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Anyone know any Trek jokes?

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
edited December 2011 in Ten Forward
With the good amount of humor and Trek out there. I was wondering if there were any actual Trek jokes. Or silly things in game, books shows or movies that got you to chuckle.
Post edited by Unknown User on
«13

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    The klingons hatched a devious plan to capture the Enterprise in Silver paper...
    Unfortunately the plan was foiled...


    I'll get my coat :o
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    That is a little silly
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    the only star trek joke i know is the JJ Abrams movie. And that wasnt even funny 8(
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    "I know this ship like the back of me hand!" *DONG* -thump-
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    rayvenwing wrote: »
    the only star trek joke i know is the JJ Abrams movie. And that wasnt even funny 8(

    And here I was about to make a link to JJprise on You Tube:p

    Anyhoo speaking of You Tube links... it's not Star Trek and it's not a joke but it is William Shatner in space and makes me giggle a little, try this --> Shh
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    How many Romulans does it take to change a transtator?

    1 to swap the 'stator, and 150 to blow up the ship out of shame.

    Gym "Someone give the captain a pie!" Quirk
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    "Cryptic makes a fair and intelligent F2P conversation of Star Trek online!"
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Watch out for the Klingons around Ur-TRIBBLE!

    What did Spock see when he looked in the toilet? The Captain's Log.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    "Cryptic makes a fair and intelligent F2P conversation of Star Trek online!"

    Wow. You are just determined to be miserable.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    The biggest joke in all of Trek? Shatner directing.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    They have reinforced toilet paper on the Enterprise to wipe away the nasty Klingons...
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    "I'm Captain Braxton of the Federation TIMEship Aeon..."

    20 seconds later...

    "NO TIME!!!!"

    :rolleyes:
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Have you seen my collection of klingon paintings? It's Worf a lot.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    What does a Romulan frog use for camoflauge?

    A "croaking" device :D
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Perfect Worlds.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    An Undine walks into a bar, right. And the waitress says, "is that a third leg, or are you happy to see me?".

    I really hope I don't get an infraction for this...
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Ok, neighborhood missions for the Sol system have been brought up many times in the monthly reports. One potential mission would have players assisting the Enterprise-F as they searched for Klingon scouts near the moons of Uranus... :-)
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Why did Worf change his hair color?

    It was a good day to DYE :D
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    A joke? Ok here it goes

    "YOUR MONEY IS OURS, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" CRYPTIC. :eek: :D
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    the biggist joke of all perfect world n cryptic , listenin to the forums .
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Why did the chicken cross the road? To boldly go where no chicken had gone before.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    I'm looking for actual humor not cynical defacement, can we please keep it on topic a little better.

    What do Remans and Pink Floyd have in common?

    They both came out with the Dark Side of the Moon. "pa-dum tish"
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Question: How many ears does Mr Spock have?

    Answer: Three.

    (A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.)



    Sorry :o
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    The biggest joke in all of Trek? Shatner directing.

    lamo .
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Starfish1 wrote:
    Question: How many ears does Mr Spock have?

    Answer: Three.

    (A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.)



    Sorry :o

    I remember hearing that one somewhere!

    I've got some odd ones I've found about Trek Sterotypes, but I dont think they're approiate for here.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Riker? I hardly knew her
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011

    We are listening to the community's feedback in the forums

    I crack up whenever I read this tidbit
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    Why did the Klingon cross the road?

    To conquer the other side.

    #9


    Why did the Borg cross the road?

    Because it assimilated the chicken!

    #8


    What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?

    Worf Speed.

    #7


    What did Picard say as Data struggled to repair the Marclosian Stitching Machine?

    "Make it sew."

    #6


    What happened when Yeoman Rand complained that someone had cut a peephole in her cabin door?

    Captain Kirk promised to look into it.

    #5


    How many members of the USS Enterprise does it take to change a
    light bulb?

    Six: Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say, "I canna do it, Cap'n!", Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say "Dammit, Jim -- I'm a doctor not an electrician!!", Kirk to TRIBBLE it in, and two red-shirt security officers to die in the process.

    #4


    What is Riker's dating philosophy?

    If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again.

    #3


    What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?

    A croaking device.

    #2


    Why did Worf change his hair color?

    It was a good day to dye.

    #1


    Why is Kirk a better captain than Picard?

    One word: hair.
    Kirk never drinks tea.
    Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
    Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
    Kirk's bridge is not beige.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    The Borg versus Microsoft
    "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.

    Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

    Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

    Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

    Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is 'Microsoft'?"

    Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

    Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

    Data "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."

    Picard "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."

    Fifteen minutes later . . .

    Data "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."

    Geordi "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

    Picard "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed."

    Data "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Apparently, the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

    Riker "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."

    Geordi, excited "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

    Picard "Data, what do your scanners show?"

    Data "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

    Picard "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality."

    Two hours pass . . .

    Riker "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"

    Geordi "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have set up, our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.

    Picard "How much time will that buy us ?"

    Data "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."

    Geordi "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

    Picard "Identify."

    Data "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"

    Over the speakers:
    "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

    Data "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

    Picard "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

    Riker "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"

    Data "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer, I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"

    Riker and Picard together horrified "Lawyers !!"

    Geordi "It can't be. All the lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

    Data "True, but apparently some must have survived."

    Riker "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."

    Data "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape'. I understand that it often proves fatal."

    Riker "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"

    Picard "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that!"
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited October 2011
    mizarone wrote: »
    The Borg versus Microsoft
    "Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.

    Best one yet!!! LMAO
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