test content
Logo
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc
New Foundry Author looking for Advice/Reviews
dragonkata81
Member Posts: 37 Arc User
I recently made an attempt at a Foundry Mission, and while my Fleet comrades have all been most complimentary, I am seeking further advice and reviews to help me improve. I ultimately would like to expand this storyline into a series, however I acknowledge my skills with the editor may need some direction.
I'd like to put my mission out-there for anyone to comment on, any feedback would be greatly appreciated, both positive and negative. It's details are:
Mission: The Dragon Hunt
ST ID: ST-HUFYBRIY8
Author: dragonkata81
Group: FED
Runtime: Approx 60mins.
Synopsis: The Dracothians are a powerful, independant race whose systems have the misfortune of lying right on the confluence of Klingon, Romulan and Federation space.
Now Federation ships have begun disappearing in Dracothian space, and Starfleet wants to know what, and who, is responsible.
This is an entry level mission, designed for Captains Lvl 16+, starting from the Regulus System, Regulus Sector.
My thanks to everyone in advance for their patience and dedication to the Foundry Community!
I'd like to put my mission out-there for anyone to comment on, any feedback would be greatly appreciated, both positive and negative. It's details are:
Mission: The Dragon Hunt
ST ID: ST-HUFYBRIY8
Author: dragonkata81
Group: FED
Runtime: Approx 60mins.
Synopsis: The Dracothians are a powerful, independant race whose systems have the misfortune of lying right on the confluence of Klingon, Romulan and Federation space.
Now Federation ships have begun disappearing in Dracothian space, and Starfleet wants to know what, and who, is responsible.
This is an entry level mission, designed for Captains Lvl 16+, starting from the Regulus System, Regulus Sector.
My thanks to everyone in advance for their patience and dedication to the Foundry Community!
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Comments
Also, join the in-game foundrytalk channel. That is where most of us are at.
I never would have known. EXTREMELY well done. Left you a review in the usual place with the rest of them. Had a great time with it.
If I had anything to suggest changing:
1) The running back and forth to check the terminals and then report back to the Fleet Admiral did get somewhat tedious. Felt like filler. That part could use some tightening up.
2) My transporter crewman telling me I owe her a drink for getting us to safety. Uh.....Excuse me - CREWMAN?
Those two very tiny matters aside, this was a fun and very well-written mission. The battles (both ground and space) at the conclusion were exiting as all hell. Even had to resuscitate half of my away team when the smoke cleared. AWESOME fun!
Loved it. Can't wait for your next try at a mission. You're off to a great start!
Many thanks!! Your reviews have been a great help, giving me hints as to what sort mistakes and traps to look for. Trouble is - after your fiftieth run through, you kind of stop noticing them!
That link is excellent, thank you again. I'm looking forward to your review and advice.
Wow, just wow! This certainly was not a response I was expecting, thank you so much! I'm so pleased my mission was fun and enjoyable to you.
I will certainly take all your recommendations on board (I'll hold off on modifications for a while, to see if a consensus forms), although I will say this for the transporter crewman - given how often they're pulling your tail out of the fire, I felt they'd earned a little cheek,:)
I understand that playing a mission of this length is a considerable investment, and only hope that I can improve and make it worthy enough of it's praise, and generating suitable reward for those who invest in it.
I played this mission at level 16 as recommended by the author. This was done on my new tactical Caitian on elite mode.
Azure Approach
Well written dialogue establishes a back story for the species we are about to encounter.
Well made map.
Azure Nebula First Battle
The Romulan reinforcements loop the warp-in animation if left alone. I suggest just having them spawn normally without an animation.
The dialogue provides more variety should the player wish to learn more about this new species. Nice touch.
Also a nicely made map.
Drakkathii Prime
A well made map.
I like the inclusion of their own unique ships.
The Nexus
Nothing major to note.
Departure
You could potentially have this dialogue at the end of the previous map and make the loading screen be the "warping" to the colony. This saves loading time.
Restus
Nothing major to note.
Restus Ground
Excellent work on giving the sense of a destroyed town.
Restus Departure
Nothing major to note.
Payreer System
Nothing major to note.
U.S.S. Katherine
Excellent effects to simulate a ship under extreme stress.
Payreer Escape
Some ships loop the warp-in animation. Suggest changing this to no animation.
I.K.S. Kryas
Fun and tough battles on elite mode here.
Skyfire
Nothing major to note.
Klingon Offensive
A fun final battle.
