I just want to add to all of the previous comments that the whole battle between Alyosha and the Undine was awesome. I'm really curious to see where this goes now that Alyosha's secret has been revealed to LaRoca and crew (and whether or not this info will be passed over to the Klingon contingent).
Ever since I could remember
Everything inside of me
Just wanted to fit in
I was never one for pretenders
Everything I tried to be
Just wouldn't settle in
If I told you what I was
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If this problem lies in me
I'm only a man with a candle to guide me
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me
A monster, a monster
I've turned into a monster
A monster, a monster
And it keeps getting stronger
Can I clear my conscience
If I'm different from the rest
Do I have to run and hide?
I never said that I want this
This burden came to me
And it's made its home inside
If I told you what I was
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If this problem lies in me
I'm only a man with a candle to guide me
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me
A monster, a monster
I've turned into a monster
A monster, a monster
And it keeps getting stronger...
Sanjit shook her head. She was overthinking it, and she could smell a body nearby. Being as the Marines during the 'exercise' earlier didn't make it in here, it was up to her. Stepping out of the lift she approached the two crewmen guarding the core, who snapped to attention at an officer's approach. Fortunately for her, the base wasn't on alert. "I thought they already did the daily inspection, sir," the Andorian on the right side of the hatchway remarked.
Just act like you're doing exactly what youre supposed to be doing, she thought, tricorder in hand. "Just double-checking some anomalous readings," she replied. "Plus, it's an excuse to get out and stretch my legs a bit instead of spending all shift sitting at a console."
"Heh, I couldn't do a job where I sit in one place all day."
"Yeah," the Andorian smirked. "Instead you do one where you stand in one spot."
They both laughed, as she stepped into Core Control. The actual core was usually off limits for safety reasons; quantum interference fields could have interesting effects on people if exposed to them for too long. And the scent was coming from... there. Of course, right out of view of the cameras in the room. Corpsman Leung had a horrified expression on her face, eyes still open, body flash-fried but long gone cold. Quickly she released the holster and tucked it into her uniform, where her D'k tahgs usually rode.
Dammit. She had a spare combadge in her pocket, but a transport from the computer core would be detected. There wasn't a way to get the Corpsman's body out without station security noticing... but then security did know she was missing. Might as well get them involved now that the really incriminating evidence had been taken care of... She stepped back out of the core office. "Crewman, call medical - we've got a body in here."
USS Chin'toka, Sickbay
They're here, Commander Chirithraz th'Valek thought to his captain and closest friend. I'll keep the link open.
He felt Alyosha's assent from the next room. Thank you, Thraz. A pause. Now we pray for the best.
Thraz didn't nod, but he sent Alyosha an emotional 'push' that conveyed the intent just as well as if he had.
Commander th'Valek gestured at Dr. Sei's office - empty, currently, as the joined Trill finished setting up the regenerators for Alyosha's broken leg and the cracked rib she had also discovered. Sei had also found evidence of a few other hairline fractures that needed treatment before they turned into more serious breaks. All in all, though, considering what Alyosha had been up against, he'd been fortunate to survive, and with such an optimistic prognosis. He would be up and around in two to three days. The question was, though - to face what?
"Welcome, gentlemen," Thraz softly greeted. He regarded the LaRoca brothers and Reader with a solemn expression, though he took pains not to allow his sightless 'stare' to go on for too long.
He picked up the echolocation from his footsteps with his antennae, and discerned from that, that there were two chairs in the office. He had earlier instinctively memorized the location of a stool as he entered the sickbay and the hiss of the door painted the details of the room inside. Now he walked over and picked it up as unerringly as an organically or mechanically sighted person would. The padded stool ought to be an appropriate fit for Commander LaRoca's physiology, he thought.
"If you'll follow me, please, Sei's lent us her office. There, I'll do my best to explain, and to answer your questions."
"We're all ears," Jesu LaRoca said.
Thraz nodded and walked into the CMO's office, setting down the stool and then taking a seat at Dr. Sei's desk. "Alright. I guess I'll start with a question for you first." Technically he was addressing all three - but the question was mainly aimed at Admiral LaRoca. He could probe further to find the answer, but Aenar belief proscribed doing that to people who hadn't given their permission as Alyosha and even Admiral ch'Harrell - under certain circumstances - had. "How are you feeling? Captain Strannik is listening through a telepathic link... he and I both are concerned."
"How do I feel? Um..." Jesu had not been expecting to be asked that. "Confused. Very, very confused. I had - I have - a great deal of respect for your Captain, and admiration for his accomplishments. I think he represents the very best of Starfleet. He's... the kind of guy who honestly inspires me, and keeps me fighting to change the course that the Federation has been heading down for the last decade or so.
"So finding out he's secretly a Devidian is... well, it's quite a shock. So I need you to help me reconcile this... A forty-year Starfleet officer with a record that speaks of compassion, dedication, conviction and self sacrifice... But his species happens to be an enemy of all sentient life... I need that explained to me."
"One thing you should know," Thraz said - though this time he was primarily addressing Reader. "I don't know if you have a term for it on Ferasa, but Alyosha and I have known each other since he first got to the Academy. We are shesharizhthah... not siblings, not bondmates - the English translation is 'mind-kin.' I hope you will... forgive me my lack of impartiality where the captain is concerned."
Reader slowly nodded. "There is a Ferasan term which means 'those who live without secrets.' The original intent was a negative connotation, but Jesu and Rusty have adopted this phrase as an expression of the trust they place in me. I understand your feelings towards Strannik. I feel the same way about my people." He waved his hand toward the LaRocas, knowing the Aenar would detect the motion as he sensed the air currents with his antennae. "None of us will hold your loyalty against you."
Thraz answered with a small smile. It quickly faded, though. "Do you recall the Devidian incursion on Earth? They came to Earth from 2369 - attacked in 1893."
"Yes, the incident that led to Admiral Data's head being about five hundred years older than the rest of him," Jesu grinned.
"I suppose you're going to tell us they found more than Data's head and Mark Twain's pocketwatch in that cave," Rusty spoke up, shifting his weight on his stool and making it squeak.
"Not exactly," Thraz said. "But there was a second... and prior find beneath San Francisco, in 2355. That was when interphasic sensor technology got strong enough to detect an area several kilometers away from the 2369 site, that was giving off some odd readings. A team was sent down to investigate, and they found when they phased in, a small stasis creche, abandoned. There were several... well, Alyosha says 'eggs' isn't exactly the right term, but it's close enough. It had been so long that only one was viable. The scientists removed him...
"But you have to understand something about that time. Something that explains everything that happened after that. No one knew what we know now. No one understood that the abandoned creche was probably supposed to have been used by a temporal invasion and colonization force, that we'd end up stopping fourteen years later. No one knew where it came from or why, or what this species was like. Just that there was one of them that had a chance to survive, on Earth. It was only later - during his first semester at Starfleet Academy in 2369 - that Starfleet cross-referenced its records and found out they not only had encountered a Devidian before, but that he was enrolled at the Academy. They almost ended his career before it had a chance to start."
Rusty raised his hand. "Was he already in his Human disguise at that point?"
"He'd have to be," Jesu said. "Otherwise thousands of people would have seen him already, including our dad."
"Back then, when he was younger," Thraz explained, "he chose a Human appearance not just to avoid drawing attention, but because it's harder for him to communicate as fully with non-telepaths in his own form. You get only thirty percent or so of the full meaning of what's said to you from the words and voice. The rest is kinesics. Movement... body language... facial expressions."
Rusty made an expression that Jesu and Reader would recognize as a frown, but few others would. He remembered Strannik saying something about being unable to communicate properly if he didn't shift back into his Human form. Trying to communicate non-verbally was something Rusty had struggled with his entire life. On his first day of school, somebody had said something to make him smile and all the other kids instantly screamed in terror.
"Without some of those cues," th'Valek went on, "it's harder for him to get his point across. Or even something as simple as what he's feeling or what's got his attention. And he doesn't have any other languages besides ours. So yes... as soon as he learned how to control his phase well enough to spend most of his time with us, he adopted his human form."
"Who raised him?" Jesu wondered. "Obviously, Russians..."
Thraz nodded. "The scientists who found him..." Thraz thought he sensed something like shock - or perhaps concern - from the three of them at that. "Until he got old enough to control his phase like he does now, there was no other option but St. Petersburg, at the Interphasic Research Center. They didn't treat him like an experiment, though... they really understood that they had a child to raise. He thinks of a lot of the researchers there as his extended family, and the couple that eventually took him into their home as his mother and father. I've met the Azarovs... they're good people. Very devout in their faith, but not fanatics."
"So how many people know what he really is, at this point?" Jesu wanted to know.
"Admiral ch'Harrell, Dr. Sei, and I know... there are a few others. Admirals Quinn and T'Nae..."
"That's trouble," Jesu muttered.
"Admiral Kane also knew when he was alive - and I think he had a lot to do back then with keeping T'Nae from behaving in the... bigoted way she does towards him. And there was also... an 'accident' aboard the Chin'toka in 2409. Though that's a bad term for it - Franklin Drake had to have known what he was doing sending Alyosha into a Devidian incursion. That they would go after him with a vengeance.
"You know what they did even after we'd wrapped up the invasion? They sent a hunting party onto the Chin'toka back with us. They started going after people - and the Captain went down there to deal with it personally. He found them feeding on six of the enlisted crew. They fought, and forced him out of his Human form in front of those dying people. And after I helped him take the hunters down... he almost drained himself to death trying to bring them back. He saved five."
"Wow," Jesu and Rusty said together.
"Four of them still serve aboard the Chin'toka. One didn't make it. The last one... he went down a bad path after that incident. He was transferred to the Le-Matya but he ended up backing the Human-supremacists and got himself into career-ending trouble. Wait..."
