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Crimson Descent - Trading reviews
myrmecoleon
Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users Posts: 94
Crimson Descent
NW-DRWNLMGYV
Hi all,
After a long hiatus, I got the Foundry bug again around Christmas and put together my second Foundry adventure. I'd be really grateful if I could trade reviews with a few authors to take some impressions and iron out the bugs, typos, etc. The adventure is, broadly, a mostly linear combat-focused dungeon delve (sadly, I'm pretty awful at sprawling, freeform storytelling!) with a decent volume of optional dialogue and lore elements.
It should be medium difficulty for a solo player at maximum level, but I'm not entirely sure how players' power levels have evolved in the previous few months. To hedge against it being too difficult, there's an option to take along an NPC companion. The entire adventure should take around 15 minutes or so for a clean run, but it can be blitzed in about 10 minutes or so (I might need to add a few sections to the second map).
For testing purposes, the first hidden room is in the first hall with the red wizard/Engine encounter. The second hidden room is in the area between Glutton and the baatezu. There's quite a lot of text, so I'd be very grateful for any typos spotted.
Changelog
0.9b to 0.91b
- Changed Engine of the Tharchion base encounter to Bone Golem.
- Changed General Anskuld base encounter to Iron Golem.
- Changed Glutton speech animations.
- Changed global lighting.
- Added more invisible walls to General Anskuld / Tloque Nahuaque areas.
- Fixed several typos.
0.91b to 0.92b
- Changed Maintenance Golem base encounter to Foulspawn Berserker.
- Removed wall separating Stheno from the entrance to the next room to mitigate camera clipping.
- Fixed dagger not appearing properly at end of quest.
- Fixed raised ceiling after Glutton.
- Fixed portcullis to the Library of Celaeno opening and sound effect.
- Fixed several typos.
0.92b to 0.93b
- Changed Tahm Mulander base encounter to Formorian Witch.
- Added some decals and moved a few details.
- Added more invisible walls outside Glutton's room to prevent accidental pushbacks into lava.
- Corrected dialogue text and fixed several typos.
0.93b to 1.0
- Overhauled all music.
- Added labels to optional contact items.
- Added respawn points for mercenary NPC allies and additional dialogue.
NW-DRWNLMGYV
Hi all,
After a long hiatus, I got the Foundry bug again around Christmas and put together my second Foundry adventure. I'd be really grateful if I could trade reviews with a few authors to take some impressions and iron out the bugs, typos, etc. The adventure is, broadly, a mostly linear combat-focused dungeon delve (sadly, I'm pretty awful at sprawling, freeform storytelling!) with a decent volume of optional dialogue and lore elements.
It should be medium difficulty for a solo player at maximum level, but I'm not entirely sure how players' power levels have evolved in the previous few months. To hedge against it being too difficult, there's an option to take along an NPC companion. The entire adventure should take around 15 minutes or so for a clean run, but it can be blitzed in about 10 minutes or so (I might need to add a few sections to the second map).
For testing purposes, the first hidden room is in the first hall with the red wizard/Engine encounter. The second hidden room is in the area between Glutton and the baatezu. There's quite a lot of text, so I'd be very grateful for any typos spotted.
Changelog
0.9b to 0.91b
- Changed Engine of the Tharchion base encounter to Bone Golem.
- Changed General Anskuld base encounter to Iron Golem.
- Changed Glutton speech animations.
- Changed global lighting.
- Added more invisible walls to General Anskuld / Tloque Nahuaque areas.
- Fixed several typos.
0.91b to 0.92b
- Changed Maintenance Golem base encounter to Foulspawn Berserker.
- Removed wall separating Stheno from the entrance to the next room to mitigate camera clipping.
- Fixed dagger not appearing properly at end of quest.
- Fixed raised ceiling after Glutton.
- Fixed portcullis to the Library of Celaeno opening and sound effect.
- Fixed several typos.
0.92b to 0.93b
- Changed Tahm Mulander base encounter to Formorian Witch.
- Added some decals and moved a few details.
- Added more invisible walls outside Glutton's room to prevent accidental pushbacks into lava.
- Corrected dialogue text and fixed several typos.
0.93b to 1.0
- Overhauled all music.
- Added labels to optional contact items.
- Added respawn points for mercenary NPC allies and additional dialogue.
Crimson Descent (NW-DRWNLMGYV) - Solo 15-20m combat-focused adventure
Post edited by myrmecoleon on
0
Comments
Several of the bosses didn't seem to be customized. Specifically the Red Wizard at the start and the golem after him.
