Feedbacks for my first quest on Foundry : Kabye's Ritual Initiation

darknovae · June 2013

Hi,
I just start this game,one week ago and i just try the foundry. This is my first quest : i would like to get feedback in order to improve myself. Maybe feedbacks on the language too because i'm not english speaking. This quest is a mix of riddles and fights moments. It is a solo playable quest. I just published it now so until few hours i think it will be ok to check.
Here are the informations .
Name : Kabye's Ritual Initiation
Code : NW-DKS2O5ZWG
Description: During your journey, you met a powerful warrior who belongs to a foreign land. He is a Kabye, a tribe from the south lands. You talk about your personal adventures and he makes a confidence about their initiation ritual before being a warrior in the Red Room. Put the shoes of a Kabye's warrior and face that ritual where only strong warriors survive.

Thanks for the attention.

pris23 · June 2013

Hello,

I wanted to give you a review. However, I am not able to complete this quest solo. The difficulty is fine until Kill the Treasure Keepers and then I am completely unable to win this fight. I guess that I don't have what it takes to be a Kabye warrior. Unfortunately, this means that I could not leave you a review. I will however give you my feedback and I will be happy to try again if you take the difficulty down on that fight a little bit. The Deathlock Wight is what is really causing that battle to be impossible. As a 53 cleric with my spec I do not output damage fast enough and the Deathlock Wight just keeps summoning more and more monsters until I am completely overwhelmed. I tried this fight several times to ensure that I was not just having a bad moment.

Anyhow, all feedback that I give is honest and meant to be constructive so please do not take any offense.

English Notes:
The beginning page when you are accepting the quest reads "During your journey, you melt a powerful warrior..." You should replace melt with met. Also, instead of "he makes a confidence" I think you meant to say 'he makes a boast' or 'he begins to boast'.

Ganmar: 1. Welcome in the Red Room should say Welcome to the Red Room.
2. Strength is spelled incorrectly. It is just a typo.
3. "...God and he will judge if you are worth of his strength"...change "worth" to worthy.

Ganmar Second Conversation: 1. The player tells Ganmar that they thought it was over. Ganmar replies with "Don't deceive me." This means do not trick or lie to me. I am not sure exactly what you meant for him to say here, but perhaps he could tell the player to Stop complaining and be strong. (Also, I am a girl player so calling my female hero a young man was a little funny, but not a game breaker.)

Crunch: 1. "Since a long time those Kaybe..." should say It has been a long time since those Kaybe stopped their intiations and that gate has remained closed.

Transitions: They all say Go to Next Map. You may want to fill in the quest text to say Go to The Red Room or Go to The Basement.

Side notes: 1. I was able to speak to the Second High Master before I spoke with Ganmar.
2. There are some floating arrows located at (-375, 641).

I think that what you have going here is a pretty good thing overall. I would like to see some more things around the dungeon. They felt a little bit empty aside from the monsters. I think the High Master's riddles were done well. I also liked the idea of the quest. I want to be a strong warrior, but alas I do not have what it takes apparently.

Of course everything that I have stated is only a suggestion. I will check back to see if you change the difficulty of the Kill the Treasure Keepers objective because I would like to be able to complete your quest so that I can review and tip you.

Feel free to review my quest. The short code is in my signature. You can leave feedback at http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?330921-Will-trade-for-reviews-on-The-Secret-to-Paradise-Part-1-Paradise-Lost!

darknovae · June 2013

Hi, i am very thankful for your feedback. In fact, i'm french-speaking so i was sure i did some bad translations. I try to improve according to your suggestions. I am new in that game so my higher lvl is 33. I hope you will check soon my changes. By the way, I am going to connect and try your quest too

pris23 · June 2013

OK so I ran your quest again with a friend and completed it. I didn't realize that you had already made your changes so I am not sure what the solo difficulty was, but I believe that you have fixed it.

I am now a proud Kabye warrior.

Notes:
- Great Job filling in the background. It felt much less empty and really helped to create the mood that I think you were going for.

- Your high masters all have the same skins. I thought the first time that I ran this they looked different from each other, but perhaps I am remembering incorrectly.

- Pray at the Totem: The stone altar that you pray at is named Stone Altar 02.

- When speaking to Crunch for the last time the player tells him to get away before you "changed " your mind. This is past tense and should say change.

Thanks for your review. I saw it on my thread and I hope that I was helpful.

Feedbacks for my first quest on Foundry : Kabye's Ritual Initiation

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