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Part 1: Rising of the Dragons: NW-DNGIC6AJC (My First Foundry)

xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
edited July 2013 in The Foundry
Published this initially a little over a day ago, then republished just a little while ago after fixing some initial problems, wondering if I can get some constructive feedback here? :)

A few screenshots:

Edit: I removed the pics as they are no longer applicable. (Too many revamps and it looks much better than those screenies now!)

This quest has story/combat...tried to hit a good balance of both...there is alot of optional combat/story lore as well. This is the first part of a series.
yGX5UJU.jpg
Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
Post edited by xpurpleinsanityx on
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Comments

  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    *bump* Anyone available to take a look today? I'm willing to trade reviews :)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • zbkoldezbkolde Member Posts: 689 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    I entered your quest. Sending you a forum private message with my comments.
  • thalazar1thalazar1 Member Posts: 163 Bounty Hunter
    edited June 2013
    Few things. Story was good, and the quest objectives fun.
    I think the first wooded area needs work but that's all aesthetic. Second wooded area and the caves had room to wander and explore which is always nice to have.
    One thing that popped out as being odd was studying the map to find a key, maybe reword the interaction to have us sort through parchment and scrolls scattered about the desk to find the key. (*edit* maybe once we rummage the papers disappear, and others moved aside appear with a book in the clear spot, finding the book is hollowed out and a key inside)
    Over all I think the quest is good and the future story should be very interesting, looking forward to it.

    I'm still looking for reviews for my quest The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D, if your interesting in giving it a try.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D An experiment Daily Foundry
    The Ruined Temple NW-DBHC7MUBL Latest and last one Daily Foundry
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    I entered your quest. Sending you a forum private message with my comments.


    Thanks for your input. :)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    thalazar1 wrote: »
    Few things. Story was good, and the quest objectives fun.
    I think the first wooded area needs work but that's all aesthetic. Second wooded area and the caves had room to wander and explore which is always nice to have.
    One thing that popped out as being odd was studying the map to find a key, maybe reword the interaction to have us sort through parchment and scrolls scattered about the desk to find the key.
    Over all I think the quest is good and the future story should be very interesting, looking forward to it.

    I'm still looking for reviews for my quest The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D, if your interesting in giving it a try.

    Thanks much for your input. Yes, I still have plans to revamp the first area, especially after learning more about the editor :D
    You also make a good point with the map...I could change it to "to look under the map" or something such.
    Glad you enjoyed it, and I'll make sure to check yours out here in a bit :)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    I played your quest, thalazar, but at the end when I went into the tavern to collect the reward it dropped the quest in my log.
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • sphecidasphecida Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild Users Posts: 95
    edited June 2013
    I'll check it out. I could use a few more reviews of mine :p
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Okies, I'll check that out here in a few :)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • thalazar1thalazar1 Member Posts: 163 Bounty Hunter
    edited June 2013
    yea i had that on a few foundry quests.. its something in game. I had to 'change char' and log back in without actually changing char just going back to the char select screen. had to do this for my own quest, and for the find the artifact quest i rated earlier today. I think it may be all quests that require you to come back to neverwinter to get the reward.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D An experiment Daily Foundry
    The Ruined Temple NW-DBHC7MUBL Latest and last one Daily Foundry
  • sphecidasphecida Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild Users Posts: 95
    edited June 2013
    Ok, just ran through it. I like the story, characters and dialogue, and there were no bugs. I only have a few suggestions:

    - A lot of the dialogues just gives the generic "Continue" response. You might want to change those to something the player might say, such as, "Ok, I'll check that out," "Whatever you say," "Fine, I understand," etc.
    -The bartender, Cal, could actually give you a drink. Have a tankard appear on the bar and and Interact to "drink" it. Just for fun!
    -"a lot" should be two words
    -In part of Lenal's speech, she says, "...not clear on what..." remove "on"
    -the first hexer almost knocked me off the cave platform - I avoided that, but you might want to place her a little further back

    I'm looking forward to the next part!
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    thalazar1 wrote: »
    yea i had that on a few foundry quests.. its something in game. I had to 'change char' and log back in without actually changing char just going back to the char select screen. had to do this for my own quest, and for the find the artifact quest i rated earlier today. I think it may be all quests that require you to come back to neverwinter to get the reward.

