The Lost Children - Review Request

capnchef · January 2014

Willing to trade reviews! Thanks!

The Lost Children
Quest 1 of The Creekside Chronicles

NW-DU2N4I5YN

Holman Carn of Holman Carn's Wondrous Wares needs an escort to the small village of Creekside to sell some of his wares. Once you're there though, you learn the village children are missing. Find them before they suffer some terrible fate.

Any feedback would be much appreciated. This is the first quest I created, and I have since created 3 more. This quest never made it out of the For Review section. I have gone back and reworked several parts of the quest to fix issues I found with quest objectives, and I would love to hear from anyone willing to play through it. Thanks!

orangefiree · January 2014

Sure I will play through it now. Any chance you could give a quest from "The Planar Conflict" a try? I would recommend starting at the beginning. (Information is in the signature.)

orangefiree · January 2014

Play Through Notes:

I encounterd a "Go to next map" objective/interaction for leaving Holeman Carn's shop.
The bandis looked a lot like Nasher Rebels and Blackdagger bandits.
Some responses to Holeman Carn at the "Creekside" map would be nice instead of "Continue".
Grancik looks a lot like the man at arms companion.
Another "go to next map" objective and transition.
Some of the bandits look like Nashers again
In the objective "Look for the bandit camp" it says [/missioninfo] in the text.
The bandits suddenly turned into frost goblins?
Hamfist was very well done. (No pun intended.) Some of his minions looked like Nashers though.
Going through the door says "Go to next map" again.
The "The Great Chasm" map looks very nice.
I love he costume you used for Vorgan. It looked very unique.
Another "Go to next map" objective/transition.
The transition for "Find the children" says "Go to next map.
"Follow the path into the cave behind the waterfall" says "Go to next map" in the transition.
Why did the mage look like Grace Rathburn?
The end battle was very well designed.
The cages are labeled "Torture device- Cage 04".
Why is everyone asking me to free them after I already did?
The objective/transition out of "Waterfall Cave" says "Go to next map".
The final transition says "Go to next map".

capnchef · January 2014

Thanks, Orangefiree! The bandits used Nasher Rebels, Duergar, and Frost Goblins. But I need to go back and create individual costumes for them. And yeah, that was Grace Rathburn. I plan to go back and make costumes pretty soon. Thanks for the feedback! I'll be playing The Planar Conflict with my wife tonight. Thanks again!

orangefiree · January 2014

Playing through part two now.

Wow! This place looks awesome!
The dwarf wasn't under the rubble, he was laying partially on top of it, partially floating in the air.
The fire elemental was labeled as an orc Eye of Grumsh.
The objective/transition after "Beneath the Mines" says "go to next map".
There was an NPC named "D" at the end. I think you forgot a few letters.

Overall, I thought the quest was very well designed. Sorry I didn't notice as many issues here.

orangefiree · January 2014

Playing through part three now.

The transition for leaving Holeman Carn's shop says "Go to next map.
The zombies could really use some customization. They seem to be really common across foundry quests (Not just yours.) which makes the customization even more important.
The zombie waves at the beginning would probably be too hard for most people.
The transition for going into the inn said "go to next map".
The zombies are starting to get a bit repetitive at this point. It might be nice to mix it up a little. For example, some undead orcs and undead wizard apprentices might make sense in the storyline.
You may want to know that on the path to the cemetery, it is possible to cut through the center part and pretty much avoid the entire map.
The obelisk guardians were labeled as battle wights.
Two villagers were standing inside each other at the end scene. One seems to have later walked away.

basilisque · January 2014

Alright, I played through The Lost Children and I've got a bit of mixed feelings about it.
In general it's good, in some places even really good, but I couldn't help but feel that some parts were lacking a bit of polish.

Now, I'll generally be talking about the environments in this review.
This is because the writing was all-around solid and the combat... Well, for me it was incredibly easy, but as I've mentioned before and will mention again I have a feeling that my regen-stacking tactic leaves me in a spot which is somewhat ill-suited for judging these things.

