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Distinction Fan Fic

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
edited May 2012 in Ten Forward
I've been working on this for a little while, its based off of my main char, im currently writing the middle of chapter two so i figured id post this to see how well its liked. its a bit long, but i think its a good start on a 5-6 chapter fanfic.
Distinction

Chapter One


“Ensign, we have a message for you from one of the ships in orbit” says the Attendant.

Hello Ensign, the academy commandant gives his highest praise to you, apparently you are one of the best students, along with a blessing from Starfleet Command, and I’m promoting you to Lieutenant, and offering you a position aboard my ship, the U.S.S. Avalon. We are leaving in 5 days, should you accept then you transport to my ship and report to your position. I suggest you speak with Admiral Quinn if you are unsure. – Captain Taggert.

“Congrats Lieutenant, you should go talk with the Admiral” says the Attendant.

“Admiral, I was wondering if I could speak with you?” asked Kira. “Of course Lieutenant, come in, what can I do for you?” replied Admiral Quinn. “I was wondering if I should accept Capt. Taggert's offer, but I’m unsure if I am ready to be on a starship yet.” said Kira. “If you aren’t ready, then Taggert wouldn’t have even offered this to you, but your deadline has dropped, we received a distress signal from the Vega Colony, and the Avalon is one of several ships I’m sending to Vega.” says the Admiral. “Would it be alright if I stay behind for this, I need to think on this.” says Kira. “Sure, just remember, the deadline Taggert gave you will still stand will the Avalon returns.” replies Admiral Quinn. “Yes, sir” says Kira, as she salutes the Admiral. After leaving the admirals office Kira heads for her temporary quarters on the lower level of the station. After entering her room she walks to the replicator on the wall, “Deka Tea” says Kira into the replicator, hoping Starfleet has finally got Deka Tea right for once. After one drink she puts the cup back into the replicator. “Yuck.... when will Starfleet get Bajoran tea right…” says Kira to herself. “Computer, what is status of the Avalon?” she asks the computer. “U.S.S. Avalon, U.S.S. Khitomer, U.S.S. Kelvin, U.S.S. Montreal, U.S.S. Bohr and U.S.S. Seacole are leaving spacedock currently en route to Vega Colony to respond to distress signal.” says the computer.

After the task force departs, she decides to go to bed. As she falls asleep, she can’t help to think what is happening at Vega, and what the task force is heading into. No, no, no, no, I don’t want to be assimilated, leave me alone you monsters, Help, someone help me!!!! NO!!!! I don’t want to join the collective leave me alone!!!! Shaken she awakes from her nightmare… “Oh god…. it was just a nightmare” she told herself. After getting some water to calm herself, she heads back to bed. In the morning she is asked to join Admiral Quinn in the lower section of his office.
“You asked to see me Admiral.” says Kira as she salutes. “Yes we got in reports of what happened this morning, the Borg attacked Vega Colony, and most of the ships were lost, it appears when the Borg boarded the Avalon, they didn’t take prisoners to assimilate they just killed anything in their way, one of the ensigns on the bridge took command and brought what was left of the Avalon back here, the Seacole also made it through, but the rest of the ships, including the flagship of the task force the Khitomer, took heavy losses, the Khitomer was evacuated on its return. We intend to decommission the Avalon, but we have a ship sitting in drydock that’s been there for at least a year, its repairs are finished and we have moved all the crewmen of the Avalon to the Avenger, and I am placing it in your command, seeing as the acting captain was an ensign and you’re a lieutenant. However Mirra will act as your first officer until you can appoint one.” says Admiral Quinn. “Is this a prank on me Admiral” says Kira in disbelief. “Unfortunately, no this isn’t a prank; you are the acting captain of the U.S.S. Avenger as of now. Your dismissed Lieutenant, you have a ship to get to, and a ship that needs its captain.” replies Admiral Quinn. “Yes sir” says Kira as she salutes.