    Yes, I was able to complete it afterwards XD Left my review too :)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    sphecida wrote: »
    Ok, just ran through it. I like the story, characters and dialogue, and there were no bugs. I only have a few suggestions:

    - A lot of the dialogues just gives the generic "Continue" response. You might want to change those to something the player might say, such as, "Ok, I'll check that out," "Whatever you say," "Fine, I understand," etc.
    -The bartender, Cal, could actually give you a drink. Have a tankard appear on the bar and and Interact to "drink" it. Just for fun!
    -"a lot" should be two words
    -In part of Lenal's speech, she says, "...not clear on what..." remove "on"
    -the first hexer almost knocked me off the cave platform - I avoided that, but you might want to place her a little further back

    I'm looking forward to the next part!

    Thanks for the input! :) I especially like the suggestion for Cal. I will most likely incorporate that when I do my revamp of that area.

    I was taking a look through all notes again (trying to perfect everything)...On Lenal's speech:

    "I'm not clear on what they are after exactly, but it is an odd thing nonetheless..."

    I'm pretty sure "on" should stay. :3
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited June 2013
    Well, I took many suggestions to heart and I completely revamped/rebuilt the first area (Small Camp). It is now "Currently Publishing" and I will update when the publish goes through...until then, have some previews. :D

    screenshot_2013-06-30-19-14-30.jpg

    screenshot_2013-06-30-19-15-21.jpg

    screenshot_2013-06-30-19-16-32.jpg
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    Republishing FINALLY cleared! :D:D:D
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    *bump* Really interested in getting some feedback after the update. :)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    I did a semi-final update. Modified some of the goblin battles in the beginning to make sure that they were not too difficult to find. I added to the quest-line in the Dragon Caves to add to the flow of the story. I modified a couple of the npc conversations to omit any potential confusion and to add to the flow better. I made a few minor modifications to the Dragon Caves (especially lighting) and the Small Camp (filling out details more). If anyone can take a look and tell me if I have improved and if I am still missing anything, it'd be much appreciated. :)

    The maps and in part the smaller details of the quest have changed significantly since my first publish.
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • sphecidasphecida Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild Users Posts: 95
    edited July 2013

    "I'm not clear on what they are after exactly, but it is an odd thing nonetheless..."

    I'm pretty sure "on" should stay. :3

    I think you're using "to be after" to mean "looking for," along with "to be clear on," meaning "to be clear about," but I think you could rephrase this sentence to be less awkward. "I am not certain what they are seeking," for instance. Of course, you don't have to do anything with that sentence at all, but as a player, I found it unclear.

    Here's a whole discussion about the usage of "to be after."

    Anyway, I'm not a grammar <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> - just letting you know it didn't parse well for me.
  • mosby1mosby1 Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users Posts: 288 Bounty Hunter
    edited July 2013
    Duo'd with 60 TR, 56 CW.

    We really enjoyed this one. The settings were beautiful, vibrant, and detailed. The story was intriguing. The dialogue was very natural sounding, you have a deft touch!

    Combat was fairly easy overall, with a few nice challenges.

    I was a little put-off when I saw our first quest was kill 9 goblin encounters, but it was so well done! It wasn't boring at all. I was standing around admiring the pond while my friend killed goblins heh.

    The cave area was stark, but interesting - the fog was a nice touch I have not seen before. Lots of places to explore. The effects were great.

    It was nice to do a quest with virtually no grammar or spelling issues! The only one I noticed was at the very first NPC (Merchant's Guild Rep): "to it(')s knees" [remove apostrophe]

    I don't have any constructive criticism for you - I don't think you need to change it at all. I guess it might be nice to give people a reason to explore (like the [ACCOLADE] gimmick I used in The Cursed Emerald), but that's not a big deal.

    Well done!
    DM's Studio - NW-DHZ5DAV4R
    The Cursed Emerald:
    1. Weird of the Weather-witch -- NW-DEZAK4QPA
    2. The Ambitious Apprentice -- NW-DLRAVW4S4
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    mosby1 wrote: »
    Duo'd with 60 TR, 56 CW.

    We really enjoyed this one. The settings were beautiful, vibrant, and detailed. The story was intriguing. The dialogue was very natural sounding, you have a deft touch!

    Combat was fairly easy overall, with a few nice challenges.

    I was a little put-off when I saw our first quest was kill 9 goblin encounters, but it was so well done! It wasn't boring at all. I was standing around admiring the pond while my friend killed goblins heh.

    The cave area was stark, but interesting - the fog was a nice touch I have not seen before. Lots of places to explore. The effects were great.

    It was nice to do a quest with virtually no grammar or spelling issues! The only one I noticed was at the very first NPC (Merchant's Guild Rep): "to it(')s knees" [remove apostrophe]

    I don't have any constructive criticism for you - I don't think you need to change it at all. I guess it might be nice to give people a reason to explore (like the [ACCOLADE] gimmick I used in The Cursed Emerald), but that's not a big deal.