So, the environments:
The beginning is really good, and although I don't have much of a grasp on how much of it is custom or not I really liked both the shop area and the village.
The village DID seem a bit empty in places, but a lot of exterior areas which are not entirely closed in by walls of some sort tend to have that problem. Additionally it looked **** good compared to most other villages that I've seen in foundry content.

The next areas however, the forest bit and the caverns, are kinda' meh. They don't necessarily look bad, but they both feel really bland and in need of some extra detailing. The bandit encampments in the caves are an exception to this. Very nice job on this.

Later on this trend sort of continues. The areas have some very interesting ideas, and I like the stuff you've done like the small maze bit and the part by the giant chasm, but the areas still feel somewhat empty. I especially liked the tiny vista area with the waterfall, although it suffers from the same thing.

Apart from this, my only real complaints about this quest is the fact that it is several times very easy to continue down the quest path without noticing the things which should have been examined to stay on the children's trail. It happened to me several times that I ended up in an area which was oddly empty because I hadn't examined some dirt tracks, and which was suddenly filled with bandits once I went back and did some tracking.

Final Score: 4/5. Tipped.
This map is good, but it could be pushed all the way to the coveted 'great' status if you put in some extra efforts on shining up the environments. I have a feeling that the combat might need some fixing too, but don't take my word for it.

If you'd take some time to play through and review as much of my campaign, 'The Botaniqarium', as you feel like then that'd be absolutely grand. Don't do it if you don't have the time or don't feel like it tho.
It's in nobody's best interests to have anyone playing something they don't feel like playing.
Cheers!
-Basilisque

myrmecoleon · January 2014

I ran through The Lost Children this morning - it was an enjoyable, well put together quest.

The macro environments (e.g. layouts, large detail features, general look and feel of the maps) were generally excellent (I particularly liked the Great Chasm outdoors sections). The flourishes on the micro detail were also frequently good, e.g. the various bandit bars, sleeping areas, the bandit camp, the warrens in the ruins and the customised costuming on individual encounter mobs, but I did think a few areas could use a bit more polish in terms of the little details. For example, the various corridors in the ruins/dungeon areas looked a bit bare in comparison to the detailed, open areas in those same maps.

The combat was good and fairly well balanced, with the last encounter being notably more difficult than the rest - but, being sequential rather than stacked, was fine for my guardian fighter in antiquiated gear to get through with a low quality companion and minimal potion use.

There was one issue which might be worth considering - but please bear in mind that this is my personal preference and is entirely subjective - is lowering the number of Ogre Savage brute solo encounters, the reason being that I generally find these encounters to be fairly dull and there were (I think) three or four in the adventure in all (they only have three attacks when scaled to 60, being two very obviously telegraphed smashes and one "quick" punch). One of the other hard difficulty encounters might be more interestng for the sake of variety, though, again - this is purely subjective on my part.

Here are some more detailed notes.

- In the Holman Carn dialogue, the response "I don't look like...?Wait a minute" is missing a space.

- Love the chicken pen, though they're still labelled "Chicken 1", "Chicken 2" etc. It might be worth amending these names to the generic "Chicken".

- In the first blood clue, "you've finally found some thing!The grass has been..." should be "you've finally found something! The grass has been..."

- In the first tracks clue, there is an errant [/MissionInfo].

- In the third tracks clue, "in the side of mountain.See where it leads." should be "in the side of [the/a] mountain. See where it leads".

- The first and second blood clues in the caves, the first, second and third blood clues in the Great Chasm and the first blood clue in the Great Chasm Ruins also have spacing errors (these children have clearly lost a great deal of blood!).

- In the third blood clue in the Great Chasm, "possible" should be "possibly".

- A few of the bandits in the optional sleeping area in the Great Chasm Ruins who might be mislabelled (one distinctly human bandit is labelled as an orc).

- This is a minor thing, but there's an (easy) encounter on the campfire, which might catch players respawning there by surprise.