Kira walks out of the office heading for the transporter room, “Chief, I need transport to the Avenger” says Kira. “Yes ma’am, step on pad two and ill send you the ship,” replied the Chief. As she walks to the pad she taps her combadge and hears it chirp, “Avenger, this is Lieutenant Kira, I am preparing to transport aboard.” “Aye Captain, were ready for you on the bridge.” replies one of the crewmen. “Chief, energize” she instructs the chief. After rematerializing her transporter chief says “Welcome aboard the Avenger, Captain. Mirra is waiting for you in your ready room attached to the bridge.” “Alright, thank you for the info, chief.” replies Kira. As she leaves the transporter room to try and get to the bridge, she realizes, she has no clue where the turbo lift is. She taps her combadge and after the chirp she says, “Chief, would you mind showing me to the turbolift, I am a bit lost.” “Sure, just a second and I’ll come get you and take you to the lift.” replied the Chief. After the Chief caught up with her, she found the turbolift, and made her way to the bridge.

“Captain on deck!” shouts one of the bridge officers. “As you were everyone.” says Kira. Maneuvering around the bridge to get to the ready room, she spots the captains chair that sits in the center of the bridge, felling compelled, she pauses to sit down for a moment. After sitting in the chair for a minute, she stands up and continues to her ready room. “Ensign Mirra, report” says Kira. “Yes ma’am, as you’ve been informed I was in command what was left of the Avalon, the Borg kicked our asses back there. They seemed to be deliberately killing everyone they came across. We had to seal off the bridge, and after evacuating all other decks, we vented them to get rid of the Borg. Then secured the decks and allowed the crew to get back to their posts as we went to warp, along with the Seacole and the Khitomer.” says Mirra. “It was one hell of an ordeal, and I doubt I’ll be able to understand completely since I wasn’t there, but I expect you and the rest of the survivors to prevent this from inferring with your jobs here on the Avenger. Also, what will be this ships designation number one?” says Kira. “NX- 91009 ma’am.” replies Mirra. “Alright then, report to your station, and have the ship taken to tactical alert and prepare to leave drydock.” says Kira. “Yes ma’am.” says Mirra as she salutes. Following Mirra out of the ready room Kira takes her seat. “Tactical Alert, All hands standby to leave drydock.” says Mirra. “Helm, cut us loose, thrusters 25% forward.” says Kira. “Captain, Admiral Quinn is hailing us” says Rivis. “Onscreen.” replies Kira. “Ah, captain, I see you are ready to depart. Spacedock has cleared you to go to warp. I am assigning your ship to exploration of star clusters near our member systems, and patrol of our member systems. Good luck captain” says Admiral Quinn.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    I like it. The writing itself is nice. But I don't get who the Lieutenant is. I like that you used your character as the protagonist, and that you added some backstory to your character. :)
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    Oh. Now I do. Maybe you should have the Bridge Crew say, "Lieutenant on deck!" instead of "Commander on deck!" which is confusing as to Kira's rank.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    perhaps i should change it to Captain, i went with Commander, as in commanding officer, but i can see how that would be confusing.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    Yeah, Captain would work. Remember that Episode in DS9 where O'Brien told Nog that regardless of rank, the acting commander was always known as "Captain?" Then Nog asked if he would be referred to as Captain if he took command, and O'Brien replied there wouldn't be a lot of people left to call him "Captain" if he took command. *chuckles* I believe it was in season six, in the "Sacrifice of Angels" arc.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    yea, ive seen all the DS9s its my favorite series. but yea im correcting it in my copy in microsoft word atm, and ill edit the post after.

    edit: both changes done.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    There's definite potential in your story you're off to a good start, though this may be a little nitpicky but I got a bit confused with the dialogue. I'm used to new speaker new paragraph. Interesting choice to do it in the present tense, doesn't that get confusing?
    May as well share my own, only done the prologue so far.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    Wow, that's a good story. The writing feels trek.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    i guess it can be, but present tense seems easiest to me when i write, rather than what happened its what is happening. and that seems easier to write about to me.


    and yea, wow.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    That's cool, always interesting to get a new perspective :)
    And thank you :D I did have a thread of my own but it's buried.

