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Ravenstein's Conspiracy Thread

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
edited January 2011 in Ten Forward
The old saying goes it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you. Well I have a couple new conspiracies I am letting you guys know about.

New Conspiracy 1: Ants and Bees have signed a treaty of alliance against me. Swarms of red ants have appeared in my kitchen necessitating the usage of large amounts of ant-killer traps and sprays to be deployed. This is coupled with a marked uptick in the bee populations. I think there is a nest of some sorts by a tool shed in my backyard that houses a lawnmower left by the people my roommate and I are renting the house from. They are ganging up on me!

New Conspiracy 2: Vampires work at my doctor's office. Today I had some blood work done my allergist suggested my sun, pollen, and cat allergies could be a vitamin deficiency. So they did a blood test. Now I am not a big person, only five foot, two inches, and these guys took like a pint of blood out for a test. How much do they need? Are they drinking the rest? Anyway that made me quite dizzy. I think I am going to take a nap now.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    I thought you were a vampire...
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Flasherman wrote: »
    I thought you were a vampire...

    Agreed. Sun allergy? Please. That's just a cover-up to being a vampire.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    All conspiracys are true. Including the one where my coffee wants to kill me.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Yeah I had 5 viles of blood taken. Tried to put on a brave face but the Hospital nurses really really hurt you with the needle. You never feel it at the doctors.

    As for the Vampires check to see if they are licking their lips :D

    Has a vision of Raven going out the door and as soon as it closes the Nurses grow huge teeth.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Could be worse, my grandfather is allergic to water. He gets in water for more the ten minutes and he breaks out in hives.

    Being allergic to everyday things seems to run in the family.

    Yes, water allergies are real.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    Could be worse, my grandfather is allergic to water. He gets in water for more the ten minutes and he breaks out in hives.

    Being allergic to everyday things seems to run in the family.

    I never understood those kind of allergies. since most of our body is water how does he live?
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    I never understood those kind of allergies. since most of our body is water how does he live?

    Medical science prefers not to delve too deeply into this question, sadly.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    If it's a skin reaction, it makes sort-of sense.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    I would like to state for the official record that I have nothing to do with any of these conspiracies. Any resemblance between myself and a conspirator is purely coincidental, and I have no been affiliated in any way with conspirators of any sort. I in no way stirred up ants or bees and the idea that I would put the idea of an alliance against Ravenstein into their heads is preposterous. Anyway, you can't prove it, shut up.

    Also, if you weren't a vampire before, you are now. Vampires don't sterilize their needles. Bad for business. Not that I would know anything about that.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Technical term is Aquagenic pruritis and is related to skin. He can drink water just fine. But he has issues with soaking in water.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Well, then it's an epidermal reaction to water. Since we don't have skin on the inside of our bodies, that makes perfect sense.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    Could be worse, my grandfather is allergic to water. He gets in water for more the ten minutes and he breaks out in hives.

    Being allergic to everyday things seems to run in the family.

    Yes, water allergies are real.

    He has my sympothy I get them when it goes cold. It tends to move from area to area.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    I always thought you were a Vampire, Ravenstein. I mean, first, look at your pale skin, and your sun allergy. Remember, Bram Stoker's Dracula could walk around in the sun, but had to be covered up. He was only weakened in daylight, but it would never give him more than an irritation, and definately not kill him. Then look at your name. Ravenstein. That just oozes of gothic horror goodness. Like...Frankenstein.

    Possibly the other thing that makes me think you are a vampire is your allergy to cats. Cats are well known for sensing things like the undead and such, when they are actually not sleeping or licking their butts. So, while cats would have an adverse reaction to your undead state, your undead state has a reaction (allergy) to cats. So, it is like a double alarm, one for you, one for them, and if people know what to look for, they can pick this up and immediately know that something is quite not right about you.

    So, my consipiracy theory is that you are indeed a vampire, and the people at the lab wanted your blood to drink to hopefully make them a vampire. Unfortunately, they aren't really up with vampire lore, and don't really know how the whole 'make you a vampire' thing works. But do give them credit for trying.

    Also, your grandpa is a male witch. That whole water thing.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Vrano wrote:
    Possibly the other thing that makes me think you are a vampire is your allergy to cats. Cats are well known for sensing things like the undead and such, when they are actually not sleeping or licking their butts.

    I want to see a movie or TV show that depicts cats realistically.

    My three cats spend 95% of their time sleeping, and the remaining 5% is evenly split between eating, begging for treats, grooming each other, and licking their own bungholes.
    Vrano wrote:
    Also, your grandpa is a male witch. That whole water thing.