Thraz listened to what the Captain had to say to him via their shared telepathic channel. "Alyosha wanted me to tell you about the letter he received from Karjalainen right before they cashiered him. He says in that final letter Karjalainen finally showed remorse for the way he treated Alyosha after the incident. And for the hate he let himself get sucked into. Alyosha was actually worried that Karjalainen might kill himself after that. After he saw the light too late. Alyosha's been keeping his ears open for news, though. Fortunately he hasn't heard anything like that so far..."
LaRoca shook his head and held up a hand. "Wait - so you had a disgruntled crew member who actually saw that Strannik was a Devidian... and you gave him a transfer? And then after he showed xenophobic attitudes, they gave him a double-dis? And Admiral OpSec ch'Harrell allowed this?"
Thraz let out a slow breath. "I know how strange it sounds. But... Karjalainen was young. Very young. And Alyosha hoped he might take a second chance, somewhere away from what caused him so much fear, and turn himself around. He also felt like... Karjalainen didn't deserve to be punished because of his deception. Alyosha said that. So he was transferred - but kept within the 77th so ch'Harrell could monitor what was going on with him. In the end..." A sad expression crossed the Aenar's face. "Alyosha was right. But it came too late for Karjalainen to save himself from the damage he did." He listened, then spoke in a low, solemn voice. "Alyosha believes the responsibility for Karjalainen rests on his shoulders."
"Still, that seems like way too big of a risk," Admiral LaRoca persisted. "Letting Karjuh- uh, Karjalainen off your ship, and then letting him out into the public with only his word that he'll keep his mouth shut about what he saw..." Remind me to run a check on him, he told Reader.
"It was a risk. And a hard one. But... the alternative would have been to forcibly confine him, in one form or the other. Or to violate his mind. All I can say, personally, is that three years have passed and in spite of everything else, Karjalainen has kept his word. Alyosha knows where he is now, too. I suspect ch'Harrell does too - but for Alyosha I think it's not just watching for a potential leak. I think he is hoping to see Karjalainen make good on the new promise he made. To make it right. I guess you think we're both idiots for this. But Alyosha still believes it was the right thing to do in that place and that time."
"I don't know that it was the smart thing to do," Jesu said carefully, "but it was the honorable thing to do. But then, I've been accused of thinking too much like a Klingon."
What would you have done, in ch'Harrell's place? Reader privately enquired.
If Karjalainen had been one of my people and he was a threat to the career of someone on my command staff, I would have had him killed, Jesu LaRoca responded, emotionlessly. To Thraz he said, "Once again, I admire your Captain's depth of conviction."
The Aenar felt a chill down his spine, though... he didn't pry, didn't pull the Human's thoughts from him... but he'd felt something that unnerved him. He wasn't sure what it was - if it was a threat, or if so, what kind. He hid his expression - something that he'd learned from Alyosha, since Aenar society taught very little of such things - though he doubted that even with his best shielding, the Ferasan Reader would have entirely missed it.
Are you all right, Thraz? Alyosha asked him.
I... think so, Thraz answered. I don't think what I sensed... was aimed at either of us. It was unsettling, though.
Please don't tell me we have another Undine on our hands. I'm pretty sure flying with broken bones is against the regs and I don't want to have to do that. Alyosha had tinged his telepathic voice with humor - but it was a dark humor, the sort that came from a long spell of troubled thoughts, and physical pain that couldn't be completely subdued.
Thraz sent a negation to the Devidian. It doesn't feel like that. Whatever it was... it was him. The real Jesu LaRoca.
Thraz returned to the final thing that Admiral LaRoca had said. That, at least - his words towards the Captain - had seemed sincere. "That's very kind of you," Thraz replied on behalf of them both. Then he regarded all three of them, an expression caught between caution and earnestness displaying upon his face. "Captain Strannik is willing to speak with you in person... as long as it would not cause you any discomfort. He advises you that because of the regeneration he's going through that he is in his natural form and unable to shapeshift. He... understands if that would be too difficult for any of you."
"I've already seen him as a Devidian," Jesu said. "That's not something I can ever un-see. But I do want to talk to him about this."
"Me too," Rusty added emphatically.
The Aenar nodded. "Then he's ready for you, sir, Commander." He thought one more thing to Reader. If Admiral LaRoca starts to have trouble... tell him to watch the Captain's hands. In his natural form, he takes great care to make his gestures as plain as he can, to try to keep things from getting lost in the 'translation.'
Reader passed the thought to both LaRocas and sent an acknowledgment to Thraz. They all stood - Rusty picked up his stool and carried it with him - and followed the Aenar into an adjoining private room. When necessary, phase-shifted equipment and other medical devices unique to the needs of Captain Strannik's species were available to treat him in here. Now, however, Alexei Ivanovich was in good enough shape that in spite of his injuries, he could still maintain phase on his own.
The Devidian lay reclined on the biobed, his upper body elevated into a near sitting position. His lower left leg sat under a regenerative arch, a further reminder of his body's fragility in comparison to the others in the room. That wasn't what had Strannik's focus, though.
"Hello," he said softly. For Reader he provided a gentle emotional push - not a coercive broadcast, but a sign. A calmness that said without words, Welcome... I mean no harm. This served a fellow telepath as a smile would for any other. He indicated Rusty with his left hand, palm up. "It's good to see you, Commander LaRoca... I've been worried since I saw you thrown into that wall. How are you feeling?"
The Deinon placed his stool to leave the Devidian just outside of his lethal reach. "A little headache, but I've had worse. My doctor will check me out later. And please, sir, call me Rusty."
Jesu watched the Devidian's hands as Reader had suggested and noted the way Strannik expressed his concern. He wasn't as surprised to see this as a rational part of his mind told him he should be.
Strannik nodded - the movement clear and deliberate. "That's good to hear. But if you need any immediate assistance, please don't hesitate to let Dr. Sei know." A hint of self-deprecating laughter crept into his voice. "She has made herself quite the accomplished xenobiologist by necessity. And... you can call me Alexei," he invited, setting his hand softly to his chest.
Rusty nodded, turning up the corners of his mouth to provide a hint of a smile without appearing threatening. "I'm sure Dr. Sei would have no difficulty treating a bump on the head regardless of species, but I feel fine, and Maria will want to look me over anyway."
"Doctors can be a very persistent species," Alyosha commented. "Mine is, too."
Rusty realized that Captain Strannik - Alexei - was completely at ease with him in a way that normally took months for other people. It made sense, he realized - Devidians were one of a very small number of sentient species further up the food chain than he was. He took a breath and turned serious. "Alexei, thank you for letting us... see you like this."
"Yes, we do appreciate how hard you work to maintain your privacy," his brother jumped in, "and the concerns you must have now that the... cat's out of the bag. By the way, I detest formality, especially in these situations. Call me Jesu."
Хесу Ларока, Alyosha Cyrillicized the Spanish name in his mind. "Jesu," he repeated, mirroring the Admiral's pronunciation. In this form the reason for his gift of mimicry was clear. "You can call me Alexei as well."
He drew a quiet breath, folding his hands across his lap. His fingers interlaced, tightening against each other until he could feel his claws almost cutting into the tops of his hands. "In my experience, it tends to be very unsettling for people who find out that there's a Devidian living in 'their' world. In Starfleet. It continues to be difficult for some. I've almost lost my career a few times over it, and..." He paused. "It hurts sometimes. But when I make myself step back and think about it, I understand where people are coming from. So yes... I'm concerned. And I'm willing to answer any questions you might have, if it would help you to... well... decide what to do with me."
"I know your record, Alexei Ivanovich," Jesu said. "You are a good officer, and a good captain. Whatever else you are... that's secondary. Obviously, the fewer people who know about your unique situation, the better. But I've had a lot of experience dealing with officers who come from similarly unique circumstances." He glanced at Reader, and then at his brother.
"From an outsider's point of view, your situation is just like mine," Rusty remarked. "Abandoned by your own kind, raised by Humans, instilled with Human attitudes and cultural references... similar religions, even. But we grew up not knowing what we really were, only that we didn't fit in. At least Alexei could hide behind his shapeshifting ability..." His eyes went to his brother's. "I could only hide behind you."
Jesu cringed inwardly. "There's a pretty big difference between a Devidian and Deinon, though," he pointed out. "Your species never hunted Humans."
"We don't know that," Rusty said with a shrug. "Deinons don't share their history with outsiders. And apart from the Non-Aggression Pact of 2348, every interaction the Federation has had with the Deinon government has been classified beyond even your level of access, including the events that led to you and papa adopting me."
Rusty got up and started pacing. "Besides, even if the Deinons never did battle with Humans or other Federation races, they did at least fight off invasion attempts by Cardassia and the Dominion - that's in the Cardassian public record. I mean, even you could see how scared Berat was when he saw me for the first time.
"And even to people who have no idea what I am, I look scary. A lot scarier than a Devidian, on first glance." Rusty was getting agitated. He was letting his toe claws drag. "I actually envy you, Alexei. At least you can hide what you really are and pretend to be Human. But me, no matter how hard I try to fit in, no matter how Human I try to be, I look like a demon-freak."
"Rusty, calm down, bro," Jesu said firmly. "Sit down, and relax." Spitz, agua fria, por favor. Se pronto.
Rusty sat down again, and breathed heavily, and gratefully accepted the glass of cold water Reader brought for him. But he wasn't through yet. "Alexei, you obviously don't... hunt like the rest of your species does..."
"Because I could not live with the lives of other people on my conscience," Alyosha somberly intoned. Then his tone took a darker turn. "Because no one was around to tell me that the screams, and the terror, and the horrible moment when the life of a person with a soul just like you goes dark is an acceptable price to pay for my own being. That I 'ought to' shield myself so that I don't feel it all, all the way to the last." There Alyosha had actually sketched out 'air quotes' with his fingers to make sure his bitter sarcasm couldn't be missed. "Like hiding from what happens at a slaughterhouse because it's ugly. The fact that I can feel all of this only makes it worse to know what they do to people."
