Would anyone mind giving some feedback/constructive criticism?

rowesdower · June 2013

Hi all, As many have posted their creations here, I shall do the same. This was my first attempt and while I'm not crazy with it so far, I was wondering if I could get some feed back. I'd like to know what is liked and not liked, and how I can improve on everything- story, design, etc. I tried to make it light hearted and a bit of a comedy (lots of Mystery Science Theater 3000 influence). If so, let me know what you think.

NW-DS3MY6EDT

Thanks so much, and I look forward to the constructive feedback!

Updated the quest based on feedback! Please check it out and let me know what you think!

irtoof75 · June 2013

Hiya
Everything was good to go until the caves. your mob choice and placement is way to tough. I would suggest thinning them out or change some of the mobs but keep the skins. Lottsa hard mobs + CC + traps + close quarters = totally no fun. I did not play past this point. It was really great up until then.

Sweetness

rowesdower · June 2013

irtoof75 wrote: »

Hiya
Everything was good to go until the caves. your mob choice and placement is way to tough. I would suggest thinning them out or change some of the mobs but keep the skins. Lottsa hard mobs + CC + traps + close quarters = totally no fun. I did not play past this point. It was really great up until then.

Sweetness

Thank you so much! I will correct that tonight. I encourage you to try the rest of the story, its not quite as hectic, and there's some good humor, imo. Thanks so much for your time and feedback!!

irtoof75 · June 2013

Oh, I loved the humor and the mob names. Its got a ton of potential, I look forward to finishing your quest once you finish the edits. Oh one more suggestion. On that first map with the mobs all spread out, perhaps set them to wander then combat ( if they are stationary on purpose then leave it be)

Sweetness

gornonthecob · June 2013

I'll take notes as I play. It will sound like you're reading my thoughts ... Here goes!

Accepted quest: Talk to "The kid". Pretty vague. Why am I talking to him? Where is the kid? :P
The kid doesn't really respond correctly if I say "Who...me?"

"Why does he smell so bad?" "I don't [know]" typo
"Look for the foul one in the basement." I lol'd!

[Greycloak]
Instead of failing the quests whenever you mention the vacuum or other funny choices, maybe just link back to a text that says something like "Ok, ok, what do you need?" Give the player a chance to explore the silly content without having to start all over.

Grammar corrections:
"No [period.] We were ambushed [comma] and when I awoke..."
"Anyway, when you find Sir Halloway, [he'll likely be very paranoid until you tell him I sent you.] There's a huge run-on sentence there. Perhaps condense it somehow for the reader's sake

There's really no explanation as to why I have to talk to "The Brave" fellow.

I'm supposed to exit through the East Gate, but it leads me to a random door next to the gate. Also, (nitpick) "GO TO NEXT MAP" is boring. Try "Venture into the Canyon" or something like that.

[In the Canyon]
The mobs are spaced apart a little too much. I was able to avoid all but one, who was in stealth. What are they doing? Why not give them a foraging emote, or an examine emote?
Make them talk. Maybe they're planning a raid? Searching for shiny things? Maybe they see you coming, and hide behind trees!

/em finds backpack...reads note...*facepalm* All the good girls are taken. LOL
(Formally) in distress. HAHAHA!
Landscape looks nice. Is it auto-populated?

Level 41 Cleric, beaten near-to-death at the entrance to the cave. Those slyblades and their stupid bladefury move.

For some reason, I can't get into the caves. I have aggro on something, but I can't see it. Yeah, there's a mob stuck inside the tunnel. Every time I get near, I go into combat, and can't get in. I had to swing to the far left and get him out of line of sight.

[Caves]
Instantly look to my right and see a lizardman's arm sticking out of the cave wall. Guess he was dabbling in teleportation...unsuccessfully.

...women? This is obviously a trap...
[Moments later.]
...guess I was too much dwarf for em.

Almost to the respawn point halfway through the caves...the encounter just before is brutal. I didn't die, but I used 5 potions, and spent most of my time on defense.

Starting to realize I haven't even made it to "The Brave" guy yet...

The master's guards are very ineffective.... Just clicked done and walked right by them. Set the door to appear after they are killed? Why are there guards in the lizard man tunnel?!

[Forest of Manos]
The tunnel behind you when you spawn in is placed strangely. Doesn't look good.

"Gods, that's a long path ahead."

Along the path, there is a Zombie Hulk that looks exactly like a Kobold...how odd.

Oh, and across the path from him, there's another Zombie Rotter that looks like a Kobold.

