I know I can always expect the right feel of a Star Trek Mission when I play your foundry works. This new addition does not disappoint.
Since you said that any constructive feedback is welcome, I only have two things:
If you haven't talked with Evil70th yet or made a post here: http://forums.startrekonline.com/showthread.php?t=236755, he is really good at catching spelling errors as well as doing his work fast. I could only catch a few errors (which I passed on with in game mail) but with a piece like this one with all of its dialogs it's bound to have some hanging about. I suggest putting Lineage up for his scrutiny, although you may want to warn him about your choice to use British spellings.
Second, which is only a suggestion since personally I think it works without it, is that if you want to lesson the damage of those "too much text" or "stoopid" reviews from hot shot idio-... I mean captains... you may want to think about slinking in a few more skip options in the main dialogs. I saw a few of them slipped in there but some of the longer main plot ones could benefit from more if you feel it needs. Really optional, and the mission is strong enough as is that it doesn't need them to keep a good rating.
(If you're worried about breaking the 4th wall with labeling them as [Skip] buttons I don't think you need to, just make the text something you'd expect a fastplay player to use. "Let's go in phaser's blazing!" or "*Yawn* I'm sure the science guru's will tell me what I need to know," and so on. With those options jumping to a one dialog summary of the need to know info, perhaps really important stuff highlighted in green.)
Anyways, that's my two cents! Thanks again for authoring another great mission. I always enjoy something that feels right and doesn't require me to play through 12 other missions in a series. Looking forward to more as always.
My new Mission 'Lineage' (FED level 16+) is now out for review.
It may or may not be in the review stage by the time you read this.
Any constructive feedback will be welcome. Any thing that does not work or could use tweaking let me know.
Its a mix of action and story so there is a fair bit of reading to it.
Hope you all enjoy it.
Really excellent mission. Loved the story! Really incredible map detail on the surface. I think I remember the Rolarians from a TNG episode. I might be wrong, but it rings a vague bell. I love foundry missions where they work off of previous canon and weave new tales.
On a separate note, do you know what it takes to get out of of the review stage? I've made two missions now and only one of them has been played a total of one time (by Evil70th as part of his review). I've seen new missions pop up from foundry veterans since then get lots of reviews in a short period of time, so people definitely play the foundry missions. What is it I'm missing?
My new Mission 'Lineage' (FED level 16+) is now out for review.
It may or may not be in the review stage by the time you read this.
Any constructive feedback will be welcome. Any thing that does not work or could use tweaking let me know.
Its a mix of action and story so there is a fair bit of reading to it.
Hope you all enjoy it.
I think the only suggestion I'd make are some respawn points. I keep getting disconnected from the server today and it starts me back at the beginning of the mission. I don't have to re-do each map. It just takes me to each map and tells me to go to the next, so a bit inconvenient.
I think the only suggestion I'd make are some respawn points. I keep getting disconnected from the server today and it starts me back at the beginning of the mission. I don't have to re-do each map. It just takes me to each map and tells me to go to the next, so a bit inconvenient.
Unfortunately this is something that afflicts nearly every mission in the game. Not sure if respawn points have anything to do with it...
@rswfire: It takes 5 ratings to get into the main mission list.
Captain Revo - I have to say it was really well done. I think the way you handled the klingons entering the world maybe could have been handled better, a captain really should not have delayed till the last moment to return to their ship. Possibly an Ensign or Lieutenant remained down on the surface? It would still give you the same reason for the Rolarians to keep their shield down though perhaps not as a personal connection to the whole YOU CAUSED THIS issue.
Though I soon forgave and then forgot it as I experienced the mission. The maps were awesome, I loved the story, the Prime Directive was given it's proper place. I literally wanted to go in guns blazing but I knew that I couldn't and it was resolved in a logical way.
I liked how you ended it (I don't want to give spoilers) with a positive and hopeful ending with the people entering a new era.
I did note 2 spelling errors both in the same box. When Talking to 'Prince Sota' "Klingoin" and one other error in that same dialogue that I can't quite remember.
Unfortunately this is something that afflicts nearly every mission in the game. Not sure if respawn points have anything to do with it...
on topic, I'm planning to play this one soon!
It was amazing! I seriously loved it. Such an awesome story. It's just awe-inspiring the detail that some of you guys/gals put into your foundry missions!
Glad you guys liked it. I had a lot of fun putting this together.
How much time and effort did it take you to make? Did you have the storyline planned out in advance? I just feel like no detail was overlooked! Without any spoilers, I just really loved the transition of the world from "before and after." It was awesome.
It's hardly worth mentioning, but in case you want to hear it, there are some grammar errors throughout the many different dialogues. (One of my many roles for my job is as an editor, so I just tend to notice them...) They are easily overlooked though because of the depth and engagement the mission creates!
