ugh...boy troubles irl

Ravanna - Heavens Tear
Ravanna - Heavens Tear Posts: 7 Arc User
edited September 2008 in Off-Topic Discussion
Sigh...so basically, there's this guy who i've hung out with a couple of times the past two weeks, and last night, when we were watching a movie w/ our little group of friends, he basically told me he was 'interested' on his cell phone...

my delimma lies within the fact that, although i do like him/he's a cool guy, and i enjoy hanging out around him and i dont think he's a loser or anything...the flat out truth is, i'm just not interested:(...

Honest to gawd, i had no clue i was leading him on, just bc i enjoy having good convos with people, and altho i opened up a little bit to him, that honestely doesn't mean i was flirting/leading him on...I only met him two weeks ago and i just never considered him more than a friend and never will really.

But i dont wanna hurt his feelings, bc i do want him to be apart of our lil group of friends...and i dont want to make any of this weird for anyone...

ugh basically, i think i'm screwed...

(oh n i'm supposed to go over to their place tonight cuz he's cooking dinner for everyone...do i even go?)

sigh :(
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Post edited by Ravanna - Heavens Tear on

Comments

  • Hisui - Heavens Tear
    Hisui - Heavens Tear Posts: 1,369 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    heh. happens way too often.

    guys are the biggest misinterpreters in the world when it comes to how girls see them.
    theres no need to avoid him. just act natural, as you're doing nothing wrong. you can have one of your mutual friends drop him a few hints that you're not interested.

    ciao :D
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  • kyuuki
    kyuuki Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Your situation is one of those tough to get out of holes, yet very common.

    Although you do like him as a friend, you dont him as anything more. However, do not fret, its not like he confessed that he wants you to be his girlfriend, he said he was interested in you, so thats your saving grace.

    For some men, they want to see if they show a little more affection to a girl, to see if she will return the same affection. The best way to resolve this is to be honest to him about it. Tell him that you are not interested in anything more than a good friend and you dont want to lose the friendship you have now with a relationship that you cannot put your heart into. It would hurt him more to live with a fake relationship than to have a great friendship with someone he likes. If hes a smart guy, he'll understand your feelings and keep things as great as they were before, otherwise, if hes selfish and too self-concious he will freak out, at that time you need to be stern and not buckle down to the crocodiile tears and stay strong.

    You have to tell him that you dont see their relationship going any further right now than good friends. Im sure he will understand and you will grow closer as such. But if your worry too much about it and dont stay cool headed and down to earth, you may make a bigger mistake than before. Dont ignore the situation, talk to him and tell him your feelings on the matter, if you do such, things will get better for you. Trust me.
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  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    most guys have zero interest in hanging with a female unless they think they can sleep with her; most girls talk **** about stuff guys don't care for and any indication a guy is actually listening to you means he wants to sleep with you.

    just brutally tell him "it's just not gonna happen" and expect him to "like" you a lot less/stop listening to your girly **** for a while.

    don't try to win back his interest during this transition period or you'll be back to stage one "i know she wants to sleep with me" mode.
  • whisky
    whisky Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Agreed with everyone else here, just be honest, and dont dance around it either, make sure there is no room for misinterpretation. If this stops him from wanting to be your friend, he never wanted it.

    I have had the same problem many times, lucky, I can usually get away with telling them im a ****.
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    whisky wrote: »
    ...I can usually get away with telling them im a ****.

    see, this is the kind of dumb girly **** most guys don't bother listening to unless, that is, you regale them with stories of what you and your **** friends do behind closed doors.
  • Whisky - Lost City
    Whisky - Lost City Posts: 23 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    troll wrote: »
    see, this is the kind of dumb girly **** most guys don't bother listening to unless, that is, you regale them with stories of what you and your **** friends do behind closed doors.