I just got kicked from the game, and when I came back in, I was in Protector's Enclave. I can't get back into the quest, and when I try to abandon it and start over, it's not in my journal. When I try to pick the quest up again, it says I already have it. There's no map point to let me back in either. Sorry

rowesdower · June 2013

Thank you so much for your input Gornonthecob! Yes, I admit as you and irtoof75 has commented that the Caves of Anguish are a bit much, so I'll tone it down some. I will also flesh out the story a bit to give you more info on Sir Halloway, as well as giving the guards in the cave a purpose. You can fight them, but maybe I'll make the option a little more clear. I'll research the issue with you not being able to get back in. I'm not sure if that's something on my end or Cryptic's. If you can get back in and decide to finish, please let me know. There's one more dungeon (I promise it's not as hard as the Caves) where you'll encounter the Master, and then you begin the start of the 2nd act which brings you to the end of the first quest. I'll begin working on the 2nd act (quest) once I nail down some of the issues of the first.

I am thankful for the feedback!

rowesdower · June 2013

irtoof75 wrote: »

Oh, I loved the humor and the mob names. Its got a ton of potential, I look forward to finishing your quest once you finish the edits. Oh one more suggestion. On that first map with the mobs all spread out, perhaps set them to wander then combat ( if they are stationary on purpose then leave it be)

Sweetness

gornonthecob wrote: »

I'll take notes as I play. It will sound like you're reading my thoughts ... Here goes!

Accepted quest: Talk to "The kid". Pretty vague. Why am I talking to him? Where is the kid? :P
The kid doesn't really respond correctly if I say "Who...me?"

"Why does he smell so bad?" "I don't [know]" typo
"Look for the foul one in the basement." I lol'd!

[Greycloak]
Instead of failing the quests whenever you mention the vacuum or other funny choices, maybe just link back to a text that says something like "Ok, ok, what do you need?" Give the player a chance to explore the silly content without having to start all over.

Grammar corrections:
"No [period.] We were ambushed [comma] and when I awoke..."
"Anyway, when you find Sir Halloway, [he'll likely be very paranoid until you tell him I sent you.] There's a huge run-on sentence there. Perhaps condense it somehow for the reader's sake
There's really no explanation as to why I have to talk to "The Brave" fellow.

I'm supposed to exit through the East Gate, but it leads me to a random door next to the gate. Also, (nitpick) "GO TO NEXT MAP" is boring. Try "Venture into the Canyon" or something like that.

[In the Canyon]
The mobs are spaced apart a little too much. I was able to avoid all but one, who was in stealth. What are they doing? Why not give them a foraging emote, or an examine emote?
Make them talk. Maybe they're planning a raid? Searching for shiny things? Maybe they see you coming, and hide behind trees!

/em finds backpack...reads note...*facepalm* All the good girls are taken. LOL
(Formally) in distress. HAHAHA!
Landscape looks nice. Is it auto-populated?

Level 41 Cleric, beaten near-to-death at the entrance to the cave. Those slyblades and their stupid bladefury move.

For some reason, I can't get into the caves. I have aggro on something, but I can't see it. Yeah, there's a mob stuck inside the tunnel. Every time I get near, I go into combat, and can't get in. I had to swing to the far left and get him out of line of sight.

[Caves]
Instantly look to my right and see a lizardman's arm sticking out of the cave wall. Guess he was dabbling in teleportation...unsuccessfully.

...women? This is obviously a trap...
[Moments later.]
...guess I was too much dwarf for em.

Almost to the respawn point halfway through the caves...the encounter just before is brutal. I didn't die, but I used 5 potions, and spent most of my time on defense.

Starting to realize I haven't even made it to "The Brave" guy yet...

The master's guards are very ineffective.... Just clicked done and walked right by them. Set the door to appear after they are killed? Why are there guards in the lizard man tunnel?!

[Forest of Manos]
The tunnel behind you when you spawn in is placed strangely. Doesn't look good.

"Gods, that's a long path ahead."

Along the path, there is a Zombie Hulk that looks exactly like a Kobold...how odd. Oh, and across the path from him, there's another Zombie Rotter that looks like a Kobold.

I just got kicked from the game, and when I came back in, I was in Protector's Enclave. I can't get back into the quest, and when I try to abandon it and start over, it's not in my journal. When I try to pick the quest up again, it says I already have it. There's no map point to let me back in either. Sorry

Based on the feedback received, I have made some changes and corrections. I invite you to give it another shot!

I invite the whole community to check it out and hopefully have some fun and laughs! I'm open to all feedback, and will make changes accordingly! Thanks!

gornonthecob · June 2013

I will play this again first thing in the morning. ...ok so it's 3am...first thing when I wake up?...no I need breakfast first... Ok right after breakfast!

(For some reason it randomly appeared back in my journal today, so I deleted it and I'll pick it up again.)

zbkolde · June 2013

I tried your quest this morning, but couldn't complete it.

I'll send you my notes in a forum private message.

rowesdower · June 2013

I'll investigate the backpack issue. I tweaked it, but wasn't aware of it not showing up(?). Its near the ccampfire, or at least it was when I tested. I'll check in a bit. The masters followers wander. If you get all of them, it should update.

Thanks so much for the feedback, very much appreciated!

rowesdower · June 2013

Updated and republished per feedback. Currently publishing, look for today's date for the latest.

Would anyone mind giving some feedback/constructive criticism?

Comments