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Unofficial Literary Challenge #8 Discussion Thread

moonshadowdarkmoonshadowdark Member Posts: 1,899 Arc User
edited March 2015 in Ten Forward
This is the comments thread for Unofficial Literary Challenge #8: Visit to a Weird Game, One of One".

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. Please be respectful of your fellow participants! Do not troll your fellow Captains, give them constructive feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked about their stories, and respect their rights to change their entries as they see fit.

Good luck, people!

Entries thread here.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"

-Leonard Nimoy, RIP
Post edited by moonshadowdark on
«13

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    gulberatgulberat Member Posts: 5,505 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    I got nothing here...these are either too weird, or not in line with my characters' stories.

    Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
    Proudly F2P.  Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
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    jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,365 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    I think #1 might let me write Grunt and company out of the corner they're in. And explain why, in-game, he's sporting that natty 21st-century Formal Wear! (Seriously, in combination with the Risian sunglasses, he's one sharp-dressed Ferengi.)
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Already done 1, but I may just redo it.

    #3 coming up.
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    takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    I agree with GulBerat - I got nothing.

    I'll definitely read what everyone else does, though, maybe leave some commentary. :)
    76561198160276582.png
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    I wrote a thing. Thoughts, anyone?
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Struggling to come up with anything for these. #1 is more ridiculous than I generally like (only really good example of that plot I ever saw was Supernatural's "The French Mistake"). #2 might be an opportunity to have Eleya exact some payback for the friends she lost at Vega. #3 could be tough.

    ETA: I should explain. 3 could be tough because Eleya never beams in alone anywhere. She makes a policy of always having enough people with her for a full squad, minimum.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    cmdrscarletcmdrscarlet Member Posts: 5,137 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    @worffan - I liked this entry! The two first-person views threw me off at first, but it's still appreciated. if anything, this piece has me considering an entry for the same prompt.
    Kathryn S. Beringer - Endless Excelsior - Veritatum Liquido Cernerne - a proud off-meta build
    TT2r1Y3.png
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    worffan101 wrote: »
    I wrote a thing. Thoughts, anyone?

    The use of 'my husband' felt gratuitous, unnecessarily drawing attention to the relationship, but other than I really enjoyed the entry, and I'm not normally a fan of first person perspectives :cool:

    And I've got nothing for any of those challenges... #1 I simply won't touch under any circumstances. Ever. #2 interests me, but I would only want to see it from the perspective of another author's character, and sadly they don't participate in the forum anymore (and I certainly wouldn't write their character without their permission) and #3 It just doesn't feel like Ael would be in the region for it to be fitting... :D I might try and come up with something else for ULC 7...
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    The use of 'my husband' felt gratuitous, unnecessarily drawing attention to the relationship, but other than I really enjoyed the entry, and I'm not normally a fan of first person perspectives :cool:

    I wanted to just get it over with in passing, TBH, figured those two would have a ridiculously sappy wedding that nobody would want to read about. And the number-one sign of a Suethor is a long, sappy wedding scene, so I wanted to avoid that like the plague.

    Anyway, glad you liked it!
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    antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Relationship status didn't feel too gratuitous - to me. First person perspective worked pretty well. Enjoyed the entry.


    As to the entries... 3's certainly the most straightforward. 1 would sort of go to the 'Q is acting up' template for me.

    May see about doing a lower decks entry for last prompt.
    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

    Member Access Denied Armada!

    My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
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    aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    *Steps inside out of the cold, foggy night*

    Hey guys, been awhile, how goes it?

    Liked your piece worffan101!

    Awesome prompts, I may just write something up for number two, possibly one, but I've been playing the game lately as well as work, ya know, pays the bills.

    *Cheery Voice*
    I've secretly been stalking all your ULC's!
    *regular voice*
    Almost wrote an entry for your last ULC, but meh.
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    hawku001xhawku001x Member Posts: 10,758 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    nice payoff
    Phoenix_Compendium_1.jpg
    USS Phoenix-X Literary Index | Comics | Most recent story: "The Opposite of That"
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    sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    @worffan - good stuff. The brainwashing looked a bit familiar, and Daysnur's familiarity with the Romulan brass seemed a bit odd, but otherwise a nice, tight story. Good to see some of the DQ "allies" pulling their weight, even the Hirogen getting seconded in for the operation, which for KDF-Rom POV kinda works and is really cool.
    16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

    ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
    - Anne Bredon
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    sander233 wrote: »
    @worffan - good stuff. The brainwashing looked a bit familiar, and Daysnur's familiarity with the Romulan brass seemed a bit odd, but otherwise a nice, tight story. Good to see some of the DQ "allies" pulling their weight, even the Hirogen getting seconded in for the operation, which for KDF-Rom POV kinda works and is really cool.

    Thanks! Glad you enjoyed.

    The brainwashing was me basically repurposing and slightly altering a plot device from VOY "The Chute" for my own purposes. Said plot device kind of fell flat in the original episode, but it felt a lot better here, where I was trying for a little exploration of identity.

