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Star Trek: The Motion Picture the RPG

jaturnleyjaturnley Member Posts: 1,213 Arc User
"OK, so now we're flying around the ship again, but this time all the lights are turning on."

"It's 82AU in size!"
"What? That's the size of the ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM! How did we not spot something the size of a supergiant star moving towards us before now?"
"TRIBBLE! I, uh, meant 2 AU, not 82. I'll fix it in the directors cut."

"You are the only ship in position to intercept the object"
"Wait, so Earth, the capital of the Federation, has zero ships for defense except this one that's in refit? It's technically completely undefended? And there are no other ships between here and the Klingon border at ALL? Do we even HAVE any other ships? How did this happen?"

"OK, you are on the Rec Deck to address the crew, which is a huge open space in the middle of the ship that spans the entire width of the secondary hull with giant windows on both sides. It's sparsely furnished with sectional furniture. The crew has gathered, most in the new Starfleet uniforms but some inexplicably are dressed in Native American headwear and warpaint - not the authentic stuff, more like the stuff seen in movies and TV in the 1960s."

"12th power energy readings...."
"What the TRIBBLE is 12th power? 1/12th? 10x10^12? Of what? Come on, make SENSE, Spock!"

"You take a space suit with a disposable rocket boost pack and leave the ship. You will need the pack to propel yourself through the conveniently open iris and deeper into the ship".
"Wait, so if it's a one-time use pack, how am I going to get back? Wouldn't it be more practical to take a shuttle or one of those tiny WorkBees?"

"Spock, having miraculously drifted back across all that distance and still made it through the conveniently open iris, is apparently unconscious. Do you send a rescue team to retrieve him?"
"No, I will do it myself, alone in a space suit. The ship doesn't need its captain to be on the bridge during this critical event. One man who has been sitting behind a desk for a few years is just as good as trained rescue personnel. Honestly, I'm just afraid they will send that fake Indian guy, I am really suspicious that he's not really supposed to be here"

"You have defeated V'Ger and are back in Earth orbit. What do you do?"
"I demand the government surrender and accept myself as Emperor of the Federation or I will begin bombarding cities."
"You can't defeat Earth with one ship!"
"Why not? We are the only ship within a hundred light years, and we are the most technologically advanced ship in the fleet, capable of withstanding attacks that vaporize Klingon battlecruisers in one hit! Who can stop us?"
"But..."
"It's not my fault the Federation screwed up this bad. I plan to fix that during my reign as Emperor."
"OK. You turn to see the fake Indians pointing phasers at you, ordering you to stand down and announcing themselves to be Starfleet Intelligence"
"I knew it!"

Comments

  • daveynydaveyny Member Posts: 8,227 Arc User
    And yet...

    The first time I saw it back on December 7th, 1979, at the very first showing that cold Friday evening...

    I was in complete awe...

    Saw it three more times over the next two weeks.

    It's a shame that some folks now-a-days can't enjoy a movie just for what it is, not for what they want it to be.

    B)
    STO Member since February 2009.
    I Was A Trekkie Before It Was Cool ... Sept. 8th, 1966 ... Not To Mention Before Most Folks Around Here Were Born!
    Forever a STO Veteran-Minion
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  • valoreahvaloreah Member Posts: 10,930 Arc User
    daveyny wrote: »
    And yet...

    The first time I saw it back on December 7th, 1979, at the very first showing that cold Friday evening...

    I was in complete awe...

    Saw it three more times over the next two weeks.

    It's a shame that some folks now-a-days can't enjoy a movie just for what it is, not for what they want it to be.

    B)

    I have to agree. TMP is perhaps the most "Trek" of all the films IMO.

    Dear Devs: I enjoyed the Legacy of Romulus expansion much more than the Delta Rising expansion. .
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  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 9,610 Arc User
    And yet, some of us can enjoy the movie for what it is, have been in awe at the time - and still laugh our butts off at this take on it.

    Someone's been reading Full Frontal Nerdity, I think. Or maybe Darths & Droids.​​
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • jaturnleyjaturnley Member Posts: 1,213 Arc User
    daveyny wrote: »
    And yet...