The general seemed really easy, I would recommend switching his base encounter to an iron golem and make the actual iron golem a bone golem base encounter instead.
I would recommend changing the end boss to a fomorian witch or totemist to make him feel more end boss like.
Alright, I've run through this quest and it's generally d*mn good.
The decoration obviously had a lot of effort put into it, the dialogue is well-fleshed out and the amount of optional reading available is almost staggering. However, I can't give you a flawless victory on this one.
First off, I really don't like the way the first areas (the merc area and the first combat area) look. They're definitely not lacking in decoration, that's not it, the decoration just looks... off. There's a slight bit of this same feeling in the other areas, but had that was probably because of how cramped they were.
This brings me to my second criticism; some of the fighting spaces are very small. Now, this wouldn't in and of itself be too big of an issue most of the time, but in some places in this map there are other things which in conjunction with it makes it frustrating to deal with. What I'm talking about are the fights near the lava pit and the fight in the tiny tunnel with the maintenance golem.
In the golem's case we're dealing with a fight that does a lot of big AOE stuff which is very ouchy and stuff and should be dodged. However, we're also in a closed space which makes doing so hard. Nice, this makes for a potentially challenging and fun fight.
This is sadly completely overshadowed by the fact that I ended up fighting the camera instead. The cramped space I was fighting in kept forcing my camera into stupid positions, making the fight super annoying.
As for the lava pit fights... Well, in the first one me and my dire wolf pushed the general into the pit and kept him there by body-blocking his way up. Fight fire with fire, amirite?
The second one where I fight with the demon? This time the demon almost knocked ME into the lava instead. And since I don't have the get-out-of-pits superpower that all NPCs seem to possess I am not sure if I coulda' gotten up again. If there already is a path up then good thinking, but if there isn't I'd add one if I were you.
For my third criticism... Well, I honestly found no real challenge in this at all, and I didn't choose to have one of the mercs accompany me.
It wasn't a complete lawnmowing, but I was never in any actual danger save maybe that lava pit affair.
But, as I have said before, I may not be the best judge of this. I play as a GWF, level 53 at the time of playing, with a full set of regen gear and sentinel spec. I never use potions. Ever. They just stack up in my inventory, staring at me grudgingly for neglecting their health-restoring goodness.
So... Uh, Idunno. Maybe add an option to crank up the difficulty some?
Despite all of this, however, this adventure is still top-of-the-heap as far as foundry content goes. The environments are well-detailed, the dialogue is solid and f*ck and some of the stuff you've done is super creative (on that note, when you speak to glutton he does an animation at the beginning of the conversation that breaks the whole chained-up illusion. I'd remove that if I were you).
Especially considering how easily some people give out the rating of 4/5, this definitely deserves...
Final Score: 5/5. Tipped.
Lookin' forward to playing more of your stuff. Also, whether it's on purpose or not: Kudos for having a GW2 avatar.
If you'd play and review as much of my campaign, The Botaniqarium, as you feel like then that'd be grandiose.
Cheers!
-Basilisque
Chapter One - A Construct's Prison: NW-DMSU8OJTV
Chapter Two - Raggyon: NW-DGIZVSQPU
I had the opportunity to run Crimson Descent today.
First off, let me say, that your dungeon designs are really good, I enjoyed all the touches and little effects. While some may say it seemed small and crowded, I don't kite mobs around the room to kill them, so the space was fine for me. Your story telling is really top notch, I found myself imagining what and how the person was talking as I read the text, that is a real treat.
Though I really enjoyed the quest, I did notice a few minor things ...
-Fronikann - "...patron requires a some assistance..." perhaps drop the "a"?
-hallway with maintenance golem - I did find this space very confining and had trouble with the camera angles, though I really liked the design of the hall itself.
-after Glutton fight, in the hall - the end wall/ceiling is offset a little and you can see gaps above the wall.
-at the end-after wizard dies - I interacted with the corpse, to plant the dagger, but I did not see a dagger on the ground or stuck in the corpse afterwards?
When you have time, please run Temple of the Wind NW-DM5JFJ3UL
[1] Devils in the Sewer
[2] The Summoning
[3] Temple of the Winds
Clan Ravenclaw
Children's Babble
Solstice Academy
The first red wizard is slightly customised (the normal Thayan red is a bit too loud for me), but it's fairly difficult to see given his size. I haven't worked out a good way to customise the iron golem without making it look bizarre, though.
