Three of the valiant, brag-rumoured heroes - a sharp-witted drow, a stumpy, stiff dwarf and a stalwart human take to submerge into the Whispering Caverns scouting what power conflates the Beholders is.
After ethereal resistances they reach three side cavities and decide to part company with each other and continue severally the routes but they discuss to play a contest of how much faster getting through one after the other before this.
The dwarf enters the left side, his trip is lasted two hours of adjoining the major hallway.
The human enters the middle passageway, his trip also lasts two hours to abut the major hallway.
The drow enters the right side, his trip is no longer than fifteen minutes to pass the cavity.
After the human and dwarf are outcropping successively for a couple of second diferrences to the central chamber or hallway, they cheer each other getting out more or less intact but wearily.
They look upon the drow who is along before and flourishes playfully with his scimitars towards his friends without any injuries and prostration. The human and dwarf swagger about what they encountered and struggled in the cavities before.
The human says: "I met with a giant armoured spider and mind flayers or illithids but I have defeated them."
The dwarf says: "I met with a large beholder and terrible driders but I have defeated them."
Finally, the drow says shrugging of the shoulders: "I met with a few drow racial companions and have had your obstructions managed by various confused and constrained monsters to subservience with their help!" - he takes a sweeping gesture to his purse and <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> the even less celestial coins contained.
So, I'm kinda new to D&D. I decided to play a Druid one game. I have found that I love Druids. However, there are a lot of rules to remember. We went into a fight against a bunch of Wolves. We killed them all. After the fight, as the druid, I said...."I wish I could have told those wolves to run away, or made them my friends to help in future fights or something!!!" At this point, everyone else in the group facepalms. I asked "What???" My DM responds "you're a druid....you can talk to animals, at any point." The entire group laughed up a storm and I proceeded to feel dumb.
An elf walks into a inn.
"I have a bet for you people, I'll offer 500 gold pieces to the one that can drink 13 dwarven ales in a row!"
At first the room falls silent, and then there's laughing, "You're mad", someone says. Even the group of dwarves sitting at a table starts muttering. "That's insane, sure 10 maybe, but 13, that's suicide."
A young dwarf silently gets up and leaves.
The elf asks again, but doesn't get any takers, so he sits himself down at the bar.
Half an hour later, the dwarf that left comes back in, walks up to the elf and says: "I'll take ye up on yer offer!"
The elf smiles and nods to the bartender, "Line em up good man."
The bartender sets 13 dwarven ales on the bar, and everyone in the inn looks on to see what's going to happen.
Sure enough, the dwarf downs al the ales in a row, wipes the froth from his beard and looks to the elf. "Me gold please."
The elf laughs and produces a bag filled to the brim with gold. "Here you go my friend, you've earned it. I didn't believe anyone could do it. But please tell me, why did you leave at first?"
"Ah well, tha's simple. I wasn't sure of meself if I could do it, so I went to the tavern across the street to try it first."
A half-orc enters the inn and sees a dwarf. He walks up behind the dwarf and with a single blow knocks the dwarf off his chair.
"Tha' was from ma lef' han'!" shouts the half-orc and laughs as he turns and leaves. The dwarf gets up warily and grumbling and returns to his beer.
A little while later, the half-orc returns, and once again walks up behind the dwarf and strikes him hard enough to throw him out of his chair.
"Tha' was from ma righ' han'!" laughs the half-orc, rolling on the floor with laughter. The dwarf gets to his feet quickly and leaves the inn. Soon after he returns with a hammer and walks up to the half-orc and knocks him unconscious with a sure strike to the forehead.
"When he wakes up, tell him that was from my smithy," he says to the innkeeper as he pays his bill.
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soul7mirrorMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 12Arc User
edited May 2013
A party of Adventurers are riding to Icewind peak when they pass a dried-out lake, in the middle of the empty lake are two dwarves sitting in a boat fishing just a whoopin and a hollerin. The dwarf in the party turns to his accomplice and says " This is why Dwarves get a bad reputation, we need to go out there and stop them. The other dwarf says we can't and continues to ride... We do not have a boat to get out to them.
