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Proposal: Developer Time

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
edited April 2012 in Ten Forward
After reading comments on the recent April-fools-branflakes thing, and how he should have been working rather than horsing around, I have a proposal that I hope to get support for. I've written it up in legaleaze to help everyone understand.


The Developer Work act of 2012

We the members of Star Trek Online, in order to form a more perfect game, do resolve the following:

1 - Developers are not allowed to have any fun. Ever.
1A - They are especially not allowed to share that enjoyment or fun on the forum.
1B - Developers must always be more miserable and ornery than the most miserable and ornery member of the forum.
1C - Community Ambassadors and other non-developers also are affected by this rule.

2 - Developers are only allowed to feel joy once everyone is happy.
2A - Cryptic is bound to make everyone happy all the time.
2B - If anyone is not happy for any reason, one developer must be picked at random to cry.

3 - April Fools should be when the developers work hardest
3A - Developers should also be miserable on Christmas, New Years Day, Independence Day, and any other day generally associated with happiness.
3B - Video must be taken of cryptic offices to prove that the developers are not having any fun.

4 - Housecleaning Section
4A - To ensure that nobody who works for Cryptic has any fun, anyone who enjoys playing STO is banned from being one of it's developers.
4B - Cryptic shall be renamed "I hate myself studios"
4C - There shall be official recognition that those posters who are always complaining are, in fact, right, and they shall all receive a promotion and free stuff.
4D - Those who complain the most will be auto-promoted to developer with a salary of $100,000 a year.
4D i - These people will be given a free flight to California and have all their stuff moved for free.
4D ii - Their first day at work shall be just as miserable as anyone else who works at I hate myself studios
4D iii - They will be given time to understand the actual job pressures of being a developer
4D iv - They shall be banned from saying "I'm sorry, I didn't know"
5 - Teddy gets free cake
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited April 2012
    +1

    And it looks like one of the Devs is already onboard.

    http://forums.startrekonline.com/showpost.php?p=4121662&postcount=15
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited April 2012
    After reading comments on the recent April-fools-branflakes thing, and how he should have been working rather than horsing around, I have a proposal that I hope to get support for. I've written it up in legaleaze to help everyone understand.


    The Developer Work act of 2012

    We the members of Star Trek Online, in order to form a more perfect game, do resolve the following:

    1 - Developers are not allowed to have any fun. Ever.
    1A - They are especially not allowed to share that enjoyment or fun on the forum.
    1B - Developers must always be more miserable and ornery than the most miserable and ornery member of the forum.
    1C - Community Ambassadors and other non-developers also are affected by this rule.

    2 - Developers are only allowed to feel joy once everyone is happy.
    2A - Cryptic is bound to make everyone happy all the time.
    2B - If anyone is not happy for any reason, one developer must be picked at random to cry.

    3 - April Fools should be when the developers work hardest
    3A - Developers should also be miserable on Christmas, New Years Day, Independence Day, and any other day generally associated with happiness.
    3B - Video must be taken of cryptic offices to prove that the developers are not having any fun.
    That be silly and not ensure they are truely working. from 7 am to 7 pm live camera should be streaming making sure that they are working and taking very short breaks. Cant let your guard down.
    4 - Housecleaning Section
    4A - To ensure that nobody who works for Cryptic has any fun, anyone who enjoys playing STO is banned from being one of it's developers.
    4B - Cryptic shall be renamed "I hate myself studios"
    4C - There shall be official recognition that those posters who are always complaining are, in fact, right, and they shall all receive a promotion and free stuff.
    4D - Those who complain the most will be auto-promoted to developer with a salary of $100,000 a year.
    4D i - These people will be given a free flight to California and have all their stuff moved for free.
    4D ii - Their first day at work shall be just as miserable as anyone else who works at I hate myself studios
    4D iii - They will be given time to understand the actual job pressures of being a developer
    4D iv - They shall be banned from saying "I'm sorry, I didn't know"
    5 - Teddy gets free cake

    So tomorrow start setting up the live web camera's and if you can please put shock collars on so if you are messing up or not deemed working hard enough we can give you a little shock to get you up to par.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited April 2012
    Give each employee a big numbers to wear and allow viewers to give shocks so that cryptic does not need to pay an employee to do it.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited April 2012
    .jpg "Not sure if serious"
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited April 2012
    So tomorrow start setting up the live web camera's and if you can please put shock collars on so if you are messing up or not deemed working hard enough we can give you a little shock to get you up to par.

    Still not far enough! Branflakes "wasted time" on a weekend. And he's not even a dev, he's a community manager. Clearly none of these rules are sufficient.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited April 2012
    Oh the mad merchandising to be had from this reality show once the cameras are in place!

    Tacoderriere cushions.
    Branflakes Frosted Flakes.(Nobody buys actual bran flakes.)
    JamJamz... JAM!
    Heretic's Sacrilegious Rock Album. (Every third purchase comes with a complimentary Klingon skull.)
    H2orat ankle bracelets.
    ZeroniusRex cloned dinosaurs! (I'd buy it.)
    Jheinig dictionary. (did I spell the name correctly?)
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited April 2012
    I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed...


    *Moving thread to Ten Forward and contemplating changing avatar to a Marvin robot pic.*
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