- The interactions with the children's cages still read "Torture Device - Cage 04" in the interact text. Also, the interaction might be a bit short for the animation (which I think its Hammering), because the Hammering animation causes the player to take a step back and evaluate the object being hammered before actually doing any hammering - so it looks like the player is considering the cage carefully, and the cage instantly breaks shortly thereafter.

- In Loren's dialogue at the end, "anymore" should be "any more".

If you get a moment, I wouldn't mind more testing on Crimson Descent, but no worries if you're busy building your new quests!

capnchef · January 2014

Thanks for reviews, everyone! I'll be making a list of the critiques and hopefully this weekend I'll have the time to sit down and implement everything. I agree, there are a lot of areas that need to be spiced up some with details, and what not. And several enemy groups need to be customized. Now that the story is done, for the most part, I can go back and take my time getting the details just right.

I'll be spending time playing through your adventures throughout the next few days as well. My wife and I like to play in the evenings, and its always fun to get away from the standard, Cryptic-made quests, and play some creative, new content. Plus, it gives me new ideas for decorating and inspires me. So you guys will be getting 2 reviews for the price of 1 fairly soon. Thanks again, I really appreciate it guys! I've been worried that my area building and writing wouldn't stand up to scrutiny, so I'm very happy you liked the quest. Now to push it further and make it even better!

chieori · January 2014

Greetings capnchef!

I had the chance to run your quest The Lost Children today. I liked the story, it was in depth and kept you wondering what was coming next. The combat was fine, though I don't think I've ever seen goblins mix with normal bandits, wouldn't they tend to fight each other? Also, the amount of blood tracks, to be honest, I was completely amazed that any of the children were alive, let alone all of them.

Few things I found on my run ...

-All of your map transitions have the default settings, "Go to next map". May want to add something about where the player is going next.

-After speaking to Holman in the shop- He said to meet him in the warehouse, to help load the wagon, so I was a bit surprised to find myself in the forest next.

-In the village- all the chickens in the pen, have default names .. chicken 1, chicken 2, etc.
-considering the number of people in that village, you would think they would remove all that knee high grass in the middle of the streets.
-the hangman's scaffold seemed a bit odd, I know they were angry, but why would they build that and why would the mayor opt to stand there of his own will? The scaffold's you had going up the hillside seemed more appropriate to the setting.

-I think I spent 20% of my run ... going to next map or looking at loading screens.It's nice to use multiple maps, to get different settings, but there's a point where it begins to be a bit tedious.

-last part, with children- I broke the cage open to release the children, where did the cage go? If I broke/smashed it, shouldn't there be wood debris on the ground where it was? Or perhaps instead of it just poofing, have it change to the open door cage instead?
-the children, even after being let go, were all still shaking in fear and yelling to be let go? I just broke them out? Perhaps have them disappear and reappear then walkout of the cage?

All in all, I liked the story. You have a good intuition about the story flow and keep the player moving through out the story. I might recommend a few optional encounters though, as it seemed like the same type repeatedly. Especially the Ogre one, perhaps use a different single tough mob type and reskin it. Detailing was well done in the focus areas but seemed a bit lacking in the wide open spaces.

If you get a chance, please review my quest .. Temple of the Winds NW-DM5JFJ3UL

melinden · January 2014

I thought this was a pretty solid first effort! For your next quests I'd recommend adding some more story elements or just hints about who has the kids (or similar). It doesn't have to be an epic novel if you don't wish it to be. Just some more meat on the bones of the story.

For your next quest I would also recommend trying for a few less map transitions as it makes for a lots of load screens for just a short-ish quest.

