Chuck Norris Jokes.

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MrLovable - Heavens Tear
MrLovable - Heavens Tear Posts: 188 Arc User
edited May 2010 in Off-Topic Discussion
Well i haven't looked at the forums for long, but for the whole time on here i have not seen one thread on chuck norris jokes so here it is. Post your top 5 chuck norris jokes here(you can post more than 1 if you have to, but try to limit 5 per response)b:victory

1)Some people ask for a kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

2)Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

3)When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

4)The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

5)When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

b:victory
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and a thank you to Forsakenx for the sigb:thanks
Post edited by MrLovable - Heavens Tear on

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  • Assburger - Harshlands
    Assburger - Harshlands Posts: 785 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Chuck Norris + tractor = Optimus Prime
    (i dont remember where i heard that)
    Harshland's everlasting cleric L.uckyrose and damn proud of it

    Should be back very very soon...two weeks from now at most b:bye
    ~Pst...imma girl barb ;-P
  • Lairian - Sanctuary
    Lairian - Sanctuary Posts: 8,209 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) When it's time to do taxes, Chuck Norris doesn't fill out the forms, he simply sends a photo of himself crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never paid his taxes. Ever.

    2) Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

    3) Most scientists think that the dinosaurs went extinct because of a giant meteor collision. I think that Chuck Norris went back in time for martial arts training.

    4) When the boogyman goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

    5) The person who really holds all the world records in the Guinness Book of World Records is Chuck Norris. The names actually in the book are just those who came closest.
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  • Assburger - Harshlands
    Assburger - Harshlands Posts: 785 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) Chuck Norris is the reason why you can never find Waldo

    2) He can win a game of Connect 4 in three moves

    3) He can slam a revolving door

    4) He CAN believe it's not butter

    5) He can touch MC Hammer

    6) Under his beard isnt a chin...it's a fist. ( i never understood that one)
    Harshland's everlasting cleric L.uckyrose and damn proud of it

    Should be back very very soon...two weeks from now at most b:bye
    ~Pst...imma girl barb ;-P
  • VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver
    VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver Posts: 1,099 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) When Chuck Norris donates blood, he asks for a bucket and a handgun.

    2) Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, Chuck Norris invented every color of the visible spectrum...except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

    3) The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed, miserably.

    4) Young children burn ants using magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris burns young children using ants.

    5) Chuck Norris can round house kick you so hard that one day your descendants will clutch their heads in pain and say, "What the hell was that?"
    This alt has been brought to you by lkurei - Harshlands.
    I'm a guy. b:sad
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] lol
    'I think most of us f2p players stopped caring about buying gold once the ani packs came in, bent the gold market over a chair and did unspeakable things to it. >_>' Miugre - Heavens Tear
  • Assburger - Harshlands
    Assburger - Harshlands Posts: 785 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) Chuck Norris can divide by zero

    2) he counted to infinity...twice

    3) There is no theory of evolution...just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live

    4) What was going through the minds of all of Chuck's victims before they died? His shoe
    Harshland's everlasting cleric L.uckyrose and damn proud of it

    Should be back very very soon...two weeks from now at most b:bye
    ~Pst...imma girl barb ;-P
  • Silvychar - Sanctuary
    Silvychar - Sanctuary Posts: 3,576 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) Chuck Norris is already dead. But the death was too afraid to tell him so.

    2) Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

    3) Chuck Norris has two brothers: Death and Pain.

    4) The Bible was originally called "Chuck Norris and Friends"

    5) Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
  • Asmodiel - Heavens Tear
    Asmodiel - Heavens Tear Posts: 1,442 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

    2) Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    3) Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush

    4) When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

    5) Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
    "One of the most important factors, not only in military matters but in life as a whole, is ... the ability to direct one's whole energies towards the fulfillment of a particular task." - Field Marshal Erwin Rommel

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  • Assburger - Harshlands
    Assburger - Harshlands Posts: 785 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    2) Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.



    lol jerk, you stole mineb:laugh

    whoopsie...forgot to quote -__-
    Harshland's everlasting cleric L.uckyrose and damn proud of it

    Should be back very very soon...two weeks from now at most b:bye
    ~Pst...imma girl barb ;-P
  • Dark_Feather - Lost City
    Dark_Feather - Lost City Posts: 78 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

    If Chuck Norris were to ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

    You don't find Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris finds you.

    Chuck Norris can impregnate women just by looking at them. This also works on men.

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris. xD

    Only Wonder Woman has a womb capable fo bearing Chuck Norris' children.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he needs.
    [SIGPIC]http://s51.photobucket.com/albums/f365/okamime/?action=view&current=colorful.gif[/SIGPIC]

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  • Raybeez - Lost City
    Raybeez - Lost City Posts: 149 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Bruce Lee> Chuck Norrisb:victory
  • Lairian - Sanctuary
    Lairian - Sanctuary Posts: 8,209 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

    2) Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a 45-11, a suicide.

    3) Chuck Norris is the only person able to email a roundhouse kick.

    4) Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

    5) When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
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  • Naevo - Lost City
    Naevo - Lost City Posts: 55 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
  • konariraiden
    konariraiden Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Chuck Norris is so pro, he takes SgtSIaughter for steroids.

