Millennium City News: Citizens willingly join the forces of Rockjaw

"WCOC Action news reporting the latest story tonight, the recent prison escapee known as Rockjaw has recently managed to overthrow a speech that Mayor Biselle was planning to hold, commemorating the recent repairs of the Ambassador Bridge. The villain, aided by a gang of horrifically mutated prisoners with bug-faces, drove into the plaza in front of City Hall with a school bus, running over 13 citizens and 2 policemen. The villain and his gang then quickly took control of the premises and surrounded the audience, as Rockjaw took the stage. I'll turn this over to Ryan Costanza at the scene. Ryan?"

"Thanks, Rob. Many people have voiced their concerns about the integrity of Millennium City's heroes after Rockjaw's speech. Incidentally, many people also voiced doubt about what Rockjaw said, as his gigantic teeth reportedly made it very difficult to understand what he was saying. Regardless, eyewitnesses report that Rockjaw was able to convince 16 of the civillians to get on his bus, after which point, he waved goodbye to the audience and escaped, flattening a road barricade and escaping east at 20 miles per hour. The heroes that showed up to tackle this emergency, including illustrious heroes such as 'xx420reaperxx', 'the proud posterior', 'barry the rabbit' and 'vomiting man with whip', not only failed to subdue Rockjaw, but reportedly also had been mobbed by his entire gang when Proud Posterior slammed his butt into the ground, sending a massive shockwave through the pavement and disturbing everyone. Despite the chaos, both the majority of the citizens at the speech today, along with many of the officers, and even the mayor, emerged from the incident unscathed. Even though not all the citizens at the rally ended up joining Rockjaw's gang, some out of wanting to remain human, and most out of confusion... The general consensus, is that people are not impressed with today's heroic attempt to stop this recruitment drive. Back to you, Rob."

"Thank you. I'm with Victoria Crownstone now to discuss the implications of this catastrophe. What do you think this spells for Millennium City's heroes, what kind of policies might we see emerging from this incident?"

"Well, Rob, I could imagine the mayor might begin passing legislation on tightening the restrictions on who exactly can apply to be a hero. The failures of many of Millennium City's recent heroes to deal with these repeated attacks on the mayor must be very tolling on him, I can't imagine he's exactly pleased with the kind of crisises he has to go through! Looking at social media, we can already see that citizens aren't impressed either. Twitter user, TheJones, says 'I can't believe xx420reaperxx called the other heroes gay, what is this 2001? #citycenter'. This kind of behavior is, frankly, unprecedented from a hero!"

"You have good points, but you also have to keep in mind the various successes heroes have seen in the city as well. Mayor Biselle has been able to keep his position for so long almost purely based on his hardline stance on legal superheroics. He is a brave man, certainly, to put his life in the hands of such a number of people, but I believe it's founded. Do you remember when Medusa with PSI attempted this same stunt? Even down to the bus and everything! The outcome was entirely different."

"I would debate that's a mix of both more competent heroes, as well as Medusa... For some reason, deciding to abandon her post at the head of the crowd to fight the heroes next to the police. I don't think her head was on exactly straight that day, if you know what I mean."

"Still, no arguing against it, that crisis would have turned out much worse had 'Lady Pillbug' not shown up and saved the day with her team. I do have to say, more heroes in the city need to learn to organize like her."

"No question. Rob, to turn it around a bit, what do you really feel about the issue yourself?"

"Well, Vick, I really couldn't give a damn beyond hero involvement here at the studio. You remember those times we got attacked by those weird villains? That was the highest our ratings had been in years. Frankly, they can keep doing whatever, good or bad, so long as they keep us afloat."

"That's... Kind of an unprofessional statement to make on the air, Rob."

"I'm hired to read, Vick, not to philosophize. Besides, we still can't afford doors on our bathroom stalls. Or a second bathroom. We need the money, you know?"

"We should probably stop here."

"You're right, it's time for a commercial. We'll be back to discuss the latest Club Caprice scandal, where we take a closer (but still safe) look at exactly what happens in the fountain."

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