    Well done!

    Thanks for the kind words. :D (I shall go and smack the Merchant's Guild Rep for speaking improperly now!)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • thalazar1thalazar1 Member Posts: 163 Bounty Hunter
    edited July 2013
    I had the opportunity to go back in and look around, and I like what you did with the place. the bushes and cliffs plus the background make it feel more immerse. (seeing a blank sky past scattered trees doesn't do it for me :P ). Good work, looking forward to seeing more.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D An experiment Daily Foundry
    The Ruined Temple NW-DBHC7MUBL Latest and last one Daily Foundry
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    thalazar1 wrote: »
    I had the opportunity to go back in and look around, and I like what you did with the place. the bushes and cliffs plus the background make it feel more immerse. (seeing a blank sky past scattered trees doesn't do it for me :P ). Good work, looking forward to seeing more.

    Thanks. :) Working hard on part 2 now....and I personally like how it's coming out. I might post some preview pics of the new map soon. The setting is in the abyss.
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • gornonthecobgornonthecob Member, NW M9 Playtest Posts: 421 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    I finally got a chance to sit down and play it, and I have to say that this quest was beautifully crafted. The environments alone had me running around looking at all the neat things you did. Stepping into that forest for the first time literally made me say "Woah." out loud. It's not often you see so much detail put into landscapes. Oh, and the pond back by the goblin tents, very pretty.

    SPOILER WARNING:

    The story of Illithids controlling dragons reminded me of the opening quest for Dungeons and Dragons Online. ;)

    I liked the characters a lot! Hearing their idle banter was interesting. I liked hearing the gossip from the mercenary too. It was a great way to bring depth to the other characters that I really appreciated.

    There's TONS of places to explore, but there's really no reward for doing so other than mob grinding. (Maybe I missed something?)

    My constructive feedback is pretty minor. There is something wrong with the sentence structure when you're reading the book in the Illithid's laboratory. I can't remember exactly where it is, but read it slowly, and you'll see it.
    Next would be the teleporters in the cave. You can easily see them hiding under the rocks. I'm not sure if that was intentional.
    There is an invisible clicky teleporter that I use when I want portals to appear out of thin air. You can even add a regular portal particle effect over them on prompts.

    The last minor thing I noticed is purely opinion, but I thought the girl in the cell seemed sort of...I dunno. Either pointless in that she's only there to explain plot points for people who just can't see what's going on, or her character development was rushed to the point that she became trivial. Calling me "Mortal one." repeatedly also made me kinda dislike her instantly. The way she just "disappears" at the end required me to use my imagination, whereas there are so many fun particle effects you could have used...or just anything other than a quick one sentence description. I'd really like to see her have more of an active role.

    Again, that's just my personal opinion. You are the author, and I'm just the player who was delighted to play your quest. I had a lot of fun!
    @Locksheon

    Locksheon Gaming
    Follow me on Twitch - Youtube - Facebook!
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    I finally got a chance to sit down and play it, and I have to say that this quest was beautifully crafted. The environments alone had me running around looking at all the neat things you did. Stepping into that forest for the first time literally made me say "Woah." out loud. It's not often you see so much detail put into landscapes. Oh, and the pond back by the goblin tents, very pretty.

    SPOILER WARNING:

    The story of Illithids controlling dragons reminded me of the opening quest for Dungeons and Dragons Online. ;)

    There's TONS of places to explore, but there's really no reward for doing so other than mob grinding. (Maybe I missed something?)

    My constructive feedback is pretty minor. There is something wrong with the sentence structure when you're reading the book in the Illithid's laboratory. I can't remember exactly where it is, but read it slowly, and you'll see it.
    Next would be the teleporters in the cave. You can easily see them hiding under the rocks. I'm not sure if that was intentional.
    There is an invisible clicky teleporter that I use when I want portals to appear out of thin air. You can even add a regular portal particle effect over them on prompts.

    The last minor thing I noticed is purely opinion, but I thought the girl in the cell seemed sort of...I dunno. Either pointless in that she's only there to explain plot points for people who just can't see what's going on, or her character development was rushed to the point that she became trivial. Calling me "Mortal one." repeatedly also made me kinda dislike her instantly. The way she just "disappears" at the end required me to use my imagination, whereas there are so many fun particle effects you could have used...or just anything other than a quick one sentence description. I'd really like to see her have more of an active role.

    Again, that's just my personal opinion. You are the author, and I'm just the player who was delighted to play your quest. I had a lot of fun!