Reader could feel the hurt beneath the bitterness. "You have taken a life, to feed," he said. "It has pained you deeply since... you were very young when that happened, weren't you?"
"A few weeks old," Alyosha replied, his voice barely above the volume of a whisper. "I know that must sound strange, to have memories that far back... but something about my mind works differently. No one knew what I needed to survive when they first found me. I was dying. And I just - the instinct overcame all of the love I felt for Katya. She cared for me, and I..." He nodded. "I cannot forget how that felt for her. For me. I saw and felt things too, in her last instant, that... they will take more than a lifetime to understand. I can't live like that, like Katya, or anyone else I might kill, don't matter."
Reader closed his eyes as he listened. "So now... you cannot feed without feeling that same degree of grief. Healthy grief, for a Human... But this grief, more than anything else, is what separates you from your species. They hunt and feed without feeling or remorse. But for you... the act of feeding... it's murder - not only a crime against sentient life, but a sin against your God."
"How do you get around that?" Jesu blurted. "You must have some sort of... alternate food source."
"After I... after the autopsy, they... learned about my needs," Alyosha replied, "and the researchers caring for me created a device capable of generating neuroelectric energy of the type and intensity that I needed to live. Non-sentient life wasn't enough. I'm just thankful there was another option, because... I don't know what would have happened then." He shook his head and emitted a soft sigh. The best scenarios ended with him dead.
Jesu tried not to cringe as he remembered one of his first encounters with a Devidian hunting party... in an alternate 2265... *We hunger; we must feed* a telepathic phantasm had raged at him and his away team. Recalling what Thraz had said, he wondered if Frank Drake had sent Alexei Ivanovich and his crew back to face a similar encounter, or even the same one... Stupid time travel paradoxes... But that would have sucked for Alexei, fighting his own species, and knowing he was carrying the cure for their cruel hunger...
"I think we're all grateful that there were other options for you," Jesu LaRoca said.
The Devidian nodded. "I am grateful to... be able to recognize all of you as people. To get to know you, see what is beautiful in people, and serve here. And not to have to choose between living in body but being dead in spirit, or living in spirit but dying in the body. I am blessed to have been given a chance live in both."
Jesu and Reader both smiled at that. Rusty did not. He gazed at the Devidian without really seeing him. He could smell the emotion oozing from Strannik's pores. Spitz, can he pick up what I'm thinking, or feeling?
No. The Aenar, th'Valek, can sense your stronger emotions. But as long as you shield yourself, Strannik can't read you at all.
Block th'Valek from this. Rusty set his face in a mask of expressionless thoughtfulness. There is so much I want to say to Alexei, but what are the right words? He is so haunted by the memory of what he did, even though he was just following his instincts, filling biological needs... How do I tell him now that he is a better man than I'll ever be? That he's everything I wish I could be?
Tell him whatever you can, he felt his brother say, as Reader extended feelings of encouragement.
Jesu placed his hand on the back of Rusty's head and squeezed with his fingertips, triggering a series of pressure points along a nerve bundle where the neck joined the back of the skull. He felt his brother's tension release. I think Alexei is reaching out for a friend that only you can be for him.
The Deinon visibly relaxed. "I know what you've been through," he told Alyosha. "I understand the conflict of instinct and ethics... biology and beliefs. I am glad that you, at least, have reached the point where you don't need to compromise either. Me, I'm still trying to build a balance for myself.
"I guess the point of all of this is... what we are... what we can't get away from... that doesn't matter. Starfleet accepted us anyway. You had to adjust. I had to adjust... but my classmates - by the end - accepted me. My MACO squad accepted me. My shipmates accepted me. I don't have to hide what I am, as much as I may want to, sometimes.
"But you do have to hide. I understand that. But I can accept you for what you are - a Devidian, and a good man. And if anyone asks me, I'll just tell them you're a good man."
"As will we," Jesu announced with a glance to Spitz-Reader. "We'll let ch'Harrell swear us to secrecy or whatever he has to do later, but for now we give you our word that we will never tell anyone that we saw you... as you are now. Like Rusty said, you're a good man. That's all anyone needs to know about you."
Alyosha couldn't smile, of course - but Thraz and Reader both felt it.
USS Tiburon, 2547 hours local
"Gawd, I need a drink," Jesu muttered after the transporter deposited them on their own ship. "How bout you guys?"
"Yeah," Rusty nodded. "Definitely." He looked tired.
"You should have Maria check your head," Reader told him.
"I'm fine," Rusty growled. "If it hurt bad enough I would have asked that nice Selay nurse on the Chin'toka for an ice pack."
"Try not to let it hurt too much in the morning," Jesu told him. "Spitz, you coming?"
"I will join you."
"I don't care if I don't wanna wake up tomorrow," Rusty said to his brother. "Jhrys is covering alpha shift, and I know you're not going anywhere - not if you wanna get drunk as bad as I do."
"I don't believe I've ever seen you like this, Rusty," Spitz-Reader remarked as he followed the LaRocas into the Admiral's cabin. "You're always so careful to keep yourself under control."
"HAH!" The Deinon laughed bitterly. "Yeah, if only I had a device which could give me what I need to override my instincts..."
"It's called a holodeck, Rust." Jesu opened his drinks cabinet. "Waddaya want, bro?"
"That, that, that, and that," Rusty pointed to the liquor bottles. "And enough Coke that I can't hardly taste it."
"That's called a 'Long Island iced tea' and it will get you drunk before you see the bottom of the glass," Jesu informed his brother.
"Good. Hold the ice."
"You want anything, Spitz?" the Admiral asked as he pulled out the bottles.
"Just a flat Seven-Up," the Ferasan requested.
What's eating him? Jesu tacitly enquired.
I don't know. He's not letting me in.
Jesu handed Rusty his drink. "What's goin' on, bro?"
"Nuthin'. I just got a lot on my mind I wanna clear out, that's all."
"Rust, you made a promise. You're supposed to share that kind of stuff."
"Fine." Rusty tilted the glass into his mouth and guzzled the entire thing. He set it down and wiped the corners of his jaws with the back of his hands, and sat down backwards on a chair. "That story Alexei told us, about the first time he'd ever killed anyone. That woman in the research lab..."
"He was a starving infant," Reader pointed out.
"Exactly. He couldn't tell them what he needed to feed off of even if he knew. He killed from pure instinct. As horrible as it must have been for him to kill someone who'd taken care of him, it was an innocent act. He couldn't have known what he was doing then, let alone how wrong it was. But even after fifty years, he still carries a guilt around that's palpable. I swear I could taste the shame and remorse pouring out of him as he talked about her."
"He telepathically absorbed the poor woman's emotions as he was killing her," Reader said. "That kind of thing would linger. But so what if he's got a guilt complex he's never dealt with, along with a few other neuroses. What's it to do with you?"
"I've never felt that before," Rusty replied, "at all, and I think I should have. I should feel guilty about the terrible things I've done, and the things I sometimes want to do..."
He looked up at Reader. "I never told you about my first time, did I? I was... lessee... three years old? No, younger. I was two."
"Two-and-a-half," Jesu said softly.
"Two years old," Rusty went on. "We were driving home from... somewhere, and I saw this little jackrabbit bounding across the road in front of the jeep, and I just had to chase after it. Not because I was hungry or anything... but just because it was alive and I wanted to make it die.
"I jumped out of the car without saying a word and I ran after it. Papa pulled over and yelled at me to come back - and I heard him, but I couldn't listen. I was lost in the hunt. I just had to kill that rabbit. Well, when I finally caught it, I ripped that bunny to shreds before I realized that the stupid thing had died of fright before I ever laid a claw on it. It didn't matter. It felt good.
"Jesu found me about five minutes later - that's how far I'd run - it took him that long to catch up with me. I was standing there all covered in blood and bits of fur and looking down at the mess I'd made... he hugged me and told me it was alright, and not to feel sad. That's when I realized that what I did was wrong. But I didn't feel regret over it. I still don't. It gave me pleasure.
"And I kept doing it. I looked for animals that could fight back. Coyotes and the like. Eventually I had to go to a holosuite whenever I got the urge to kill something... or someone. It doesn't really do much good though. I can't sense a hologram's fear..."
He licked his teeth. "I actually scare myself with some of these urges I get to run around and kill people... that's what I need to control, Spitz. I can't just turn it off with a switch. And then coming here, surrounded by people who are trying to attack my brother..."
He took several deep breaths and swallowed hard. "I need some water."
Jesu got up and got it for him.
"It just makes it that much harder on me... because every instinct I have - every fiber of my being tells me it's okay to kill people who want to hurt Jesu. And I'm terrified of what I would do if I listen to that. And just as scared of what could happen to Jesu if I ignore it..."
Jesu held the glass as his brother lapped at the water, and gently stroked his head. "I'm sorry, bro."
"That was the Undine doing that to them," Reader declared. "Telling them that we were the enemy. That should be over now."
Jesu shook his head. "I dunno. I mighta done enough on my own to make people around here hate me... and I just know ch'Harrell's not gonna a come up and announce that he had an Undine running Ops and ****ing with people's minds." He gave Rusty a pained look. "I'm sorry, bro, but it's not over yet."
Reader stood and carried empty glasses to the replicator. "I've been asked to be with ch'Harrell in the morning, to try to purge the Undine's influence. If I can reach him, I will ask him to encourage his people to release their animosity towards you. It may take time, but these feelings Rusty is sensing should fade."
"Thanks, Spitz," Jesu said with a nod in his direction.
Is there anything I can do for him? the Ferasan asked telepathically, watching Rusty quietly take trembling breaths, like a child on the verge of tears.
