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Literary Challenge #41 Discussion Thread

pwebranflakespwebranflakes Member Posts: 7,741
edited April 2013 in Ten Forward
Literary Challenge #41 : Call to Arms
This is the comments thread for Literary Challenge #41 : Call to Arms.
We also have an Index of previous challenges HERE.

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. And please remember: we're not here to tear each other up. Do not troll your fellow Captains, give feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked. Maybe they can even go back then and tweak their entries!

Let's get those creative juices flowing! :cool:
Post edited by pwebranflakes on
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Yes. I'm going to like this one.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    gulberatgulberat Member Posts: 5,505 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Hmmm...gonna have to let this one stew for a few days and see if an idea hits...

    Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
    Proudly F2P.  Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Oooh, this is going to be some good entries :cool:

    Looks like Ensign Mitchell's going to be in his cell a while longer ;)
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Oh yes. This is gonna be fun. I'll finally be able to write the Tactical Response Team (TRT) in action.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    ironphoenix113ironphoenix113 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Huh. My idea just went out the window. I guess something related to the new expansion would have been too obvious though. :rolleyes:

    Anyways, this one is going to be awesome. :cool:

    EDIT: I've actually been waiting for something like this one. An epic battle where so much more than just a single sector is at risk. Oh yeah, this one is going to be fun :cool:
    Vice Admiral Bryan Mitchel Valot
    Commanding officer: Odyssey class U.S.S. Athena
    Admiral of the 1st Assault Fleet
    Join date: Some time in Closed Beta
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Brandon ... booya.
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    mixiplix777mixiplix777 Member Posts: 72 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    so when I ace this is there a prize (besides forum points?)
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    crimpson7crimpson7 Member Posts: 76 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    It is the first time i write a story for a game. The thing that inspired me was a drawing of an Iconian that i saw and made me wrote my story
    The Wildcards Fleet =/\=
    Admiral T'Vanto of the I.R.W. Dreaded Balerion (Scimitar Dreadnought Warbird) "Burn them All!"
    Admiral Atraxis of the U.S.S. Daskalogiannis (Avenger class Cruiser) "I am Iron Cat!"
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    knightraider6knightraider6 Member Posts: 396 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Humm, I've got two ideas, one more light hearted with my Caitian engineer, the other, a lot darker with my tac officer. Too bad only can do one, which to do..
    "It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier." R.A.Heinlein

    "he's as dangerous as a ferret with a chainsaw."



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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    crimpson7 wrote: »
    It is the first time i write a story for a game. The thing that inspired me was a drawing of an Iconian that i saw and made me wrote my story
    Nice story, thank you for sharing :)
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    knightraider6 wrote: »
    Humm, I've got two ideas, one more light hearted with my Caitian engineer, the other, a lot darker with my tac officer. Too bad only can do one, which to do..
    Could you combine the two into one story?
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    knightraider6knightraider6 Member Posts: 396 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    Could you combine the two into one story?

    not really, as in the second option, well there will at the minimum be a board of inquiry, if not a Court Marital over what she does.:eek:
    "It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier." R.A.Heinlein

    "he's as dangerous as a ferret with a chainsaw."



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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    knightraider6 wrote: »
    not really, as in the second option, well there will at the minimum be a board of inquiry, if not a Court Marital over what she does.:eek:
    Sounds like all the more reason to juxtapose the two :D I'm going to be going with a semi-light-semi-action piece, I just need to come up with some new character names and do a bit of research before I get writing :)
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    takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    This will be an interesting challenge.

    Not sure if I'll come up with an entry for this, but I do have something that could be used for the technology we're protecting.
    76561198160276582.png
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    amurorx0amurorx0 Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Here is my wee quickie.

    Had a thought of a fever pitched siege, but every thought I had as to writing about the siege itself was playing out exactly the same as my entry in challenge #32.

    Then I had a thought, why is it that all this conflict and damage to these ships, yet the captain's log never gets affected? I'm calling bs to this, so my log got corrupted :)

    Anyhoos, bash away
    Ikuzo, Trombe!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    sparklysoldiersparklysoldier Member Posts: 106 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Okay, I know exactly where this one's going! Now to brainstorm through the week, buy plenty of coffee ahead of time and have Saturday waiting for nonstop typing... :)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    @crimpson7 - Great first entry! A little bit of editing and formatting would go a long way to improving readability but I liked your depiction of the Iconians!