    As for Daysnur...when you're the single most important thing standing between one of a fledgling state's top officers and complete insanity, you get briefed and checked up on by Command a lot. Because D'tan might be a naive fool, but Kererek always struck me as dangerously intelligent.

    Like I've said before, the Hazari should've been bought and put on extended retainer for the Alliance from the start. I wouldn't be surprised if the Grand Nagus has offered some of them a princely sum to help defend Ferengi shipping against, say, Orion raids. As for the Hirogen...Blue And Orange morality aside, they're big, they're strong, and they're smart. Which makes them useful. Plus, they have long-range coms, and it wouldn't be fair to not let them join in the fight after making that call.
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    ambassadormolariambassadormolari Member Posts: 709 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    I'm sad to say that I probably won't be able to participate in this LC. Schoolwork has picked up exponentially for me (which also means that the next bit of "Suspect" will probably be delayed).
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    LOL, hawku, I think you outdid my Schlock Mercenary story for crack there.
    ambassadormolari wrote: »
    I'm sad to say that I probably won't be able to participate in this LC. Schoolwork has picked up exponentially for me (which also means that the next bit of "Suspect" will probably be delayed).

    Ouch, I know the feeling.

    Good luck, and I hope your schedule gets less overloaded soon!
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    hawku001xhawku001x Member Posts: 10,758 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    no way, i cant compete with Three popping out of your computer screen lol
    Phoenix_Compendium_1.jpg
    USS Phoenix-X Literary Index | Comics | Most recent story: "The Opposite of That"
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    hawku001x wrote: »
    no way, i cant compete with Three popping out of your computer screen lol

    Eh, I think the crazy time-travelling filmmaker was pretty close...and the JJ digs were hilarious.
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Prompt 1 is just too out there for me short of it 'being Q'. And I really don't fancy that.


    Prompt 2 doesnt mesh with how I write the Borg. Though may be able to adapt it into something for D'Elon. Perhaps?


    Prompt 3 has some real potential.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
    edited February 2015
    Took a while, but I got something finished for Prompt 3. Obviously, 'Prime Factors' was an episode of Voyager that I've remembered despite not seeing it in a long time, and a bunch of hedonistic space warpers seemed a good fit with the Iconians.

    What is it with advanced god-like beings and arena fights? :)

    It was sort of interesting to do an 'episode' from the point of view of the person we don't see through most of the episode. I imagine the brave crew pleading for help, calling in favor, the desperate raids to gather more evidence.

    Honestly, it sounds like they had a worse time of it than An'riel did.
    Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

    Member Access Denied Armada!

    My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited November 2015
    "A Voice in the Wilderness, Part I"

    Crew of the USS Bajor:
      • Senior staff:
        • Captain Kanril Eleya, Commanding Officer: Jennifer Hale
        • Commander Tesjha Phohl, First Officer and Tactical Officer: Claudia Black
        • Commander Birail Riyannis, Science Officer: Ursula Abbott
        • Lieutenant Commander Reshek Gaarra, Operations Officer: Adam Baldwin
        • Lieutenant Commander Bynam Ehrob, Chief Engineer: S. Scott Bullock
        • Lieutenant Dul'krah, Clan Korekh, Security Officer: Idris Elba
      • Master Chief Sensor Officer Peter Wiggin, sensor chief: Jim Murtaugh
      • Lieutenant Park Jin-Soo, conn officer: Will Yun Lee
      • Ensign Arak Esplin, communications officer: Robyn Kramer

      Other characters in order of appearance:
      Post edited by starswordc on
      "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
      — Sabaton, "Great War"
      VZ9ASdg.png

      Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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      worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
      edited February 2015
      starswordc wrote: »
      "A Voice in the Wilderness, Part I"

      Crew of the USS Bajor:
        • Senior staff:
          • Captain Kanril Eleya, Commanding Officer: Jennifer Hale
          • Commander Tesjha Phohl, First Officer and Tactical Officer: Claudia Black
          • Commander Birail Riyannis, Science Officer: Ursula Abbott
          • Lieutenant Commander Reshek Gaarra, Operations Officer: Adam Baldwin
          • Lieutenant Dul'krah, Clan Korekh, Security Officer: Idris Elba
        • Master Chief Operations Specialist Peter Wiggin, sensor chief: Jim Murtaugh
        • Lieutenant Park Jin-Soo, conn officer: Will Yun Lee
        • Ensign Arak Esplin, communications officer: Robyn Kramer

        Other characters in order of appearance: Commander Darva, CO, VSW Revenge: Tracy Scoggins

        Having helped with some of the plotting work for this, I have to say...wonderful as usual. Can't wait to see the finale!

        Absolutely loved the opening and the reference to D'trel eliminating Q'Nel.
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        aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        So, how long are these prompts lasting till the next one?

        I'm currently writing one for "One of One" and wanted to know if I should bookmark this thread before it's washed away in the sea that is Ten Forward...~...~...
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        starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        aten66 wrote: »
        So, how long are these prompts lasting till the next one?

        I'm currently writing one for "One of One" and wanted to know if I should bookmark this thread before it's washed away in the sea that is Ten Forward...~...~...