Not now. When he's like this, he needs to be alone with me.
I understand. I will see you tomorrow. Reader left the room, wishing he could better fathom his Deinon friend, but fearful of what he would he discover.
Rusty looked up as soon as he and his brother were alone. "I'm still scared, Zoo."
"I know. Do you want to stay with me tonight?"
"Yeah, I think I need to."
...
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
As a side note, when Chakotay broke his leg in Caretaker, the EMH had him up on his feet in minutes
In Dr. Sei's defense, though, the EMH was programmed with a thorough knowledge of Human anatomy and physiology, while Sei is still writing the book on Devidians...
In Dr. Sei's defense, though, the EMH was programmed with a thorough knowledge of Human anatomy and physiology, while Sei is still writing the book on Devidians...
Equally, given the way Alyosha's skeletal structure compresses as he shapeshifts, I guess his anatomy is more complex than a Human's
In that respect, yes. Alyosha isn't like a Founder--he doesn't turn into amorphous goo in order to shapeshift. A lot of his underlying structure is still there, and the degree of scarring or other damage/disruption to tissue and bone that would be considered "acceptable" in a human would not be acceptable in a Devidian who needs his shapeshifting ability so badly.
That...and I don't take VOY seriously (this is the show that gave us the infamous shuttle and torpedo counts, after all ). Even with "modern" tech, I tend to think a broken bone is not going to be an instant fix. Way faster than IRL, of course, but not "within minutes."
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That...and I don't take VOY seriously (this is the show that gave us the infamous shuttle and torpedo counts, after all ). Even with "modern" tech, I tend to think a broken bone is not going to be an instant fix. Way faster than IRL, of course, but not "within minutes."
I did notice though that The Doctor seemed to get less competent as the series progressed, from "Our doctor can revive me even if I've been brain-dead for two minutes" in season two, to "She's brain-dead! There's nothing I can do!" in season five... :rolleyes:
Anyway, glad you all enjoyed this piece. I'd been wanting to get Alyosha and Rusty in the same room together for a long time - two "Monsters" who try desperately to be as Human as possible, with very different results. But I don't think I'd reached the point where I understood Rusty enough to make this work before now.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
In that respect, yes. Alyosha isn't like a Founder--he doesn't turn into amorphous goo in order to shapeshift. A lot of his underlying structure is still there, and the degree of scarring or other damage/disruption to tissue and bone that would be considered "acceptable" in a human would not be acceptable in a Devidian who needs his shapeshifting ability so badly.
That...and I don't take VOY seriously (this is the show that gave us the infamous shuttle and torpedo counts, after all ). Even with "modern" tech, I tend to think a broken bone is not going to be an instant fix. Way faster than IRL, of course, but not "within minutes."
Equally, it could be that Chakotay's leg only had a minor break or partial fracture, rather than a more complex break or open fracture, so may not have required more extensive treatment... Totally agree with you about VOY and their 'magic shuttles', although having read an interview with Ron Moore, I understand why the series was structured as it was (even though it weakened the series as a whole...)
I did notice though that The Doctor seemed to get less competent as the series progressed, from "Our doctor can revive me even if I've been brain-dead for two minutes" in season two, to "She's brain-dead! There's nothing I can do!" in season five... :rolleyes:
As the series progressed, the Doctor's recreational activities increased... I'm wondering if he might have 'freed up a little storage space' for those new activities
Anyway, glad you all enjoyed this piece. I'd been wanting to get Alyosha and Rusty in the same room together for a long time - two "Monsters" who try desperately to be as Human as possible, with very different results. But I don't think I'd reached the point where I understood Rusty enough to make this work before now.
Very much so :cool: One thing I would say, is that Alyosha and Rusty, for their similarity of circumstance, are two very different people
They are very different people, yes. There is also the fact that while both species have predatory urges, they manifest differently in each. And the fact that Alyosha is a telepath.
As far as the broken leg, it was definitely a complete break. Putting in pins or using similar methods is not an option.
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They are very different people, yes. There is also the fact that while both species have predatory urges, they manifest differently in each. And the fact that Alyosha is a telepath.
As far as the broken leg, it was definitely a complete break. Putting in pins or using similar methods is not an option.
Absolutely, that telepathic manifestation would create a considerable difference in how each reacts to or perceives their own behaviour: Rusty can kill and not feel bad about it, nor feel his prey's suffering, where Alyosha does... This is why I've often taken the vampire's lack of a soul/compassion/conscience as a necessary biological/psychological trait to enable them to hunt and feed. Those who did feel remorse, Angel, Blade, Louis etc, almost never fed from Humans, and deeply regretted their actions...
I think it was the EMH Mark II who pointed out that they no longer used leeches anymore
[Edit to add]
Follow on thought, but it has often been said that when a vampire can feed excessively, the additional blood (transmitter of the Life Force) allows them to regenerate more quickly. Is Alyosha able to do something similar if he were to ingest more of the artificial neural energy? Or more agonising, does he know that he would heal more quickly if he were to drain a living being, but chooses to deal with the pain and delayed healing rather than breaking his moral code?
One thing I would say, is that Alyosha and Rusty, for their similarity of circumstance, are two very different people
That's what made that scene so much fun to write! :cool:
What I was not expecting (and was actually pretty tough for me to write) was the intensity of Rusty's reaction. The LaRocas both enjoy and occasional drink but they're both lightweights (Rusty especially) and they don't ever like to lose control. So to have Rusty come home from that and deliberately get drunk and lay it all out like that... that was some pretty heavy stuff for me to have to write.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
That's what made that scene so much fun to write! :cool:
What I was not expecting (and was actually pretty tough for me to write) was the intensity of Rusty's reaction. The LaRocas both enjoy and occasional drink but they're both lightweights (Rusty especially) and they don't ever like to lose control. So to have Rusty come home from that and deliberately get drunk and lay it all out like that... that was some pretty heavy stuff for me to have to write.
I can imagine... There were aspects of Amanda's past which I was aware of, but simply couldn't bring myself to write, because they would a) violate forum ToS, and b) be too emotionally gruelling to transcribe. I often wonder if Jesu is actually a recovering alcoholic, given his preference for coffee, in the same way that Amanda refused to touch alcohol due to her addictive personality disorder. I remember an awesome scene in an episode of UFO where Commander Straker (recovering alcoholic) poured a glass of something. His minion points out that Straker doesn't drink, to which Straker replied "It's for you..." That guy was a true badass :cool:
Follow on thought, but it has often been said that when a vampire can feed excessively, the additional blood (transmitter of the Life Force) allows them to regenerate more quickly. Is Alyosha able to do something similar if he were to ingest more of the artificial neural energy? Or more agonising, does he know that he would heal more quickly if he were to drain a living being, but chooses to deal with the pain and delayed healing rather than breaking his moral code?
I am not sure there is any accelerated healing available to him. He actually does "overfeed" a bit on his breaks, but it's more...something he does to make sure he has the best chances possible in an emergency.
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I am not sure there is any accelerated healing available to him. He actually does "overfeed" a bit on his breaks, but it's more...something he does to make sure he has the best chances possible in an emergency.
Ahh, I just wondered if he might have been able to re-utilise that energy to heal, given how he was able to channel some of his energy into dying crew members to keep them alive longer, and the kind of energy which his body utilises for nourishment For immortals, the rate at which they heal is constant, regardless of the condition of their bodies (although certain radiogenic frequencies temporarily suppress that ability, and I suspect DU rounds would also not be automatically rejected/healed by their body as regular lead would be) I just wondered if the vampire's 'fast heal' from mass ingestion was possible for Alyosha
What he did to save his dying crew members' lives...apologies for the graphic comparison, but it was more comparable to how a bird regurgitates some of its food to feed its young. Same principle applies with less grossness (is that a word that can even be used that way???), except he went far beyond the point where his body would ordinarily be telling him to stop.
The comparison may actually be pretty accurate considering my Devidians do not give birth to live young, but to an "egg."
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What he did to save his dying crew members' lives...apologies for the graphic comparison, but it was more comparable to how a bird regurgitates some of its food to feed its young. Same principle applies with less grossness (is that a word that can even be used that way???), except he went far beyond the point where his body would ordinarily be telling him to stop.
The comparison may actually be pretty accurate considering my Devidians do not give birth to live young, but to an "egg."
Ahh, so just a reversal of the ingestion process, that makes sense
Pentaxian females also lay eggs, but don't regurgitate food for their young
Reading this entry was akin to walking into a theatre and hearing the buzz of the orchestra warming up, and knowing that very soon, something fantastic is coming ^_^
Reading this entry was akin to walking into a theatre and hearing the buzz of the orchestra warming up, and knowing that very soon, something fantastic is coming ^_^
I can think of someone who would appreciate your musical choice of metaphors very much.
For me there was a lot of very painful material for me to write in this section, both because of the plot itself and the way things came about. Grady took on a life of his own, but sadly only after someone created him and he was already humiliated and dead thanks to the Undine. So in a lot of ways I as the author have been working with a sense of loss that affected how I approached things, and ended up feeling the pain on his behalf and those who had been his colleagues on 75-Tau.
There's another song that didn't make it into the song selections that really drove how I wrote some of that, and how haunting it was for me.
For me I was glad there was the Alyosha material to balance it out.
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For me there was a lot of very painful material for me to write in this section, both because of the plot itself and the way things came about. Grady took on a life of his own, but sadly only after someone created him and he was already humiliated and dead thanks to the Undine. So in a lot of ways I as the author have been working with a sense of loss that affected how I approached things, and ended up feeling the pain on his behalf and those who had been his colleagues on 75-Tau.
That was mostly my fault.
patrickngo and I had initially created Grady just to serve as a trigger for the conflict between ch'Harrell and LaRoca. Then we decided he'd make a likely target for an Undine infiltrator.