    Who is the Attendant to Lt Kira? Congrats sounds informal to me. But that might depend on where you're from.
    Little typo, capital B for Bajoran.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    the attendant was the person who received the message for her, but i figured for a person mentioned twice "Attendant" would be just fine rather than spending an hour brainstorming for a name for him, lol

    thanks for pointing out typo.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    finishing chapter two right now, ill get it posted in a little bit.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    here it is the highly anticipated chapter two.


    “Close the channel, flank speed ahead, alright, Rivis, what is this ships maximum warp? I am not familiar with this class other than what is in the history books about the NX-01” says Kira. “Warp eight sir, but I recommend warp seven until we break the ship in.” replies Rivis. “We are clear of orbit, captain. Ready to engage warp on your command” Rivis states. “Mirra, what is at the top of the assignment log?” asks Kira. “Patrol of Delta Volanis Cluster, ma’am.” replies Mirra. “Alright, Rivis, plot a course to Delta Volanis, warp seven.” says Kira. “Yes captain, plotting course.” says Rivis. “Course plotted, warp seven standing by.” “Engage course” says Kira. “Yes captain. Course engaged, time to arrival 20 minutes.” replies Rivis. “Good, I am heading down to my quarters to change into my new uniform. Mirra, you have the bridge until I return.” says Kira. “Yes captain” replies Mirra. Kira stands up and leaves the bridge, to go down to the crew deck aka deck three, where her quarters are. After entering her room, she walks over to her bedrooms closet. “This… this is Admiral Quinn’s prank…” says Kira to herself. “I can’t believe he replaced all my uniforms with command tunics…” the same style the Kirk wore on his bridge. Displeased with the Admiral she changes into the new uniform and heads back to the turbolift. “Bridge” Kira states. As the turbolift whirrs into life and begins to move she wonders what the bridge crew is going to say when they see her. As the turbolift opens her science officer a reman female begins laughing. “I’m sorry captain that was impolite of me, Captain on deck.” As everyone turns around to see her, they all start laughing. “Alright alright we get it people, as you were” says Kira. “Status, Rivis?” “We are approaching the Delta Volanis Star Cluster now, just a few more minutes and we’ll be there” Rivis replied. “Are we still in contact range of the spacedock?” asked Kira. “Yes, but once we enter the cluster we won’t be able to make contact” replied Rivis. “Contact Admiral Quinn at once, put him onscreen once you have him, slow to warp five for now.” said Kira. “Yes captain” Rivis replied. As Rivis taps on the helm computer, he talks to himself, “Slowing to warp five, hailing Admiral Quinn… no response captain” “Alright, take us into the cluster. We’ll try and contact Quinn after we leave the cluster.” says Kira. As the ship enters the cluster Rivis activates a mapping beacon to help with charting the sector. “Back at Earth, we were released several nav beacons that have been refit to scan all the area inside their range and map it in the ships computer. All we have to do is drop these beacons throughout the sector and the beacons will do the rest, Captain.” “Excellent, continue with the mapping Ensign” replies Kira. “Ensign Spira, bring the long range scanners online, and begin scanning this cluster, I have a feeling there is another ship out there somewhere.” “Aye, Captain, bringing long range scanners online. I don’t detect any ships out there, but there are a lot more condensed tetryon particle groups than there should be, I recommend tactical alert yellow ma’am” replied Spira. “Alright, all hands, this is the captain, I am initiating tactical alert yellow, man your posts. I repeat, all hands, man your posts. I want this ship ready just in case there are any ships out there” says Kira. “Ensign Rivis deploy four class IV probes to scout the cluster for hostiles.” “Yes captain, probes deploying now” says Rivis. “The probes and the beacons