Overall opinion: I have been lucky with finding a string of first-timer missions that are amazing. This one is no exception. Taking at least 60 minutes, this mission is excellent for those who enjoy those long trek adventures. The author has meticulously crafted a large mission with so much polish, I honestly could not tell it was his first one had he not said it before. Dialogue is written very well. Maps are excellent and serve their purpose.
This is easily 5/5. You have a great foundry career ahead of you. I look forward to your next mission.
Thank you so much for your as always excellent review. I am constantly astonished that people appear think so highly of this mission, it has been a very humbling experience.
I shall definately investigate the animation issues and try to get them sorted out. I would also like to put a few issues raised out for comment in another post below.
Thanks again, I look forward to repaying the favour - I've been saving "Scars" till I have enough time to sit down and enjoy the whole story!
I must also thank again those that reviewed through STO and provided feedback/comment, especially those towards the Katherine, my pride and joy for this mission. Everything has been greatly appreciated and highlighted several issues that I shall attempt to fix.
It has also helped to identify other player's tastes (something that is central to a mission that runs this long!), I made this mission primarily so that others will have fun playing it, and I acknowledge that there are many types of players, so I tried to give everyone something to enjoy. The Dragon Hunt, as it is now, needs some polish and care before I let her go to work on another project, so I would like to open up some issues to comment from all.
Departure
You could potentially have this dialogue at the end of the previous map and make the loading screen be the "warping" to the colony. This saves loading time.
Ashkrik identified the Drakkathii Prime Departure as perhaps unnecessary. I originally had the mission as you described, however it simply felt too jarring in my opinion. The transition from Nexus to colony happened too quickly, it made the action too compressed and felt hurried. I would like to know if others feel it is unnecessary/padding/fluff, or if it maintains story-structure?
Overselling
Greendragoon mentions that I am guilty, as are most creators of fiction, of 'overselling' my new race (he's bang on about the Fleet Admiral being my STO character though:D, but there is method to my madness). Perhaps they come across as a bit-overpowered, my reasoning was simply that for a new race to survive in such a contested area of space, they would have to be tough! Klingons, Romulans, Tholians and others, all lurk in the Azure Nebula.
I am reluctant to cut back the descriptor and lore, as I realise that some players only play the Foundry for just that! I would be willing to provide a bypass hint in some areas, but I initially thought that would disrupt the immersion of the mission. I am interested to hear others opinions on this.
Fluff
khreg has raised a good point about the Nexus, one that I feel I can rectify easily. It does look suspiciously like an Explore Strange New World quest, do other's feel it's too 'Cryptic' like?
Ending
As Greendragoon raised, the ending is...disappointing. I am in full agreement, its part of the reason I've made this post. Once I reach the Kyras, the story smacks into a wall. As I originally stated, I would like to develop this into a series of missions. I would like some input from the forum, how would you like to see the story develop? What missions make you excited? Greendragoon mentions he is disappointed with the lack of a 'hidden party', something I was unconsciously building towards throughout the story. While I like the idea, do others feel it has been overdone?
I look forward to your input and comments, they have been a great boost to my confidence as a Foundry author and I am now great anticipating developing more missions for you to enjoy!
Mission Updates: V 1.0
-Mission ending changed, hopefully now a smoother, more satisfying conclusion.
-Kyras visual FX have been updated
-A slew of spelling and grammar issues corrected.
-Minor combat and animation errors corrected
Please let me know if you find anything frustrating or broken, and I will try to improve/fix it!
Thanks again!
Generally, I believe that this method, close companions who understand your objective and drive, or professional reviewers like those who so generously give up their time to this forum, offer the best direction and guidance to aspiring authors. It enables the project to be as polished as possible when it hits the general Foundry board, thus increasing plays.
Marketing could indeed increase plays, but potentially from the wrong players, people who might not necessarily play your mission otherwise. Ive had a few negative reviews, largely because my original mission descriptor was not obvious enough that the combat level was designed for beginners, instead of Vice Admirals etc. Too many of these players, and your rating level drops, you potentially lose your dilithium rewards, and the biggest incentive for attracting new players.
As for ADRIFT, I'll add it to my list of missions to watch for, thanks for the recommendation!
Season 9.5 required me to under-take a small update, but hopefully with this, I can move on to the next project. The Dracothians will return!
Mission Updates: V 1.1
- Crewmen and contacts updated after Season 9.5
- Objectives reworked and clarified
- Minor spelling errors corrected.
- Minor combat and animation errors corrected.