test content
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc

Altar Of Server-Up Time

SystemSystem Member, NoReporting Posts: 178,019 Arc User
edited March 2011 in Ten Forward
Ok since Cryptic has tried SCIENCE! and technology to keep the servers going... notice it didn't work... it's time to try a sacrifice to the Network Server Gods.

In order to complete the ritual I will need the following:


One pristine copy of Legend Of The Overfiend, original edition.

Two virgins

Six hairs off of Captain Picard's head

A copy of the funnest Garfield Comic Strip Ever

A quart of oil from a 1996 Dodge Neon with less than 30,000 original miles

President Obama's birth certificate.




Bring them to me, High Priestess Marie and I will complete the ritual. Upon completion, a portal will open and UNLIMITED BANDWIDTH will pour forth into this reality. Lag will be banished to a realm of non-ecludian horrors, and all bugs will be CRUSHED while new features roll out on a timely basis.


...well hop to it kids we got a server to fix!!!
Post edited by Unknown User on
«134567

Comments

  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Ok since Cryptic has tried SCIENCE! and technology to keep the servers going... notice it didn't work... it's time to try a sacrifice to the Network Server Gods.

    In order to complete the ritual I will need the following:


    One pristine copy of Legend Of The Overfiend, original edition.

    Two virgins

    Six hairs off of Captain Picard's head

    A copy of the funnest Garfield Comic Strip Ever

    A quart of oil from a 1996 Dodge Neon with less than 30,000 original miles

    President Obama's birth certificate.




    Bring them to me, High Priestess Marie and I will complete the ritual. Upon completion, a portal will open and UNLIMITED BANDWIDTH will pour forth into this reality. Lag will be banished to a realm of non-ecludian horrors, and all bugs will be CRUSHED while new features roll out on a timely basis.


    ...well hop to it kids we got a server to fix!!!

    The ritua will never start then.....b/c the thing I highlighted doesn't exist. :p

    Haha he's so from Kenya....even a "Welcome to Kenya" border sign even has "Birthplace of B.O." Wish the pic wan't on my phone though...otehrwise I would pot this funny as hell pic :(
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Hm.


    Well I guess we could substitute the blood of a Tall Canadian Geologist instead. We won't banish lag and there may be some bugs still but it's better than what we have now. :p
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Ok since Cryptic has tried SCIENCE! and technology to keep the servers going... notice it didn't work... it's time to try a sacrifice to the Network Server Gods.

    In order to complete the ritual I will need the following:


    One pristine copy of Legend Of The Overfiend, original edition. Done

    Two virgins Should be easy enough

    Six hairs off of Captain Picard's head Ummm that could be a problem

    A copy of the funnest Garfield Comic Strip Ever Don' they have to be funny first?

    A quart of oil from a 1996 Dodge Neon with less than 30,000 original miles Easier time to find hair from Sir Patrick

    President Obama's birth certificate.
    not touching that one with a 10 parsec pole


    Bring them to me, High Priestess Marie and I will complete the ritual. Upon completion, a portal will open and UNLIMITED BANDWIDTH will pour forth into this reality. Lag will be banished to a realm of non-ecludian horrors, and all bugs will be CRUSHED while new features roll out on a timely basis.


    ...well hop to it kids we got a server to fix!!!

    Oh and another thing... Capulet is High Priestess here, so if yo uwant the title, it'll require a deathmatch, and she's got The Mallett
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    The sooner we get these items collected the sooner I can fix the server! Come on people! Hop to it!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Ok since Cryptic has tried SCIENCE! and technology to keep the servers going... notice it didn't work... it's time to try a sacrifice to the Network Server Gods.

    In order to complete the ritual I will need the following:


    One pristine copy of Legend Of The Overfiend, original edition.

    Two virgins
    Six hairs off of Captain Picard's head

    A copy of the funnest Garfield Comic Strip Ever

    A quart of oil from a 1996 Dodge Neon with less than 30,000 original miles

    President Obama's birth certificate.




    Bring them to me, High Priestess Marie and I will complete the ritual. Upon completion, a portal will open and UNLIMITED BANDWIDTH will pour forth into this reality. Lag will be banished to a realm of non-ecludian horrors, and all bugs will be CRUSHED while new features roll out on a timely basis.


    ...well hop to it kids we got a server to fix!!!

    Male or female?
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Doesn't matter.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    What is this blasphemy?

    Everyone around here knows that God-Empress Suzumiya is our favored deity here. And the Suzumiya does not like sacrifices. Offerings of space heaters, digital video cameras, frog costumes, and pellet guns are welcome however.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Well until someone comes along and crams me into a Nalge Bottle I'm High Priestess Of The Server Gods.

    And given that I won't FIT into a Nalge Bottle I do not forsee any curtailment of my rituals.

    ...any luck tracking down that Dodge Neon oil, folks?
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Well until someone comes along and crams me into a Nurgle Bottle I'm High Priestess Of The Chaos Gods.

    And given that I won't FIT into a Nurgle Bottle I do not forsee any curtailment of my rituals.

    Fixed that for you.