    It dose however get the point across very quickly, and other than those in my inner group (who know damn well i play for both teams) it has a 100% success rate.
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Whisky - Lost City wrote: »
    It dose however get the point across very quickly, and other than those in my inner group (who know damn well i play for both teams) it has a 100% success rate.

    well that's great, but i think OP was looking for advice, not confession.
  • sikozu
    sikozu Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    My advice: Tell him your not interested in dating anyone right now. Really the truth never hurts. Dont beat around the bush I'm sure if it was the other way around you would want them to tell you the truth no? ;)
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  • Whisky - Lost City
    Whisky - Lost City Posts: 23 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    I think OP understands the advice I gave....... or will when she reads it.

    Just concider it "girly ****" and move on if you dont understand why I said any of that. :P
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    sikozu wrote: »
    My advice: Tell him your not interested in dating anyone right now. Really the truth never hurts. Dont beat around the bush I'm sure if it was the other way around you would want them to tell you the truth no? ;)

    i forgive sikozu for talking girly **** as she has an extra chromosome, however unless OP really doesn't want to be with any guys, how is telling this guy she doesn't want to be with anyone the truth when she might wanna go sleep with some new random guy down the road tomorrow.

    dumb advice as you'd expect from one with extra chromosomes, but once again, sikozu here has certain "difficulties" which make her posting here albeit in annoying pink a great achievement in itself.
  • sikozu
    sikozu Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Whisky - Lost City wrote: »
    I think OP understands the advice I gave....... or will when she reads it.

    Just concider it "girly ****" and move on if you dont understand why I said any of that. :P

    lol /agree'd but its better to ignore that person, his name is "troll" for a reason lol.
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  • Whisky - Lost City
    Whisky - Lost City Posts: 23 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    sikozu wrote: »
    lol /agree'd but its better to ignore that person, his name is "troll" for a reason lol.

    LOL yeah, but he seems ok, even if he's a little confused about "extra chromosome" as opposed to MISSING chromosome! lol
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    sikozu wrote: »
    lol /agree'd but its better to ignore that person, his name is "troll" for a reason lol.

    a smart person, however, would tend to ignore the one making no sense/giving terrible advice which effectively tells you to lie, and instead listen to the more eloquent speaker with sensible, honest advice.

    aww, i'm sure that just went over your head sweetie *pats*
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Whisky - Lost City wrote: »
    LOL yeah, but he seems ok, even if he's a little confused about "extra chromosome" as opposed to MISSING chromosome! lol

    just for future reference, as i hate it for people to remain uneducated -
    http://www.babycenter.com/404_what-does-it-mean-when-a-baby-has-an-extra-chromosome_5279.bc
  • Whisky - Lost City
    Whisky - Lost City Posts: 23 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    ok, I thought you were refering to XY vs XX. But now it seems your suggesting females all have some degree of Down syndrome.... I guess im just not smart enough to come back with a witty reply, so I wont bother.

    PS. thread seems derailed a little so to bring it back on track..... Troll why dont you give us half wit girls some insight by telling us all the ways you have been rejected and how you felt?
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Whisky - Lost City wrote: »
    ok, I thought you were refering to XY vs XX. But now it seems your suggesting females all have some degree of Down syndrome.... I guess im just not smart enough to come back with a witty reply, so I wont bother.

    PS. thread seems derailed a little so to bring it back on track..... Troll why dont you give us half wit girls some insight by telling us all the ways you have been rejected and how you felt?

    seems you have me mistaken for a male...i'm actually female (hence why i posted here) ~ in same boat as all the other girls posting here - do quality control, so can't help you with rejection infos.

    as for the extra chromosome, it's exclusively sikozu's lot god bless her, and is not, ofc, a general female thing.
  • Whisky - Lost City
    Whisky - Lost City Posts: 23 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    I must confess that I did asume you male, probly due to your name.
    Anyway, what is your problem with Sikozu?
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Whisky - Lost City wrote: »
    I must confess that I did asume you male, probly due to your name.
    Anyway, what is your problem with Sikozu?

    just seen her post a heap of bad advice to people, and spam topics with mindless ****.

    in forums, a problem with spammers like that is people see their name over and over again and eventually start believing the spammer has something useful to say, just because the name becomes "familiar".

    it's a real pity...
  • kyuuki
    kyuuki Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Er...Im a male and in my eyes, I don't see why you guys are argueing with each other. You've all obviously taken this thread as a battle of the sexes. Missing chromosome, factors of intelligence, whatever. Heres what I think. The OP is going to come back and see that her thread has reached who knows how many pages, and shes going to expect a lot of feedback and help. Instead, shes going to see a bunch of people argueing with each other instead of offering more advice or situations she can relate to.

