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a place to clear my mind of the poop flowing through it.
despairsrequiem
Posts: 126 Arc User
Since this forum doesn't have an open topic section I guess this place fits as good as any, I just need to type to clear my mind. A public forum seems best. Since I'll be talking so in depth about myself I guess its also a coincidental introduction.
When I was a child, one of the very few things I remember is wanting to be a hero... Before I was 10 that dream was beaten quite literally almost to the point of death. it didn't die though, as I grew older I attained a fascination of pirates, I found something adventurously romantic about anarchists on the ocean with their own "code". Naturally I chose a path that combined the two and became a US NAVY sailor. It was a corrupt place with no room for free spirited heroes, and my loose grip on that reality shattered, but I persisted, I wanted to help people and be a sarcastic ******* while doing so. This drove bad people to me, and the majority of society away from me, but I persisted even saving peoples lives physically from drowning and hypothermia, or aiding those bad people with therapy on their core problems ironically putting my own on the back-burner. I grew cynical I grew cold, and I grew observant... but I grew.
I became my very own anti-hero. who believed world peace was a possibility, who believed it was a simple matter of altering the perception of humanity, and to those whom I described my perception altering thesis to, they came back to me, they thanked me with my logic based "Nothing more and nothing less" thesis imprinted into their minds. I stopped looking at my own achievements and my own world for a second to see the world around me, what I saw was a balance that could never be altered, A universe where evil must exist and so must good, I saw the futility behind the concept of a hero. People say this worlds not fair... but they couldn't be further from the truth, a person may have no luck at all while another gets all the luck in the world, this is a balance that goes beyond the "human concept" for every hero there must also be a villain of equal proportion, So I decided to simply give up on my childish dream and moved to a place in the middle, where I would simply not interfere with humanity. Where I'd live alone and push everyone away from me, go to school, get a job, get as old as my body wanted to then die with no remorse. But with someone with dreams of heroism as a child and that mentality imprinted in me I grew cold, however; I still help those around me in small ways, I still attempt to inspire people despite knowing the futility of it all... And I'm still a cynical *******.
Perhaps it was the mental and literal sight of the playing field I had entered, and the fact that it never stopped growing scared the ever loving **** out of me. A universe that in which every person you choose to save one must be harmed (albeit by another hand) by someone else. A giant Kansas city shuffle. A world where the concept of hero and villain doesn't exist except in anyone's mind. A world where you have to do what you do to make yourself feel better, even if that thing involves making others feel better. Having realized this and broken free of a less "mature" or aware mentality has left me lost, dazed and confused. I came to the conclusion that as much as I hate people I love humanity, that the concept of life truly intrigues me on a scientific level of thought.
Then I heard a song "Short change hero" Essentially telling me to go home, that I don't belong in this world if I want to try and be a "better man" and that home was wherever the people who try to catch you from "falling from your ladder" is. this world "ain't no place for no hero" and to stop running from that reality. That bad people are out there, and they're thriving while you or I try to play hero.
However; as I typed this I realize once again that everything is plausible that every aspect both good and evil is with each and every human, I'll stop playing "cops and robbers", and start playing human philosopher who sticks to his commitments even if I know their futile by nature. A man who plays his own meta game of life. I'll be Perry the man with the potential to do anything another human can do, the man who understands this, and realizes we have yet to do even a fragment of what we can do, I'll strive to inspire humanity to seek the power of understanding, and if it wants to play hero and villain with its power then so be it... I'll simply be on the sidelines drinking alcohol and smoking cigs, even if nobody else wants to come and watch.... wow... I think I had an epiphany... but how to inspire the power of understanding @_@...
When I was a child, one of the very few things I remember is wanting to be a hero... Before I was 10 that dream was beaten quite literally almost to the point of death. it didn't die though, as I grew older I attained a fascination of pirates, I found something adventurously romantic about anarchists on the ocean with their own "code". Naturally I chose a path that combined the two and became a US NAVY sailor. It was a corrupt place with no room for free spirited heroes, and my loose grip on that reality shattered, but I persisted, I wanted to help people and be a sarcastic ******* while doing so. This drove bad people to me, and the majority of society away from me, but I persisted even saving peoples lives physically from drowning and hypothermia, or aiding those bad people with therapy on their core problems ironically putting my own on the back-burner. I grew cynical I grew cold, and I grew observant... but I grew.
I became my very own anti-hero. who believed world peace was a possibility, who believed it was a simple matter of altering the perception of humanity, and to those whom I described my perception altering thesis to, they came back to me, they thanked me with my logic based "Nothing more and nothing less" thesis imprinted into their minds. I stopped looking at my own achievements and my own world for a second to see the world around me, what I saw was a balance that could never be altered, A universe where evil must exist and so must good, I saw the futility behind the concept of a hero. People say this worlds not fair... but they couldn't be further from the truth, a person may have no luck at all while another gets all the luck in the world, this is a balance that goes beyond the "human concept" for every hero there must also be a villain of equal proportion, So I decided to simply give up on my childish dream and moved to a place in the middle, where I would simply not interfere with humanity. Where I'd live alone and push everyone away from me, go to school, get a job, get as old as my body wanted to then die with no remorse. But with someone with dreams of heroism as a child and that mentality imprinted in me I grew cold, however; I still help those around me in small ways, I still attempt to inspire people despite knowing the futility of it all... And I'm still a cynical *******.
Perhaps it was the mental and literal sight of the playing field I had entered, and the fact that it never stopped growing scared the ever loving **** out of me. A universe that in which every person you choose to save one must be harmed (albeit by another hand) by someone else. A giant Kansas city shuffle. A world where the concept of hero and villain doesn't exist except in anyone's mind. A world where you have to do what you do to make yourself feel better, even if that thing involves making others feel better. Having realized this and broken free of a less "mature" or aware mentality has left me lost, dazed and confused. I came to the conclusion that as much as I hate people I love humanity, that the concept of life truly intrigues me on a scientific level of thought.
Then I heard a song "Short change hero" Essentially telling me to go home, that I don't belong in this world if I want to try and be a "better man" and that home was wherever the people who try to catch you from "falling from your ladder" is. this world "ain't no place for no hero" and to stop running from that reality. That bad people are out there, and they're thriving while you or I try to play hero.
However; as I typed this I realize once again that everything is plausible that every aspect both good and evil is with each and every human, I'll stop playing "cops and robbers", and start playing human philosopher who sticks to his commitments even if I know their futile by nature. A man who plays his own meta game of life. I'll be Perry the man with the potential to do anything another human can do, the man who understands this, and realizes we have yet to do even a fragment of what we can do, I'll strive to inspire humanity to seek the power of understanding, and if it wants to play hero and villain with its power then so be it... I'll simply be on the sidelines drinking alcohol and smoking cigs, even if nobody else wants to come and watch.... wow... I think I had an epiphany... but how to inspire the power of understanding @_@...
Post edited by despairsrequiem on
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Comments
Hi, i'm abit cynical but have fun playing.
Hope to see you in game.
Bye?