        Once a month. Either me or Takeshi is going to post a new one March 1 (we picked out the prompts a few days ago).
        "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
        — Sabaton, "Great War"
        VZ9ASdg.png

        Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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        sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        @antonine3258 - excellent story. I haven't seen much of your work so far, but you've piqued my interest. I'll be keeping an eye out for more.


        @starswordc - I'm really enjoying your alternate vision of Operation: Delta Rising. Looking forward to part 2, and what you do with the prompt. :)



        For my part, I'm working on revising and expanding a standalone story I wrote a few months ago that fits one of these prompts. Look for that to drop tomorrow morning.
        16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

        ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
        - Anne Bredon
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        grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        starswordc wrote: »
        Once a month. Either me or Takeshi is going to post a new one March 1 (we picked out the prompts a few days ago).

        Gah! I need to get moving on prompt 3. Still, can always move back to it if I miss the deadline. At least these stories don't get locked.
        *******************************************

        A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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        antonine3258antonine3258 Member Posts: 2,391 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        Thanks sander, I only restarted playing STO a few months back.


        Starswordc On "A Voice" - to attempt to be straightforward, I don't agree with your views on absolute morality or the supremacy of violence as a force of lasting change. I don't think the Kobali were in the right during the Kobali Front missions, so this is more of a philosophical divide, but the first half isn't my cup of tea. It's your call, and it's well done.


        I enjoyed the second half a great deal more, with both the Vaad diplomacy and the setup to go meet the myth.
        Fate - protects fools, small children, and ships named Enterprise Will Riker

        Member Access Denied Armada!

        My forum single-issue of rage: Make the Proton Experimental Weapon go for subsystem targetting!
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        sander233sander233 Member Posts: 3,992 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        Since I already wrote up Prompt 3 a while ago as a birthday present for Worffie, I decided to clean that up and present it as a Director's Cut with an extended alternate ending. I had to rush the original story a bit to get it out on his birthday, and I had to leave most of the final act unwritten. That's finished now, along with better editing and polishing throughout.

        Please enjoy, "Let Hope Burn"


        Starring in order of appearance:

        Ben Foster as the voice Cmdr. "Sway" S'fwyrnamokaarn / Subject 0233
        Meagan Tandy as Cmdr. Naja, Lady of the House of Methos / Subject 1968
        Andrew Garfield as the voice of 1st. Sgt. Shralak
        Evangeline Lilly as Lt. Marlta Bain
        Omar Epps as LCdr. Dr. Malhul
        Sean Astin as LCdr. Gru
        Chyna as Hirogen Huntress / Subject 0414
        Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP) as the voice of General Ssharki
        Johnny Nguyen as Sgt. Peter Huynh
        Robert Carlyle as the voice of Cmdr. Dou'gal
        Patrick Warburton as LCdr. Valk
        Jimmy Bennett as the voice of Bekk "Cal" M'Calvyrrn
        and Chris McCulloch as the voice of the Grand Inquisitor (and "SquidBots")


        BTW, the Masterverse timeline hasn't "caught up" with the events of Season 8 yet (during which this story is set) so this story would be taking place three-to-nine months ahead of "current" events. (November 2412 - May 2413)
        16d89073-5444-45ad-9053-45434ac9498f.png~original

        ...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
        - Anne Bredon
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        marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        sander233 wrote: »
        Since I already wrote up Prompt 3 a while ago as a birthday present for Worffie, I decided to clean that up and present it as a Director's Cut with an extended alternate ending. I had to rush the original story a bit to get it out on his birthday, and I had to leave most of the final act unwritten. That's finished now, along with better editing and polishing throughout.

        Please enjoy, "Let Hope Burn"


        Starring in order of appearance:

        Ben Foster as the voice Cmdr. "Sway" S'fwyrnamokaarn / Subject 0233
        Meagan Tandy as Cmdr. Naja, Lady of the House of Methos / Subject 1968
        Andrew Garfield as the voice of 1st. Sgt. Shralak
        Evangeline Lilly as Lt. Marlta Bain
        Omar Epps as LCdr. Dr. Malhul
        Sean Astin as LCdr. Gru
        Chyna as Hirogen Huntress / Subject 0414
        Philip Seymour Hoffman (RIP) as the voice of General Ssharki
        Johnny Nguyen as Sgt. Peter Huynh
        Robert Carlyle as the voice of Cmdr. Dou'gal
        Patrick Warburton as LCdr. Valk
        Jimmy Bennett as the voice of Bekk "Cal" M'Calvyrrn
        and Chris McCulloch as the voice of the Grand Inquisitor (and "SquidBots")


        BTW, the Masterverse timeline hasn't "caught up" with the events of Season 8 yet (during which this story is set) so this story would be taking place three-to-nine months ahead of "current" events. (November 2412 - May 2413)
        Absolutely fantastic read, and great to see Ssharki again, he's been absent for too long :cool: I wasn't expecting the piece to be as long, but I was gripped for the entirity :cool:
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        worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
        edited February 2015
        Gonna be honest, I prefer the original cut to the director's cut. It felt tighter, and emphasized Ssharki's awesomeness/badassery better.

        Still a really great read.
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