Need another authors Eye: Review trading

boomba66 · January 2014

Final Justice.

It all comes down to the Dalelands. The last shard is located in the tomb of the first Paladin of Tyr on Faerun, taking the Wind Sprite to the Dalelands the Justice Bringer party will need to fight its way through a battle between rival factions of Zhentarim. If they survive can they go to Limbo in time to seal the gates for good on a pure force of destruction trying to reign down on all of Faerun. Find out in the surprising conclusion of "And Justice for All."

This was a big project for me and took forever. Would love another author to take a look at the event and give some feedback. Its the last in my 7 story arc so in someway I think I may have missed something in my desire to get it published and see players reactions to the surprises I had in store in the final chapter.

Will play and eval in return.

orangefiree · January 2014

I am about to play your quest. Would you mind checking out mine, you don't have to play all of the quests currently published in the campaign, though each one does continue the story.

The Planar Conflict: NWS-DG4CX25DT

Oh, and make sure they each say today's date for last published so you get the current version.

orangefiree · January 2014

Ok, I am posting things I notice during the quest so I don't forget.
1.) Some of the gargoyles were labeled as frost goblins.
2.) When talking to Snaph near the start, it wasn't very clear who was leading the party, mainly since I actually am leading the party at the moment.
3.) Some customization would be nice on the zombies, the ones in the Dwarf Necromancer fight were unique enough, but the rest just look like the same zombies I have seen in almost every quest since open beta.
4.) I see a "Cart with goods 01" in the barn.
5.) During the objective "Find the way up" I encountered some gargoyles labeled as fire archon flamebows.
6.) The invisible interactable to throw the beehive in the window in called "Invisible Interactable Sphere 02"
7.) Everything in the golem master fight has base names. This includes both phases.
8.) I am not sure on this one, but I didn't think Elminster was a red wizard.

Overall I thought it was a good ending to the campaign, I wish it was possible to make the end fight a little harder so I actually need help from the rest of the party to win, but I know that wouldn't really be doable for that fight within the limits of the foundry.

boomba66 · January 2014

orangefiree wrote: »

Ok, I am posting things I notice during the quest so I don't forget.
1.) Some of the gargoyles were labeled as frost goblins.
2.) When talking to Snaph near the start, it wasn't very clear who was leading the party, mainly since I actually am leading the party at the moment.
3.) Some customization would be nice on the zombies, the ones in the Dwarf Necromancer fight were unique enough, but the rest just look like the same zombies I have seen in almost every quest since open beta.
4.) I see a "Cart with goods 01" in the barn.
5.) During the objective "Find the way up" I encountered some gargoyles labeled as fire archon flamebows.
6.) The invisible interactable to throw the beehive in the window in called "Invisible Interactable Sphere 02"
7.) Everything in the golem master fight has base names. This includes both phases.
8.) I am not sure on this one, but I didn't think Elminster was a red wizard.

Overall I thought it was a good ending to the campaign, I wish it was possible to make the end fight a little harder so I actually need help from the rest of the party to win, but I know that wouldn't really be doable for that fight within the limits of the foundry.

Exactly the type of eye I needed Orange thank you so much. Playing your campaign tonight.
Part 1: One thing I think would help this a great deal is music. I was lagging a bit tonight and this in the past has messed with triggers. But if not, I find the Velosk music works very well in Caves/Dungeons.

Enjoyed the Shadowfell spike placements in all of your hallways to keep the theme. I was playing as a short Dwarven ranger and man did I have to jump to get lots of the drops! They always landed on the spikes.

The goblin costumes where all good and stayed within theme, and the story certainly needs to the next chapter. I will be playing that in a few when I get the kids to bed!

orangefiree · January 2014

boomba66 wrote: »

Exactly the type of eye I needed Orange thank you so much. Playing your campaign tonight.
Part 1: One thing I think would help this a great deal is music. I was lagging a bit tonight and this in the past has messed with triggers. But if not, I find the Velosk music works very well in Caves/Dungeons.

Enjoyed the Shadowfell spike placements in all of your hallways to keep the theme. I was playing as a short Dwarven ranger and man did I have to jump to get lots of the drops! They always landed on the spikes.

The goblin costumes where all good and stayed within theme, and the story certainly needs to the next chapter. I will be playing that in a few when I get the kids to bed!

Thanks. My sound has been giving trouble for a while so I didn't have a way to test music, I will add the Velosk music now.

atiaxi · January 2014

About to run this myself! If we're review trading, here's the one I just published:

Nerisatis the Cold
ID: NW-DNIEWE95D
Author: @atiaxi

It's the second in a series, but there's a recap at the beginning.