    @sharpie65 - I liked your setup of the joint Fed/KDF research station as well as the ships escorting each other. Would have loved to see the battle between those four ships and the Cube though!

    @amurorx0 - I loved your Mathis AI. I know from experience it's very difficult to write in a Scottish accent but you pulled it off nicely. But...
    ERROR

    Log file corrupted. Continuing at next available data segment.
    C'mon! Right as it was getting good!
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    superhombre777superhombre777 Member Posts: 147 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    amurorx0 wrote: »
    Here is my wee quickie.

    Had a thought of a fever pitched siege, but every thought I had as to writing about the siege itself was playing out exactly the same as my entry in challenge #32.

    Then I had a thought, why is it that all this conflict and damage to these ships, yet the captain's log never gets affected? I'm calling bs to this, so my log got corrupted :)

    Anyhoos, bash away

    What? I think it'd be better to see the details than have the "corrupted" entry. Maybe you could add an epilogue where the admiralty harasses your captain for more information. You wouldn't have to rehash all the gory details in that conversation/argument, and it'd be more satisfying than the complete blank you have given us.
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    asardetemplariasardetemplari Member Posts: 447 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Here is mine.


    Also, my first lit challenge I thought I would try for sherry and giggles.
    latest?cb=20160406061118&path-prefix=en

    Dreadnought class. Two times the size, three times the speed. Advanced weaponry. Modified for a minimal crew. Unlike most Federation vessels, it's built solely for combat.
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    jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,365 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    @asardetemplari - was that the Mirror Universe during TOS, or some other alt-universe? The idea of Vulcans seeking to start a war with, well, anyone doesn't really fit into the Prime universe at any point since Surak's Reformation, which predates Vulcan contact with Klingons by quite a few years (not sure of the timeline for Klingon history, but I'm pretty sure that they weren't a warp-capable species 5000 years ago, either).

    The bioweapon issue, though, is a nice touch - my first thought was, "Oh Lord, SCP-008 has broken containment again!" It just doesn't seem like something Vulcans would do, you know? Romulans, maybe - at least the ones under the thumb of the Tal Shiar. Possibly Klingons, although they would most likely regard it as dishonorable to attack an enemy with a virus. Section 31? Sure, I could believe Section 31 working on a T-virus. But not Vulcans.
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Whew!

    Reviews on previous posts coming!

    Cast:
    Kathryn Beringer - Rachel Nichols
    Aanthi Ythysi - Katheryn Winnek
    Karl Malango - Jeremy Renner
    Aldet Tdeni - Idris Elba
    Christa Harrington - Emily Bett Rikards
    Omazei - Malin Akerman
    Daikar - Billy Zane
    Lone Orion - Dwayne Johnson
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    @amurorx0: A rather interesting story, but I'd have preferred to actually see the action. And it seems like Cagalli tends to create quite a lot of unique pieces of technology... hopefully that doesn't come back to bite her anytime soon.

    @cmdrscarlet: And another good story. Something tells me that Kathryn is going to end up fighting those particular Orions many times over the next few challenges...
    76561198160276582.png
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    @asardetemplari - Interesting concept. A bit implausible as jonsills mentioned, but I could buy rogue elements within the VSA applying their own "logic" to a wartime situation. These are the people who came up with Red Matter, after all. I liked the ending with your anonymous captain severing ties with Starfleet. Makes a good setup for future stories about a mercenary ex-Starfleet officer.

    @patrickngo - Loved it! Loved your disgruntled Orion Captain, the crew of miscreants, the random profanity thrown in, the [censored, very bad word]... :D Also liked the inventive use of slang (ridge-heads, Fek-tech, etc.) Great stuff!