Hera, Artemis and Hecate walk into a bar ... Film at 11.
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scol3Member, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 4Arc User
edited May 2013
A dwarf walks into a tavern. The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?"
The dwarf says, "Give me three pints o' ale please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the dwarf proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The dwarf says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one is south in Calimshan and one back in the mines around Fireshear. We made a vow to each other that every ten-day's night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three ales too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the dwarf came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The dwarf said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."
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ashenoakMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Having just completed a seemingly impossible quest with all odds against them. A small party of adventurers including a Human Great Weapon Fighter, a Dwarf Guardian Fighter, a Tiefling Control Wizard, and a Halfling rogue stop by the local Tavern to celebrate their victory!
The Dwarven Guardian, feeling bad for dragging these adventurers along on his quest, offers up a round of Dwarven Stout for the whole tavern.
A couple hours into the celebration, the Human is laughing hilariously. As he polishes off his fourth pint, he slams it on the bar and looks at the Dwarf with discontent, “This is not as bad as you Dwarfs make it out to be! This place is great! Especially this…curvaceous lass in the corner!”
The Dwarf, cackles to himself in a hearty manner, slightly tipsy after finishing his eighth pint, watching the Human make a fool out of himself as he hits on a midget female Half-Orc in the corner.
Whispering sweet nothings into her filthy ears.
The rogue, still surprisingly sober, yells at the bartender, “Another round for the whole lot of us!”
The Human leans into the Dwarf, “Ishn’t thish like…the… (Counting on his fingers)…one...two…ninth round the halfing hash put on hish (Hiccup..!) dime?”
The Dwarf, nearly falling off his barstool responds, “Hah! Aye, indeed it is! But I’m not one to turn down free ale! Nor inquire as to the reason of which it is obtained!” (Holding his glass in the air) “Cheers lads! Slamming meh axe into those goblin skulls made my night (Hiccup..!)!”
The Wizard, not being much of a drinker, has passed out in his chair drooling on himself after three sips. He’s so far gone, he doesn’t miss his coin purse, nor notices all the Halfling’s ale that’s been poured into his lap.
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chefmcclaneMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero Users, Neverwinter Guardian Users, Neverwinter Knight of the Feywild UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
When logging into the fateful events of Caturday, I found myself trekking over to the auction house to sell my spoils. Upon opening up the search boxes I noticed a spam of certain items and instantly shouted out "YOU HAVE CAT TO BE KITTEN ME RIGHT MEOW!"
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ashenoakMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Moral: Always chew your food.
Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
Look at the size of their fingers!!
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ashenoakMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Hero UsersPosts: 0Arc User
When logging into the fateful events of Caturday, I found myself trekking over to the auction house to sale my spoils. Upon opening up the search boxes I noticed a spam of certain items and instantly shouted out "YOU HAVE CAT TO BE KITTEN ME RIGHT MEOW!"
So playing D&D with a bunch of friends. In one campaign we had this Dwarf Fighter. but he was a very scared dwarf fighter who refused to get in on the action. Instead of running up and doing what fighters do best, he stood in the back with his bow. He loved that bow. How many of you have ever heard of a Dwarf Fighter who loved a bow so much, he never used a sword or axe. Even when backed into a wall, he would rather take the attack of opportunity over pulling out his axe! When things got real tough (like he got eaten) he would pull out his trusty little +1 frost dagger. The kicker....His axe was a +4 axe that would have worked wonders. but no, it was the stupid frost dagger that caught his fancy! It got so ridiculous we eventually killed him and made him pick a different character!
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originalitylostMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 7Arc User
edited May 2013
Nice contest. I think I can win it.