I'll reply again with my review in a bit

atiaxi · January 2014

Server died before I could finish, but I got most of the way through. I hadn't played the other installments, but it was fairly easy to follow regardless. Plotwise it seems fine, mechanics-wise it's mostly good, but it needs a good editing pass. Most of the errors I found were of the "wrong apostrophe" variety, and a few typos/mis-spellings.

Detailed impressions:

He says "Bringer's of justice" -> "Bringers of justice"

Captain's first dialog, Beatrice: "what do we do once all teh shards" -> "all the shards"
Explaining the Zhentarim: "controlling some key area's" -> "controlling some key areas"
Same dialog: "something hidden in the Dale's" -> "hidden in the Dales"

My reply to Ramus: "Guess im next good luck fighting them of" -> "Guess I'm next, good luck fighting them off"

Nice use of the feather-fall stuff!

Snaph: "No my skills" -> "No, my skills"
Same dialog: "Snaph is right its hidden" -> "Snaph is right, it's hidden"
Me: "Who in the world id Shaw" -> "Who in the world is Shaw"
Snaph: "Ok Justice Bringer's, lets go!" -> "Ok Justice Bringers, let's go!"

Same problem with Justice Bringer's on next page (should be Justice Bringers)
Melody: "your just... well your just you" -> "you're just... well you're just you"

Demure the Green: "ran and hid in the old dwarven cliff's" -> "old dwarven cliffs"

Pretty much all the punctuation in "has so many magic weapons [he] just leaves them" is strange

Demure the Green: "Their leader's worship Cyric" -> "Their leaders worship cyric"
Same dialog: "One of the Necromancer's" -> "One of the necromancers"
Same: "Once, you verily defeat them and take the key" Not sure what this is even saying.

Melody: "If you think thaht is easy" -> "If you think that is easy"
Same dialog: "Silence the barn the leader's are in" -> "Silence the barn the leaders are in"

The towns outskirts are a little sparse - a few barns and a cornfield - no roads, gates, trees, etc?

Probably nothing you can do about it, but Melody's group heal highlights a red circle to avoid; the false positive-ness of it is offputting (especially in later wight/golem fights)

Objective text: "Learn what the Zhentarim are up too" -> "are up to"

Tapestry at the entrance of the barn is solid and blocks the way in

Conversation with Phoal the Dead Commander was confusing because I forgot I had a cloak of illusion (was it mentioned before? If I have a cloak of illusion, why did I have to fight undead to get here?)

Mayor Humal: "The citizen's mostly took" -> "The citizens mostly took"
Same dialog: "Hey Mayor its always time" -> "it's always time"
Me: "its what we do" -> "it's what we do"

I dig the mayoral zombie dance

These skeleton archers are just standing there in strangely regimented lines, not doing anything.
Another Zhentarim group of undead just standing around chilling.

Beatrice: "Its over here!" -> "It's over here"
Same: "search the town for survivor's we" -> "search the town for survivors, we"
Same: "Judge, Melody to the docks somthing is amiss" -> "Judge, Melody, to the docks. Something is amiss"
Same: "Udokas, Take care" -> "Udokas, take care"
Same: "yes Boo Minsc has learned some tic tac's for" -> "yes, boo, Minsc has earned some tic-tacs for"
Me: "Don't let thaht wizard" -> "Don't let that wizard"

"Throw Beehive in Window!" glowy trail goes off into the mountains for some reason. I realize you have no control over that, but you may want to turn it off for this objective.

Roof maze is a bit misleading - if you follow the enemies you'll end up going the opposite way that you need to go. Love the concept of the roof access, though.

"Press F to You throw the magical beehive" -> "Press F to throw the magical beehive"

Can't enter the tower, even though that seems like the next step since it's right in front of me. "Watch halfling get into his suit" isn't exactly explanatory. Can't go back along roof maze, either, because there's a jump you can't make. Ended up just jumping down and taking the fall damage.

"My golem suit I must get to my suit" -> "My golem suit, I must get to my suit"

Invisible interactive also defies explanation.

"You see a halfling swatting at bee's" -> "at bees"
"halfling climbs up the golems...." -> "up the golem's"
"Boo, get no idea's" -> "get no ideas"

Why is there a summoning portal in this fight?
Key 2 is named 'key 2'

Gatekeeper Freddy: "We just stooped the threat" -> "We just stopped the threat"

"Take bridge to cemetery" has similar gold trail issues

I like the bridge, but the end of it is half-buried (unless that's intentional). The docks on that end are also half-embedded in the sand.

Snaph just has "Press F to interact" instead of usual contact dialogue

Beatrice: "Your going to pay" -> "You're going to pay"
Snaph: "clear the wards. Well," -> "clear the wards, well,"
Snaph: "why the timing was always so perfect." -> "always so perfect?"

