Clones, Clones (They are Strange)
(Sung to the tune of Home on the Range)
Don't Give me no Clones
On a Bridge of my Own
Makes it Hard to Immerse in STO Play
When I sit in my chair
I check, "Is a clone there?"
At least that is what "I'm Just Say..."
"....ing"
Clone, Clone it's so strange."
To have duplicate BOffs while I play
When I make a demand
Or give a command
They acknowledge it four different ways.
They have duplicate genes
They wreck R.P.G. scenes
Body Snatchers or Founders, Undine
I don't know whence they came
But they all look the same
On this bug I'm entirely not keen.
Clones, Clones they are odd.
They all share an identical bod.
Down to the last cell.
It makes my bridge hell
Wish the Devs would just give us a nod.
The Clone War's begun
Set your phasers to stun.
Till coders can fix up this glitch
Our Bridge Slots are maxed
They've been Xeroxed or Faxed
On bridges, our life's just a *****....
Clones, Clones in the way.
No Bridges! No more! I won't pay!
Our bridges don't work
The code's one big bork
Since 8/11 it has been this way.
****************************************
STO: Tunes Part 2
Bridge Clones vs. The Major General
(Sung to the Tune of Gilbert and Sullivans Major General Song The Orion Pirates of Penzance)
On every single model of a bridge our BOffs are cloned today,
Regardless if the bridge is old or just designed for Free-to-play.
For each and every BOff a cloned quartet is getting in my way.
Department Heads are cloned four times up on the bridge, but not sickbay.
Where are my other BOffs? I fear the Cryptic Devs just will not say.
This is distressing cause this bug is definitely not Okay.
The duplicated officers are needing some psychology.
Their shared birthdays make contradictions of the BOffs astrology.
Tom Riker was created by an old transporter miracle,
Which led to some results that were considered NOT satirical.
This coding error touches every Federation Admiral,
And Nausicaan, Orion, Gorn and Klingon Major General.
STO bridges do not work. They never did. They are quite functionless.
The Bridge is just a stage to house 12 digital homunculus.
They stand around with few emotes. They hardly ever animate.
They do not speak or dance or run or drink or laugh or recreate.
Of all cosmetic errors Cloned Bridge Officers are so much worse,
Because they kill our willingness in Star Trek Online to immerse.
We build Bridge Officers from scratch and treat them all just like a friend.
They save our lives and honor planetside down to the bitter end.
Theyre experts using phasers, mines and torps of modern gunnery
They hold the rank Commander but theyre chaster than a nunnery.
This coding error touches every Federation Admiral,
And Nausicaan, Orion, Gorn and Klingon Major General.
They wield vast energies like quantum, nadion or graviton,
Transphasic, Tetryon or Plasma, Polaron or Chroniton.
But most are cloned and this is bad (except for slave girls Orion)
Our Bridge of Merry Men: Four Friar Tucks and yes, Four Little Johns.
Since 8/11 duplicated officers have seized the conn.
So many days and no one really knows what watch theyre standing on.
The Captains chair is center stage for avatars to rest a bit
BOff posture is quite strange when officers will simply choose to sit.
The characters are levitated centimeters off the chair.
The female captains legs, in skirts, reveal her Basic Instinct there.
So see!? It touches matters that are personnel and vaginal.
The Bridge Clones harm each Fed VA and Klingon Major General.
Note: These songs were originally posted on The Clone Watch Thread
http://forums.startrekonline.com/showthread.php?t=242050&page=5
Comments
Just as good as Tom Lehrer's Elements.
Much Better than Gilbert and Sullivan....Orion Pirates of Penzance...ROFLMAO