Heres the joke; "Neverwinter's Launch"
A Human walks into the Protectors Enclave for the first time and goes up to a Half Orc at a stall.
"So what is the food like around here?" he asks.
"Terrible," replies the Half Orc, "only peasants get fed and all we get are Potions that get more expensive the more money we get."
"So no dinner then?" the Human astounded asks.
"Well their is one way." the Half Orc smiles "go on this expensive liquid only fast till you are skinny and penniless as a peasant and wait for some guards to come around and fed you!"
Genus Draco Fad and the Muster@Jintortle
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
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jezathforumMember, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
Welcome! Welcome! So... you wanna join our neverwinter guild huh?? The halfling nods
Well sir you have come to the right place!! The halfling looks eager..
There are three tests which you must pass in order to be accepted!! The halfling facepalms..
Test one!! Run through a camp full of gnolls with a sack full of dog food!(being part dog/hyena they cant get enough of dog food) The halfling considers this and agrees..
Test Two!! Run through a camp full of Kobolds with a sack full of cat food! (kobolds LOVE cat food, so leave a plate out at night during the winter pls, be kind..) The halfling begins to look worried...
Test three!! Run through a camp full of giants with a sack full of englishmen!! The halfling begins to wail then runs off waving his arms in the air shouting, "Theres no way im going anywhere any of those englishmen, there too dangerous!!!"
Bwahahaha Badum
"There are two things that drive technology forward in a huge leap in this world, one is war and one is business..."-- Timothy Wade 2012
"If you wish to join a guild, that will be running a guild foundry RP campaign then come take a look at [BLOOD]"
During our adventures of Faerun on the table top my wife was still new to playing. The DM loves to superpower druids. So much so that he gave her the ability to shapeshift as a full round action as many times a day as she wants into anything that was a magical beast or animal. Wandering some caves the group stumbles onto a cliff. In the party was a fighter, a monk (me) a sorceror and a druid (my wife). We are running a campaign in the book Frostburn so the druid decided to be a polar bear for awhile to keep the cold off. frustrating to communicate with but hilarious to watch. The monk jumps down the cliff and slow-falls the whole way down. The polar bear seeing this doesn't think about the fact that she can change at any point of this walk into something that can fly. She sees that the monk made it fine and decides to jump. The monk (me) looks up just in time to see a polar bear (my wife) flying at him and flattening him. The monk was mad but everybody at the table laughed as the DM explained why it was a bad idea for the druid to jump.
"D&D, where 'im a dark elf ranger' is a legitimate pick up line"
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dyingbyinchesMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
If at first you don't succeed your probably not a trickster rogue.
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hippieartMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 1Arc User
edited May 2013
The awkward situation when you press ''need'' in a loot roll for something you can't use , but want to sell , and you don't get the item , then feel the wrath of the angry party members xD
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masonity84Member, Neverwinter Beta Users, Neverwinter Guardian UsersPosts: 14Arc User
edited May 2013
Clerics aren't overpowered guys. It's just a Pray to win game!
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boudebaMember, Neverwinter Beta UsersPosts: 0Arc User
edited May 2013
How a human can escape a halfling that want to kill him?
Craig - "Alright guys, I have this perfect idea for a bard character, I know that we've been working on ranger and warlock for a while, but I think a wide variety of classes will make our game more popular and more accessible to different gamers. I want to create a bard character for more of a casual crowd, where the success of your attacks and spells relies on your skill in the mini-game."
Yoon - "Releasing new character? Pffffffff. Design a new mount and a box to go along with it straight away."
Craig - "But the players are getting anxious, we have to release a new class, there is a overwhelming amount of wizards and rogues, we gotta have more variety"
Yoon - "Ok, here is idea, let's make a badly designed jokes competition, that'll keep'em busy"
Craig - "But..."
Yoon - "No butts, also make sure that you choose the worse joke imaginable for the winner, got it?"