    It doesnt matter who is male and who is female, both genders can be equally stupid. And god knows how many of you will flame this AFTER I press the reply button, but Im hoping you people will cut the stupid arguement that really has NO POINT to the OP but mindless jibber-jabber while searching for actual advice and help.
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  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Er...Im a male and in my eyes, I don't see why you guys are argueing with each other. You've all obviously taken this thread as a battle of the sexes. Missing chromosome, factors of intelligence, whatever. Heres what I think. The OP is going to come back and see that her thread has reached who knows how many pages, and shes going to expect a lot of feedback and help. Instead, shes going to see a bunch of people argueing with each other instead of offering more advice or situations she can relate to.

    It doesnt matter who is male and who is female, both genders can be equally stupid. And god knows how many of you will flame this AFTER I press the reply button, but Im hoping you people will cut the stupid arguement that really has NO POINT to the OP but mindless jibber-jabber while searching for actual advice and help.

    you obviously didn't actually read this thread, so bugger off.

    you are the only one who didn't try and offer advice.

    irony much?

    should've stopped reading here -
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Er...Im a male...
  • kyuuki
    kyuuki Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    troll wrote: »
    you obviously didn't actually read this thread, so bugger off.

    you are the only one who didn't try and offer advice.

    irony much?

    should've stopped reading here -

    Actually...I Did, Go read the BEGINNING of the thread...obviously YOU have not read this thread
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  • kyuuki
    kyuuki Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Your situation is one of those tough to get out of holes, yet very common.

    Although you do like him as a friend, you dont him as anything more. However, do not fret, its not like he confessed that he wants you to be his girlfriend, he said he was interested in you, so thats your saving grace.

    For some men, they want to see if they show a little more affection to a girl, to see if she will return the same affection. The best way to resolve this is to be honest to him about it. Tell him that you are not interested in anything more than a good friend and you dont want to lose the friendship you have now with a relationship that you cannot put your heart into. It would hurt him more to live with a fake relationship than to have a great friendship with someone he likes. If hes a smart guy, he'll understand your feelings and keep things as great as they were before, otherwise, if hes selfish and too self-concious he will freak out, at that time you need to be stern and not buckle down to the crocodiile tears and stay strong.

    You have to tell him that you dont see their relationship going any further right now than good friends. Im sure he will understand and you will grow closer as such. But if your worry too much about it and dont stay cool headed and down to earth, you may make a bigger mistake than before. Dont ignore the situation, talk to him and tell him your feelings on the matter, if you do such, things will get better for you. Trust me.

    See? Right there...at the BEGINNING.
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  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Actually...I Did, Go read the BEGINNING of the thread...obviously YOU have not read this thread

    w/e, all the **** you posted later showed you didn't read beyond your own post at the start.

    and yes i did read the entire thread, and no i don't read every single person's name attached to their posts - i just read the post...if anything interesting or unusual was said, maybe then i take notice of the name behind the post.

    you, however, clearly did not read the thread at all, or you would have been cognisant of the advice given and the reason for further discourse.

    and further, wouldn't have seen the thread to be male vs female (where you got that idea, i just don't know).
    kyuuki wrote: »
    ...You've all obviously taken this thread as a battle of the sexes...
  • kyuuki
    kyuuki Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Its a statement being a fact that yoru splitting male and female thoughts....its a turn-of phrase...do you understand what that means?

    Besides, I dont see why your on this thread, arguing with people unless its a matter of you wanting attention yourself. Otherwise, that makes complete sense. Next, the fact that your trying to turn this into a fact that I didn't read the whole thread, yet you dont even remember the names of people who make a post unless your trying to ridicule them is quite ironic.

