MWAH! Fan fiction!

Deathsparky - Heavens Tear
Deathsparky - Heavens Tear Posts: 5 Arc User
edited January 2010 in The Fanatics Forum
Hello, b:chuckle, I'm from ESO, IGN in ESO: Xaii, I'm thinking about writing fan fiction here =O, Face mah Xaii fan fiction!
Title: Meeting and Adventure.
"Once upon an time there was a world called Perfect World, It's name lied, It was not perfect whatsoever," A female storyteller, With caramel eyes and a nice light pale complexion, Her hair was the color of honey, With blond strieks.

"Your right." Stated A man, He had black hair in a ponytail, He had a nice pale complexion also, But not as good as the female. The female was a cleric, The man was a blade master, They giggled at how right they were. They did not know eachother at all, They just met five minutes ago at Heaven's Tear, They were messing around.

"May I ask your name?" Said the Blade Master, "Sure." The females voice was light, Soft, And beautiful. "My name is Sophia." Sophia, What a beautiful name, The word 'Wisdom' in Greek. "What's your name?" Said Sophia, "Me? My name is Thanatos." Thanatos, Death in Greek. "Well..That's a cunning name." Said Sophia, "That's a beautiful name." Said Thanatos, They were getting to know each other, But what they didn't know was that terrors awaited them.

They saw a wraith, But not any wraith, It was no other then Harpy Wraith, The evil wraith that almost killed Sophia in the past, It killed her mother, It killed her father, But it did not kill Sophia. Sophia screamed when they saw this wraith, "AAAAHHHH!" She screamed. "What's wrong?" Said Thanatos, Then he saw it, The harpy wraith..He did not scream, Nor did he run, He charged at this wraith, Then Sophia screamed one name. "THANATOS!!!"

Sophia woke up from a terrible dream the day Thanatos and her met, And the day he almost died a venomancer saved him by sacrificing herself, Sophia was glad that he was alive. But sad that that venomancer had to die. Thanatos and Sophia were now married - A couple forever. Sophia looked out the window of the cottage she was in, She was at Sanctuary, Where they lived, It surely was a beautiful place, Thanatos was killing monsters for his quests, Sophia occupied the house, Happy when he came home, It surely was an honest love, She just thought they could use more adventure..The only adventure they ever had was then--When he charged at Harpy Wraith, Its been 10 years since then, She was 24 now, Thanatos was 27 now. A young married couple, But--Sophia longed for Adventure so she bought tickets for permission to leave Sanctuary for awhile, And go to Lost City, Where the Untamed lived.

I will make more..>.> MWAH!
Post edited by Deathsparky - Heavens Tear on

Comments

  • jokerxdude
    jokerxdude Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Really nice. I can't wait to read moreb:victory
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Why So Stupid?

    Want a darker race? A race fighting for their humanity?
    Go here
    > pwi-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?t=656132 You know you want to.

    Anime! Anime! Oh PW Anime!
    Coming Soon...
  • Kyna - Lost City
    Kyna - Lost City Posts: 1,597 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Sounds like you're setting up for something... interesting.

    One thing though, it all seems really passive.

    My advice to fix that is to read more ^^ Reading good books can help your writing if you pay attention to how it's written and try to improve your own works based on that.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Thanks Silvychar for the sig :D
    rikaflare.deviantart.com
    Fanfiction found on the forums or at rikasstorycorner.deviantart.com
    LOST CITY! -> home to the original badasses of PWI b:cool
    ... and a few losers....
  • Kephras - Heavens Tear
    Kephras - Heavens Tear Posts: 1,472 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Interesting start, I suppose. Could use a little tweaking though.
    1. Capitalization is really weird. Remember, you only capitalize proper names, and after a period. Not, After, Each, Comma. Which brings me to #2.
    2. Commas. Use them more sparingly, and please please please, don't weld separate thoughts together into a run-on sentance with them.
    Sophia woke up from a terrible dream, The day Thanatos and Sophia met, And the day he almost died, A Venomancer saved him by killing herself, Sophia was glad that he was alive, But sad that that venomancer had to die, Thanatos and Sophia were now married, A couple--Forever.
    Should be something more like this:
    Sophia woke up from her terrible dream of the day she and Thanatos met. That day he'd almost died, but a Venomancer saved him by sacrificing herself. Sophia was glad that he was alive, though sad that that venomancer had to die. Now, Thanatos and Sophia were married - a couple, forever.
    If English isn't your primary language (something I seem to hear a lot, for some reason) that's fine - but work on fixing these two things and it'll go a long way towards improving your writing.
    b:victory
  • Xaii - Raging Tide
    Xaii - Raging Tide Posts: 9 Arc User
    edited January 2010
    Thanks for the advice, I'll improve b:pleased I'll fix it, And I read about every day xD, I'm a book worm. I'm just addicted to commas..b:shocked Maybe I should go on with the next part now so I won't have to double post later.

    Chapter 2, The Map.
    Thanatos did not know this, and was surprised when Sophia told him. He had never seen an untamed other than the one that sacrificed herself for his life, nor did he see how they acted. Were the untamed nice? he wondered. But why was he the one afraid? He forced himself to man up and go with Sophia to Lost City.

    They FINALLY got to Lost City after that long walk, A lot of Untamed pushed him around, This made him think some of them weren't nice.

    "Hey! You! Beautiful lady!" Said a barbarian, he was talking to Sophia.

    "Me?" Said Sophia, And she glanced at Thanatos worried about this guy.

    "Yes, You." The barbarians voice was ruffled, He must be retired. Thought Sophia. He sounded old.

    "I have some wonderful supplies for you and your husband." Said the barbarian, He was a wolf barbarian, very old.

    "How did you know he was my husband?" Asked Sophia, Confused.

    "Ugh, Never mind that. I have a special map for you two." Said the Barbarian.

    "Let's go Sophia, This guy just wants trouble." Thanatos said. He was worried about Sophia.

    The barbarian grabbed Sophia's arm, Forced her to take the map and threw her into Thanatos, He was way stronger than an old man..

    "Sophia! Are you alright?" Asked Thanatos, He glared at the barbarian.

    "Yes..He said that this map could lead us to a place that makes our wishes come true. The problem with that is that your the best wish that had ever happened to me." She felt her bloody arm, It was soaked with her own blood.

    "Stupid Barbarian. Thinks he can fool us." Said Thanatos angry.

    "Maybe we should go, why would he grab me and throw me just to give me use 'useless' map? What if it lead to a place that was super beautiful. Or what if it lead to a place that led all the wraiths away? Maybe we should go." Said Sophia, wondering.

    "Fine." Thanatos grabbed the map, and they followed it.

    I've seen other chapters and compared to mine they are REALLY short..Therefore I will have alot.

Categories