But gulberat has really gone above and beyond creating the man the character was before we ever met him. Now I feel bad for what we did to him.
One of the neat things about gulberat's writing style is that every character in that side of the universe has depth and a story to tell. patrickngo, knightraider and I often seem to spawn random, sometimes likeable characters just so we can kill them off a couple of scenes later. gulberat doesn't do that.
For me I was glad there was the Alyosha material to balance it out.
I feel like Alyosha is turning out to be one of the best parts of this story. At least, he's bringing out the best stuff from each of my characters he's come into contact with so far - Kenny, Jesu, Rusty, Reader... I also love the way he handled himself after his cover was blown. He didn't panic or freak out - he just very calmly accepted that his career and possibly his life was in the hands of an outsider.
I also really like the way he interacted with Spitz-Reader at the top of this latest entry. That was not an easy story for Reader to share. I don't imagine he talks about his past very much.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
patrickngo and I had initially created Grady just to serve as a trigger for the conflict between ch'Harrell and LaRoca. Then we decided he'd make a likely target for an Undine infiltrator.
But gulberat has really gone above and beyond creating the man the character was before we ever met him. Now I feel bad for what we did to him.
It certainly gave me ample material to write for Dr. Ajiann and the others in the 77th Fleet who were strongly affected by what happened, though. It was important to me to give Grady a more dignified farewell and some sort of meaningful legacy. A better "exit stage right" than what he had in life.
By the way, wow...writing an obituary / death notice is REALLY hard. Even for a fictional character, that was a serious challenge that actually took me a good bit of research.
I feel like Alyosha is turning out to be one of the best parts of this story. At least, he's bringing out the best stuff from each of my characters he's come into contact with so far - Kenny, Jesu, Rusty, Reader... I also love the way he handled himself after his cover was blown. He didn't panic or freak out - he just very calmly accepted that his career and possibly his life was in the hands of an outsider.
This wasn't his first time being exposed for what he was in front of people--both times because of getting into a situation where he was forced to fight for his life and the lives of others on his crew or in his fleet. So I think he had some hope this would turn out...not to mention you bet he was praying like crazy.
Devidians as I write them also have a biological talent for keeping their heads under stress or duress. He knew that making any sudden moves or acting freaked out would likely cost him his life.
I also really like the way he interacted with Spitz-Reader at the top of this latest entry. That was not an easy story for Reader to share. I don't imagine he talks about his past very much.
I enjoyed that too, even though it was definitely hard for Spitz.
And on the flip side, I imagine Reader was quite surprised at what a Devidian mind was like. (True, Alyosha was raised on Earth, but still.)
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For me there was a lot of very painful material for me to write in this section, both because of the plot itself and the way things came about. Grady took on a life of his own, but sadly only after someone created him and he was already humiliated and dead thanks to the Undine. So in a lot of ways I as the author have been working with a sense of loss that affected how I approached things, and ended up feeling the pain on his behalf and those who had been his colleagues on 75-Tau.
There's another song that didn't make it into the song selections that really drove how I wrote some of that, and how haunting it was for me.
For me I was glad there was the Alyosha material to balance it out.
I can imagine it was not easygoing, but well worth it. Sometimes that is the way though, when concepts come retroactively, such as the character of H''n'n, and it's just a matter of going with what they give you
Comments
Ever since I could remember
Everything inside of me
Just wanted to fit in
I was never one for pretenders
Everything I tried to be
Just wouldn't settle in
If I told you what I was
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If this problem lies in me
I'm only a man with a candle to guide me
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me
A monster, a monster
I've turned into a monster
A monster, a monster
And it keeps getting stronger
Can I clear my conscience
If I'm different from the rest
Do I have to run and hide?
I never said that I want this
This burden came to me
And it's made its home inside
If I told you what I was
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If this problem lies in me
I'm only a man with a candle to guide me
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me
A monster, a monster
I've turned into a monster
A monster, a monster
And it keeps getting stronger...
Dan Reynolds, Wayne Sermon, Ben McKee and Daniel Platzman of Imagine Dragons - "Monster"
75-Tau, Computer Core - 2308 hours
Sanjit shook her head. She was overthinking it, and she could smell a body nearby. Being as the Marines during the 'exercise' earlier didn't make it in here, it was up to her. Stepping out of the lift she approached the two crewmen guarding the core, who snapped to attention at an officer's approach. Fortunately for her, the base wasn't on alert. "I thought they already did the daily inspection, sir," the Andorian on the right side of the hatchway remarked.
Just act like you're doing exactly what youre supposed to be doing, she thought, tricorder in hand. "Just double-checking some anomalous readings," she replied. "Plus, it's an excuse to get out and stretch my legs a bit instead of spending all shift sitting at a console."
"Heh, I couldn't do a job where I sit in one place all day."
"Yeah," the Andorian smirked. "Instead you do one where you stand in one spot."
They both laughed, as she stepped into Core Control. The actual core was usually off limits for safety reasons; quantum interference fields could have interesting effects on people if exposed to them for too long. And the scent was coming from... there. Of course, right out of view of the cameras in the room. Corpsman Leung had a horrified expression on her face, eyes still open, body flash-fried but long gone cold. Quickly she released the holster and tucked it into her uniform, where her D'k tahgs usually rode.
Dammit. She had a spare combadge in her pocket, but a transport from the computer core would be detected. There wasn't a way to get the Corpsman's body out without station security noticing... but then security did know she was missing. Might as well get them involved now that the really incriminating evidence had been taken care of... She stepped back out of the core office. "Crewman, call medical - we've got a body in here."
USS Chin'toka, Sickbay
They're here, Commander Chirithraz th'Valek thought to his captain and closest friend. I'll keep the link open.
He felt Alyosha's assent from the next room. Thank you, Thraz. A pause. Now we pray for the best.
Thraz didn't nod, but he sent Alyosha an emotional 'push' that conveyed the intent just as well as if he had.
Commander th'Valek gestured at Dr. Sei's office - empty, currently, as the joined Trill finished setting up the regenerators for Alyosha's broken leg and the cracked rib she had also discovered. Sei had also found evidence of a few other hairline fractures that needed treatment before they turned into more serious breaks. All in all, though, considering what Alyosha had been up against, he'd been fortunate to survive, and with such an optimistic prognosis. He would be up and around in two to three days. The question was, though - to face what?
"Welcome, gentlemen," Thraz softly greeted. He regarded the LaRoca brothers and Reader with a solemn expression, though he took pains not to allow his sightless 'stare' to go on for too long.
He picked up the echolocation from his footsteps with his antennae, and discerned from that, that there were two chairs in the office. He had earlier instinctively memorized the location of a stool as he entered the sickbay and the hiss of the door painted the details of the room inside. Now he walked over and picked it up as unerringly as an organically or mechanically sighted person would. The padded stool ought to be an appropriate fit for Commander LaRoca's physiology, he thought.
"If you'll follow me, please, Sei's lent us her office. There, I'll do my best to explain, and to answer your questions."
"We're all ears," Jesu LaRoca said.
Thraz nodded and walked into the CMO's office, setting down the stool and then taking a seat at Dr. Sei's desk. "Alright. I guess I'll start with a question for you first." Technically he was addressing all three - but the question was mainly aimed at Admiral LaRoca. He could probe further to find the answer, but Aenar belief proscribed doing that to people who hadn't given their permission as Alyosha and even Admiral ch'Harrell - under certain circumstances - had. "How are you feeling? Captain Strannik is listening through a telepathic link... he and I both are concerned."
"How do I feel? Um..." Jesu had not been expecting to be asked that. "Confused. Very, very confused. I had - I have - a great deal of respect for your Captain, and admiration for his accomplishments. I think he represents the very best of Starfleet. He's... the kind of guy who honestly inspires me, and keeps me fighting to change the course that the Federation has been heading down for the last decade or so.
"So finding out he's secretly a Devidian is... well, it's quite a shock. So I need you to help me reconcile this... A forty-year Starfleet officer with a record that speaks of compassion, dedication, conviction and self sacrifice... But his species happens to be an enemy of all sentient life... I need that explained to me."
"One thing you should know," Thraz said - though this time he was primarily addressing Reader. "I don't know if you have a term for it on Ferasa, but Alyosha and I have known each other since he first got to the Academy. We are shesharizhthah... not siblings, not bondmates - the English translation is 'mind-kin.' I hope you will... forgive me my lack of impartiality where the captain is concerned."
Reader slowly nodded. "There is a Ferasan term which means 'those who live without secrets.' The original intent was a negative connotation, but Jesu and Rusty have adopted this phrase as an expression of the trust they place in me. I understand your feelings towards Strannik. I feel the same way about my people." He waved his hand toward the LaRocas, knowing the Aenar would detect the motion as he sensed the air currents with his antennae. "None of us will hold your loyalty against you."
Thraz answered with a small smile. It quickly faded, though. "Do you recall the Devidian incursion on Earth? They came to Earth from 2369 - attacked in 1893."
"Yes, the incident that led to Admiral Data's head being about five hundred years older than the rest of him," Jesu grinned.
"I suppose you're going to tell us they found more than Data's head and Mark Twain's pocketwatch in that cave," Rusty spoke up, shifting his weight on his stool and making it squeak.
"Not exactly," Thraz said. "But there was a second... and prior find beneath San Francisco, in 2355. That was when interphasic sensor technology got strong enough to detect an area several kilometers away from the 2369 site, that was giving off some odd readings. A team was sent down to investigate, and they found when they phased in, a small stasis creche, abandoned. There were several... well, Alyosha says 'eggs' isn't exactly the right term, but it's close enough. It had been so long that only one was viable. The scientists removed him...