    Captain_Marie has confessed to their heresy! Burn the witch!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Meh.

    I chug that "liquid pain-of-fire" hot-sauce and drink Whisky streight from the bottle. I'm am utterly fireproof at this point... and resistant to all forms of "burning."
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Meh.

    I chug that "liquid pain-of-fire" hot-sauce and drink Whisky streight from the bottle. I'm am utterly fireproof at this point... and resistant to all forms of "burning."
    Simple solution then, Empress....

    *pulls lever and drops Capt_Marie into the freezer below via trap door*
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    I know exactly how we can do this ritual in another way.

    I'll need:

    Every greifer/hacker in STO

    a very elaborate Rube Goldberg machine.

    TRIBBLE Cheney

    and the final ingredient...

    wait for it....

    wait for it....

    Bam: http://media.photobucket.com/image/Red%20vs%20Blue%20motivational%20posters/Glockwork_Orange/Motivational%2520Posters/1176950541110.jpg
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    MGDawson wrote: »
    Simple solution then, Empress....

    *pulls lever and drops Capt_Marie into the freezer below via trap door*


    *beans MGDawson with a frozen turkey leg as she climbs back out* STILL THE WIN--- Wait wrong thread. Sorry.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Ravenstein wrote: »
    Fixed that for you.

    Captain_Marie has confessed to their heresy! Burn the witch!

    I say we throw the heretic on a proper alter. Won't fix the servers but will make the Church of 10Forward happy.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Sacrifice me and the servers will crash three times a day for the rest of eternity.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Not Pele' so hard to say....

    Sacrifice is noble..

    I think somebody put a witch hat on somebody. .but she got better?

    Do you weight the same as a Duck or was it a goose...??
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Sacrifice me and the servers will crash three times a day for the rest of eternity.

    I won't sacrifice you. But we do have a zero tolerance policy for servants of Chaos.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    I don't serve Chaos. #1 I lost the recipe and #2 it gives me horrible gas.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    I don't serve Chaos. #1 I lost the recipe and #2 it gives me horrible gas.

    So you admit to having the recipe at one time. That doesn't mean you aren't a servant of chaos, just a bad one.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Capulet wrote: »
    So you admit to having the recipe at one time. That doesn't mean you aren't a servant of chaos, just a bad one.
    *rumages through Marie's stuff and pulls out a piece of parchment*
    Hey, she still has the recipe! No wait...this is her "to kill list"....
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    MGDawson wrote: »
    *rumages through Marie's stuff and pulls out a piece of parchment*
    Hey, she still has the recipe! No wait...this is her "to kill list"....

    Such things are never to be put to paper. She's displaying henchmen level incompetence. Good thing she's on Chaos's side.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Those aren't people those are used-car dealers, Jiffy-Lube attendents and that really creepy dude that hands out towels at the YMCA. They lost their humanity YEARS ago.
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Capulet wrote: »
    Such things are never to be put to paper. She's displaying henchmen level incompetence. Good thing she's on Chaos's side.
    I don't know....:p
    *remembers his "to kill list" is still in need of several kills. Spots a rat, and stomps on it*
    Got him....*takes note of "1 Rat"
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    MGDawson wrote: »
    I don't know....:p
    *remembers his "to kill list" is still in need of several kills. Spots a rat, and stomps on it*
    Got him....*takes note of "1 Rat"

    Lets try this again, unless you work for Dr Evil you don't write down hit lists! *MALLET*
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    I'm telling you I'm utterly harmless. When I'm not keeping the servers up and running I work with my friend Aneta Florczyk at the Rolled Up Frying Pan Factory. She rolls 'em I put them into the boxes and ship them around the world....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJug16NlqPk
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    I'm telling you I'm utterly harmless. When I'm not keeping the servers up and running I work with my friend Aneta Florczyk at the Rolled Up Frying Pan Factory. She rolls 'em I put them into the boxes and ship them around the world....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJug16NlqPk

    So you love Chaos, and hate blue collar workers and pancakes. You are seriously messed up. What can you put on a bunny's head if not pancakes?
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Capulet wrote: »
    Lets try this again, unless you work for Dr Evil you don't write down hit lists! *MALLET*
    I'm sorry. but it's just so big....
    Capulet wrote: »
    So you love Chaos, and hate blue collar workers and pancakes. You are seriously messed up. What can you put on a bunny's head if not pancakes?
    Erm.....bacon?
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    These are special frying pans that make pancake-rolls. You can fill them with Peanutbutter and put them on bunny-heads!
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    MGDawson wrote: »
    I'm sorry. but it's just so big....

    Erm.....bacon?

    Put that away O.O
  • Archived PostArchived Post Member Posts: 2,264,498 Arc User
    edited February 2011
    Capulet wrote: »
    Put that away O.O

    Can it be? Is bacon your one true weakness?


    *prepares multi-phasic syncronic bacon/anti-bacon assault cannon*

    MUAHAHAHAHA I will reduce you to a cloud of Bac-ohs and croutons! Croutons as you know are the elementary particle of crunch!
Sign In or Register to comment.