are acting in unison, we have a complete map of all solar systems in this cluster, and we have found the clusters and we believe that they are Klingon ships.” “Klingons here, this is way too far from their empire for them to be here and cloaked.” “Spira can you produce a charged burst of gravitons that we can use to decloak the klingon ship” Kira asks. “I believe I can, I will need to head down to the science and engineering lab to work on it” says Spira. “Alright, get someone to relieve you first, we need all stations manned on the bridge” replies Kira. “Yes, captain” Spira says as she taps her combadge. “Crewman I need you on the bridge asap” says Spira to Crewman Daniels. A few minutes later the turbolift opens and he walks over to Spira. “Ensign, I am reporting as ordered” says Daniels. “Man this station until I return crewman” replies Spira. “Yes, Ensign” says Daniels. On the bridge the mapping efforts continue to put together a better picture of the cluster and keeping tabs on the cloaked ships. While down in the science and engineering labs Spira is working on a particle burst to decloak the ships. “Captain, the particles we are tracking have picked up speed and are headed this way” says Rivis. After tapping her combadge and hearing the chirp Kira says “Spira, how is that particle burst coming, the klingons are coming in at intercept route.” “I am almost done, I am preparing to test it, after that I will transfer control of the particle burst on a massive scale to my bridge station, but as of now it is working on small scale” Spira replies. A couple of minutes later Spira comes out of the turbolift, “Crewman, your relieved, report back to your duty position” says Spira. “I stand relieved, Ensign” replies Crewman Daniels.
    “Captain, the klingons have decloaked and are firing at our reactor. There trying to force us down to impulse” says Mirra. “Helm, drop to impulse 10km ahead of where they will, bring us around and standby with weapons” says Kira. “Aye, dropping to impulse, coming around, phaser banks charged and ready, captain” replies Rivis. “Number one, take control of our phaser banks and fire on my mark” says Kira. “I have phaser control, they are in weapons range, standing by to fire” replies Mirra. “Fire a spread of photon torpedoes, stand by on the phasers” says Kira. “Torpedoes away” says Mirra. “Fire phasers target the right side ship. Helm, go to combat maneuvering. All hands Red Alert, Battlestations, I repeat all hands Red Alert, battlestations” says Kira. “Firing all phaser banks, torpedo launchers are firing when in range and arc, we’ve taken hits captain, shields down to 50% structural integrity is at 75% and falling, Rivis we can’t take too many more hits. What is our contingency plan, Captain?” says Mirra. “Priority override on warp coils, standby to engage warp ten, course: back to Earth” says Kira. “Captain warp eight is unsafe, much less warp ten, I don’t think we can keep that speed long enough to get to earth, and the klingons can match that speed with ease” replies Rivis. “I don’t care about excuses right now Rivis, either we get back to Earth now, or we lose the ship and the crew, so I’ll even allow you to chose which option is better, lose the ship here by the klingons, or in orbit of Earth, where we can evacuate the ship before the warp core goes to breach” asks Kira. “Alright, activating priority overrides on warp core, maneuvering around to match course destination, engaging warp ten on your mark captain” replies Rivis. “Engage, now” says Kira. “Course engaged, warp ten, I am already reading fluctuations in our warp core’s matrices. We left the klingons in the dust literally; it appears some of our warp plasma was vented as we went to warp. Approaching Earth at high speed” says Rivis. “Slow to warp eight. All hands this is the Captain, begin evacuating to the shuttlebay, as soon as we reach Earth, blast out of the shuttlebay and get as far away as you can get. Mirra, break out the emergency transport transponders, we are going to need them” says Kira.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    if youd perfer not to read walls of text in the fourms, its live on memory gamma.