    Thanks for the detailed review! Yeah...characters like Len are there for a personal reason, actually. There is a story that my husband and I had concocted together and this entire campaign is based loosely off of it. Some of the characters from our personal story are pretty much having cameos. XD It's a personal entertainment thing. :P

    I did make the portals like that mostly to make it obvious to people that they -are- there while keeping the concept of them being behind a barrier. Even then, I have many that never realize that there is a shortcut back....been trying to think of a way to fix this. I have plans to go back and add some more random interactivity as rewards for exploration. :) I had not really thought about it until recently and I have been pretty deep in construction of "Part 2", but I will be coming back to it. :D

    I hope it isn't too similar to the beginning of DDO? I wouldn't know, as I haven't played that one at all...is there anyone that can clarify for me?

    I'll take a look at that dialogue on the bookshelf that you mentioned. Thanks for pointing it out. :)
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • gornonthecobgornonthecob Member, NW M9 Playtest Posts: 421 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    In DDO, the first dungeon you complete before leaving the 'newbie area' has a scripted event of an illithid fighting a dragon for mind domainance. It's a short lived struggle, however.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1y28eKWGQc
    @Locksheon

    Locksheon Gaming
    Follow me on Twitch - Youtube - Facebook!
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    In DDO, the first dungeon you complete before leaving the 'newbie area' has a scripted event of an illithid fighting a dragon for mind domainance. It's a short lived struggle, however.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1y28eKWGQc

    Ah, good..not too close then! XD I was worried for a moment. :P
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    Pulled together all the suggestions that I've been getting and will be editing a bit of the content in this quest after I finish "Part 2". I wanna thank you guys for the suggestions and keep them coming, please!

    Currently planned changes:

    *-Adding a little mob variety and skinning them as goblins. (Maybe adding in a couple more dragonlings that are not bosses?)
    *-Adding many clickies to not only reward players that choose to explore, but paint more of the backstory and add more hints to the future story.
    *-Possibly making a change to the shortcut portal in the caves at the end.....but at the same time, all people have to do to activate it is read the bookshelf! I'm not sure yet if I wish to change this.
    *-Doing a final sweep of the dialogue and making absolutely sure that it is all cleaned up to perfection.

    Once again, thanks all! It's been very helpful seeing as how this was my first attempt at making a quest. Your insight is helping me make it something special (in my head!) and also helping me to put more into my quests to come.

    I am still open to all suggestions!
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • gornonthecobgornonthecob Member, NW M9 Playtest Posts: 421 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    *-Adding many clickies to not only reward players that choose to explore, but paint more of the backstory and add more hints to the future story.

    ^ That will make it amazing.
    @Locksheon

    Locksheon Gaming
    Follow me on Twitch - Youtube - Facebook!
  • xpurpleinsanityxxpurpleinsanityx Member Posts: 0 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    Soooo, I've been working on Part 2 and I've decided to show you guys a little preview pic as promised. :P

    screenshot_2013-07-13-19-50-34.jpg
    yGX5UJU.jpg
    Threads: Part 1: Rising of the Dragons (NW-DNGIC6AJC) | Part 2: Abyssal Pursuit (NW-DESQ9HQAZ)
  • thalazar1thalazar1 Member Posts: 163 Bounty Hunter
    edited July 2013
    looking good so far. Love the veggie stand, good idea having them stacked like that.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    The Lost Keep NW-DS1XBAK7D An experiment Daily Foundry
    The Ruined Temple NW-DBHC7MUBL Latest and last one Daily Foundry
  • jaggeropthjaggeropth Member Posts: 75 Arc User
    edited July 2013
    Having trouble getting past the kill 8/9 goblins, they re-spawn but I don't get credit for groups I've already killed. There's a missing 9th group. The trail, if I can at all trust it, which I doubt, leads me to the pond. I've killed the two groups near and around the pond. In fact I've cleared the entire area before all the re-pops start and I cannot locate this 9th mystery group of goblins. It has to be there as it is part of the storyline makeup. I'm baffled. There is also a chat icon that shows up at that same spot on my mini map. I've tried talking to the wildlife and the vegetation but no dice.
    If a tree falls in a virtual forest, how big is the sound file?
    Please review my "Finger of God" campaign: NWS-DPJMGYJGV
    Quest #1: NW-DS24FX4BC - Cragsford
    Quest #2: NW-DTPUNXUAB - Mine's Mine
    Quest #3: NW-DIPZQ7CMS - Are We There Yeti?
    Quest #4: NW-DSCFDT5WS - Finger of God
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