New Mission: All Roads Lead To Rome

horriblecat · April 2013

Hello STO community. I just just finished making my first episode titled "All Roads Lead To Rome" last night. I hope that you enjoy it and offer feedback.

Cheers,
Horriblecat

horriblecat · April 2013

Had a few problems when I tested it. I had noticed when I started playing it myself that I forgot some very key respawn points. Resubmitting the mission now.

horriblecat · April 2013

Well I was hoping to have at least 1 review by now. Please give my mission a try and tell me what you think or what I can improve on.

Cheers,
horriblecat

horriblecat · April 2013

Due to lack of interest either by the title name or what I put in the mission description I am pulling this project.

donkyhotay · April 2013

you've only had your mission on the forums for two days, that's hardly any time at all. I've had my first mission up for a couple weeks and only have 4 reviews. There are many prospective foundry authors out there but not many people willing to review new missions because there is no DIL reward. If you think your mission is good leave it up for people to find, only take it down if you feel it needs to be reworked because if you take it down then it's certain no one will play it. While waiting I would recommend reviewing other peoples missions. That will often give you ideas for things you may want to change in your mission or do in your next. Also people are more likely to review your mission if you review theirs and post the review.

lincolninspace · April 2013

donkyhotay wrote: »

you've only had your mission on the forums for two days, that's hardly any time at all. I've had my first mission up for a couple weeks and only have 4 reviews. There are many prospective foundry authors out there but not many people willing to review new missions because there is no DIL reward. If you think your mission is good leave it up for people to find, only take it down if you feel it needs to be reworked because if you take it down then it's certain no one will play it. While waiting I would recommend reviewing other peoples missions. That will often give you ideas for things you may want to change in your mission or do in your next. Also people are more likely to review your mission if you review theirs and post the review.

It also helps if you tell us what the mission is about. What kind of gameplay to expect what level your character needs to be etc.

horriblecat · May 2013

Hello STO community,

I recently pulled this foundry mission due to lack of interest and time constraints. I have recently finished my finals and will be working on a newer and improved version of this one which hopefully will be better.

Apologies for being discouraged early on. I had worked on it for some time and then to have no one play it at all frustrated me to pull it and redo it.

I haven't given up on the foundry and have a great many deal of stories to tell. I plan on moving to the Klingon side eventually and make more content there. Once I finish "All Roads" again I will republish it with fine tuned tweaks and corrections. I have been playing many of the foundry missions already created to see where I can improve.

Cheers,
Horriblecat

horriblecat · May 2013

I have finalized "All Roads" and it is ready to be played. Hope you all enjoy the improvements and please give feedback either good or bad.

Cheers,
Horriblecat

eldil1 · May 2013

Just finished your mission.

It was a cool concept:
I really liked the appearance and speach patterns of the Cyiis.

I was initially confused by your choice to invent some crewmembers, but it paid off in the end. (I won't spoil it...)

I appreciate the attempt to give some personality to a Bridge Officer, It just didn't translate well to my Vulcan Tactical Officer...

A few triggers were in odd places, Espescially on the Phalanx.

There were some Minor Bugs, like the Idaho Constantly Warping In.

I would suggest breaking the Dialogue up into Smaller chunks. The long paragraphs can be hard to read in those little chat boxes. It might make it easier to fix spelling errors.

Fluctuate... That just drove me crazy... but it was a short drive.

I hope some of this helps, but of course:
I've only published one mission, and nobody has played it yet.
So what do I know?

horriblecat · May 2013

Thanks for the feedback. I altered the ending this morning to not be so blunt and bland as well as fix a few errors. I threw in the beginning of my second part at the end of this mission.

I experienced the same thing with the Idaho warping in and out and can't figure out why that happens so I have added a bit more to the ending to give it a cliff hanger feel and make that eye sore go away. I will go through and break up some of the big dialog boxes later today and start the second part tonight.

Horriblecat.

lincolninspace · May 2013

I played your mission and where it shines is in the character dialog. You make the npc's come alive. I especially loved the Ferengi. There are some typos to clean up and since I am more of a casual armchair gamer i found the difficulty not to my liking and my level 50 crew was respawning constantly. You commit two cardinal sins of foundry authoring 1. "That's not the way my bridge looks" and 2 serious roleplayers don't like chacters coming out of nowhere and calling them their "friend", I know TNG did stuff like this all the time so do the Indiana Jones movies but Role players will complain. If this was your first effort it was nice and solid good work.

horriblecat · July 2013

Thank you Lincolninspace. I will take your comments and improve upon the sequel and other future missions. I did go a bit overboard with having the Admiral as a close old friend to add more personal connection between the character and the mission and I may, time permitting, go back and edit some of that dialog. The mission was my first and I can adjust the difficulty if needed. Thank you everyone for the feedback on this. Look for my sequel in a few weeks time from now.

Cheers,
Horriblecat.

evil70th · September 2013

horriblecat wrote: »

Hello,

Thought I would put in my mission here for you to review.

Name: All Roads Lead To Rome
ID: ST-HRPGRETGV
Author: horriblecat
Faction: Starfleet
Level: 31+
Duration: Roughly about 20 to 25 minutes

This is my first attempt at the foundry so I am hoping I did well. I added a lot of personal feel to he storyline with main and side characters I created that represent crew on "your" ship. The story is one that I actually have a great conclusion for. This one is interesting to say the least and it was difficult to put what was in my head into the limited foundry resources. Let me know what you think of it.