    *awaits Sarge's response*

    b:chuckle
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    I present to you the winner of Konari's Signature Contest...SilversMoon from Heaven's Tear!
  • VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver
    VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver Posts: 1,099 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Raybeez - Lost City wrote: »
    Bruce Lee> Chuck Norrisb:victory

    Chuck Norris came back from the dead. b:cute
    This alt has been brought to you by lkurei - Harshlands.
    I'm a guy. b:sad
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] lol
    'I think most of us f2p players stopped caring about buying gold once the ani packs came in, bent the gold market over a chair and did unspeakable things to it. >_>' Miugre - Heavens Tear
  • MrLovable - Heavens Tear
    MrLovable - Heavens Tear Posts: 188 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    come on people keep up the jokes same people and same jokes if you have to=pb:thanksb:kiss
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    and a thank you to Forsakenx for the sigb:thanks
  • VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver
    VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver Posts: 1,099 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    MrLovable - Heavens Tear wrote: »
    come on people keep up the jokes same people and same jokes if you have to=pb:thanksb:kiss

    A picture says a thousand words.

    Edit: http://images.military.com/pics/off_110308_chuck2.jpg http://thegreenlineblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/chucknorrisiraq3.jpg
    This alt has been brought to you by lkurei - Harshlands.
    I'm a guy. b:sad
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] lol
    'I think most of us f2p players stopped caring about buying gold once the ani packs came in, bent the gold market over a chair and did unspeakable things to it. >_>' Miugre - Heavens Tear
  • MrLovable - Heavens Tear
    MrLovable - Heavens Tear Posts: 188 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    gives props to the picb:victory
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    and a thank you to Forsakenx for the sigb:thanks
  • VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver
    VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver Posts: 1,099 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    MrLovable - Heavens Tear wrote: »
    gives props to the picb:victory
    By the way, they really did named that tank Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.
    This alt has been brought to you by lkurei - Harshlands.
    I'm a guy. b:sad
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] lol
    'I think most of us f2p players stopped caring about buying gold once the ani packs came in, bent the gold market over a chair and did unspeakable things to it. >_>' Miugre - Heavens Tear
  • Shiyuzhi - Heavens Tear
    Shiyuzhi - Heavens Tear Posts: 142 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    People say that Toph Bei Fong doesn't have a beard. That's not true. She's just letting Chuck Norris borrow it. (Fans of Avatar: The Last Airbender will get this one)
    "I have no personality whatsoever. Cower before my blandness!"

    Cookie to whomever gets the reference.
  • Lairian - Sanctuary
    Lairian - Sanctuary Posts: 8,209 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Shiyuzhi - Heavens Tear wrote: »
    People say that Toph Bei Fong doesn't have a beard. That's not true. She's just letting Chuck Norris borrow it. (Fans of Avatar: The Last Airbender will get this one)

    Yeah, I get it. That doesn't mean it's very good. b:lipcurl I mean, the idea that Chuck Morris gets his beard from anyone is ludicrous. Even more so if that someone is a twelve year old girl that can't actually grow a beard.


    1) There are no tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

    2) Outer space exists because it's too scared to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

    3) Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

    4) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    5) When Chuck Norris shaves, he roundhouse ricks himself in the face. That because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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  • Esnemyl - Dreamweaver
    Esnemyl - Dreamweaver Posts: 3,079 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1) chuck norris created the universe with a roundhouse kick

    2) chuck norris can slam a revolving door

    3) chuck norris is a hidden GM in this game

    4) chuck norris doesnt look like a foo with his pants on the ground!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]<3 by Silvy
    Reborn ditzy archer with a serious oreo addiction =3

    '...cuz my IQ is just above what is required to function as a human' - tsumaru2
  • MrLovable - Heavens Tear
    MrLovable - Heavens Tear Posts: 188 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    i am a fan of it but i don't get it either...why would she have a beard? the whole gm was good lol and you spelled chuck norris wrong...look out for any roundhouse kicks coming your way=pb:laugh

    1)182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

    2)Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.

    3)Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

    4)Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

    5)Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
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    and a thank you to Forsakenx for the sigb:thanks
  • VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver
    VerenKaunis - Dreamweaver Posts: 1,099 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    The real reason human cloning is illegal is because if it wasn't then it would be possible for one Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick (CNRK) to meet another CNRK. Physicists theorize that such contact would end the universe.
    This alt has been brought to you by lkurei - Harshlands.
    I'm a guy. b:sad
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] lol
    'I think most of us f2p players stopped caring about buying gold once the ani packs came in, bent the gold market over a chair and did unspeakable things to it. >_>' Miugre - Heavens Tear
  • MrLovable - Heavens Tear
    MrLovable - Heavens Tear Posts: 188 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    1)When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

    2)When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000

    3)As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

    4)Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    5)Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    and a thank you to Forsakenx for the sigb:thanks
  • LlFE - Raging Tide
    LlFE - Raging Tide Posts: 21 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    When Chuck Norris takes a ****, it smells like roses.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    3 whole glasses of Chuck Norris everyday will prevent bone loss.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    You say Chuck... I say Norris.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    In Soviet Russia, Norris Chuck YOU!!
    죽음은 신의 최고의 선물...
  • BryFoo - Raging Tide
    BryFoo - Raging Tide Posts: 129 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Chuck Norris invented water

    Chuck Norris went to a McDonalds and ordered a Whopper.....and got it!

    There is no Theory of Evolution, just the animals that Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity....TWICE!!

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • BryFoo - Raging Tide
    BryFoo - Raging Tide Posts: 129 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon

    Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

    Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

    Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

    Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
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  • Esnemyl - Dreamweaver
    Esnemyl - Dreamweaver Posts: 3,079 Arc User
    edited May 2010
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    bill gates is scared if chuck norris' PC crashes o_O
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]<3 by Silvy
    Reborn ditzy archer with a serious oreo addiction =3

    '...cuz my IQ is just above what is required to function as a human' - tsumaru2

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