    The first time I saw it back on December 7th, 1979, at the very first showing that cold Friday evening...

    I was in complete awe...

    Saw it three more times over the next two weeks.

    It's a shame that some folks now-a-days can't enjoy a movie just for what it is, not for what they want it to be.

    B)

    I saw it then too, I was 9. I should have been the target audience - I loved the show, and was a total sci-fi geek even then. I remember being in awe at the shots of the show, and being bored to death at the rest. It's a shame that some folks now-a-days can't get past nostalgia to remember what it was actually like; the movie was still a 42-minute episode's worth of plot stretched out to 132 minutes long, and even then, to a 9-year-old, it showed.
  • valoreahvaloreah Member Posts: 10,930 Arc User
    jaturnley wrote: »
    I saw it then too, I was 9. I should have been the target audience - I loved the show, and was a total sci-fi geek even then. I remember being in awe at the shots of the show, and being bored to death at the rest. It's a shame that some folks now-a-days can't get past nostalgia to remember what it was actually like; the movie was still a 42-minute episode's worth of plot stretched out to 132 minutes long, and even then, to a 9-year-old, it showed.

    Nostalgia has nothing to do with it for me. I actually enjoy the film. Personally, I think it's a good "Trek" story.
    Dear Devs: I enjoyed the Legacy of Romulus expansion much more than the Delta Rising expansion. .
    thecosmic1 wrote:
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  • artan42artan42 Member Posts: 10,450 Bug Hunter
    It's a bit dull. It could be condensed down into 40 mins of story. It seems the producers were too concerned with special effects and 'wows' to bother with a story.​​
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    Norway and Yeager dammit... I still want my Typhoon and Jupiter though.
    JJ Trek The Kelvin Timeline is just Trek and it's fully canon... get over it. But I still prefer TAR.