"But you have to understand something about that time. Something that explains everything that happened after that. No one knew what we know now. No one understood that the abandoned creche was probably supposed to have been used by a temporal invasion and colonization force, that we'd end up stopping fourteen years later. No one knew where it came from or why, or what this species was like. Just that there was one of them that had a chance to survive, on Earth. It was only later - during his first semester at Starfleet Academy in 2369 - that Starfleet cross-referenced its records and found out they not only had encountered a Devidian before, but that he was enrolled at the Academy. They almost ended his career before it had a chance to start."
Rusty raised his hand. "Was he already in his Human disguise at that point?"
"He'd have to be," Jesu said. "Otherwise thousands of people would have seen him already, including our dad."
"Back then, when he was younger," Thraz explained, "he chose a Human appearance not just to avoid drawing attention, but because it's harder for him to communicate as fully with non-telepaths in his own form. You get only thirty percent or so of the full meaning of what's said to you from the words and voice. The rest is kinesics. Movement... body language... facial expressions."
Rusty made an expression that Jesu and Reader would recognize as a frown, but few others would. He remembered Strannik saying something about being unable to communicate properly if he didn't shift back into his Human form. Trying to communicate non-verbally was something Rusty had struggled with his entire life. On his first day of school, somebody had said something to make him smile and all the other kids instantly screamed in terror.
"Without some of those cues," th'Valek went on, "it's harder for him to get his point across. Or even something as simple as what he's feeling or what's got his attention. And he doesn't have any other languages besides ours. So yes... as soon as he learned how to control his phase well enough to spend most of his time with us, he adopted his human form."
"Who raised him?" Jesu wondered. "Obviously, Russians..."
Thraz nodded. "The scientists who found him..." Thraz thought he sensed something like shock - or perhaps concern - from the three of them at that. "Until he got old enough to control his phase like he does now, there was no other option but St. Petersburg, at the Interphasic Research Center. They didn't treat him like an experiment, though... they really understood that they had a child to raise. He thinks of a lot of the researchers there as his extended family, and the couple that eventually took him into their home as his mother and father. I've met the Azarovs... they're good people. Very devout in their faith, but not fanatics."
"So how many people know what he really is, at this point?" Jesu wanted to know.
"Admiral ch'Harrell, Dr. Sei, and I know... there are a few others. Admirals Quinn and T'Nae..."
"That's trouble," Jesu muttered.
"Admiral Kane also knew when he was alive - and I think he had a lot to do back then with keeping T'Nae from behaving in the... bigoted way she does towards him. And there was also... an 'accident' aboard the Chin'toka in 2409. Though that's a bad term for it - Franklin Drake had to have known what he was doing sending Alyosha into a Devidian incursion. That they would go after him with a vengeance.
"You know what they did even after we'd wrapped up the invasion? They sent a hunting party onto the Chin'toka back with us. They started going after people - and the Captain went down there to deal with it personally. He found them feeding on six of the enlisted crew. They fought, and forced him out of his Human form in front of those dying people. And after I helped him take the hunters down... he almost drained himself to death trying to bring them back. He saved five."
"Wow," Jesu and Rusty said together.
"Four of them still serve aboard the Chin'toka. One didn't make it. The last one... he went down a bad path after that incident. He was transferred to the Le-Matya but he ended up backing the Human-supremacists and got himself into career-ending trouble. Wait..."
Thraz listened to what the Captain had to say to him via their shared telepathic channel. "Alyosha wanted me to tell you about the letter he received from Karjalainen right before they cashiered him. He says in that final letter Karjalainen finally showed remorse for the way he treated Alyosha after the incident. And for the hate he let himself get sucked into. Alyosha was actually worried that Karjalainen might kill himself after that. After he saw the light too late. Alyosha's been keeping his ears open for news, though. Fortunately he hasn't heard anything like that so far..."
LaRoca shook his head and held up a hand. "Wait - so you had a disgruntled crew member who actually saw that Strannik was a Devidian... and you gave him a transfer? And then after he showed xenophobic attitudes, they gave him a double-dis? And Admiral OpSec ch'Harrell allowed this?"
Thraz let out a slow breath. "I know how strange it sounds. But... Karjalainen was young. Very young. And Alyosha hoped he might take a second chance, somewhere away from what caused him so much fear, and turn himself around. He also felt like... Karjalainen didn't deserve to be punished because of his deception. Alyosha said that. So he was transferred - but kept within the 77th so ch'Harrell could monitor what was going on with him. In the end..." A sad expression crossed the Aenar's face. "Alyosha was right. But it came too late for Karjalainen to save himself from the damage he did." He listened, then spoke in a low, solemn voice. "Alyosha believes the responsibility for Karjalainen rests on his shoulders."
"Still, that seems like way too big of a risk," Admiral LaRoca persisted. "Letting Karjuh- uh, Karjalainen off your ship, and then letting him out into the public with only his word that he'll keep his mouth shut about what he saw..." Remind me to run a check on him, he told Reader.
"It was a risk. And a hard one. But... the alternative would have been to forcibly confine him, in one form or the other. Or to violate his mind. All I can say, personally, is that three years have passed and in spite of everything else, Karjalainen has kept his word. Alyosha knows where he is now, too. I suspect ch'Harrell does too - but for Alyosha I think it's not just watching for a potential leak. I think he is hoping to see Karjalainen make good on the new promise he made. To make it right. I guess you think we're both idiots for this. But Alyosha still believes it was the right thing to do in that place and that time."
"I don't know that it was the smart thing to do," Jesu said carefully, "but it was the honorable thing to do. But then, I've been accused of thinking too much like a Klingon."
What would you have done, in ch'Harrell's place? Reader privately enquired.
If Karjalainen had been one of my people and he was a threat to the career of someone on my command staff, I would have had him killed, Jesu LaRoca responded, emotionlessly. To Thraz he said, "Once again, I admire your Captain's depth of conviction."
The Aenar felt a chill down his spine, though... he didn't pry, didn't pull the Human's thoughts from him... but he'd felt something that unnerved him. He wasn't sure what it was - if it was a threat, or if so, what kind. He hid his expression - something that he'd learned from Alyosha, since Aenar society taught very little of such things - though he doubted that even with his best shielding, the Ferasan Reader would have entirely missed it.
Are you all right, Thraz? Alyosha asked him.
I... think so, Thraz answered. I don't think what I sensed... was aimed at either of us. It was unsettling, though.
Please don't tell me we have another Undine on our hands. I'm pretty sure flying with broken bones is against the regs and I don't want to have to do that. Alyosha had tinged his telepathic voice with humor - but it was a dark humor, the sort that came from a long spell of troubled thoughts, and physical pain that couldn't be completely subdued.
Thraz sent a negation to the Devidian. It doesn't feel like that. Whatever it was... it was him. The real Jesu LaRoca.
Thraz returned to the final thing that Admiral LaRoca had said. That, at least - his words towards the Captain - had seemed sincere. "That's very kind of you," Thraz replied on behalf of them both. Then he regarded all three of them, an expression caught between caution and earnestness displaying upon his face. "Captain Strannik is willing to speak with you in person... as long as it would not cause you any discomfort. He advises you that because of the regeneration he's going through that he is in his natural form and unable to shapeshift. He... understands if that would be too difficult for any of you."
"I've already seen him as a Devidian," Jesu said. "That's not something I can ever un-see. But I do want to talk to him about this."
"Me too," Rusty added emphatically.
The Aenar nodded. "Then he's ready for you, sir, Commander." He thought one more thing to Reader. If Admiral LaRoca starts to have trouble... tell him to watch the Captain's hands. In his natural form, he takes great care to make his gestures as plain as he can, to try to keep things from getting lost in the 'translation.'
Reader passed the thought to both LaRocas and sent an acknowledgment to Thraz. They all stood - Rusty picked up his stool and carried it with him - and followed the Aenar into an adjoining private room. When necessary, phase-shifted equipment and other medical devices unique to the needs of Captain Strannik's species were available to treat him in here. Now, however, Alexei Ivanovich was in good enough shape that in spite of his injuries, he could still maintain phase on his own.
The Devidian lay reclined on the biobed, his upper body elevated into a near sitting position. His lower left leg sat under a regenerative arch, a further reminder of his body's fragility in comparison to the others in the room. That wasn't what had Strannik's focus, though.
"Hello," he said softly. For Reader he provided a gentle emotional push - not a coercive broadcast, but a sign. A calmness that said without words, Welcome... I mean no harm. This served a fellow telepath as a smile would for any other. He indicated Rusty with his left hand, palm up. "It's good to see you, Commander LaRoca... I've been worried since I saw you thrown into that wall. How are you feeling?"
The Deinon placed his stool to leave the Devidian just outside of his lethal reach. "A little headache, but I've had worse. My doctor will check me out later. And please, sir, call me Rusty."
Jesu watched the Devidian's hands as Reader had suggested and noted the way Strannik expressed his concern. He wasn't as surprised to see this as a rational part of his mind told him he should be.
Strannik nodded - the movement clear and deliberate. "That's good to hear. But if you need any immediate assistance, please don't hesitate to let Dr. Sei know." A hint of self-deprecating laughter crept into his voice. "She has made herself quite the accomplished xenobiologist by necessity. And... you can call me Alexei," he invited, setting his hand softly to his chest.
Rusty nodded, turning up the corners of his mouth to provide a hint of a smile without appearing threatening. "I'm sure Dr. Sei would have no difficulty treating a bump on the head regardless of species, but I feel fine, and Maria will want to look me over anyway."
"Doctors can be a very persistent species," Alyosha commented. "Mine is, too."
Rusty realized that Captain Strannik - Alexei - was completely at ease with him in a way that normally took months for other people. It made sense, he realized - Devidians were one of a very small number of sentient species further up the food chain than he was. He took a breath and turned serious. "Alexei, thank you for letting us... see you like this."