Craig - "I have a winner already, it's this whole situation, just a big joke"
Once there was a halfing by the name of Jan from the northern communities who fell on his head and thought a greatsword would be a good weapon for him... to this day the tales spoken of his bravery facing down hordes of ice trolls are without number... so much so one would suspect the trolls for spreading them... for in truth... that halfing made a quick and tasty snack.
Comments
After ethereal resistances they reach three side cavities and decide to part company with each other and continue severally the routes but they discuss to play a contest of how much faster getting through one after the other before this.
The dwarf enters the left side, his trip is lasted two hours of adjoining the major hallway.
The human enters the middle passageway, his trip also lasts two hours to abut the major hallway.
The drow enters the right side, his trip is no longer than fifteen minutes to pass the cavity.
After the human and dwarf are outcropping successively for a couple of second diferrences to the central chamber or hallway, they cheer each other getting out more or less intact but wearily.
They look upon the drow who is along before and flourishes playfully with his scimitars towards his friends without any injuries and prostration. The human and dwarf swagger about what they encountered and struggled in the cavities before.
The human says: "I met with a giant armoured spider and mind flayers or illithids but I have defeated them."
The dwarf says: "I met with a large beholder and terrible driders but I have defeated them."
Finally, the drow says shrugging of the shoulders: "I met with a few drow racial companions and have had your obstructions managed by various confused and constrained monsters to subservience with their help!" - he takes a sweeping gesture to his purse and <font color="orange">HAMSTER</font> the even less celestial coins contained.
"I have a bet for you people, I'll offer 500 gold pieces to the one that can drink 13 dwarven ales in a row!"
At first the room falls silent, and then there's laughing, "You're mad", someone says. Even the group of dwarves sitting at a table starts muttering. "That's insane, sure 10 maybe, but 13, that's suicide."
A young dwarf silently gets up and leaves.
The elf asks again, but doesn't get any takers, so he sits himself down at the bar.
Half an hour later, the dwarf that left comes back in, walks up to the elf and says: "I'll take ye up on yer offer!"
The elf smiles and nods to the bartender, "Line em up good man."
The bartender sets 13 dwarven ales on the bar, and everyone in the inn looks on to see what's going to happen.
Sure enough, the dwarf downs al the ales in a row, wipes the froth from his beard and looks to the elf. "Me gold please."
The elf laughs and produces a bag filled to the brim with gold. "Here you go my friend, you've earned it. I didn't believe anyone could do it. But please tell me, why did you leave at first?"
"Ah well, tha's simple. I wasn't sure of meself if I could do it, so I went to the tavern across the street to try it first."
A half-orc enters the inn and sees a dwarf. He walks up behind the dwarf and with a single blow knocks the dwarf off his chair.
"Tha' was from ma lef' han'!" shouts the half-orc and laughs as he turns and leaves. The dwarf gets up warily and grumbling and returns to his beer.
A little while later, the half-orc returns, and once again walks up behind the dwarf and strikes him hard enough to throw him out of his chair.
"Tha' was from ma righ' han'!" laughs the half-orc, rolling on the floor with laughter. The dwarf gets to his feet quickly and leaves the inn. Soon after he returns with a hammer and walks up to the half-orc and knocks him unconscious with a sure strike to the forehead.
"When he wakes up, tell him that was from my smithy," he says to the innkeeper as he pays his bill.
The dwarf says, "Give me three pints o' ale please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the dwarf proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.
The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."
The dwarf says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one is south in Calimshan and one back in the mines around Fireshear. We made a vow to each other that every ten-day's night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three ales too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.
Every week the dwarf came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."
The dwarf said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."
The Dwarven Guardian, feeling bad for dragging these adventurers along on his quest, offers up a round of Dwarven Stout for the whole tavern.
A couple hours into the celebration, the Human is laughing hilariously. As he polishes off his fourth pint, he slams it on the bar and looks at the Dwarf with discontent, “This is not as bad as you Dwarfs make it out to be! This place is great! Especially this…curvaceous lass in the corner!”