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    '...I can tell you that we're not in the military and that we intend no harm to the whales.' Kirk: The Voyage Home
    'Starfleet is not a military organisation. Its purpose is exploration.' Picard: Peak Performance
    'This is clearly a military operation. Is that what we are now? Because I thought we were explorers!' Scotty: Into Darkness
    '...The Federation. Starfleet. We're not a military agency.' Scotty: Beyond
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  • admiralnatadmiralnat Member Posts: 22,432 Arc User
    Wow, that was great.​​
    2jwMZnF.gif
    Winning.
    It's what I do. It's what I just did. It's what I'm about to do again. It's being undisputed emperor of an empire that cannot be disproved as the most powerful intergalactic empire in the entire universe; I always win, and everything I've won will definitely be won again... by me. It's my signature move, and thus, it's my signature. Problem, Sonic? Yeah, I mean you, Sonic, because you're being beat up, despite your being super. You can't even hit Shadow back, can you? Nope, he's too strong for you. Of course, I'm not Shadow, I'm the Super Emerald fueled fox that's pulling the strings; trust me, the fight would only be a few frames long if I were in it personally. Oh, and here's something for all you guys thinking you can win Last Post Wins 3.0; trust me, I'll be around a long while after the sun has already consumed the Earth while I sit out with the forum servers on Titan. Yes, I mean Titan... that comparatively little moon orbiting Saturn. It's a nice little place in a version of our solar system where the sun is a lot bigger. I mean, Mars will last longer than your precious Earth, but by then, it'll be one hot planet... and I figure Saturn's moon will be about the right temperate for a super-powered warlord. Oh, and trust me, I packed a lot of rings, and I mean a lot. Trillions, in fact, so I'll never run out of rings to power my super form. Besides, if I start to run out, I can just chaos control more rings into my reach. It's quite easy, really. You should try it. Granted, you'll never have the 7 Super Emeralds that I have in my possession, nor the Master Emerald that I've got hidden away somewhere... absorbed into my body thanks to Sonic logic, but whatever. I win. Again. I'm not kidding, either. Just check Last Post Wins, and if the last post isn't mine, it soon will be. Very, very soon. You can count on it. Seriously. By the way, if you're wondering, there's a really great Super Tails sprite sheet out there... somewhere... by some guy named shadow_91. These sprites are really great. Like, really good. Quality. Just like what I like to see in a sprite sheet. Also, credit to Joe T.E., his Sonic Battle style Super Sonic sprites have a great palette for a Super Sonic being beat up by Super Shadow, who's palette is from a Super Shadow sheet of unknown origin, but it turns out they were "borrowed" from a better sheet made by a certain Domenico. Oh, and the gif is actually a custom made super version of a similar gif, of which there are only 3 or 4 copies to be found by Google, and even then, evidently of an unknown source. Yep, it's one of those things. Stuff people have made, spread around, only for it to vanish and you to be the only person who still has a copy, not even knowing where it came from... like, literally at all. Oh, and anyone notice that Shadow's little chaos snap blast thingies are red and blue now? Yeah, I changed it. Problem, fans of purple? Yeah, I know you got a problem with that one, but you can just deal with it. After all, according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly... alright, alright, I'll spare you the entire Bee Movie script, just Google it if you want. By the way, ever wonder how your characters would've ended up if they evolved in another universe? Yeah, that. Think about it. Ok, so you probably didn't bother reading up to here, but whatever, here's a surprise for you guys over at ESD (RP) who were crazy enough to read this: Emperor Nat of the mcfreakin' Terran Empire is gonna be right all along! The universe is gonna go BOOM! *Thumbs up to the insanity*
    Oh, now don't tell me you want in on all this! Well, ok. Look this that Egg Pawn hanging outside your window, pointing his laser rifle at you, waiting for my next order. He's doing his part. He helps conquer the weak-minded. He roboticizes the weak-bodied. Heck, he even helps keep the useless people from causing any trouble, but you know what? Join. Find the closest Nataran Empire roboticization center near you and join the ranks, before the ranks find you. Oh, I know, you figure it must be so satisfying to know I basically rule the world now, and you know what? It is, but do you want to know the true definition of satisfaction? Well, let me tell you a little story. One day, you see a brand new event. They're giving out boxes that give old event stuff. Your dilithium is plentiful. You buy a whole lot of Phoenix packs on your main, and open them all. You get one epic token. Then, you decide, that since you have all the Breen ships and don't give a damn about the others, you exchange it for an ultra rare, and grab yourself a Jem'Hadar Attack Ship and for the hell of it, a Voth Bulwark. You open both, leaving the Bulwark in your vast masses of starships as you jump into the bugship and deck it out, deck by deck, into the most awesome Jem'Hadar ship you can. You fly it. You enjoy it. Eventually, you get bored and leave, leaving the old Bulwark never flown... until later. Your main is long complete. Your new alt main, based off some character you pulled out of nothing just to explain away some starship being in service without the command of your dear admiral, is also complete. Mostly. Their reps and doffs are hard at work, getting you stuff. You realize the potential, and head back for your dear admiral, pull the most Voth themed build you can out of thin air, and suit up in your giant ship in the shape of you know what. You head out... and cause all sorts of havoc. Enemies scream out your name as their very life is drained away by your swarms of Aceton Assimilators. They complain to the devs of your OPness when you revive yourself from death every time you die. Do you show any form of mercy? No. After all, this isn't the United Federation of Planets, this is mother frakkin' Starfleet, where you explore strange new worlds and kick butt never kicked before. Oh, and you realize that I just wrote another speech rivaling your own signature. Cool. Oh, wait, that's just the original draft, it is part of my signature now. Oh, and yes, I am aware that I have become a Canadian Regent; one day, sooner than you'd expect, we'll suddenly decide to take over the world and declare an "alliance", and I shall become it's Regent. You know, like the Klingon-Cardassian Alliance in the mirror universe of our beloved Star Trek. Oh, who'll we be taking over with? I dunno, maybe [REDACTED], or maybe aliens from outer space. Guess you'll have to wait and find out, won't we? Until then, don't ask too many questions, or else my Breen allies on Titania might pick up on your -- [REDACTED BY BREEN CONFEDERACY FOR REASONS] Also, psst... keep an eye out for flying Tribbles! Also walls. Big, great walls, separating entire continents apart. Walls patrolled by Tribbles. Flying Tribbles. Flying Nukara Tribbles. Don't worry, it's not like they were on Venus with a herd of Tholians or anything, they just like the extreme heat and brutal weather like acid rain and hurricane force winds as the norm. Oh, and definitely keep your eye out on any two-tailed foxes, because if they ain't glowing, they're definitely an imposter. Possibly an Undine, we caught one of those once in my place once. Oh, and if you find a two-tailed fox that doesn't like the cold... most certainly ask him to say sorry. If he refuses, DESTROY HIM WITH A DOOMSDAY MACHINE, BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH AGAINST SUCH AN OVERPOWERED IMPOSTER!

