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Forums > Home› Ten Forward

Your Starship Captain might be a Redneck if...

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
edited February 2010 in Ten Forward
* ...your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
* ...he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
* ...you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
* ...he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
* ...he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
* ...he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
* ...he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
* ...he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
* ...he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
* ...he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
* ...he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
* ...he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
* ...he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
* ...he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
* ...he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
* ...he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
* ...he paints the starship John Deere green
* ...he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
* ...he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
* ...his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
* ...he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
* ...his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
* ...he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
* ...his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies

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Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Lol, thanks for the laugh OP
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Tarka wrote: »
    Lol, thanks for the laugh OP

    love it!!!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Anyone up for a Redneck RP Fleet? :p

    Bubba, git overhere and hep me wit dis critter. He dun did git blowed up, but he all gettin mouthy bout ur sister and that phaser pistol.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Bubba's brother Jasper is head of engineering.

    Jasper done took off the governor switch on the dang warp core! And installed a flame embroidered leather dash mat on mah captain's console!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    corybros wrote: »
    * ...your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month
    * ...he paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles
    * ...you have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"
    * ...he refers to Klingons as "Critters"
    * ...he refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Popguns"
    * ...he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil
    * ...he installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section
    * ...he says "Got your ears on, good buddy" instead of "open hailing frequencies"
    * ...he hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen
    * ...he rewires his communicator into his belt buckle
    * ...he keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it
    * ...he says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"
    * ...he has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser
    * ...he insists on calling his executive officer "Bubba"
    * ...he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"
    * ...he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens
    * ...he paints the starship John Deere green
    * ...he refers to a Pulsar as a "Blue Light Special"
    * ...he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a "swamp"
    * ...his moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale
    * ...he sings "Lucille" instead of "Kathleen"
    * ...his idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls
    * ...he wears mirrored shades on the Bridge
    * ...his idea of a "gas giant" is that big ol' XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies

    home

    I actually saw this years ago and my friends and I were going to do this for a Science fiction con. We had the names of the crew and the costumes all figured out. Since we didn't do it I decided to used it for a short story for a final paper for a lit class. I got an A on the paper and for the class. It was later published in the school's literature mag. I am planning on a Redneck Star ship crew based on my story, which should be very interesting, since 4 of the crew members are sisters, well half-sisters (they all have the same father, yes he was suffering from Kirk-itis) and 3 have been married at sometime or other to the captain. One still is.

    just my two credits...
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    lol those were pretty good. So far I' m not a redneck >.>
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Heheee thanks for the laugh, too good.:D
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    ... you lose more Red Shirts to "Hey Y'All, watch this!" than to enemy action
    ... your idea of "First Contact Protocols" involves beaming down to the surface with a 12-pack of Budweiser and going "How Y'all doing?"
    ... you think the Prime Directive means catch and release.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    ... you think the warp drive is bending the hull by going to fast
    ... you think Vulcan is the best place to get new tires
    ... Think Orion is the name of a bajoran priest
    ... have a singing animal mounted on a plaque in your ready room
    ... think bajoran Spring wine goes good with chicken and ribs
    ... think racht is how the concert you attended last weekend went
    ... think Wolf 359 is the name and number of the winner of the pie eating contest
    ... issue an executive order that painted plywood cutouts are to be placed in the arboretum
    ... think the word phaser can be used in a sentence.... "last night i told my wife in the runaboutwe were being sent to rura Penthe , and it didn't phas'er at all"
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    I wouldnt mind having a "general Lee" looking starship
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    ... think the kobiyashi Maru is a dive off the high dive platform.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Hehe funny stuff.

    I don't agree with: "* ...he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil"

    That's how you tell if your Captain is MacGyver...
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    *lol* those are great:)
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    ... think you get a plasma leak from cutting you finger with a knife
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    nice!





    /moreletters
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    ... think General Gameplay is the name of the klingon Boss at the end of the mission
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    Bongsc2 wrote:
    Bubba's brother Jasper is head of engineering.
    !

    It's all in the family my friend, it's all in the family.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    think tribble means multiple word score in scrabble
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    corybros wrote: »
    * ...he paints the starship John Deere green

    You know, if I could paint my ship green and we had access to the appropriate yellow...I'd do it.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    And on the ship: Duct-tape everywhere
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    I am now going to paint my ship john deere green. lol
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    EvilAsh wrote:
    Hehe funny stuff.

    I don't agree with: "* ...he has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil"

    That's how you tell if your Captain is MacGyver...

    you do realize macgyver was a redneck right?? how else did he know how to make stuff out of thin air.
    i would like to paint my Ship like the general lee Complete with the confederate battle flag if i could :D

    but my contribution to the thread is.
    ...if starfleet send another ship captain after you for running moonshine and romulan ale across the neutral zone.

    ...if your captain thinks the neutral zone is the gear that the ship needs to be in when orbiting a planet
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2010
    OMG
    My character is a redneck! (...well blue neck, but you get my meaning.) He is sort of like this...just...quaintly alien!
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