Jokes

KungFu_Fight - Harshlands
KungFu_Fight - Harshlands Posts: 94 Arc User
edited August 2010 in Off-Topic Discussion
post what ever funny joke orstory you have to put a smile on some ones face b:pleased




first joke (i dont have a bf but i heard it and it was funny)



me and my bf are always like back a forth there was a time when i should of left and there was a time when he should of left and then there was a time when we both should of left but we didnt




:D enjoy but dont go to crazy were it will get blocked >.>
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
COCOCOCOCOCOCOCCOCOCOCOCO >.> :3b:chuckleb:cute
Post edited by KungFu_Fight - Harshlands on

Comments

  • LifeHunting - Heavens Tear
    LifeHunting - Heavens Tear Posts: 2,023 Arc User
    edited August 2010
    UPS Airlines

    Just in case you need a laugh:

    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics corrects the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    *
    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    *
    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    *
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.
    *
    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    *
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.
    *
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    *
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.
    *
    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
    *
    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.
    *
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    *
    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
    *
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    *
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
    *
    And the best one for last
    *
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from the midget.
  • Lairian - Sanctuary
    Lairian - Sanctuary Posts: 8,209 Arc User
    edited August 2010
    Life, I've heard those before. I think they were in an old newspaper article or something. Still funny though. b:chuckle

    Ok then, here's one:


    A man is walking down the beach, looking at the ocean. Suddenly, he kneels down and starts praying.

    "God, I've always been a faithful man. I go to church every day, give to charity, and am careful to always obey the scripture. Please, please grant me just one wish?"

    Much to his surprise, God answers him:

    "Indeed you have been faithful to me. As such, I shall grant you your wish."

    "I wish for there to be a bridge to Hawaii so that I may go there whenever I wish."

    "Sorry, but I shall not grant this wish. I can do it, but the time and effort involved would be so great, that I do not feel it is worth it. Think of another one."

    The man thinks for a little, and says:

    "In the past, I have had no luck with women. Every girl I have ever gone out with has dumped me the very next day. Most women won't even talk to me anymore. I wish to know what women really think."

    God is silent for a moment before answering:

    "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Be nice to people
  • VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver
    VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver Posts: 1,099 Arc User
    edited August 2010
    The other day I was a bit tired after having got off work. Unfortunately I ended up rear-ending someone due to my carelessness. Both of us pulled over to the shoulder and waited for the cars behind us to pass by.

    You know how sometimes when you're stressed out then everything seems ridiculously funny? Well this was one of those situations and I got out of my car with this huge grin on my face. To make things worse I started laughing my **** off once the other guy got out of his car. He was a ****ing dwarf (little person if you wish)!

    He takes one look at me and says, 'I am not happy.'

    To which I reply, 'Oh? Then which one are you?'
    This alt has been brought to you by lkurei - Harshlands.
    I'm a guy. b:sad
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] lol
    'I think most of us f2p players stopped caring about buying gold once the ani packs came in, bent the gold market over a chair and did unspeakable things to it. >_>' Miugre - Heavens Tear
  • The_Champion - Sanctuary
    The_Champion - Sanctuary Posts: 988 Arc User
    edited August 2010
    Alright so a guy gets a call from his doctor, and his doctor says, "I have bad news and worse news." To which the man replies, "oh, so whats the bad news.?" The doctor responds, "you have 24 hours to live." The man then says, "oh my, then whats the worse news???" The doctor answers, "I forgot to call you yersterday..."

    So a man lives with his mother-in-law and one day has walked in to find his mother-in-law lying on the ground. He immediately calls 911 and gets her to a hospital. Later the man is approached by the doctor. The doctor says, "I have good news and bad news." The man asks, "so whats the bad news?" The doctor responds, "your mother-in-law has had a mild stroke, but she lived. In fact she should live a good 30 more years. But the stoke has left her incapable of feeding and bathing, so you"ll have to take care of her." The man replies, "My god..." The doctor says, "Also she has no control of her bladder and will have to wear a diaper, which you will have to clean regulary. Also she can no longer speak, but makes this high toned screach." The man sighs and wearily asks, "whats the good news..."
    The doctor says, "Nah I'm just kidding with you she died. " :P
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Sounds about right
  • GrimReaperHC - Dreamweaver
    GrimReaperHC - Dreamweaver Posts: 1,695 Arc User
    edited August 2010
    LifeHunting - Heavens Tear wrote: »

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    *
    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    *
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.
    *
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    *
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.
    *
    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
    *
    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.
    *
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    *
    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
    *
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    *
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
    *
    And the best one for last
    *
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from the midget.

    I totally roflmaololmegalolultramegalolterralolLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL at the one with the green font ROFLMAOOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOL

    And the ones I quoted are also really funny ^^

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