little feel for who he is.
...
Changing the subject, but any fans of my characters (Frank Grimes in particular) might want to check out what they're up to now in "The Road to Ruin"
Cool thanks. This was my first entry, I wanted to get feed back on it.
I'd like to recommend altering your format for the message board. The *** breaks help but maybe add a space somewhere? It still looks like a wall of text even with the asterisks (to me at least).
Also, it's an unfortunate aspect of this message baord, but when you copy/paste from an outside source into the reply box, several symbols get translated into a question mark.
So, instead of:
"But ... I didn't order you to set phasers to stun."
We'll see:
?But ? I didn?t order you to set phasers to stun.?
Needless to say, you would have to edit your post to clean it up and it will make reading your work easier for the audience. There are a few fixes to this issue around this forum. For my part, I just go back in a edit the symbols.
It look a while for me to come up with the next installment for my Romulan engineer. I managed to have him interact with my Federation crew while not giving you much information on his actual situation. Who does he work for? Who is watching his family, ready to harm them if he fails? Eventually I'll reveal that.
It look a while for me to come up with the next installment for my Romulan engineer. I managed to have him interact with my Federation crew while not giving you much information on his actual situation. Who does he work for? Who is watching his family, ready to harm them if he fails? Eventually I'll reveal that.
What an entry! :cool: I know that people who come round during surgery can be very traumatized by it, so I think Nahash will be feeling the effects of this experience for quite some time, but his bungling attempts at espionage were comically laughable The idea of telling them he ate the chip, and then getting cut open like a Christmas ham is just too good I dread to think what his contacts will do when they find the chip full of literature though :eek:
@superhombre777 - +1 to what mdk said. I actually laughed out loud at the line "I think I blew my cover." Ya think!? Whoever Nahash's handler is and whoever he's working for, their credibility just took a dive for sending an amateur to gather intel from a conference.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
I'm going to extend this challenge for another two weeks as I think now that players have had a chance to check out Tribble, more might like a chance at this If you are going to be making multiple Romulan Republic characters, feel free to break the rules and make additional posts in this thread if you'd like to flesh out their background stories.
Not my finest work, but it was the best way I felt to introduce V'Tel's character.
I am really loving the entries, too. Some amazing stories.
As a side note: I will never explain why two characters love each other outside of that they do and the circumstances in which they meet. I feel it's the 24th and 25th Centuries and I really don't see a need to go into detail into such things.
For background on Ynala and Kim. They met at a peace conference. Kim was the First Officer a Federation starship attending, and Ynala was an actress performing in an opera that her crew happened to see. The two hit it off from there.
In my storyline, Kim is lost in the supernova event horizon and presumed dead but will later reappear. Ynala dies in 2401 under mysterious circumstances. Most evidence points to assassination by the Tal'Shiar for trying to organize a rebellion. Kim later remarries to a long time friend, but still continues fighting the good fight against the Tal'Shiar even from the far reaches of the Federation.
V'Tel is Ynala's youngest sister, and heavily involved with a merchant group named the Nori Trading Company. I'm still working through her backstory though, and developing her personality.
V'Tel is also a an alien bridge officer I created of an Orion Captain (Tevnu) who I transformed from a bridge officer that's on my KDF Trill (Zadari). All three of these characters have sort of taken on lives of their own.
All of my characters in STO touch each other in some fashion. Yeah I'm a geek like that haha. I guess I am sort of the Alice Pieszecki of my little Star Trek universe xD
@chivalrybean - I really liked the way that story panned out! That was a very interesting take on the Tovan Kev character.
@zidanetribal - that was a very creative piece of storytelling! I really liked Lee's cheat sheet tattoo. Interesting bit there about the way that siblings can always find and exploit our flaws, no matter how well we bury them.
@stellardrift - that was a fascinating little snapshot of your characters. I enjoyed it very much. And regarding what you said about all your characters being connected: I do the same thing, and I've only hinted at it so far. Besides my old friends Ssharki and Jesu, I have three other characters (soon to be four) that are all related. And then the bridge officers... At one point I tried to put it all on a flow chart to keep it all straight - they don't make paper big enough for me to keep it on a single page.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Just posted my second entry. Decided to elaborate on a point that was made in my initial one. Lemme know what you guys think
And, yes, Selana is telepathic. It is never explicitly stated in canon (I think) that Romulans can't have/develop telepathy (at least in a limited fashion), and I will be using the Telepathy trait on Sel when I actually create her in-game, so I figued why not make it part of the story.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Or have simply issued a new challenge and invited people to keep contributing to this one as with past LCs... I understand they're trying to promote the legacy pack, but six weeks of Romulan Writing is a bit much
@ironphoenix - thank you for that remarkable entry! I'm not sure either about Romulan telepathic abilities, but it's a latent power or dormant genetic trait that would certainly be plausible. Few Romulans would have the patience to develop the ability at any rate, even with expert guidance. I really enjoyed the way you developed Selena and Viril's love affair. It felt very naturally developed, all things considered.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Thanks. I thought that might make for an interesting plot point for this and future entries. Should be fun to see where it goes.
At any rate, again this was one of my more difficult entries. It was tough to write those last couple of scenes to give the reader an idea of the intimacy Selana and Veril felt while still keeping it tasteful and within the rules of the forum. Not to mention that it covered both a scandal within the Romulans as a race (a Remen and a Romulan?! Unthinkable!) and a hot topic of debates today. Glad to know I handled it well.
Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
Comments
@zidantribal - MOAR!
Hmm... a pattern ... :P
@danqueller - I am a fan of Tosik and expect to read more about his exploits! The transition from dread to hope was really great in this piece.
@dominionchris - Welcome to the LCs! Your first post is a good start soI hope to read more of Lovok in the future. As was said, use line spacing to break up the paragraphs and watch your run-on sentences.