I still may do a revision of it later on after finals are done with and I have more free time to develop a more concrete story.

Federation Mission - All Roads Lead To Rome
Author: horriblecat
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HRPGRETGV

Report Start

Summary: For your first attempt at the Foundry I would have to say you nailed it. This is a great mission with several tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I was drawn into the story and despite the issues I noted below riveted to the screen to see what would happen next. The mission starts off a little slow but soon you are drawn into an investigation that leads to combat. I would highly recommend this mission to all players who like a great story combined with tough combat.

By the way, it is a whole lot longer than 20 to 25 minutes.

When estimating the length of a mission you need to remember that you know what is going to happen next and where everything is. The player does not have that advantage. The best method to estimate mission length is to simply go through and read all the dialogue while moving across the maps as if you are playing it for the first time. This will also let you review the dialogue and map contents to ensure you did not miss anything.

Almost all the maps transfer dialogue stated "Go to Next Map" and some the response button said the same thing. This is the default setting of the map transfer dialogue and response button. While the story and action drew me in these points in the story served to distract from it. You need to fix these issues by incorporating them into the story dialogue as I suggested on some of the maps below. It really can be as simple as using the last dialogue from the previous conversation as the map transfer dialogue.

Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

Mission Description: This is a good description with intriguing details. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.

Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is well written and serves to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Accept' button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-Consider changing "We need to get to the Bhea 4 to finish" to read "We need to get to Bhea 4 to finish".
-Consider removing the follow on dialogue as it does not appear to serve any purpose in the mission. It feels like it was going somewhere and then it just stops.

Mission Task: The initial task is okay but is a little vague. Not all players have a map listing all the star systems. Consider adding the sector block to help the player find the start location for the first custom map.

Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this prompt.

MAPS:
Bhea 4: This is a good map design with very detailed and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Anomaly" dialogue; consider changing "to the sensor subsystems to compensate against the feedback" to read "to the sensor subsystems to compensate for the feedback"
-Consider changing the response button "Lieutenant Cross divert power to compensate for the disturbence" to read "Lieutenant Cross, divert power to compensate for the disturbance".
-The map transfer dialogue; consider replacing the "Go to Next Map" with the last dialogue from the "Message from Starfleet" dialogue. The "Go to Next Map" dialogue is the default for no entry in the field. It distracts from the story.

Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-The map transfer dialogue; consider replacing the "Go to Next Map" with the last dialogue from the "Amanda Crow" dialogue. It distracts from the story. From this point I will note the maps this occurs on and cover it my summary.

Edge of the Vantis Expanse: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.

Phalanx Bridge: This is a good map design with excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There is a plant at the beam in point. Is that part of the map or something you added?
-The "Welcome aboard" dialogue; consider changing "I imaging you have hundreds of questions" to read "I imagine you have hundreds of questions".
-Consider changing "[OOC]Cor Naj Nibri begins to star at you intently[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Cor Naj Nibri begins to stare at you intently[/OOC]".
-Consider changing "interrupting but [Rank][LastName] here would" to read "interrupting but [Rank] [LastName] here would".
-Consider changing "the only person in starfleet I trust" to read "the only person in Starfleet I trust".
-Consider changing the response button "If I remember correctly in the Acadamy you were the one with the bad hair" to read "If I remember correctly in the Academy you were the one with the bad hair".

Engineering: This is a good map design with very well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-There are at least two plants on the map that look out of place. Both are in the middle of the engineering consoles.
-Consider renaming "Ensign Read" to "Ensign Reed". The other spelling is incorrect for a proper name. This would require you to locate the spelling on each map and correct it.
-The "Scan the conduit" task; consider changing the animation from a "Beam in" to a "Tricorder scan".

U.S.S. Phalanx: This is a great map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Further examination" dialogue; during the previous dialogue with Admiral Isalandris she referred to the Nurse Ilys as "your nurse" and during the dialogue the nurse says "Four of your crew". This reference by the nurse is a plot issue. If she is a nurse from the player's ship then she should refer to them as "Four members of our crew".
-Consider changing "and not at the [ShipName]" to read "and not on the [ShipName]".
-The map transfer dialogue and response button both say "Go to Next Map".

Alien Ship: This is a good map design with several tough but fun battles and excellent story dialogue. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The initial dialogue; consider changing "Sir its the crew of the Phalanx" to read "Sir, it's the crew of the Phalanx".
-Consider moving the initial enemy mob further away to give the player time to read the initial dialogue.
-The "Humane thing to do" dialogue; consider changing "The others are similar if not more sever" to read "The others are similar if not more severe".
-The map transfer dialogue and response button both say "Go to Next Map".

Vantis Space: This is a good map design with tough but fun battles and well written story dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider moving the initial enemy mob further away to give the player time to read the initial dialogue.

Bridge of the Idaho: This is a good map with excellent story dialogue and a good wrap up to this mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Explanations" dialogue; consider changing "[OOC]Isalrandis stares over into your direction[/OOC]" to read "[OOC]Isalrandis stares in your direction[/OOC]"
-Consider changing "Lieutenant Amanda Crow mam" to read "Lieutenant Amanda Crow ma'am".

End Report

Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job developing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next installment of this mission and more of your work in the future.
Brian

This critique report also filed 09/02/2013 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.

New Mission: All Roads Lead To Rome

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