test content
Logo
What is the Arc Client?
Install Arc
(Act 1) Braving the Weather
txkitten
Member Posts: 3 Arc User
I deleted this quest, so please disregard this thread. I did not realize that all of my custom maps are deleted upon finishing a quest, and trying to begin a new one. I'll make a campaign instead, and it'll be over something else. Sorry everyone.
Post edited by txkitten on
0
Comments
The orc savage who appears out of nowhere in the Lillehammer, er, Lily Haven, seems kinda like we should see where he came from.
The streets of Lilly Haven and the interior of Artex's house seem generic.
Artex seems really unconcerned that a stranger broke in to tell him something about someone he knows...
The player response, "Sounds like something my ex would be capable of..." -- is that supposed to be something the player character is saying? I don't think my hunter ranger even HAS an ex....
Mirrywether the Maid -- these people love their unique spellings
"so the he won't have any interruptions in subduing the Mistress" seems off. Maybe "Roland has sent his henchmen to kill us. He wants no interruption when he subdues the Mistress."
Mistress's = Mistress'
Lady Belladonna's picture -- circa is usually not capitalized.
Description on the Henchman's Flyer -- whoever is more correct than whomever in this instance.
Do I still need the key after I have entered Artex's house? Why did that ogre have the key anyway? I may have missed that explanation.
When i returned upstairs, Artex was in a corner facing the wall. Odd ;-)
villian = villain when Artex is reading the henchman's note. Artex reads the note wrong. The note doesn't say the reader shall be made rich; it just says the reader shall be rich. Also, why do I still have the note after I gave it to him?
Is Mirrywether a vampire as well? If not, how do they get her to stay?
What is the pool of blood for in the cellar? We know Belladonna sips from her hubby. Where'd that blood in the cellar come from? Creepy!
The town on the map is called Riverblade's Grotto, but in the text is called Riverblade's Folly.
Why do all the spiders in the woods keep the elf wanderer from going inside? How come every other villager has a name, but he does not?
Druella Gentlebreeze says, "You must be visiting from travels, as well." Could that be phrased better? She should inform her brother about the spiders in the woods so that he'll go outside
Clarissa Bankhead talks about visitors from the coast, when I haven't told her where I'm from. If you go 'round back, it looks like the village is on the shore of some body of water -- a lake? A large river? Which would make sense of the name, I guess. Shouldn't there be boats on the lake or river, or docks?
"I intend to utilize this village's inn" -- "utilize" is an odd word. "Use"? "I'm here for a similar reason" (in response to Clarissa's comment about visitors needing a rest). Could you make this more active? Like, "I could really use a rest! I'm just in from Neverwinter. How is this inn?".
Peter Warovsky says the town is secluded for a reason. What reason? Was it started on purpose to be far from everyone? But it seems to be a stopping place on the way from Neverwinter to other places, according to Clarissa. Enough to support an inn, even. With their own ale!
Anyway, I want to punch Peter. He's giving me gruff and the only thing I've done, as far as he knows, is kill some spiders in the woods outside the village.
Lady Leafbreeze? Is she nobility? She asks which room I would like, but I have no idea what rooms are available.
Dwarven Patron and Drow Maiden still drinking in the same spot after I slept an entire night. Those two are dedicated drinkers. And Lady Leafbreeze stiffed me on breakfast as well.
She doesn't have maids to clean up the inn? Doesn't it get messy EVERY night?
Ground Bloodsplat 06 -- should be renamed
"Ugghh... Alright." It's spelled "All right", two words. Consider making -Cough!- an OOC thing, like (OOC)The battered tiefling coughs up some blood-laced spittle.(/OOC) Same with "Winces in pain". If the player is a cleric, this might be a nice opportunity for Arloo to assume the PC is going to heal him -- and perhaps for the PC to do just that.
"With your help, he'll be fine by morning". You mean the help of the cleric Lady Leafbreeze is going to call but hasn't? "Airhead" is a colloquialism that seems out of place.
"Yes my lady" = "Yes, my Lady".
I thought Leafbreeze cared about Arloo -- now she's kicking him out? Cold.
"must protect this business from anything that would wish to harm it." Perhaps, given she's just kicked both the PC and Arloo out, "anyone who..." might be more appropriate. Especially since non-sentients probably don't actively wish harm on the inn. It's nice that I can assure Lady Leafbreeze about Arloo's behavior. At this point, he feels he's done with me. Leafbreeze is summoning a cleric, I have the money for her, and I'm going out to find Belladonna. Am I about to become Arloo's keeper?
And that's the end.
---
Way better spelling and grammar than is usual, so thank you for that
I understand this is only the first part to a longer story, but -- there is no climax. It's important, at the end of every chapter, to have some sort of climax -- and it doesn't have to be combat -- to make the player excited to see what come's next. As this stands, I'm not at all curious what happens next, because I've just been running around a house, a village and an inn, doing things the people in those places could easily do themselves.
I don't know your story, clearly, so I can't suggest a better flow. But you did not leave me wanting more.
I gave you a five star review and a max tip, though.
If you could play and review NW-DBQH5L5QB, The Sealing of Najena's Lair, I would be very thankful. Please be as honest as you like ;-) Anything I can improve, I want to improve.
You're right, though. It was mainly me playing around with what the editor could do, and I crapped the story as I went. If I make something else, it's going to take much more time and planning.
You can duplicate a quest, which saves all your maps, costumes, and items. Then you just remove all the objectives and dialog from the old quest, and build your new one from what you have. It works the same way with a campaign, you still have to duplicate the quest to use the same maps and costumes.
[UGC] Kolde Acres (Discontinued)