    The term is "warlock."
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    I want to see a movie or TV show that depicts cats realistically.

    My three cats spend 95% of their time sleeping, and the remaining 5% is evenly split between eating, begging for treats, grooming each other, and licking their own bungholes.



    The term is "warlock."

    Not necessarily. Warlocks differe from place to place in their description. I don't want to have to go into the whole description of it all, though. So, I just stuck with male witch. Look through old German and English records, that is what they are referred to as.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Vrano wrote:
    Not necessarily. Warlocks differe from place to place in their description. I don't want to have to go into the whole description of it all, though. So, I just stuck with male witch. Look through old German and English records, that is what they are referred to as.

    That's stupid and you're stupid for saying it.

    Modern media has taught us that the male version of a witch is called a warlock, so that's what I'm sticking with and no amount of logic will convince me otherwise.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Yeah, that does sound like I am a vampire, Vrano. I never realized that's what I was. Now to work on the blood sucking.

    I hope I can be as badass of a vampire as Alucard.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    Yeah, that does sound like I am a vampire, Vrano. I never realized that's what I was. Now to work on the blood sucking.

    I hope I can be as badass of a vampire as Alucard.

    Hehe. Hehehehehe.

    He looks silly.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    Yeah, that does sound like I am a vampire, Vrano. I never realized that's what I was. Now to work on the blood sucking.

    I hope I can be as badass of a vampire as Alucard.

    If thats your definition of badass i guess we have nothing to worry about.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    Yeah, that does sound like I am a vampire, Vrano. I never realized that's what I was. Now to work on the blood sucking.

    I hope I can be as badass of a vampire as Alucard.

    Hrm, I was more thinking along the lines of this dude.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Vrano wrote:
    Hrm, I was more thinking along the lines of this dude.

    Vrano has a thing for effeminate men.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Vrano has a thing for effeminate men.

    This dude is anything but effeminate. Go watch it.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Vrano wrote:
    This dude is anything but effeminate. Go watch it.

    I dunno dude, those delicate features and long eyelashes make him look like... well... that kind of vampire.

    ...all I wanna know is... where are the sparkles? :rolleyes:
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    I dunno dude, those delicate features and long eyelashes make him look like... well... that kind of vampire.

    ...all I wanna know is... where are the sparkles? :rolleyes:

    The only thing that sparkles around Vampire Hunter D is the light off the blood splatter. :rolleyes:
    Its ok, though, we know you go looking for the effeminate, and will be at the opening of that faux-vamp teen angst movie this summer. I bet you will even go in character...tossing some glitter on your face and chest hairs.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Who actually thought that vampires sparkling would be a good idea? and for that matter who made up the rules for what kills vampires? i'm pretty sure a shotgun blast to the face would kill them.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Rules were made up by ignorant peasants in the Dark Ages.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    I hope I can be as badass of a vampire as Alucard.

    Zombie John Lennon getting revenge? What's that got to do with vampires?
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    Rules were made up by ignorant peasants in the Dark Ages.

    Thats what I love about the modern age. Back then they said "Lets think of scary creatures we can't kill."
    Today we say "Lets find ways to kill the things we haven't even thought of yet."
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Flasherman wrote: »
    Zombie John Lennon getting revenge? What's that got to do with vampires?

    He is a vampire who hunts other vampires because he gets bored.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited June 2010
    Who actually thought that vampires sparkling would be a good idea? and for that matter who made up the rules for what kills vampires? i'm pretty sure a shotgun blast to the face would kill them.

    I don't think anyone thought that sparkles would look good on a vampire, except for Stephanie Meyers and my wife. But if Ravenstein is a vampire...hrm...lets put some on her and find out.

    As for Vampire Lore, though, it goes back even to Egyptian times. Kind of like with what I was saying about warlocks, vampires, and what they are suppose to look like, how they are killed, etc., varied from place to place. It wasn't until Bram Stoker, though, that the vampire was taken from more a walking corpse (ghoul-type monster) to something with high intellect and nobility. Couple that with F. W. Mernau's Count Orlok (Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens, 1922), we have pretty much today's 'typical' vampire.

    While I may not like Meyer's vision of the vampire, I do tip my hat to her for thinking outside the box in regards to them...in certain ways. She has kept with the genre with the aristocratic makeup of the covens and such, so she still leans heavily on the lore that Stoker and Mernau brought to us.
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