How much time and effort did it take you to make? Did you have the storyline planned out in advance? I just feel like no detail was overlooked! Without any spoilers, I just really loved the transition of the world from "before and after." It was awesome.
It's hardly worth mentioning, but in case you want to hear it, there are some grammar errors throughout the many different dialogues. (One of my many roles for my job is as an editor, so I just tend to notice them...) They are easily overlooked though because of the depth and engagement the mission creates!
I have had the core story in my head for months. I was just waiting for them to let me get more slots as I had used up all my other ones. The 'before and after' was the first thing I thought of and I wanted to build a story around it as I thought it was a cool premise.
Once I had the new slot I put the mission together in about 3 weeks. I have a fair bit of time on my hands and I know my way around the foundry, so it does not take me long.
spelling is sadly an area that I'm a bit weak on. I try to proof read as much as I can but its not the easiest thing to check with the way the foundry is set up, especially as I'm always making changes and things just fall through the cracks.
Hey Revo, we did a review of your mission on BitesizeUGC. Give it a looksee here!
hey, thanks for the video review. very nice and glad you liked it.
by the way your mission, The Search for Niemy was spectacular. I loved every minute of it. I may have to start using the warp effect between systems to cut down map transitions.
Mission Name: Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Minimum Level: 16+
Allegiance: Federation
ST-ST-HM96NBUCK
Estimated Mission Length: 45 Mins
Method of Report Delivery: Forum Post
Hi,
id like to throw Lineage up for review. The main area I really need help is spelling and grammar as proof reading is something I'm not very good at and no matter how many times i go over it I miss stuff, so I'd appreciate a keen eye going over it.
Please keep in mind I am from England so use the British spelling (honour rather than honor etc).
Summary: This is a fantastic mission. Your attention to detail in your map design is outstanding and the story dialog was great. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story combined with excellent map design and good, tough battles. In case it is clear, I think this is a great mission!
You will notice I listed a couple of areas where you used the response button "Continue". In some of the dialog it is perfectly valid to use it. In others I felt you should use something else more appropriate to the dialog. More specifically I would recommend you consider any response button to a report made by a BOFF or anything from the NPC directed at the player should be responded to.
I did like your use of the [OOC] dialog for the extended responses from the player. I have seen this used in other missions and I too have started using that in the new mission I am developing. It is a good tool to allow the story to flow and give the player more of a feel of being part of the whole story. I would only add perhaps make the last line of the [OOC] dialog the response button.
Below are a several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a very detailed and intriguing description. It makes me want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written. I like the feeling of friendship implied in the dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the upmost importance and require [ShipName] to report" to read "the upmost importance and requires the [ShipName] to report".
Mission Task: This is a good mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.
MAPS: Bhea System: This is a really good map design. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Rolara Prime: This is an excellent map design. The dialog was outstanding. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "King Maknor" dialog; consider changing "Your federation has given" to read "Your Federation has given".
-Consider changing "They are off limit, as I'm sure you understand" to read "They are off limits, as Im sure you understand".
-The "Historian" dialog; consider changing the response button "You meet them personally" to read "You met them personally".
-Consider changing the response button "Why did you isolate yourself" to read "Why did you isolate yourselves".
-The "Why did you isolate yourself" dialog; consider changing "but it seems were naive" to read "but it seems we're naive".
-The "They turned on you" dialog; consider changing "We could not afford to lose than many people" to read "We could not afford to lose that many people".
-Consider changing "energy into creating" to read "energy in creating".
-The post "Examine the Symbol" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "It is interesting" or something along those lines.
-The "Rolarian Doctor" post "This data looks complicated" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you for your help" or something along those lines. This will be the last note of the use of the word "Continue" in the response button. Ill cover it in the summary.
Rolar Prime Under Attack: This is a really well designed map. The dialog is good and the battles are a good challenge. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The post first battle dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Acknowledged" or something along those lines.
Rolara Prime Revisited: The map design and battles are well done. The dialog is well written. That way you dont have to use the "Continue" button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Klingon" dialog; consider changing "I do not hear the words of liers" to read "I do not hear the words of liars".
-The "Player Dialog with the Admiral"; consider changing "The klingons have taken over" to read "The Klingons have taken over".
-The post "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "The klingons are only" to read "The Klingons are only".
The New Palace: This is a great map design and the battles are good. The story dialog is well written. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing some of the reach points that trigger the reinforcements. There were several battles that by the time I got there most of the fighting was over.
Stopping Durran: The map design is outstanding and the battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is great and this is a great wrap up to the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Prince Satto" dialog; consider changing "I can not stop you" to read "I cannot stop you".
-The "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "I can only hope you are right, The Federation can't" to read "I only hope you are right, the Federation can't".