That's a great suggestion! I completely forgot that the iron golem carries a sword, which makes it suitable for the General encounter.
I've tried switching this around a few times (the existing base encounter is the Storm Shaman cyclops encounter), but I haven't noticed either the witch or the totemist being much more difficult than the shaman (they all seem fairly simple to deal with), but perhaps that's because I'm testing on a guardian fighter.
I know what you mean - those rooms look slightly off to me too. I think they're suffering from not having an organic enough look to them, i.e. that they don't quite look like feasible, natural rooms and more like a bunch of clutter being pushed together. I changed the lighting to rectify this slightly, but it's still not quite there.
Yes, I thought that would likely be a problem when I tested it. I made the ceiling very short for a claustrophobic feel, but that really doesn't work well with the confined space and the encounter's knock-up effect. Hmm.
Oops. That shouldn't happen! There should be invisible walls preventing entry into the lava area. Still, I know from experience that they don't quite work as well as they should - particularly with knockdown and push skills. I'll reinforce the invisible walls and see if that works better.
Serves me right for playtesting using a bugged Foundry rogue! I knew something wasn't quite right when I was losing half my health to two consecutive Easy encounters.
I accidentally set the dagger to disappear when the objective was completed. Doh.
Bizarrely, if the dagger is tilted at an angle to stick out from the ground, the dead body spawns balanced on top of the dagger. Whilst it might suggest that the corpse is both: (a) particularly stiff; and (b) impaled on a tiny dagger, I thought it was probably best to just leave the dagger lying on the ground.
NW-DRWNLMGYV
====================================
Played, starred, tipped, and tagged.
Overall: This is a VERY well put together quest. Everything flowed nicely, there's a whole lot of detail and lore thrown in, the combat isn't overdone, but still offers something interesting. Just, great job in general. There are a few points that I'd consider changes to. The music choices seemed flat. Not that the music, in general, is bad or boring, but that there isn't much change throughout. I would have like to have some different music for the spider caverns, the oasis where the Meilikki statue is, etc. And the music that starts out seems out of place with what you're doing. Something more ominous, and less dramatic, I think, would be better for chatting with mercenaries and reading lore.
You've done a really good job with the editor. The environments are well thought-out and detailed. I couldn't find much to note there, so I'll just say, great job!
The story is more of a backdrop than the lead, but the characterization and dialogue, as well as lore, really push this over the top for me in terms of quality. I really enjoyed it.
I'd also recommend making the final Thayan guy an actual boss enemy. He's a pushover compared to a lot of the stuff you fight to get to him. Consider a Fomorian Witch
My detailed notes are below. I noticed a few awkward passages in the dialogue, and noted some things that I found curious. Please know that a lot of this is just stream of consciousness and can be taken with a grain of salt. If you find them useful, great! If not, no biggee.
SETTING -- Driftwood Inn
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
N/A
++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++
Fronikann -
Consider: 'job' used twice. 'the right adventurer for it.'
@Prompt:
Consider: Three months sounds like a long time to wait to send reinforcements.
SETTING -- Crimson Descent
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
+I really like the design and detail of the first area.
+I like all the interactable lore items
-Maybe dial the dramatic music back a bit upon entry. The chanting, epic, music is good, but kind of distracting when I'm reading a map, talking to NPCs. Should be reserved for combat sequences or dramatic story points.
-The first wrapped up body in the line of three as you enter isn't touching the wall or supported, but is sitting up rigidly. Rigor mortis?
-It's a little bit off that there're dead guys laying in the middle of the room. Seems like they would have moved them if for no other reason than that he's in the way.
=One touch that would really set things off, I think, would be a blood splatter or two. The bodies seem very recent, and yet largely untouched.
+I like all the dialogue. The characters are well scripted and brought to life.
+The costuming is very well done as well.
-Thayan guards in baby blue struck me as funny. First two guards flanking Akron.
-Sidon Margaster changes skin tone betwen the first time you talk to him and the second. Was that lighting? He looks very blue the first time, the second time his complexion is more human.
-Sidon Margaster is blue again once you get past the spider
-Somewhere along the way, my companion - I chose the bard - just stopped following and didn't appear again. Last I saw her was in the room with the spider queen, she didn't step off the ramp leading into the room.
-In Glutton's room: Consider stacking some floor 'tiles' behind the east wall. If you're standing in the middle of that room, and you pan the camera east to west, you'll see through the wall because of the opening there. If you put something solid behind the east and south walls I don't think that it would be as much of a problem.