Play Through Notes

-others have noticed this, but when entering the warehouse it might be nicer if the text read "Press F to go to Creekside" or something similar. You can change this on the Story tab in the same spot were you selected the map transition object.
-the town was silent when I went in, some of the forest ambient sounds would be nice
-the barn is floating just a bit in the middle were the ground is uneven. If you don't want to push it down some shrubs or other details can cover that.
-I noticed that the chickens still had their default names and numbers. I suppose this could be on purpose?
-When Grancik is telling me where to look for the Western Woods "their" should be "they're"
-I was a little confused when I went through the canpsite since I thought I had "found" the bandit camp at that point. Maybe add a Reach Point objective here?
-You have a spare [/missioninfo] at the end of the mission info at the second set of tracks
-I might have missed them, but are there respawn points in the town and cave maps?
-I really like the waterfall detail at the Great Chasm, that is really nice work.
-the dragon detail is also excellent
-the boar head in the doorway of the bandit's permanent residence is somewhat stuck in the doorway
-the last stage of the boss fight was a bit much on the DC
-I like smashing the cages but the cages have their default names still

capnchef · January 2014

Thanks everyone for the input! I've been working hard for the last 7 1/2 hours to make the changes you've suggested. I still have a lot more to do, like adding more detail to some of the areas that are lacking, and changing the blood splats to something else.(I used those ones because to me, they look brown, so it was supposed to be mud, but it doesn't make much sense that they'd have that much mud. And also, everyone thinks it is blood anyway.) But I've fixed the transitions so they no longer say "continue," and I've made entirely new costumes for the enemies. I've also changed Vorgan's encounter to the Iron Golem and gave him some lackies. There is also now a cut scene using an invisible wall and some dialogue. I will be working more on this tomorrow.

Chieori, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the story, that means a lot. I was nervous that it was going to seem bland and stupid. It's a shame that you didn't get to play it with the fixes I made today. The new version, 2.41, just went live about 15 minutes ago, and I'm about to test it with my wife. Afterward, I'm planning to run Temple of the Winds. I'll let you know what I think.

capnchef · January 2014

I made some changes to all three quests in the campaign per your feedback. I really appreciate everything you guys have told me.

The Lost Children:
Added the warehouse at the beginning before leaving for Creekside.
Added a few more mobs in some areas to ease up on the "running around, not fight" bits of the adventure.
Added more decoration to the Forest Cave and Great Chasm Ruins, as well as some conversations between bandits.
Added a little more story in the Great Chasm Ruins.
Changed Vorgan's encounter to Iron Golem to vary it a bit.
Created new costumes for all of the bandits.
Fixed area transition names.

Evil in the Mines:
Fixed the name for the fire elemental.
Fixed area transition name.
Fixed dwarf name in the Throne Room.

No One Lives Forever:
Added a few familiar faces.(to anyone who played the first 2 missions)
Varied the zombies some, adding in some zombified orcs, and for the explorers out there, some zombie adventurers.
Added the ability to spawn helpful NPC's in areas with lots of zombies.

Hopefully you all like these changes!

melinden · February 2014

Evil in the Mines

I played with my level 60 DC. The maps were original and really nice. I would recommend more sound, ambient and music, mostly.

Play through notes:

-the village map is great, a really nice use of the toolset
-at the well it says "Press F to You pick up a bucket of water". That prompt in the editor is a pain since it doesn't indicate the first part of the sentence will -always- be "Press F to..." Anyway, a slight change will make that more logical. The same is true for the other interactions with putting out the fires.
-since the fires are numbered anyway, maybe make the last fire interaction consume the Water Bucket? Another option would be to have the Rubble Interaction sneakily consume the Water Bucket.
-freeing the dwarf from the rubble seemed abrupt. Maybe the Scared Dwarf's speech could be something like "He's buried alive, you have to save him!" or something similar?
-in the mine, when talking to the Shadow Wolf, you see his feet only. This is something that happens with Contact with all animals. I use one of the nearly invisible ghosts to "hold" dialogue for animals for this reason. Not perfect, but I prefer it to seeing only feet.

stevedestiny · February 2014

I will trade reviews. I have two quests up: Adventure In Ash Grove [NW-DKSPVAQKE] and A Wayward Heart [NW-DP3UINOHP] author name @stevedestiny1 --these can currently be found in a search under the 'In Review' tab. For some reason they don't show up just scrolling through the general list.

capnchef · February 2014

Steve, I'll play yours sometime this week. Adding both of them to the list of foundry quests I have to play. Also, they haven't left the Review tab yet, because you have to get 5 reviews for them to move to the New tab.

The Lost Children - Review Request

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