test content
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
edited March 2012 in Ten Forward
:D A few jokes for you to start your day, whenever it starts in your time zone.
An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."
The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Murphy, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Sarkozy paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Sarkozy asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Sarkozy sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Sarkozy. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no ****in' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    St. Patrick's Day is in 53 minutes where I am... :p

    The first joke made me laugh soooooo hard!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Thanks for the jokes, may the luck of the irish smile upon everyone today on S.T.O. cheers to everyone..
    and as Dave Allen used to say, May Your God Go With You.... ;)
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    This post has been edited to remove content which violates the Perfect World Entertainment Community Rules and Policies . ~Askray
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Senechall wrote:
    :D A few jokes for you to start your day, whenever it starts in your time zone.

    Thanks,

    Top O' the morn!!!!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    YAY! Happy St. Patrick's Day!
    Be safe.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    The Yetiborg is stuck at work today, so no drinking for me until at least 5PM local time. Maybe I'll just track down a corned beef sandwich or something. And some good cabbage.

    Happy St Patrick's Day everybody!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    If I get on today, I'll be rocking my Romulan tactical officer in ground missions. His green colour scheme and Romulan Disruptor Split Beam is perfect for today.

    Or maybe I'll spend all day on Drozana Station, I haven't decided.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    My favorite St. Patrick's Day Green Song...

    Happy Day to Everyone... :D
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Two Leprechauns were arguing in a bar.

    "Are not!", yelled the first
    Are too". screamed the second

    This continued on for several minutes until the local priest came over.

    "Now, now boys what seems to be the trouble?"

    The second leprechaun leaps on the table

    "Tell me, father, have you seen a nun yay tall?", holding his hand chest.

    "Well, now, I have not heard of such, seen none such, and I believe there are none such.", said the priest.

    "I told you! You've been dating a penguin, you drunken *******!"
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Happy POTATO! (Warning: POTATO!)

    :3
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Tumerboy wrote: »
    YAY! Happy St. Patrick's Day!
    Be safe.

    Do not drink and command your starship
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited March 2012
    Was it a good or bad Idea to have the bachalor Party on St. Patrics day?

    Its not Celebrated in Germany but we got somwho stuck in the Irish Pub.

    Happy and peacfull St. patrics Day
Sign In or Register to comment.