"Yes, we do appreciate how hard you work to maintain your privacy," his brother jumped in, "and the concerns you must have now that the... cat's out of the bag. By the way, I detest formality, especially in these situations. Call me Jesu."
Хесу Ларока, Alyosha Cyrillicized the Spanish name in his mind. "Jesu," he repeated, mirroring the Admiral's pronunciation. In this form the reason for his gift of mimicry was clear. "You can call me Alexei as well."
He drew a quiet breath, folding his hands across his lap. His fingers interlaced, tightening against each other until he could feel his claws almost cutting into the tops of his hands. "In my experience, it tends to be very unsettling for people who find out that there's a Devidian living in 'their' world. In Starfleet. It continues to be difficult for some. I've almost lost my career a few times over it, and..." He paused. "It hurts sometimes. But when I make myself step back and think about it, I understand where people are coming from. So yes... I'm concerned. And I'm willing to answer any questions you might have, if it would help you to... well... decide what to do with me."
"I know your record, Alexei Ivanovich," Jesu said. "You are a good officer, and a good captain. Whatever else you are... that's secondary. Obviously, the fewer people who know about your unique situation, the better. But I've had a lot of experience dealing with officers who come from similarly unique circumstances." He glanced at Reader, and then at his brother.
"From an outsider's point of view, your situation is just like mine," Rusty remarked. "Abandoned by your own kind, raised by Humans, instilled with Human attitudes and cultural references... similar religions, even. But we grew up not knowing what we really were, only that we didn't fit in. At least Alexei could hide behind his shapeshifting ability..." His eyes went to his brother's. "I could only hide behind you."
Jesu cringed inwardly. "There's a pretty big difference between a Devidian and Deinon, though," he pointed out. "Your species never hunted Humans."
"We don't know that," Rusty said with a shrug. "Deinons don't share their history with outsiders. And apart from the Non-Aggression Pact of 2348, every interaction the Federation has had with the Deinon government has been classified beyond even your level of access, including the events that led to you and papa adopting me."
Rusty got up and started pacing. "Besides, even if the Deinons never did battle with Humans or other Federation races, they did at least fight off invasion attempts by Cardassia and the Dominion - that's in the Cardassian public record. I mean, even you could see how scared Berat was when he saw me for the first time.
"And even to people who have no idea what I am, I look scary. A lot scarier than a Devidian, on first glance." Rusty was getting agitated. He was letting his toe claws drag. "I actually envy you, Alexei. At least you can hide what you really are and pretend to be Human. But me, no matter how hard I try to fit in, no matter how Human I try to be, I look like a demon-freak."
"Rusty, calm down, bro," Jesu said firmly. "Sit down, and relax." Spitz, agua fria, por favor. Se pronto.
Rusty sat down again, and breathed heavily, and gratefully accepted the glass of cold water Reader brought for him. But he wasn't through yet. "Alexei, you obviously don't... hunt like the rest of your species does..."
"Because I could not live with the lives of other people on my conscience," Alyosha somberly intoned. Then his tone took a darker turn. "Because no one was around to tell me that the screams, and the terror, and the horrible moment when the life of a person with a soul just like you goes dark is an acceptable price to pay for my own being. That I 'ought to' shield myself so that I don't feel it all, all the way to the last." There Alyosha had actually sketched out 'air quotes' with his fingers to make sure his bitter sarcasm couldn't be missed. "Like hiding from what happens at a slaughterhouse because it's ugly. The fact that I can feel all of this only makes it worse to know what they do to people."
Reader could feel the hurt beneath the bitterness. "You have taken a life, to feed," he said. "It has pained you deeply since... you were very young when that happened, weren't you?"
"A few weeks old," Alyosha replied, his voice barely above the volume of a whisper. "I know that must sound strange, to have memories that far back... but something about my mind works differently. No one knew what I needed to survive when they first found me. I was dying. And I just - the instinct overcame all of the love I felt for Katya. She cared for me, and I..." He nodded. "I cannot forget how that felt for her. For me. I saw and felt things too, in her last instant, that... they will take more than a lifetime to understand. I can't live like that, like Katya, or anyone else I might kill, don't matter."
Reader closed his eyes as he listened. "So now... you cannot feed without feeling that same degree of grief. Healthy grief, for a Human... But this grief, more than anything else, is what separates you from your species. They hunt and feed without feeling or remorse. But for you... the act of feeding... it's murder - not only a crime against sentient life, but a sin against your God."
"How do you get around that?" Jesu blurted. "You must have some sort of... alternate food source."
"After I... after the autopsy, they... learned about my needs," Alyosha replied, "and the researchers caring for me created a device capable of generating neuroelectric energy of the type and intensity that I needed to live. Non-sentient life wasn't enough. I'm just thankful there was another option, because... I don't know what would have happened then." He shook his head and emitted a soft sigh. The best scenarios ended with him dead.
Jesu tried not to cringe as he remembered one of his first encounters with a Devidian hunting party... in an alternate 2265... *We hunger; we must feed* a telepathic phantasm had raged at him and his away team. Recalling what Thraz had said, he wondered if Frank Drake had sent Alexei Ivanovich and his crew back to face a similar encounter, or even the same one... Stupid time travel paradoxes... But that would have sucked for Alexei, fighting his own species, and knowing he was carrying the cure for their cruel hunger...
"I think we're all grateful that there were other options for you," Jesu LaRoca said.
The Devidian nodded. "I am grateful to... be able to recognize all of you as people. To get to know you, see what is beautiful in people, and serve here. And not to have to choose between living in body but being dead in spirit, or living in spirit but dying in the body. I am blessed to have been given a chance live in both."
Jesu and Reader both smiled at that. Rusty did not. He gazed at the Devidian without really seeing him. He could smell the emotion oozing from Strannik's pores. Spitz, can he pick up what I'm thinking, or feeling?
No. The Aenar, th'Valek, can sense your stronger emotions. But as long as you shield yourself, Strannik can't read you at all.
Block th'Valek from this. Rusty set his face in a mask of expressionless thoughtfulness. There is so much I want to say to Alexei, but what are the right words? He is so haunted by the memory of what he did, even though he was just following his instincts, filling biological needs... How do I tell him now that he is a better man than I'll ever be? That he's everything I wish I could be?
Tell him whatever you can, he felt his brother say, as Reader extended feelings of encouragement.
Jesu placed his hand on the back of Rusty's head and squeezed with his fingertips, triggering a series of pressure points along a nerve bundle where the neck joined the back of the skull. He felt his brother's tension release. I think Alexei is reaching out for a friend that only you can be for him.
The Deinon visibly relaxed. "I know what you've been through," he told Alyosha. "I understand the conflict of instinct and ethics... biology and beliefs. I am glad that you, at least, have reached the point where you don't need to compromise either. Me, I'm still trying to build a balance for myself.
"I guess the point of all of this is... what we are... what we can't get away from... that doesn't matter. Starfleet accepted us anyway. You had to adjust. I had to adjust... but my classmates - by the end - accepted me. My MACO squad accepted me. My shipmates accepted me. I don't have to hide what I am, as much as I may want to, sometimes.
"But you do have to hide. I understand that. But I can accept you for what you are - a Devidian, and a good man. And if anyone asks me, I'll just tell them you're a good man."
"As will we," Jesu announced with a glance to Spitz-Reader. "We'll let ch'Harrell swear us to secrecy or whatever he has to do later, but for now we give you our word that we will never tell anyone that we saw you... as you are now. Like Rusty said, you're a good man. That's all anyone needs to know about you."
Alyosha couldn't smile, of course - but Thraz and Reader both felt it.
USS Tiburon, 2547 hours local
"Gawd, I need a drink," Jesu muttered after the transporter deposited them on their own ship. "How bout you guys?"
"Yeah," Rusty nodded. "Definitely." He looked tired.
"You should have Maria check your head," Reader told him.
"I'm fine," Rusty growled. "If it hurt bad enough I would have asked that nice Selay nurse on the Chin'toka for an ice pack."
"Try not to let it hurt too much in the morning," Jesu told him. "Spitz, you coming?"
"I will join you."
"I don't care if I don't wanna wake up tomorrow," Rusty said to his brother. "Jhrys is covering alpha shift, and I know you're not going anywhere - not if you wanna get drunk as bad as I do."
"I don't believe I've ever seen you like this, Rusty," Spitz-Reader remarked as he followed the LaRocas into the Admiral's cabin. "You're always so careful to keep yourself under control."
"HAH!" The Deinon laughed bitterly. "Yeah, if only I had a device which could give me what I need to override my instincts..."
"It's called a holodeck, Rust." Jesu opened his drinks cabinet. "Waddaya want, bro?"
"That, that, that, and that," Rusty pointed to the liquor bottles. "And enough Coke that I can't hardly taste it."
"That's called a 'Long Island iced tea' and it will get you drunk before you see the bottom of the glass," Jesu informed his brother.
"Good. Hold the ice."
"You want anything, Spitz?" the Admiral asked as he pulled out the bottles.
"Just a flat Seven-Up," the Ferasan requested.
What's eating him? Jesu tacitly enquired.
I don't know. He's not letting me in.
Jesu handed Rusty his drink. "What's goin' on, bro?"
"Nuthin'. I just got a lot on my mind I wanna clear out, that's all."
"Rust, you made a promise. You're supposed to share that kind of stuff."
"Fine." Rusty tilted the glass into his mouth and guzzled the entire thing. He set it down and wiped the corners of his jaws with the back of his hands, and sat down backwards on a chair. "That story Alexei told us, about the first time he'd ever killed anyone. That woman in the research lab..."
"He was a starving infant," Reader pointed out.