++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++
Traster the Cruel -
Consider: 'You' is the subject. 'are deserving'
Traster's Report
P.P.S
Consider: Is the 's' in 'evens' intentional? I could see it being part of a pidgen, just thought I'd point it out. Maybe put it in quotes to show that Traster is mimicking Kruger.
Adamant Swan
Consider: I don't recognize the phrasing, 'but the dark is'
Consider: Remove either 'way', or replace 'as' with 'that'
Meradine Raventree
Consider: 'a' rather than 'an'
Jerek Kruger
Consider: Breaking up the last paragraph in his first dialogue. It doesn't seem like, technically, a run-on, but it is quite long for a single breathe.
@Prompt:
Consider: Second paragraph, first sentence, semi-colon between 'this place' and 'so ye can'
@Prompt: Difficulty scalar choice - you use 'many moons' again. If you do mean that they've been there for several months then I guess it IS about time they got out of there.
Akron the Igniter
Consider: 'your retribution' should be 'our retribution' or 'your [correction | castigation | chastisement]'. The retribution wouldn't belong to the player, but the thayans.
Shattered Skeleton
Consider: You describe this as a skeleton, which has been hastily wrapped. It has white bones, so is relatively new, the cause of death was being cleaved in half, and dried blood on nearby rocks. I'd say the most important question here is how is it a skeleton? Where'd the flesh go? Perhaps something more along the lines of a description of a skeleton that's had the meat sheared off?
Servitor's Notepad
Consider: Second paragraph, separate sentences.
Two Handed Sword +1, Keening
Consider: 'on the Sword Coast' rather than 'in the Sword Coast'
Sidon Margaster = After taking out the baatezu
Consider: Rewriting the sentence. Sounds like an interrupted thought.
SETTING -- Crimson Ascent
++++++++++++++++
Details
++++++++++++++++
+Very nice custom room!
+Clever use of the painting.
+Like the final battle setting
++++++++++++++++
Dialogue
++++++++++++++++
Meradine Raventree
Consider: 'try [a | my] hand at'
Adamant Swan
Consider: I kind of want to know what she's looking at on the floor.
Tahm Mulander
Consider: removing 'down' and adventurer, adding a comma.
So, it has come to this at last.
The costumes were put together very well. Also, the fight near the lava was challenging, and the tight space made it really hard, but I thought that the frantic quality of it made it a lot of fun.
The only thing I noticed that may be an issue is when talking to Traster at the bookshelf near the beginning, he's hard to see because the camera is looking through the bookshelf. It's mitigated a little because there is a spot without books on one of the shelves and you can see half his face through that little window. I'm not sure if this is intended or a happy accident. So you may want to look into that, maybe pull Traster back and to his right a little, and you'll be able to see him better through the window of books.
Other than that, I really loved the quest! Great job!
Campaign: The Creekside Chronicles NWS-DR2NAKVRN
Part 1: The Lost Children NW-DU2N4I5YN / Part 2 Evil In The Mines: NW-DNHIJFGAT
Part 3: No One Lives Forever NW-DHIOTYRQ3 / Part 4 Home Away From Home: NW-DSBY79LGB
Play Through Notes
-I did not realize we could use that starting NPC, that is new on me!
-I really like your dialogue
-the map is excellent, really well done!
-I really like the solution you found to respawning NPCs who players select to come with them. That is a very elegant way to solve that problem.
(Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
You're entirely correct; it wasn't originally intended. However, after having tested it, I thought the weird angle fitted the tone of the conversation well enough that I left it alone.
The only issue I've found with using Fronikann is that it screws up your quest listing icon so it's permanently that Foundry anvil. Annoying, but not much can be done to fix that - I do wish we could pick our own icons.
(Un)Academic Field Work Foundry Campaign: NWS-DAPZB2CTZ
Hm, it appears that I can still pick a circle icon for my first custom map, but since the quest starts from an NPC in a Neverwinter Adventure Zone map (for which I can't specify an icon), the Foundry image doesn't work and reverts to the default. Bizarrely, it occasionally shows a random image (not one which I've selected on any custom map) instead of the default Foundry image.
Fronikan says "... and I reckon you've got the skills and the smarts to do it." you could add a question mark in the end ^^
other than that it seems you have polished it and it's a great quest ^_^ gave it a well deserved 5.
if the trade still stands I would love if you could look at my "Child of the Night" quest, i am working on turning it to a campaign