short explenation:
http://img5.imagebanana.com/img/hg9u45hk/screenshot_20110121154235.jpghttp://img5.imagebanana.com/img/zsgiu5p0/screenshot_20110121154254.jpg
these 2 guys are standing in front of Admiral Quinn's Office (currently tested on Tribble)
they just stand there all day long,
no windows, no chairs, nothing.
if they move to much the doors open, so they mostly have to stand still like
THESE GUYS
Assignement:
provide additional security for Admiral Quinn's new office,
because some Klingon intruders lately made it into the Admiral's Office (and killed Sulu).
So the Klingon threat is allways one door away.
here is what their workday looks like:
<A> "you know what?"
<B> "what?"
<A> "The next guy that walks through these doors..."
<B> "hmmh?"
<A> "...just gonna shoot him"
<B> WTF?
<A> "i mean... what is the worst that could happen? ...if i use the stun setting..."
<B> "they would throw you in the brig"
<A> "you mean they put me in a tiny room, without a window, maybe with some other guy that farts all day?"
<B> "...i see what you mean"
<A> "at least there would be a bed and food 3 times a day..."
5 minutes later:
<B> "you know what..."
<A> "what?"
<B> "i gonna shoot the next guy that walks through this door"
<A> "...nah you won't"
<B> "the hell i will!"
<A> "...naaah you won't!"
<B> "why wouldn't i?"
<A> "because you're a wuzz"
*door opens, Admiral Quinn walks through*
<A> "see? i knew you're a wuzz"
<B> "damn it!"
*next morning, next shift*
<B> "so, you missed me?"
<A> "what? why?"
<B> "well, i ...kinda missed you"
<A> "oh shut up..."
<B> "yeah... you missed me too"
<A> "i so hope the Klingons attack today ....i so not gonna fight back"
<B> "yeah... they could just throw a flashbang in here and kill us anyway... i mean, we can't even see what's coming through the door before it opens"
<A> "...hmm... i could shoot them"
<B> "...you could't even unholster your phaser fast enough"
<A> "i bet i can unholster my phaser faster then you can"
<B> "yeah?"
<A> "YEAH!"
2 minutes later:
Admiral Quinn walks in and has 2 phasers pointed at him
<Adm. Quinn> seriously? i didn't say anything about the smell in here!!! but if i EVER see another Phaser pointed at my head, i so gonna send you both to the brig!!!
....we never knew who shot first.
*next morning in the Brig*
<A> *wakes up see's B* " ...oh damn it..."
<B> "what?"
<A> "i so missed to see your face"
<B> "i knew you would miss me"
<A> "...somebody please just shoot me!"
<B> "i would, but they took my phaser"
.... Enterprise goes to Warp
.... End Credits music starts to play
feel free to add your own.
also they need Names better then A and B
I would say "Blue and Brown" ...but that would be racist.... and thats why i like it... but maybe you got something better. Like Jay and Silent Bob or something...
Comments
<A> what?
<B> in the 24th century, there was no money!
<A> oh realy?
<B> yeah!
<A> then why do i only have an armor and you have a kit? can't they give us both an Armor AND a Kit?
<B> ...because, it is the 25th century now and everything is Energy Credits, Energy Credits, ENERGY CREDITS!
<A> ...oh, right.
<B> anyway... we are supposed to protect like the most important man in the galaxy... and starfleet won't even give us proper equipment to do our job!
<A> hmmm... i only got a Mk IV stunbeam phaser... as if that would help when the Klingons attack.
<B> well that is because you're only Lt.Cmdr. i am an Admiral, i got a Mark X allready
<A> what the?... how did you get to be Admiral?
<B> ...ah thats nothing, everybody is Admiral these days.
<A> yeah i know, but i mean... you just stand here all day long and the only thing you do is TRIBBLE! For what did you even get a Rankup EVER?
<B> ...
<A> come on tell me!
<B> fine then... REST XP!
<A> wtf is rest XP?
<B> that is when you did not show up for work in for a while and then return, you get rest XP.