    Your ignorance only proves your own intentions of not trying to help the woman, but simple gain attention for yourself, be it positive or negative. Why you are doing this I have no idea, but until the OP returns, I feel the argument is done with and I shall wait till she returns so we know how she handled the situation.
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  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    kyuuki wrote: »
    blahblahblah.

    see, i didn't read this post, as it was ****.
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    i think we can ignore kuuu w/e from this point on, as he clearly is talking bollocks.

    i almost feel like breaking down his points just to show him where he went wrong, but i suspect it'd be like talking to a brick wall.

    bah, wth -
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Its a statement being a fact that yoru splitting male and female thoughts....its a turn-of phrase...do you understand what that means?

    this has nothing to do with this thread though does it, so your point is rather moot, and your words are meaningless here.
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Besides, I dont see why your on this thread

    i posted advice on page one, and talked a bit with two others who also posted advice and other stuff on page two...why you posted at the end of page two to tell us off for further discussions on advice given on the preceding pages is ofc entirely your mistake.
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Next, the fact that your trying to turn this into a fact that I didn't read the whole thread, yet you dont even remember the names of people who make a post unless your trying to ridicule them is quite ironic.

    seems you don't understand the meaning of irony - reading a post does not require reading the name of the author behind it, especially when the post concerned is so mundane the reading of who posted it is further torture just not needed...in fact it's only since you started talking **** to me that i've begun to take notice of your name - now that, is irony.
    kyuuki wrote: »
    Your ignorance

    your stupidity...i could have answered with a simple - "no, you" but instead thought i'd spread this one out a bit further...calling someone names doesn't make them so, unless it's me calling the other a name and then you can bet your **** the name goes with the personality.
  • troll
    troll Posts: 14 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    @OP - just read page one anyway, all the advice was given by then.
  • Ravanna - Heavens Tear
    Ravanna - Heavens Tear Posts: 7 Arc User
    edited September 2008
    Hah, wow, well let me just say that I came back yesterday and read a lot of ya's advice but didn't really have the chance to reply till today. And before I say anything else, thank you everyone for the help, I really appreciate it.

    Hisui: The only prob with acting natural is this guy is definitely showing his interest hardcore, plusss all my friends are trying to 'help' him out... ugh. But yeah, I'm definitely thinking about having a mutual friend help out. I think I'll just have my best guy friend in our lil 'group' break it to him, and then talk to him afterwords myself...still not to sure yet...

    Kyuuki:Well, he didn't go as far as saying be my girlfriend, but the type of guy this is, I can kinda tell that's what he's hoping. But I know now without a doubt that I can't just ignore this (ugh despite the fact that pushed it away this weekend ><) butt I'm definitely handling this situation hopefully tomorrow. As far as what to say, I think you hit it on the nail. I'm really not looking for anything more than a friendship, so I don't want to lose him as a friend, but at the same time, I just don't know how well he's going to take it... See, he's definitely insecure at times, kinda low self-esteem, and has obviously had bad experiences with the other sex...so honestely, i think it's going to be really hard for me to go thru with this and stay strong enough...ugh :(

    Troll: I understand your advice, bc I'm sure there are alot of guys out there like this, but this guy is definitely not. He's very nice, not egotistical, and definitely not just looking for cheap sex. If anything, I think he's looking for someone to prove that love actually exists for him...hence why I feel so horrible turning him down...but yeah, sex-driven? Nope, definitely out of the question, thanks tho. (oh and imo, it was definitely unnecessary to flame other people's advice, bc honestly ya are all just trying to help, and just bc one piece of advice doesn't line up with yours, doesn't make it wrong.)

    Whisky: It's just so hard not to dance around it...I want to be honest, but I just dont want to hurt him. :( (oh and i do understand ur advice, lol)

    Sikozu: Honestly tho, it's true, I'm not interested in dating anyone right now, I have a couple of reasons...but I'm definitely not over my previous relationship... This isn't the only reason I'm turning this guy down, but it is on the list.

    So yeah, hope this gaveya an update on what's going on, bottom line is still this **** sux :( but I definitely won't ignore it. Thanks for all ya's input again, I really appreciate it.

    -ravy
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