End Report
Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the mission from start all the way through to the finish.
Brian
I ran this mission tonight with my commander sci on advanced difficulty.
It was a great mission!
The space combat was spaced very nicely and the battle against the carrier in the middle and against the main antagonist in the end was just challenging enough to keep me interested.
The ground combat was very good too although the boss got tied up in the wall- NOT your fault.
I did notice that there were packs of Klingon squads that i was easily able to avoid. So you may wish to have them roam around on patrol to up the challenge of dealing with them- if possible.
I loved the world/culture transition. That was really well done.
Great story! Very deserving of a Foundry Spotlight.
Comments
Since you said that any constructive feedback is welcome, I only have two things:
If you haven't talked with Evil70th yet or made a post here: http://forums.startrekonline.com/showthread.php?t=236755, he is really good at catching spelling errors as well as doing his work fast. I could only catch a few errors (which I passed on with in game mail) but with a piece like this one with all of its dialogs it's bound to have some hanging about. I suggest putting Lineage up for his scrutiny, although you may want to warn him about your choice to use British spellings.
Second, which is only a suggestion since personally I think it works without it, is that if you want to lesson the damage of those "too much text" or "stoopid" reviews from hot shot idio-... I mean captains... you may want to think about slinking in a few more skip options in the main dialogs. I saw a few of them slipped in there but some of the longer main plot ones could benefit from more if you feel it needs. Really optional, and the mission is strong enough as is that it doesn't need them to keep a good rating.
(If you're worried about breaking the 4th wall with labeling them as [Skip] buttons I don't think you need to, just make the text something you'd expect a fastplay player to use. "Let's go in phaser's blazing!" or "*Yawn* I'm sure the science guru's will tell me what I need to know," and so on. With those options jumping to a one dialog summary of the need to know info, perhaps really important stuff highlighted in green.)
Anyways, that's my two cents! Thanks again for authoring another great mission. I always enjoy something that feels right and doesn't require me to play through 12 other missions in a series. Looking forward to more as always.
Really excellent mission. Loved the story! Really incredible map detail on the surface. I think I remember the Rolarians from a TNG episode. I might be wrong, but it rings a vague bell. I love foundry missions where they work off of previous canon and weave new tales.
On a separate note, do you know what it takes to get out of of the review stage? I've made two missions now and only one of them has been played a total of one time (by Evil70th as part of his review). I've seen new missions pop up from foundry veterans since then get lots of reviews in a short period of time, so people definitely play the foundry missions. What is it I'm missing?
I think the only suggestion I'd make are some respawn points. I keep getting disconnected from the server today and it starts me back at the beginning of the mission. I don't have to re-do each map. It just takes me to each map and tells me to go to the next, so a bit inconvenient.
Unfortunately this is something that afflicts nearly every mission in the game. Not sure if respawn points have anything to do with it...
on topic, I'm planning to play this one soon!
Captain Revo - I have to say it was really well done. I think the way you handled the klingons entering the world maybe could have been handled better, a captain really should not have delayed till the last moment to return to their ship. Possibly an Ensign or Lieutenant remained down on the surface? It would still give you the same reason for the Rolarians to keep their shield down though perhaps not as a personal connection to the whole YOU CAUSED THIS issue.
Though I soon forgave and then forgot it as I experienced the mission. The maps were awesome, I loved the story, the Prime Directive was given it's proper place. I literally wanted to go in guns blazing but I knew that I couldn't and it was resolved in a logical way.
I liked how you ended it (I don't want to give spoilers) with a positive and hopeful ending with the people entering a new era.
I did note 2 spelling errors both in the same box. When Talking to 'Prince Sota' "Klingoin" and one other error in that same dialogue that I can't quite remember.
It was amazing! I seriously loved it. Such an awesome story. It's just awe-inspiring the detail that some of you guys/gals put into your foundry missions!
How much time and effort did it take you to make? Did you have the storyline planned out in advance? I just feel like no detail was overlooked! Without any spoilers, I just really loved the transition of the world from "before and after." It was awesome.
It's hardly worth mentioning, but in case you want to hear it, there are some grammar errors throughout the many different dialogues. (One of my many roles for my job is as an editor, so I just tend to notice them...) They are easily overlooked though because of the depth and engagement the mission creates!
I have had the core story in my head for months. I was just waiting for them to let me get more slots as I had used up all my other ones. The 'before and after' was the first thing I thought of and I wanted to build a story around it as I thought it was a cool premise.
Once I had the new slot I put the mission together in about 3 weeks. I have a fair bit of time on my hands and I know my way around the foundry, so it does not take me long.
spelling is sadly an area that I'm a bit weak on. I try to proof read as much as I can but its not the easiest thing to check with the way the foundry is set up, especially as I'm always making changes and things just fall through the cracks.