    @cmdrscarlet - Very nice piece of work! A great bit of blood-and-guts action that shows more of what Captain Beringer is made of. Thanks again for the helpful links back to prior entries for bits of context.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    Well, mine appears to have taken the POV of the shipboard action instead of following the TRT on the station. But I hope it's still an enjoyable read. Will go up tomorrow when I've finished the ending. And instead of having random isolated stories in these things, I'm starting writing these 'in canon' for my ship and crew now, so consequences will start having knock on effects.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    I've been writing all day, so not had a chance to catch up on the latest entries, but I shall do so and give feedback ASAP (although I am about to turn in for the night, and do have a busy day planned tomorrow...)

    For your entertainment...

    For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...

    Amanda Palmer - Courtney Cox
    Ramesh Kumar - Dev Patel
    T'Natra - Gal Gadot
    Brandon Mayer - Jason Lewis
    Meliden Bowen - Eve Myles
    Claire - Lacey Chabert
    Elyse Fisher - Emily Blunt
    Bellic Chanos - Vin Diesel
    Arlandria Chambers - Emily VanCamp
    th'Shaan - James Marsters
    Klingon - Tommy Lister
    Anton Jarre - David Giuntoli
    Gustav Rotwang - Hugo Weaving
    Va'Kel Shon - Ed Harris
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    takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    I've been writing all day, so not had a chance to catch up on the latest entries, but I shall do so and give feedback ASAP (although I am about to turn in for the night, and do have a busy day planned tomorrow...)

    For your entertainment...

    For ease of reference/visualization, here're the actors I would cast if I was filming this tomorrow...

    Amanda Palmer - Courtney Cox
    Ramesh Kumar - Dev Patel
    T'Natra - Gal Gadot
    Brandon Mayer - Jason Lewis
    Meliden Bowen - Eve Myles
    Claire - Lacey Chabert
    Elyse Fisher - Emily Blunt
    Bellic Chanos - Vin Diesel
    Arlandria Chambers - Emily VanCamp
    th'Shaan - James Marsters
    Klingon - Tommy Lister
    Anton Jarre - David Giuntoli
    Gustav Rotwang - Hugo Weaving
    Va'Kel Shon - Ed Harris

    A very interesting entry there, Marcus. :)

    And wow, a weapon that destabilizes a star's gravity... that would be POTENT.

    I'm still trying to hash out potential details for any entry I would make. I definitely know what the Technology I'd be protecting would be, though...
    76561198160276582.png
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    superhombre777superhombre777 Member Posts: 147 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    @ sharpie65 - the content is fine, but you might want to flesh out some more details by adding descriptive sentences. Since you are introducing 3 new ships (assuming we should know who runs the Enterprise), this would be helpful. Example: Onboard the U.S.S. Aquileia, Admiral Aubrey stood up and walked over to the tactical officer. "Hail the task group...

    It's also a no-no to start sentences with an Arabic numeral - they normally get spelled out (at least where I'm from, or maybe I'm just old).

    Oh and I like the word "whilst." (Seriously.)
    asardetemplari wrote: »
    Here is mine.


    Also, my first lit challenge I thought I would try for sherry and giggles.

    I admit to not getting the sherry and giggles reference. Anyway, that was an odd zombie story. I don't see why Vulcans would want to start a war, but maybe you can explain that one later.

    Other questions/comments:
    So the door opens, and outside are my Terran crew, looking at me. Incredulously, I asked, "What are you staring at?"

    The Trill piped up,

    This was confusing since the first sentence implies that most (if not all) of your crew is Terran. Second, you might want to consider some sort of break near the end. The transition from the past to the present wasn't clear to me. Finally, you also started a sentence with an Arabic numeral. Is that allowed these days?
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    I've been writing all day

    I am jealous. But then again, no one would pay me for what I write, so my job pays infinitely more than that...
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited April 2013
    @marcusdkane - Another brilliant piece of work! Great interlude there with Bowen and Rebecca Kane's tricorder . I never thought about it but I guess ones personal tricorder would become basically like our laptops or tablets today - business tools that we personalize and stuff with personal files and photos and music. Excellent battle sequence (loving the cool competence of T'Natra.) Kinda wish the Valkkyrie could've killed the klinks with science (viral matrix, maybe, if a gravity well is too implausible?) instead of the Big 'E' warping in to the rescue.


    @maverickdude05 - Good story. Would've liked to see your characters fleshed out more. I really liked the "three ships" ending. Nice work!
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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