Still working on the rest - keep em coming folks
Very nice piece of work! I do hope you continue to contribute in the future.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Thank you, I hope so to!
I've made a fairly large addition to the post that finishes it up. Now, that is definetly finished for now, since the rest of the story will play out through gameplay
Time to reprint the story :P
No plans to stop! I started next scene, not enough to post yet.
S.S. Doff Lundgren
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
@johngazman - The revision was muuuch better. I'm curious about Soval - I gether he will make a reapearance? Regardless, I look forward to reading future LCs from you
Many thanks
As for Sorval; i'd love for him to make some sort of reappearance in coming LCs, maybe even as the main character, as he's arguably the most interesting of my STO characters.
Depending on how the coming LC's unfold, i'd like to expand on him and his crew, such as Shanxi, his first officer. Maybe even that well-spoken Gorn, though I have no idea where he actually came from; he's probably some white-quality Doff
...
Changing the subject, but any fans of my characters (Frank Grimes in particular) might want to check out what they're up to now in "The Road to Ruin"
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Cool thanks. This was my first entry, I wanted to get feed back on it.
I'd like to recommend altering your format for the message board. The *** breaks help but maybe add a space somewhere? It still looks like a wall of text even with the asterisks (to me at least).
Also, it's an unfortunate aspect of this message baord, but when you copy/paste from an outside source into the reply box, several symbols get translated into a question mark.
So, instead of:
"But ... I didn't order you to set phasers to stun."
We'll see:
?But ? I didn?t order you to set phasers to stun.?
Needless to say, you would have to edit your post to clean it up and it will make reading your work easier for the audience. There are a few fixes to this issue around this forum. For my part, I just go back in a edit the symbols.
Please keep writing!
Thanks for the advice, I updated my story!
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
S.S. Doff Lundgren
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Literary Challenges Entries- Star Trek Online: Lord English
Dramatis Personae of Star Trek Online: Lord English
Cheers,
Brandon =/\=
Maybe he can run two LC's simultaneously.
Literary Challenges Entries- Star Trek Online: Lord English
Dramatis Personae of Star Trek Online: Lord English
I am really loving the entries, too. Some amazing stories.
As a side note: I will never explain why two characters love each other outside of that they do and the circumstances in which they meet. I feel it's the 24th and 25th Centuries and I really don't see a need to go into detail into such things.
For background on Ynala and Kim. They met at a peace conference. Kim was the First Officer a Federation starship attending, and Ynala was an actress performing in an opera that her crew happened to see. The two hit it off from there.
In my storyline, Kim is lost in the supernova event horizon and presumed dead but will later reappear. Ynala dies in 2401 under mysterious circumstances. Most evidence points to assassination by the Tal'Shiar for trying to organize a rebellion. Kim later remarries to a long time friend, but still continues fighting the good fight against the Tal'Shiar even from the far reaches of the Federation.
V'Tel is Ynala's youngest sister, and heavily involved with a merchant group named the Nori Trading Company. I'm still working through her backstory though, and developing her personality.
V'Tel is also a an alien bridge officer I created of an Orion Captain (Tevnu) who I transformed from a bridge officer that's on my KDF Trill (Zadari). All three of these characters have sort of taken on lives of their own.
All of my characters in STO touch each other in some fashion. Yeah I'm a geek like that haha. I guess I am sort of the Alice Pieszecki of my little Star Trek universe xD
@zidanetribal - that was a very creative piece of storytelling! I really liked Lee's cheat sheet tattoo.
@stellardrift - that was a fascinating little snapshot of your characters. I enjoyed it very much. And regarding what you said about all your characters being connected: I do the same thing, and I've only hinted at it so far. Besides my old friends Ssharki and Jesu, I have three other characters (soon to be four) that are all related. And then the bridge officers... At one point I tried to put it all on a flow chart to keep it all straight - they don't make paper big enough for me to keep it on a single page.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Thanks for the feedback ... it says in blog post that Tovan fights pirates, etc. so it seemed to fit right in.
I wasn't sure how I liked the ending ... seems like it is missing something.
---
I'll try to get started in on the next lit challenge sooner so I can read as posted ... hard to catch up!
S.S. Doff Lundgren
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I think I got it ... will update soon as I can.
S.S. Doff Lundgren
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
And, yes, Selana is telepathic. It is never explicitly stated in canon (I think) that Romulans can't have/develop telepathy (at least in a limited fashion), and I will be using the Telepathy trait on Sel when I actually create her in-game, so I figued why not make it part of the story.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
PS Awesome entry, by the way :cool:
@ stellardrift: Excellent introductions, without being in anyway over the top
@ ironphoenix133: As always, solid writing, and a subject tastefully handled :cool:
@ironphoenix - thank you for that remarkable entry! I'm not sure either about Romulan telepathic abilities, but it's a latent power or dormant genetic trait that would certainly be plausible. Few Romulans would have the patience to develop the ability at any rate, even with expert guidance. I really enjoyed the way you developed Selena and Viril's love affair. It felt very naturally developed, all things considered.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Thanks. It's based on the fact that I also created characters in Starfleet and KDF who are from Polaris.
And in regards to the Telepathy debate, Romulans have access to the "Limited Telepathy" trait in-game, similarly to Vulcans.
Glad you liked it! Definitely one of my more challenging entries to write.
@sander
Thanks.
At any rate, again this was one of my more difficult entries. It was tough to write those last couple of scenes to give the reader an idea of the intimacy Selana and Veril felt while still keeping it tasteful and within the rules of the forum. Not to mention that it covered both a scandal within the Romulans as a race (a Remen and a Romulan?! Unthinkable!) and a hot topic of debates today. Glad to know I handled it well.
Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
Join date: Some time in Closed Beta