Beatrice: "I was teh one who" -> "I was the one who"
"why didn't I know." -> "why didn't I know?"
Minsc: "Your good guy all of wizard" -> "You're good guy"
Elminster: "Who else would I be after all." -> "would I be after all?"
Elminster: "in stopping that brat Cyric" -> "that brat Cyric?"

"Press F to The old wizard says"

I liked the look of limbo so much I accidentally fell of the edge to my death while gazing

"Alright Justice Bringer's" -> "Justice Bringers"
"Its time" -> "It's time"

Faile of Cyric, me: "That book, its evil" -> "it's evil"

I've defeated her, but there's no follow-up, I can't even talk to her.

Beatrice: "in his own story your would release" -> "in his own story you would release"
Same: "When we first meet you" -> "When we first met you"
"You where willing to help" -> "You were willing to help"

"You watched as good men and woman" -> "men and women"
"and feed the masses" -> "and fed the masses"
"What ever your doing" -> "Whatever you're doing"
"he alsmost has" -> "he almost has"
"Justice Bringer's" again

Dalelands Captain: "this army of devil's" -> "this army of devils"

The cloak of illusions, key 2, beehive - all stick around rather than disappearing

Devil army took down the entire server

boomba66 · January 2014

Sorry you didn't get to see the end! Anyway this is exactly the type of thing I needed. Will explain a few things.
1. Sparseness from barns to town. 1500/1500......not much I can do there without ruining the view from the airship I wanted during beginning of the quest.
2. Undead are immune to illusion. As a dnd geek I assume most people know that. So, I added it to the text. I thank you for pointing that out.
3.The use of invisible clickies is the closest thing I can come to Cut-Scenes. So in the Snaph conversation, I would not be able to show his alternate form or the teleport at the ending showing the shard and him being transported away.
4. Items being consumed on use for what ever reason is not working atm. Will see if I can correct this.
5. Faile's submitted form is supposed to say something. I will instead change it to a static conversation. That's a great pick up thanks.

God of Rage: Part 1
Really enjoyed this quest. It well written, has a nice story to it and a nice twist. As the usual goodie good type when I play I had a feeling something was amiss when they wouldn't tell me of their god. This set me up t be wary at the beginning which was a good way to allow the twist at the end.

Map and Costume building seems to be the one area where I can see a few small flaw.
In caves your waterfalls start in mid air. Easy fix would be to enter 3d editor mode, and add something that would show where they fall from. Maybe change up your "Standard Nasher" mobs to look more like towns folk given few options. Other then that not many corrections I can see. This was an enjoyable, well written DND adventure that really makes you want to see what is going on.

Most people that play part one will be sure to play part 2 as well........

Now im off to do the second part.

boomba66 · January 2014

Nerisatis the Cold
ID: NW-DNIEWE95D
Author: @atiaxi

Review Nerisatis the Cold
This is a very strong story module with a nice simple flow for an adventure. It has a good group of bad guys and good guys with nice characterizations and their own motives. It has a very classic dnd feel which is a great thing.

Flow: Transitions are smooth and the story moves quickly through its stages. Leaves you very ready for part three with a nice cliff hanger.

Maps: Details would no hurt. As strong as your story is, you could make it even stronger by setting the right atmosphere with FX effects, and some detailing.
A. Temple of Selune(NW Street map) could easily be made to look more like a temple with a few of the newer assets in the foundry. Could also use the Selune tears, or holy symbol in the foundry to add a little atmosphere to this map.
B. Sewers: These had the right feel. Would love to see the body/ journal of an ex-adventurer to help carry the story over from part one. You had mentioned many had failed, show us the results of one such failure. this type of thing helps with continuing the details that make a strong campaign piece by piece.
C. The Temple of Rage. The end room just seems kind blank. As a guy who has spent forever in the foundry making maps, I can tell this is a bit of a Spartan appearance. It of course could be intentional, but I have been ripped on a few maps where I purposefully left details stark due to the nature of the foundry. Add a bit of eye candy to your awesome story telling and you will find yourself quickly featured.

Combat: Very nicely done. Good pace, good variety, nice costuming of the Cult. No complaints at all.

NPC's Very good, your writing helps bring your characters to life. You have very nice dialogue flow as you always have return to main conversation ability to allow for multiple lines of questioning. This is a smart foundry move as it allows players who are hack and slashers skip the content and get to the business. While story/role-players will love the nice added touches.

Overview:

Your campaign builds well off of its self setting up for an exciting conclusion. Your writing skills are at a high level and draw the audience in as you craft your story well. Your map building is solid but needs some atmosphere details to help set the tone for end battles and the sinister nature of the plot that is being launched by this cult of rage.

I will certainly be playing your part three when it comes out.

Need another authors Eye: Review trading

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