<A> but... i see you all day long standing here, why would you ever get rest XP?
<B> i'm not even here! i'm just talking with you over pidgin, wait a second i log in
*room is filled with a blinding bright light*
<A> omg! what the...?
<SPOCK> Congratulation Commander!
<A> ...ooooh! that is SO WRONG!
<B> i told you, Starfleet lets everyone become Admiral these days.
In mine, they never move beyond basic hand movements when no one is looking. I like keeping them <A> and <B>. Leaves more to the imagination.
<A> Hey.
<B> What.
<A> Hey.
<B> What.
<A> Hey.
<B> What!
<A> Hey.
<B> What!
<A> Hey.
<B> WHAT!
<A> Hey.
<B> WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!!!!!!!!!
*silence*
<A> I forgot what I was gonna say...
*************
<A> I just thought of something.
<B> What's that?
<A> You see that Vice Admiral over there?
<B> Yeah.
<A> Do you realize we've been standing here ever since he was an Ensign.
<B> *sigh*
*************
<A> Do you think Andorians are blue on the inside?
<B> I hate my job....
*************
<A> Did you see Admiral Quinn last night?
<B> No. What did he do?
<A> He was at Club 47 doing the Android.
<B> How lame. What year does he think this is, 2375?
*************
<A> Hey....
<B> Dude, seriously? Do you ever shut up?
************
<A> Do you like video games?
<B> I love video games!
<A> You know how before you are allowed to get into an important area you have to kill the two shlubs standing outside.
<B> Yes.
<A> *stares*
<B> Oh, d**n.
************
<A> [To himself] I know you did it!
<A> [To himself] No, I didn't! You are wrong!
<A> [To himself] Yes, you did I saw you! You owe me an apology!
<A> [To himself] You are right. I'm sorry.
<A> [To himself] It's okay. I love you man!
<B> [To himself] I wonder if vaporization hurts....
Truth be told, calling em A and B works better and is funnier then coming up with "real" names for em.
<B> A
<B> A
<B> A
<B> A
<B> A
<B> A
<B> A
<B> A
<A> WHAT?!?!?!
<B> Hi. *laughs*
Credit to Family Guy's Stewie
B: No, what's that?
A: We can go to the bathroom in our spacesuits!
B: I would like to point out that these suits are not rated for removal of bodily waste....
A: Ahhhh, the future!
B: *Gags*
B: Hey Alan
B: Alan
B: Al
B: Al
B: Alan
B: Alan
B: Al
B: Al
B: Al
B: Alan
B: Al
A: Im not Alan, Im Steve
B: Steve
B: Steve
B: Ste
B: Ste
B: Steve
A: sigh
<B> Why is that... ? I'm not talking to you.
<b> #sighs# go on then...
<a> what do we do when the fire alarms go off?
<B> Yeah?
<A> You ever wonder why we're here?
<B> Don't you dare start with that again
I agree lol
<A> Whats that?
<B> Well, I know how Vulcans can stand still but.....
<A> Yes?
<B> Well, despite your incessant talking from time to time, how can you just stand there and stare off without the passerbys make you laugh?
<A> Oh, my great, great, great, great grandfather was a British Palace Guard.
<B>
Oh sweet Christ I'm reading Hamlet right now.....I'm mean literally NOW lol. Act IV, scene 5
B: *Stares at A with a wierd look* Why?
A: Just tell me, please.
B: Well, the official order is shoot on sight.
A: Oh. Ok. *Draws phaser and aims above B's head and fires*
*Spider fizzles into non-existance*
A: That's better. *Looks back down at the now Undine B*
UND-B: That was my brother! *Glares at A*
A:... *Cowers into corner*
Admiral Quinn: I hope they don't hurt eachother TOO badly with those phasers...
A) Sooooo.....yeah.
A) Kinda bored right now ya know?
A) Oh
A) I hear that! I'm so happy I replicated this bag of Pringles Classic this morning!
A) Where!?!?!?
A) .......I hate you soooo much........
A) What is it......?
A) Bull@#$* !
A) TRIBBLE.
A) Well......this is going to be fun.....