    tr;dr, I am winning last post wins 3.0. Thank you for your time.
    Oh, look, an explosion...
  • iconiansiconians Member Posts: 6,987 Arc User
    Star Trek The Motionless Picture is a great movie to fall asleep to. But it wasn't the worst movie, either.​​
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  • jaturnleyjaturnley Member Posts: 1,213 Arc User
    iconians wrote: »
    Star Trek The Motionless Picture is a great movie to fall asleep to. But it wasn't the worst movie, either.​​

    Oh, dear, not by any stretch. :expressionless:
  • gawainviiigawainviii Member Posts: 328 Arc User
    artan42 wrote: »
    It's a bit dull. It could be condensed down into 40 mins of story. It seems the producers were too concerned with special effects and 'wows' to bother with a story.​​
    Actually it was the other way around... It was the script for the pilot episode of the new Star Trek: Phase II series--the episode was titled "In Thy Image". When the studio decided to scrap the series and make a movie instead, riding on the success of Star Wars, they didn't throw away everything... They took the hour-long pilot episode, made a tweak here and there, then added an hour worth of special effects and no-dialogue soundtrack music in order to stretch it to movie length. In the end, it is still nearly identical to the original 47-page "In Thy Image" script.
    newstosiggy.png
  • rahmkota19rahmkota19 Member Posts: 1,929 Arc User
    Ah yes, the Slow Motion picture.

    Good story, but the special effects budget was too big. They fixed that for Wrath of Khan, by bombarding the budget back to that of a TV episode.

    In the end I do like this movie, but it takes too damn long.
  • reyan01reyan01 Member Posts: 15,371 Arc User
    I actually really like TMP. My only issue with it was the (noted in the OP) Enterprise being the only ship in range. I was able to overlook the other 'issues', but that one really bugged me.
  • antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    TMP definitely needed another editing pass, but this feels all in good fun. :)
    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

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    My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
  • dareaudareau Member Posts: 2,389 Arc User
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "OK, so now we're flying around the ship again, but this time all the lights are turning on."

    Space Barbie. You need the "beauty shots"...
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "It's 82AU in size!"
    "What? That's the size of the ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM! How did we not spot something the size of a supergiant star moving towards us before now?"
    "****! I, uh, meant 2 AU, not 82. I'll fix it in the directors cut."

    It's supposed to be a "techno-god-like" thing. Super Cloaking Device hides 82 AUs of stuff from sensors...
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "You are the only ship in position to intercept the object...

    ...that's not commanded by a redshirt. You're the only one who'll survive."
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "Wait, so Earth, the capital of the Federation, has zero ships for defense except this one that's in refit? It's technically completely undefended? And there are no other ships between here and the Klingon border at ALL? Do we even HAVE any other ships? How did this happen?"

    See above "finishing of the quote"...
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "OK, you are on the Rec Deck to address the crew, which is a huge open space in the middle of the ship that spans the entire width of the secondary hull with giant windows on both sides. It's sparsely furnished with sectional furniture. The crew has gathered, most in the new Starfleet uniforms but some inexplicably are dressed in Native American headwear and warpaint - not the authentic stuff, more like the stuff seen in movies and TV in the 1960s."

    Did we see Chakotay's ancestors?
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "12th power energy readings...."
    "What the **** is 12th power? 1/12th? 10x10^12? Of what? Come on, make SENSE, Spock!"