"Exactly. He couldn't tell them what he needed to feed off of even if he knew. He killed from pure instinct. As horrible as it must have been for him to kill someone who'd taken care of him, it was an innocent act. He couldn't have known what he was doing then, let alone how wrong it was. But even after fifty years, he still carries a guilt around that's palpable. I swear I could taste the shame and remorse pouring out of him as he talked about her."
"He telepathically absorbed the poor woman's emotions as he was killing her," Reader said. "That kind of thing would linger. But so what if he's got a guilt complex he's never dealt with, along with a few other neuroses. What's it to do with you?"
"I've never felt that before," Rusty replied, "at all, and I think I should have. I should feel guilty about the terrible things I've done, and the things I sometimes want to do..."
He looked up at Reader. "I never told you about my first time, did I? I was... lessee... three years old? No, younger. I was two."
"Two-and-a-half," Jesu said softly.
"Two years old," Rusty went on. "We were driving home from... somewhere, and I saw this little jackrabbit bounding across the road in front of the jeep, and I just had to chase after it. Not because I was hungry or anything... but just because it was alive and I wanted to make it die.
"I jumped out of the car without saying a word and I ran after it. Papa pulled over and yelled at me to come back - and I heard him, but I couldn't listen. I was lost in the hunt. I just had to kill that rabbit. Well, when I finally caught it, I ripped that bunny to shreds before I realized that the stupid thing had died of fright before I ever laid a claw on it. It didn't matter. It felt good.
"Jesu found me about five minutes later - that's how far I'd run - it took him that long to catch up with me. I was standing there all covered in blood and bits of fur and looking down at the mess I'd made... he hugged me and told me it was alright, and not to feel sad. That's when I realized that what I did was wrong. But I didn't feel regret over it. I still don't. It gave me pleasure.
"And I kept doing it. I looked for animals that could fight back. Coyotes and the like. Eventually I had to go to a holosuite whenever I got the urge to kill something... or someone. It doesn't really do much good though. I can't sense a hologram's fear..."
He licked his teeth. "I actually scare myself with some of these urges I get to run around and kill people... that's what I need to control, Spitz. I can't just turn it off with a switch. And then coming here, surrounded by people who are trying to attack my brother..."
He took several deep breaths and swallowed hard. "I need some water."
Jesu got up and got it for him.
"It just makes it that much harder on me... because every instinct I have - every fiber of my being tells me it's okay to kill people who want to hurt Jesu. And I'm terrified of what I would do if I listen to that. And just as scared of what could happen to Jesu if I ignore it..."
Jesu held the glass as his brother lapped at the water, and gently stroked his head. "I'm sorry, bro."
"That was the Undine doing that to them," Reader declared. "Telling them that we were the enemy. That should be over now."
Jesu shook his head. "I dunno. I mighta done enough on my own to make people around here hate me... and I just know ch'Harrell's not gonna a come up and announce that he had an Undine running Ops and ****ing with people's minds." He gave Rusty a pained look. "I'm sorry, bro, but it's not over yet."
Reader stood and carried empty glasses to the replicator. "I've been asked to be with ch'Harrell in the morning, to try to purge the Undine's influence. If I can reach him, I will ask him to encourage his people to release their animosity towards you. It may take time, but these feelings Rusty is sensing should fade."
"Thanks, Spitz," Jesu said with a nod in his direction.
Is there anything I can do for him? the Ferasan asked telepathically, watching Rusty quietly take trembling breaths, like a child on the verge of tears.
Not now. When he's like this, he needs to be alone with me.
I understand. I will see you tomorrow. Reader left the room, wishing he could better fathom his Deinon friend, but fearful of what he would he discover.
Rusty looked up as soon as he and his brother were alone. "I'm still scared, Zoo."
"I know. Do you want to stay with me tonight?"
"Yeah, I think I need to."
...
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
As a side note, when Chakotay broke his leg in Caretaker, the EMH had him up on his feet in minutes
Equally, given the way Alyosha's skeletal structure compresses as he shapeshifts, I guess his anatomy is more complex than a Human's
That...and I don't take VOY seriously (this is the show that gave us the infamous shuttle and torpedo counts, after all
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I did notice though that The Doctor seemed to get less competent as the series progressed, from "Our doctor can revive me even if I've been brain-dead for two minutes" in season two, to "She's brain-dead! There's nothing I can do!" in season five... :rolleyes:
Anyway, glad you all enjoyed this piece. I'd been wanting to get Alyosha and Rusty in the same room together for a long time - two "Monsters" who try desperately to be as Human as possible, with very different results. But I don't think I'd reached the point where I understood Rusty enough to make this work before now.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
Equally, it could be that Chakotay's leg only had a minor break or partial fracture, rather than a more complex break or open fracture, so may not have required more extensive treatment... Totally agree with you about VOY and their 'magic shuttles', although having read an interview with Ron Moore, I understand why the series was structured as it was (even though it weakened the series as a whole...)
Very much so :cool: One thing I would say, is that Alyosha and Rusty, for their similarity of circumstance, are two very different people
As far as the broken leg, it was definitely a complete break. Putting in pins or using similar methods is not an option.
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I think it was the EMH Mark II who pointed out that they no longer used leeches anymore
[Edit to add]
Follow on thought, but it has often been said that when a vampire can feed excessively, the additional blood (transmitter of the Life Force) allows them to regenerate more quickly. Is Alyosha able to do something similar if he were to ingest more of the artificial neural energy? Or more agonising, does he know that he would heal more quickly if he were to drain a living being, but chooses to deal with the pain and delayed healing rather than breaking his moral code?
That's what made that scene so much fun to write! :cool:
What I was not expecting (and was actually pretty tough for me to write) was the intensity of Rusty's reaction. The LaRocas both enjoy and occasional drink but they're both lightweights (Rusty especially) and they don't ever like to lose control. So to have Rusty come home from that and deliberately get drunk and lay it all out like that... that was some pretty heavy stuff for me to have to write.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
I can imagine... There were aspects of Amanda's past which I was aware of, but simply couldn't bring myself to write, because they would a) violate forum ToS, and b) be too emotionally gruelling to transcribe. I often wonder if Jesu is actually a recovering alcoholic, given his preference for coffee, in the same way that Amanda refused to touch alcohol due to her addictive personality disorder. I remember an awesome scene in an episode of UFO where Commander Straker (recovering alcoholic) poured a glass of something. His minion points out that Straker doesn't drink, to which Straker replied "It's for you..." That guy was a true badass :cool:
I am not sure there is any accelerated healing available to him. He actually does "overfeed" a bit on his breaks, but it's more...something he does to make sure he has the best chances possible in an emergency.
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Ahh, I just wondered if he might have been able to re-utilise that energy to heal, given how he was able to channel some of his energy into dying crew members to keep them alive longer, and the kind of energy which his body utilises for nourishment
The comparison may actually be pretty accurate considering my Devidians do not give birth to live young, but to an "egg."
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Ahh, so just a reversal of the ingestion process, that makes sense
Pentaxian females also lay eggs, but don't regurgitate food for their young
I can think of someone who would appreciate your musical choice of metaphors very much.
For me there was a lot of very painful material for me to write in this section, both because of the plot itself and the way things came about. Grady took on a life of his own, but sadly only after someone created him and he was already humiliated and dead thanks to the Undine. So in a lot of ways I as the author have been working with a sense of loss that affected how I approached things, and ended up feeling the pain on his behalf and those who had been his colleagues on 75-Tau.
There's another song that didn't make it into the song selections that really drove how I wrote some of that, and how haunting it was for me.
http://youtu.be/Eaf8HNw-2QU
http://lyrics.wikia.com/OSI:Wind_Won%27t_Howl
"Wind Won't Howl" by OSI
For me I was glad there was the Alyosha material to balance it out.
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patrickngo and I had initially created Grady just to serve as a trigger for the conflict between ch'Harrell and LaRoca. Then we decided he'd make a likely target for an Undine infiltrator.
But gulberat has really gone above and beyond creating the man the character was before we ever met him. Now I feel bad for what we did to him.
One of the neat things about gulberat's writing style is that every character in that side of the universe has depth and a story to tell. patrickngo, knightraider and I often seem to spawn random, sometimes likeable characters just so we can kill them off a couple of scenes later. gulberat doesn't do that.
I feel like Alyosha is turning out to be one of the best parts of this story. At least, he's bringing out the best stuff from each of my characters he's come into contact with so far - Kenny, Jesu, Rusty, Reader... I also love the way he handled himself after his cover was blown. He didn't panic or freak out - he just very calmly accepted that his career and possibly his life was in the hands of an outsider.
I also really like the way he interacted with Spitz-Reader at the top of this latest entry. That was not an easy story for Reader to share. I don't imagine he talks about his past very much.
...Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you / Oh, I can hear it callin 'me / I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?...
- Anne Bredon
It certainly gave me ample material to write for Dr. Ajiann and the others in the 77th Fleet who were strongly affected by what happened, though. It was important to me to give Grady a more dignified farewell and some sort of meaningful legacy. A better "exit stage right" than what he had in life.
By the way, wow...writing an obituary / death notice is REALLY hard. Even for a fictional character, that was a serious challenge that actually took me a good bit of research.
This wasn't his first time being exposed for what he was in front of people--both times because of getting into a situation where he was forced to fight for his life and the lives of others on his crew or in his fleet. So I think he had some hope this would turn out...not to mention you bet he was praying like crazy.
Devidians as I write them also have a biological talent for keeping their heads under stress or duress. He knew that making any sudden moves or acting freaked out would likely cost him his life.
I enjoyed that too, even though it was definitely hard for Spitz.
And on the flip side, I imagine Reader was quite surprised at what a Devidian mind was like. (True, Alyosha was raised on Earth, but still.)
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I wonder who
I can imagine it was not easygoing, but well worth it. Sometimes that is the way though, when concepts come retroactively, such as the character of H''n'n, and it's just a matter of going with what they give you