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Blue Falcon Issue #1
atop2
Posts: 5 Arc User
Issue #1 of Blue Falcon! The rest of the issue is coming soon!
Constructive criticism would be most appreciated.
Also, if you are interested, send me a mail in-world (handle is @AtopSeid) and we can cooperate on making you your own one-page comic summarizing your character like in the first page of the comic above!
Constructive criticism would be most appreciated.
Also, if you are interested, send me a mail in-world (handle is @AtopSeid) and we can cooperate on making you your own one-page comic summarizing your character like in the first page of the comic above!
Post edited by atop2 on
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Comments
I had a little difficultly figuring out which order to read the first page's panels in, but quickly realized that it didn't matter. They told the same story without stepping on each other. Nicely formatted!
OK, constructive criticism:
I would have like to have seen where the goo came from that immobilized Blue Falcon. Loved the spear bit though...
I would have held off on the symbiote thought balloons until the next page, for more emotional impact. The panels sound ominous, but the symbiote is already telling the reader that she lives...
Where's Dynomutt? (JUST KIDDING! :biggrin:)
All in all, a very fine job! I'm looking forward to more!
M-O-O-N, that spells @Rhyatt
Originally Posted by mijjestic: Ultimately, though, MMO players throwing stones at each other in this fashion is basically one nerd pointing and laughing at another nerd whose glasses are thicker.
Laws yes!
Many thanks for the constructive criticism. This is EXACTLY what I hope for in putting this up here.
You've given me a great deal to think about, and I will probably implement your suggestions in the Special Edition (Which I do plan to make once this issue is finished).
Just a heads up, the panels are meant to be read from left to right, top to bottom.
Also, really glad you liked it. Working on the next one as I type.
And I apologize for my assumption. I guess I hear 'Mystical' and immediately think 'amulet', but of course you don't even mention an amulet. So how did she become the host? Lots of ways you can go with that. I'd like to hear which one you chose...
In your Origin of the Blue Falcon issue, of course!
M-O-O-N, that spells @Rhyatt
Originally Posted by mijjestic: Ultimately, though, MMO players throwing stones at each other in this fashion is basically one nerd pointing and laughing at another nerd whose glasses are thicker.
Laws yes!
I intend to tell her story over time, as opposed to a single issue summing up the whole thing. I find it more emotional when all the small pieces of the bigger story fall into place.
Edit: Also, I loved your Dynomutt Blue Falcon reference. The thing is, the title character of this series is just a female version of my first character Blue Falcon. When I first made him, I had actually never heard of the classic Blue Falcon.
You're absolutely correct. I enjoy stories more when they piece together over time. I love that moment when suddenly all the pieces come together and the light bulb comes on...
And I'm sorry, I know this is an original concept, but I just couldn't resist the Dynomutt reference. I guess it's poor impluse control at my age, since I'm old enough to have watched the cartoon first run. It actually annoyed me as a kid, because I thought Blue Falcon was a perfectly enjoyable and valid character, but the show's focus was all on the stupid robo-dog...
M-O-O-N, that spells @Rhyatt
Originally Posted by mijjestic: Ultimately, though, MMO players throwing stones at each other in this fashion is basically one nerd pointing and laughing at another nerd whose glasses are thicker.
Laws yes!
The first four pages were done so quickly because I was the only actor required, so I decided I might as well upload them early.
Hang on, though. I'll try and get the rest of the issue done soon.
First, I hope you'll put in some time to do a cover for your issue. I know some other comic creators just dive on in with the story, but I'm more of an old-fashioned comic reader, and covers are usually the hook that bring readers in.
I like the character and how she gets her powers from a benefactor. But calling it "Falcon" when she's "Blue Falcon" seems a little simplistic. Maybe an alteration of the entity's real name? Perhaps it's pronounced like "Falcon" and that's what she's used to calling it.
The narration about what Falcon does for her... especially when Blue starts to fall... is conflicting. "It can do this... but not right now."
I second the part about the goo and where it came from. What is it? Who did it to her? Why is she hardening like cheap plastic?
Also, why was she singled out for a trap? Was she being targeted, or was it just for "any old hero"?
One more thing... I like the description about who she is on the front page, but I think for a more formalized issue, it probably would be better as the last page if you're not going to end this issue with a cliffhanger.
Just my thoughts on this.
Battlerock Comics
http://battlerockcomics.com
Many thanks for constructive criticism. I will definitely try to address what I can in the final version of the issue.
I definitely agree about the cover. I shall see what I can do about that, that's for sure.
However, this is not the entire issue. These are only four pages of a twelve-page issue. I chose to upload the first four early because I didn't need any actors for them.
@ThatRogue