    Spock speaking in Vulcan. The look on Kirk's face with that statement meant that at least he knew the translation after a few dozen mindmelds with his Science Officer
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "You take a space suit with a disposable rocket boost pack and leave the ship. You will need the pack to propel yourself through the conveniently open iris and deeper into the ship".
    "Wait, so if it's a one-time use pack, how am I going to get back? Wouldn't it be more practical to take a shuttle or one of those tiny WorkBees?"

    Ship was in tractor beam. Shuttlebay closed, can't launch due to the tractor. Only way to go, and Spock counted on the rescue party.
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "Spock, having miraculously drifted back across all that distance and still made it through the conveniently open iris, is apparently unconscious. Do you send a rescue team to retrieve him?"
    "No, I will do it myself, alone in a space suit. The ship doesn't need its captain to be on the bridge during this critical event. One man who has been sitting behind a desk for a few years is just as good as trained rescue personnel. Honestly, I'm just afraid they will send that fake Indian guy, I am really suspicious that he's not really supposed to be here"

    Do you send the redshirted extra, or the guy who's gonna "make the catch" because of a decade old plotonium infusion?
    jaturnley wrote: »
    "You have defeated V'Ger and are back in Earth orbit. What do you do?"
    "I demand the government surrender and accept myself as Emperor of the Federation or I will begin bombarding cities."
    "You can't defeat Earth with one ship!"
    "Why not? We are the only ship within a hundred light years, and we are the most technologically advanced ship in the fleet, capable of withstanding attacks that vaporize Klingon battlecruisers in one hit! Who can stop us?"
    "But..."
    "It's not my fault the Federation screwed up this bad. I plan to fix that during my reign as Emperor."
    "OK. You turn to see the fake Indians pointing phasers at you, ordering you to stand down and announcing themselves to be Starfleet Intelligence"
    "I knew it!"

    You forgot the "Redshirt" Starfleet. Kirk can't kill them, he can only bring them to their deaths...
    Detecting big-time "anti-old-school" bias here. NX? Lobi. TOS/TMP Connie? Super-promotion-box. (aka the two hardest ways to get ships) Excelsior & all 3 TNG "big hero" ships? C-Store. Please Equalize...

    To rob a line: [quote: Mariemaia Kushrenada] Forum Posting is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever. However, opinions will change upon the reading of my post.[/quote]
  • jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 9,610 Arc User
    dareau wrote: »
    Do you send the redshirted extra, or the guy who's gonna "make the catch" because of a decade old plotonium infusion?
    I use the tractor beam. It was installed last Tuesday, you know.​​
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
  • dareaudareau Member Posts: 2,389 Arc User
    jonsills wrote: »
    dareau wrote: »
    Do you send the redshirted extra, or the guy who's gonna "make the catch" because of a decade old plotonium infusion?
    I use the tractor beam. It was installed last Tuesday, you know.​​

    As you said, the tractor beam's a recent installation. The patches haven't finished uploading, and calibration's still off...

    However, the more realistic explanation: "Tractor beam does not have plotonium"
    Detecting big-time "anti-old-school" bias here. NX? Lobi. TOS/TMP Connie? Super-promotion-box. (aka the two hardest ways to get ships) Excelsior & all 3 TNG "big hero" ships? C-Store. Please Equalize...

    To rob a line: [quote: Mariemaia Kushrenada] Forum Posting is much like an endless waltz. The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever. However, opinions will change upon the reading of my post.[/quote]
  • jaturnleyjaturnley Member Posts: 1,213 Arc User
    jonsills wrote: »
    dareau wrote: »
    Do you send the redshirted extra, or the guy who's gonna "make the catch" because of a decade old plotonium infusion?
    I use the tractor beam. It was installed last Tuesday, you know.​​

    The tractor beam was tied into the warp engines to increase its power. It went offline automatically. :expressionless:
  • valoreahvaloreah Member Posts: 10,930 Arc User
    iconians wrote: »
    Star Trek The Motionless Picture is a great movie to fall asleep to. But it wasn't the worst movie, either.​​

    Oh be quiet you! :P
    Dear Devs: I enjoyed the Legacy of Romulus expansion much more than the Delta Rising expansion. .
    thecosmic1 wrote:
    Anyone calling Valoreah a "Cryptic fanboy" must be new to the forum.

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