    http://memory-gamma.wikia.com/wiki/Star_Trek:_Distinction
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    Im currently 500+ words into chapter three. one and two were both over 1200 words. so im trying to decide if i want to make it 700-800 or keep it going until 1200-1300. i dont know why but something just feels like this chapter is over to me.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited May 2012
    Distinction Chapter Three:


    “Mirra!!! Hurry up, we are nearly to Earth” cries Kira. “Here I just found them. One for everyone, once we are in range of the space dock activate them and you will be beamed out automatically” says Mirra. After tapping her combadge and hearing the chirp Kira says “Chief how is the evacuation coming.” “75% of the crew are in the ship’s shuttles and runabouts. After everyone is in ill board the last small craft, a fighter for my personal evacuation. Apart from the bridge crew and the engineering crew I expect 5% of the people aboard will have to use emergency transport transponders, but I don’t think we will have enough of them will may have to use the actual transporter to get them off the ship. This still brings up another problem. With the engineering and bridge crews all using the transponders, our standard transporters are going to be backed up, unless we beam them out first, and then we risk the two crews who are using the transponders, and this ship doesn’t have escape pods so those 10-15 people are going to be stuck behind or the 20-25 people that are using the transponders will be stuck behind, it may be a difficult choice but it has to be made, and right now” says Chief Adjoins. “Get those 10-15 as many transponders as we have left. Then let them decide who gets those transponders. I will not order someone to stay behind to their death, but if they want to volunteer that’s different. Do not tell them this, but I think those that do will be getting commendations and posthumous promotion. Kira Out, see you on the other side chief” replies Kira. “Captain, we are entering the Sol System” says Rivis. “Alright, drop us to warp six and take us to Earth. All hands this is the Captain, we are approaching Earth, Small craft, prepare to evacuate. Computer, make a datalog of the mission and make a hard copy for me” says Kira. “Rivis, hail Admiral Quinn, inform him of situation.” “Yes captain, hailing the Admiral, I have a response, putting it onscreen” says Rivis. “Captain, why are you back so soon” says Admiral Quinn. “We were attacked by klingons in the Delta Volanis Cluster. I activated priority override on the warp coils, and we are nearly at breach here, I have 85% of the crew in small craft, engineering crew as well as the bridge crew all have emergency transponders on them. The chief determined that 3 people will be forced to stay behind, 3 people elected to stay. We are about to drop out of warp. I hope you are ready to recover small craft and your transporter standing by to recover us with the transponders. Now, close channel and drop us out of warp, see you on the other side admiral” says Kira. “Dropping us out of warp” says Rivis. “We are at impulse speed captain.” “Open the shuttlebay, instruct the engineering teams to activate the transponder. All small craft, go NOW!!!!” says Kira. “It’s just us now captain” says Mirra. “All of you activate your transponders. NOW GO” says Kira. As the last of the people beam out she taps her beacon and is beamed out of the ship, seconds before the warp core goes to breach. “Welcome back, Lieutenant… you’ve been out of it for nearly a week now” says Admiral Quinn. “It was a shame to see the Avenger go; she was the last of her class. I have a new ship for you, and I am promoting you to Captain, the U.S.S. Spitfire is yours. It’s a Sao Paulo class warship, and it currently undergoing a retrofit it is receiving a third aft mounted turret and it will have a cloaking device by the time you will take command. All you need to worry about is resting up. Your will need all the rest you can get, because after rearming your ship at DS9 I am sending you to the front lines. This conflict with the Klingons has gone far enough and we cannot allow them to continue into our space. I have an executive order from the President of the Federation, it is for you, and it is the details of your assignments. Once you feel better read it.

    Two Weeks Later…

    “Ah there you are Captain; I have a few people joining your crew on the Spitfire. First, Commander Deanna Anien I recommend her for helm and first officer, she is one of the best helmsman in the fleet. Lieutenant Commander M’erri will be your chief medical officer. Lieutenant Junior Grade Gumar I am recommending him to be your armory officer, Mirra is promoted to Lieutenant Commander, as is Spira. I also have Lieutenant Commander Ranaph as your Head of Engineering, and Lieutenant Goor, as Chief of Operations. That means your department heads will be Deanna-Tactical, M’erri-Medical, Spira-Science, Mirra-Security, Ranaph-Engineering, Goor-Ops” says Admiral Quinn. “Yes sir, so what are my immediate orders” asks Kira. “Report to DS9, Captain Kurland will be in charge of your rearmament, after that, it is up to you, follow the executive order and you’ll do fine” replies Admiral Quinn. “Alright, is my ship ready to leave the station” asks Kira. “Yes, it is. They are waiting for you before they leave” says Admiral Quinn.

    the "small" fight scene took forever to write out.
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