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My first Foundry Mission since 2011!
Somewhere in Time
Federation
31+
Begins at the round door on Deep Space Nine Promenade
One of the top scientists in the Federation comes on board your ship for a dark matter experiment. But is everything as it seems?
What follows is a time-traveling adventure back to the days of Deep Space Nine! This is a 30-45 minute story mission with a bit of combat thrown in.
Somewhere in Time
Federation
31+
Begins at the round door on Deep Space Nine Promenade
One of the top scientists in the Federation comes on board your ship for a dark matter experiment. But is everything as it seems?
What follows is a time-traveling adventure back to the days of Deep Space Nine! This is a 30-45 minute story mission with a bit of combat thrown in.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
Federation Mission - Somewhere in Time
Author: Drogyn1701
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HSKGXR2GE
Report Start
Summary: This is a great mission with excellent map design, good mostly optional battles and outstanding dialogue. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors throughout the mission. You did a great job from concept to completion and I thoroughly enjoyed the mission. I would highly recommend this mission to everyone who likes a compelling story combined with excellent maps.
Below are a couple of items I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a good mission description. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialogue: This is a good grant dialogue. Both the initial and the post "Accept" button dialogues are well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
Mission Task: Despite putting the start location of the first custom map in your Grant Dialogue you should also have it in the initial task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a good use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue.
MAPS:
Deep Space Nine Cargo Bay: This is a good simple map design and the dialogue is well written, but I am not sure this couldnt be handled on the next map. If you added a little more story dialogue and/or some interaction, like having the player examine the equipment the Doctor wants beamed aboard.
Astrometrics Lab: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very intriguing and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
Deep Space: This is an outstanding map design. The story dialogue is excellent. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Kansas Deck 15: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map.
U.S.S. Kansas Bridge: This is a good map design. The dialogue is very intriguing and well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider making placing a map transfer point at the turbolift rather than triggering following the dialogue. It would flow better.
U.S.S. Kansas Deck 8: This is a good map design. The story dialogue is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue. I noted one item to consider changing:
-Consider adding some fighting on the deck or more explosions as background to the story.
The White Room: This is a great map design. The story dialogue is very well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialogue or any issues with the map
Deep Space (Present): This is a good map design. The story dialogue is very well written and a nice wrap up to the mission. I really liked the last response button.
End Report
Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the development of this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing more of your work in the future.
Brian
This critique report also filed 05/12/2012 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request.
A couple of quick suggestions:
Near the beginning of the mission when *minor spoiler* I overhear the doctor talking with himself in the hallway, it might not be a bad idea to put an invisible wall up that prevents me from going around the corner until the conversation concludes. The dialogue assumes that he was unaware that anyone could hear him, yet I was standing right in front of him as he was talking.
You may want to be a little more descriptive about where to find the door to start the mission in DS9. I had to hunt for a minute to find it, and while it didn't bother me in the slightest there are players who may dock you points for that. Consider referencing a known landmark in the promenade (e.g. the first door to the right of the STF gear shop).
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this mission and that is reflected in the score I gave (5 stars). Well done! I look forward to playing more of your missions in the future.
p.s. As a wannabe science nerd who watches shows like History's "The Universe" I really enjoyed your references to dark matter and its impact on galactic rotation, as well as your acknowledgment of the difficulties of trying to observe a phenomenon without fundamentally altering its nature.
EDIT: warped out and came back in through starting door, ran through prompts to "The Experiment" and worked fine. no idea why it weirded out first time, but ty for the story. ^^