The Dwarf, cackles to himself in a hearty manner, slightly tipsy after finishing his eighth pint, watching the Human make a fool out of himself as he hits on a midget female Half-Orc in the corner.
Whispering sweet nothings into her filthy ears.
The rogue, still surprisingly sober, yells at the bartender, “Another round for the whole lot of us!”
The Human leans into the Dwarf, “Ishn’t thish like…the… (Counting on his fingers)…one...two…ninth round the halfing hash put on hish (Hiccup..!) dime?”
The Dwarf, nearly falling off his barstool responds, “Hah! Aye, indeed it is! But I’m not one to turn down free ale! Nor inquire as to the reason of which it is obtained!” (Holding his glass in the air) “Cheers lads! Slamming meh axe into those goblin skulls made my night (Hiccup..!)!”
The Wizard, not being much of a drinker, has passed out in his chair drooling on himself after three sips. He’s so far gone, he doesn’t miss his coin purse, nor notices all the Halfling’s ale that’s been poured into his lap.
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
Moral: Always chew your food.
Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?
Look at the size of their fingers!!
*sell my spoils
Heres the joke; "Neverwinter's Launch"
"So what is the food like around here?" he asks.
"Terrible," replies the Half Orc, "only peasants get fed and all we get are Potions that get more expensive the more money we get."
"So no dinner then?" the Human astounded asks.
"Well their is one way." the Half Orc smiles "go on this expensive liquid only fast till you are skinny and penniless as a peasant and wait for some guards to come around and fed you!"
ID: NW-DD5FLOBTJ Cult of the Dragon Foundry Contest - Please participate and vote for your favourite - 26/6/2014 contest rating begins.
Sir Camps A Lot. Mr SlingShot Boom. XX Phantasmagorical. Jinn Dragonfeast.
SlingShot Boom Jr. Jocan Traders. Little Lord Forgatty, Dwarf Mean and introducing Necro Torquemada (The Warlock)
The halfling nods
Well sir you have come to the right place!!
The halfling looks eager..
There are three tests which you must pass in order to be accepted!!
The halfling facepalms..
Test one!! Run through a camp full of gnolls with a sack full of dog food!(being part dog/hyena they cant get enough of dog food)
The halfling considers this and agrees..
Test Two!! Run through a camp full of Kobolds with a sack full of cat food! (kobolds LOVE cat food, so leave a plate out at night during the winter pls, be kind..)
The halfling begins to look worried...
Test three!! Run through a camp full of giants with a sack full of englishmen!!
The halfling begins to wail then runs off waving his arms in the air shouting, "Theres no way im going anywhere any of those englishmen, there too dangerous!!!"
Bwahahaha Badum
"There are two things that drive technology forward in a huge leap in this world, one is war and one is business..."-- Timothy Wade 2012
"If you wish to join a guild, that will be running a guild foundry RP campaign then come take a look at [BLOOD]"
It's getting dog eared.
I put a helmet on lay-by. but I need to pick it up from Helm's Hold
Get up on a chair!
Craig - "Alright guys, I have this perfect idea for a bard character, I know that we've been working on ranger and warlock for a while, but I think a wide variety of classes will make our game more popular and more accessible to different gamers. I want to create a bard character for more of a casual crowd, where the success of your attacks and spells relies on your skill in the mini-game."
Yoon - "Releasing new character? Pffffffff. Design a new mount and a box to go along with it straight away."
Craig - "But the players are getting anxious, we have to release a new class, there is a overwhelming amount of wizards and rogues, we gotta have more variety"
Yoon - "Ok, here is idea, let's make a badly designed jokes competition, that'll keep'em busy"
Craig - "But..."
Yoon - "No butts, also make sure that you choose the worse joke imaginable for the winner, got it?"
Craig - "I have a winner already, it's this whole situation, just a big joke"
At least 20 inch
A halfling!