Again, im glad you liked it.
hey, thanks for the video review. very nice and glad you liked it.
by the way your mission, The Search for Niemy was spectacular. I loved every minute of it. I may have to start using the warp effect between systems to cut down map transitions.
Federation Mission - Lineage
Author: Captain_Revo
Allegiance: Federation
Project ID: ST-HM96NBUCK
Report Start
Summary: This is a fantastic mission. Your attention to detail in your map design is outstanding and the story dialog was great. I would highly recommend this mission to anyone who likes a great story combined with excellent map design and good, tough battles. In case it is clear, I think this is a great mission!
You will notice I listed a couple of areas where you used the response button "Continue". In some of the dialog it is perfectly valid to use it. In others I felt you should use something else more appropriate to the dialog. More specifically I would recommend you consider any response button to a report made by a BOFF or anything from the NPC directed at the player should be responded to.
I did like your use of the [OOC] dialog for the extended responses from the player. I have seen this used in other missions and I too have started using that in the new mission I am developing. It is a good tool to allow the story to flow and give the player more of a feel of being part of the whole story. I would only add perhaps make the last line of the [OOC] dialog the response button.
Below are a several things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.
Mission Description: This is a very detailed and intriguing description. It makes me want to click the "Hail" button. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this description.
Grant Mission Dialog: The dialog is very well written. I like the feeling of friendship implied in the dialog. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing "the upmost importance and require [ShipName] to report" to read "the upmost importance and requires the [ShipName] to report".
Mission Task: This is a good mission task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.
Mission Entry Prompt: This is a nice simple use of the prompt. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog.
MAPS:
Bhea System: This is a really good map design. The dialog is well written. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map.
Rolara Prime: This is an excellent map design. The dialog was outstanding. I noted no issues with the map. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "King Maknor" dialog; consider changing "Your federation has given" to read "Your Federation has given".
-Consider changing "They are off limit, as I'm sure you understand" to read "They are off limits, as Im sure you understand".
-The "Historian" dialog; consider changing the response button "You meet them personally" to read "You met them personally".
-Consider changing the response button "Why did you isolate yourself" to read "Why did you isolate yourselves".
-The "Why did you isolate yourself" dialog; consider changing "but it seems were naive" to read "but it seems we're naive".
-The "They turned on you" dialog; consider changing "We could not afford to lose than many people" to read "We could not afford to lose that many people".
-Consider changing "energy into creating" to read "energy in creating".
-The post "Examine the Symbol" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "It is interesting" or something along those lines.
-The "Rolarian Doctor" post "This data looks complicated" dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Thank you for your help" or something along those lines. This will be the last note of the use of the word "Continue" in the response button. Ill cover it in the summary.
Rolar Prime Under Attack: This is a really well designed map. The dialog is good and the battles are a good challenge. I noted no spelling or grammatical errors with this dialog or any issues with the map. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-The post first battle dialog; consider changing the response button "Continue" to read "Acknowledged" or something along those lines.
Rolara Prime Revisited: The map design and battles are well done. The dialog is well written. That way you dont have to use the "Continue" button. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Klingon" dialog; consider changing "I do not hear the words of liers" to read "I do not hear the words of liars".
-The "Player Dialog with the Admiral"; consider changing "The klingons have taken over" to read "The Klingons have taken over".
-The post "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "The klingons are only" to read "The Klingons are only".
The New Palace: This is a great map design and the battles are good. The story dialog is well written. I noted only one item to consider changing:
-Consider changing some of the reach points that trigger the reinforcements. There were several battles that by the time I got there most of the fighting was over.
Stopping Durran: The map design is outstanding and the battles are tough but not impossible. The dialog is great and this is a great wrap up to the mission. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
-The "Prince Satto" dialog; consider changing "I can not stop you" to read "I cannot stop you".
-The "Admiral" dialog; consider changing "I can only hope you are right, The Federation can't" to read "I only hope you are right, the Federation can't".
End Report
Thanks for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a great job with the mission from start all the way through to the finish.
Brian
This critique report also filed 01/02/2012 on forum posting for: [URL=" http://forums.startrekonline.com/showthread.php?t=236755&referrerid=312767"]In depth mission reports upon request[/URL].
It was a great mission!
The space combat was spaced very nicely and the battle against the carrier in the middle and against the main antagonist in the end was just challenging enough to keep me interested.
The ground combat was very good too although the boss got tied up in the wall- NOT your fault.
I did notice that there were packs of Klingon squads that i was easily able to avoid. So you may wish to have them roam around on patrol to up the challenge of dealing with them- if possible.
I loved the world/culture transition. That was really well done.
Great story! Very deserving of a Foundry Spotlight.