The rise of the Bloodraven

fortinator · September 2013

These are the first quests I build. I like short quests so I splitted the story in 3 short adventures that should be around 15-30 minutes each. I am looking for comments to better the quests and see if I'm doing it right.

If you like the quest and you which me to review yours, just let me something I can search for (code /author/name) in the review.

Search for BloodRaven or NWS-DBRYEQ2TZ

Thanks

fortinator · September 2013

I fixed an issue where monsters were suddenly teleported offset. I still don't know why...

nimzowitch · September 2013

I just finished these and thought they were very inventive. I liked your use of encounter triggers, and the FX made your maps seem very dynamic. Ran into a problem in "The Skull of a Death Knight" interior. You have some encounters spawning above the ceiling which keeps the player in combat mode. While in combat mode you are not able to heal at the spawn fire, or search Will's remains to continue the quest. With a ranged attack you can search the ceiling to kill the mobs up there to continue the quest, but this will be a game breaker for most players.

I came across a number of grammatical errors that you should correct:
Old Man dialogue:
-transpose "more need" to "need more"
-"at your look" should be "by your looks"
-"ennemy" > "enemy"
-"enemy of I" > "enemy of mine"
Frightened Lady dialogue:
-"every full moon night" to simply "every full moon"
-"creature" > "creatures"

There is a Moonpool Citizen near the well with the stock name "commoner human 4"

Hunting Trip in the Feywild
Galarnok dialogue:
"I needed blood from" should be "I need blood from"
delete "will be perfect"
"tought" > "thought"
"againsts" > "against"
"binded one of my door" > "bound one of my doors"

City Watch dialogue:
I had to do this dialogue twice to progress for some reason.
change "was good hunters in here" to "were good hunters here"
"May I have a word with her." > "May I have a word with her?"

Huntress dialogue:
change "do you accept to help me find" to "will you help me find"

Blood text:
change "voluntarily spilled around" to "purposefully scattered around"

I had a problem in the goblin lair with the huntress not being able to follow beyond the traps. Also had a strange problem with the character and some of the geometry rendering flickering on and off. Not sure what caused this. I liked the way you made it look like an archeology dig was going on in there by the way.

Huntress end dialogue:
"ideous" to "idiotic" maybe?
"is often drakes" > "are often drakes"
"this kind spits a kind of burning" to simply "this kind spits burning"
"north east" > "northeast"

I found returning over the mountain to get back to the village tricky here. I think some players will get frustrated here.

Galarnok final dialogue:
"diserve" > "deserve"

The City of Brass
Majordome dialogue:
"Imaster" > "master"
"how are you research's been going" > "how is your research going"
"city deep into" > "city deep in"
"something thing hat" > "something that"
"buisinesses" > "business"
"one of my door" > "one of my doors"
"an small alley" > "a small alley"

Bil'hibim dialogue:
"So why he sends its mercenary for now" > "So why did he send a mercenary here"
"a unpure" > "an unpure"
"exactly who can have" > "exactly who has"
"he his" > "his is"
"auctioning some slave" > "auctioning some slaves"

Centis dialogue:
"interest" > "interested"
"red hairs" > "red hair"
"a unusual" > "an unusual"
"I so busy" > "I'm so busy"

Merchant dialogue:
"your death we'll" > "your death will"

Centis dialogue:
"dealth" > "dealt"

City Enforcer dialogue:
"to bloody pulp" > "to a bloody pulp"

"Sleeping bag 01" in the jail cell could use a new name along with most of the bar patrons.

Prisoner dialogue:
"ihs" > "his"
"prisonners" > "prisoners"

The Jail Ogre Keymaster combat begins before you can open the jail door making it impossible to open the door until you kill him which is difficult unless you get him positioned just right against the cell wall.

Final Galarnok dialogue:
"he may the worst" > "he may be the worst"
"he always" > "he has always"
"enregy" > "energy"
"turn around and head to" > "turn around and heads to"

Bloodraven dialogue:
"burdened no more of that" > "burdened no more with that"
"all kind of planes" > "all kinds of planes"

Hope that helps. Again, I think your maps look good, and the encounters are set up very well. Just a few changes will make these great.

Please give mine a play and a quick review when you get a chance:

Into the Drow Helix - 20 min.
Siren's Cove Castaways - 30 min.

mrthebozer · September 2013

Just finished chapter one. A great start to the campaign, and if I wasn't running short on time at the moment I would be leaping in to chapter 2 right now. PMing notes.

If you'd like to give one of my quests a run, TUUM (NW-DR2GL2VJL) is always in need of more plays

fortinator · September 2013

Guys, this is awesome. Your review are far more detailed then I could have hoped. It's greatly appreciated. I'll update the quest asap, and I'll do everything do fix that ?/$%? bug with offset undead.

Thanks

fortinator · September 2013

New versions of the 3 maps are available. I fixed as much syntax as I could find, sorry but english is not my primary language.
The skull of a deathknight: I had to remake the whole under the church layout to be sure the offset-monster issue was fixed.

melinden · September 2013

I just played chapter 1 and I sent you a PM with my play-through notes. It seems like a solid start! I have to say I could not write a quest in another other language I studied, so that is impressive (Although I have to say I like playing the German quests because "orc" and "deathlock wight" were never on my college vocab lists, so that is fun.).

I'd love to see a little more the background. What happened that this curse was cast on this old man? What is the connection to the Bloodraven of the title?

The rise of the Bloodraven

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