Literary Challenge #28 Discussion Thread

pwebranflakes · September 2012

Literary Challenge #28 : Stranded

This is the comments thread for Literary Challenge #28 : Stranded.
We also have an Index of previous challenges HERE.

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. And please remember: we're not here to tear each other up. Do not troll your fellow Captains, give feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked. Maybe they can even go back then and tweak their entries!

Let's get those creative juices flowing! :cool:

amurorx0 · September 2012

Here's mine.

After introducing the Alt in my last entry, I had to continue on the storyline. Chaos, death and destruction... all omitted xD

Love story haters may want to give this a miss :P It kinda flowed in that direction as guff spewed forth from my amatuerish mind and fingers.

wraithshadow13 · September 2012

wow, i can't believe i've missed the last challenge. Life got rough this last month, so it slipped my mind, but luckily for me the story wasn't all that great anyway. Hopefully i'll be able to make this one in time.

evilbenfranklin · September 2012

Well, here is my contribution. If it seems a bit rushed, it's due to inspiration hitting me during my lunch hour, putting me under a time constraint.

Commentary welcome!

takeshi6 · September 2012

amurorx0 wrote: »

Here's mine.

After introducing the Alt in my last entry, I had to continue on the storyline. Chaos, death and destruction... all omitted xD

Love story haters may want to give this a miss :P It kinda flowed in that direction as guff spewed forth from my amatuerish mind and fingers.

I liked it a lot.

To be honest, I actually like love stories. I kinda wish that you could have continued the story a bit longer, but something tells me doing so would have reached M-Rated Territory, which is not allowed in these forums (I should know--back during Lit Challenge #5 "Shards of the Mirror", I took a decent amount of flak from the Admins at the time for even hinting at M-Rated Content, and had to change my entry there considerably from what I originally had made).

Still, a very good little entry.

I'll need to see if I can come up with anything for this challenge, but I'm more than likely going to be waiting for the next one, and occasionally critiquing other people's entries.

zidanetribal · September 2012

I have finished my entry, found here. Comments welcomed.

wraithshadow13 · September 2012

My post is up, and it was weird writing as the character play rather than My ships captain. He's a genetically engineered soldier prototype found on an away mission so he's a very "fish out of water" type character. I'm definitely interested in writing as him again since it would add a very different perspective than Captain Donovan.

Feel free to give any feed back on my story as well, so hopefully it's not a horrible read.

soriedem · September 2012

I got a story completed for this challenge. Enjoy it. I welcome feedback. Check it out here.

generalgarm · October 2012

And this is the first time I've ever entered a literary challenge here. It took me the better part of thirteen days to write my story, in the spare time I have that isn't occupied by STO.

Here it is. I would love any feedback.

pwebranflakes · October 2012

Even though I am going to unstick this as I prepare to post up #29, there is still plenty of time to discuss this challenge -- I will leave the thread open. Feel free leave feedback as I see some of the authors above have requested it for their entries.

Cheers,

Brandon =/\=

wraithshadow13 · October 2012

I figure i've been neglecting the feed back that i myself also ask for so this time i made sure to go through and give any as asked. Mostly positive because there were some good stories here.

EvilBenFranklin: there's a point to where it stops " 'cos 'e isna' worth th' energy rations 'is uniform. " and i thought it could use a "made of" or "made a" with the accent, but that's just a personal preference. As for the rest i like it including the accent and the gilligan bit at the end. I honestly didn't think it felt rushed so well done.

Zidanetribal: I especially enjoyed the humor between 1705D and 1847D, although i admit that i had to google Karambit.

Soriedem: the question marks and T'O' network stuff kind of threw me off here and there. As for the actual story it seems to raise more questions than answers about things like the doctor, the telepathy and such. There were a lot of interesting things brought up that i'm curious to learn more about but it felt like not a lot happened in this one, so i might have to go back and catch up on your old entries as well as leaving me look forward to your future ones.

GeneralGarm: While we have the luck of total freedom in our STOries (see what i did there?) i can't help but feel that you missed the general concept of this weeks challenge. But to be honest, that story was REALLY good. For being a first entry it was pretty solid and I enjoyed it. I look forward to reading more.

generalgarm · October 2012

I did indeed lose the general concept. I had planned on my protagonist being marooned on the planet for several days, possibly under siege by the Breen, but the story was getting long and I was running out of time. I had to modify and abbreviate the ending as a result.

I suppose I could try to make a foundry mission of it, but I have no idea how I would pull it off. It would probably require serious modification. Thanks, both of you, for your comments. I greatly appreciate it.

Some reviews of my own here...

evilbenfranklin: Nicely done with the accent, I totally read it in Scotty's voice. The story was simple, which is not a bad thing. Overall, it was interesting and told a good story in just a handful of paragraphs, though I could wish you wrote in a way for them to be rescued ... Even if the communications were repaired enough to transmit a weak distress signal, it would bring closure to what is currently an open-ended plot. I laughed at the last line about making a power regulator from a coconut.

wraithshadow13: Very original storyline and unique circumstances, and I like how you were able to maintain the format of a personal log while still telling us what happened in detail.
The Commander's injuries could have used further description ... 'bleeding pretty bad' covers a lot of possibilities, but few that I can think of that would be untreatable by the shuttlecraft's medical supplies. Internal bleeding would be one that would probably require stasis for survival, but I don't know he could get that from a console explosion. Console explosions cause burns, as far as I know, and burns can simply be treated with a dermal regenerator.
I also think that diagnosing what happened to the shuttle should have been prioritized immediately. I mean, if something disables my ship, I'd want to know what it was and whether or not it was going to try to finish the job!
Regardless, those are minor cosmetic complaints. The story was very well written and made for an engaging and enjoyable read. Great job!

soriedem: Not sure about the circumstances of your character's exile... he isn't the first captain to yell at one of his officers, and unless it is apparent to the entire senior staff that the captain is emotionally or mentally compromised, even the CMO can't just kick him off his own ship.
Aside from that, it was a good story, and I compliment your creativity.

zidanetribal: Hahahahaha!
Excellent vocabulary and no grammatical errors that I could spot, which makes me very happy.

Very well done and very amusing. I did quite a bit of laughing over that entry.