A) Oh please just don't tell me!
A) ...............
A) This is the worse job my Mom has ever gotten me!
End of Chapter 1
<b> what?
<a> I'm not sure how to say this...
<b> what?!
<a> ...
<b> spit it out!
<a> I think I can see a grey hair in your beard
*Time has no purpose to poor A and B....months or years could go by for these souls and they'll never realize it. Good thing for them it has only been five hours on duty so far!*
A) You're lucky as hell that Ferengi replicated me another bag of Pringles Classic.
A) Why are you laughing? You annoyed the hell out of me because you ate my only food at the time...
A) *Looks down at the Pringles Classic bag* Wait a minute.....when does a Ferengi give anything away for FREE!?
A) I hate this job sooo much...
A) We have to stand here for an eternity remember?
*Three more hours pass*
A) *Sighs*
A) Nothing...I guess I'm finally accepting my fate...
A) At least we aren't under constant attack.
A) I guess you're right!
A) Yeah, what?
A) Maybe he's working?
A) Well that diplomat from Orion didn't seem that ba.......wait a minute!
A) Oh....
A) Ummm....yeeeeeees....?
A) Just open a channel B!
A) Is his comm down?
* The comm channel opens to ruffling in the background*
Admiral Quinn) *Semi panting* What is it? Why did you interupt the....important negotiation that I'm having with a diplomat?
A) B was jus..
Admiral Quinn) B can speak for himself!
Admiral Quinn) Well nothing is wrong B, just the opposite.....I need to get back to this negotiation B, the diplot here is getting restless...don't bother me again B unless it is a true emergency.
*The comm channel is terminated*
A) Why was he.....panting?
A) Soooo.....yeah.
A) No it's not that...it's just that...well....this doorway is boring.
A) Just look at it....what's the theme here? Futuristic Grey walls with a wood-colored steel door?
A) Ouch.
A) *Smiles* Yeah!
A) *Frowns*
A) Yup....
A) Hmmm....I wonder if Quinn will give us a three dimensional chess board to pass the time?
End of Chapter 2
<B> Dude, I don't swing that way...
B: M'Yeah?
A: D'You ever wonder why we're here?
B: It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some...cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a God, watching everything, you know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.
A: What? I mean why are we out here, in this hallway?
B: Oh. Uhhhhh. Yeah.
A: And what's all that stuff about God?
B: Uhhhhh. Hm? Nothing.
A: Do you want to talk about it?
B: No.
A: Sure?
B: Yeah.
A: Seriously though, why are we out here? Admiral Quinn is like eighty levels ahead of us.
B: Mmmhmmm.
A: I mean, the only reason that he is in charge is because he single-handedly destroyed an entire Klingon fleet by blinking his eyes. And why would they be attacking his room of all places and not somewhere important. I mean all he does nowadays is stand around and send people to speak with Commander Winters.
B: Well, yeah, that's because we're fighting each other. The Federation and the Klingons. And I guess he needs us to guard him.
A: Yeah, but I mean... even if Klingons were to attack. And come to this room. What could we do? All we have all these tutorial phasers. That would like...tickle them.
B: What's up with that anyway? I mean, I remember when phasers would vaporize a guy in one shot. Last time I shot someone they took like twenty phasers shots to the face before they went down. And that was a Bolian. Imagine how many times we would have to shoot a Klingon to bring them down.
Also: damn, those guys aren't even on the live server yet and already have their own meme.
<B> Oh my God, you have cake! Where'd you get cake?
<A> Admiral Quinn's daughter's birthday was today, but I think they are all out.
<B> Yes it was.
<A> Did you see the way Ensign Chapman was acting?
<B> I know she was all over Steve!
<A> God, I wish they'd have gotten a room.
<B> I know. But it won't last long.
<A> Why not?
<B> I know Steve...
*door opens and admiral starts to walk through*
<B> what a f**king pr**k.
*admiral stops and looks at B; continues on his way*
<B> *facepalm* Oh my God!
<A> Dude, I'm about to p**s my pants, that was so funny!