Trading Reviews NW-DTBBQW2RI

thezappfe · June 2013

You do mine, I do yours.

Have a pleasant day!

visteroth · June 2013

I'd like to add that the above foundry is mine, but a friend was kind enough to post this thread for me. I do not have thread posting privileges yet.

I'll do my best to trade reviews--just let me know if you review the above quest, "Shebum's Room at the Moonstone Mask."

talli0 · June 2013

Ran through your quest and thought it was a decent little hack and slash.

A couple of comments:
-The first task just says "Shebum's Room". Need more information. Plus, if the quest is supposed to be centered in the Moonstone Mask, why not have it start somewhere in the actual Moonstone Mask, instead of starting at a zone exit?
-When entering the dungeon from Shbum's room, it says "Press F to Through the Burrow", need to clean up text.
-I accidently dismissed Shebum. Maybe make "Be gone, wretch" the number two choice.
-Story needs a bit of work. I figured out what was going on somewhere in the middle of the quest but was rather confused for the first half.I'm definitely a player that needs his hack and slash missions to at least have some sort of smal logical plot and I think yours would work better if you added a bit more at the beginning. For example, I had no idea why I was entering a wall behind a pack in some dude's room. Seemed kinda fishy. Just a little bit more text by Shebum would clear it up. Plus, I would add some of the info from the journal to Shebum's dialog and make it an actual step in the quest chain.

Hope that helps! And if you could, I'm looking for reviews for my quest so give it a run. Only takes 15-20 minutes.

visteroth · June 2013

talli0 wrote: »

Ran through your quest and thought it was a decent little hack and slash.

A couple of comments:
-The first task just says "Shebum's Room". Need more information. Plus, if the quest is supposed to be centered in the Moonstone Mask, why not have it start somewhere in the actual Moonstone Mask, instead of starting at a zone exit?
-When entering the dungeon from Shbum's room, it says "Press F to Through the Burrow", need to clean up text.
-I accidently dismissed Shebum. Maybe make "Be gone, wretch" the number two choice.
-Story needs a bit of work. I figured out what was going on somewhere in the middle of the quest but was rather confused for the first half.I'm definitely a player that needs his hack and slash missions to at least have some sort of smal logical plot and I think yours would work better if you added a bit more at the beginning. For example, I had no idea why I was entering a wall behind a pack in some dude's room. Seemed kinda fishy. Just a little bit more text by Shebum would clear it up. Plus, I would add some of the info from the journal to Shebum's dialog and make it an actual step in the quest chain.

Hope that helps! And if you could, I'm looking for reviews for my quest so give it a run. Only takes 15-20 minutes.

I want to thank you for your review. I did trade a playthrough and did rate your quest afterwards. I enjoyed it and thanks again. I didn't have any specific comments as it already seemed pretty polished.

**edit**

You made fair points earlier, and I apologize for disputing them. I forgot one golden rule of critiques, to remain silent and absorb all I can.

jawarisin · June 2013

visteroth wrote: »

Firstly, I want to thank you for your review. I did trade a playthrough and did rate your quest afterwards. I enjoyed it and thanks again. I didn’t have any specific comments to give, as it already seemed your quest had been around for a while and was nicely polished.

I apologize if the following comes off as a bit defensive, but there were a few things I disagreed with in the review. Perhaps voicing them will help enrich your reviews of others in the future.

In my opinion you did this quest disservice by referring to it as a mere “hack and slash” and a further disservice by suggesting that the story isn't there even for that type of quest. While I concede to the right to your opinion and admit my bias for something I have worked on, it should be clear by the amount of dialogue that is in this quest that it was not intended to be merely a hack and slash. That said, you might have treaded a little more nicely/courteously over the material.

Objectively (as objective as I can be despite my biases), I do have a few disagreements. But there are places where I sort of agree.

I disagree with including Shebum’s journal in his dialogue and in the story objectives as IT is not logically connected to the specific quest involving the wererats (speaking of logic). Its purpose is to give a little backstory on why Shebum is in Neverwinter, as well as to perhaps provide a little humor. It could also bridge other Shebum-related quests if I decide to continue with the foundry.

I also disagree, partly, about the story’s lack of logical cohesion.
There is a point to be made about Shebum’s connectedness to the tale beyond the wall of his room, but I’ll get to that in a moment.

I’ll support my argument for the story’s logical cohesion (once beyond the wall and into wererat territory) by outlining this story using the typical five parts of a narrative. While not necessary for the creation of a narrative, you can find this five part structure in most types of story, such as novels, plays, sitcoms, and video games (and quests!). Narrative isn’t an exact science, but using such structures is one way we story tellers can make arguments for their cohesiveness.

This isn't about you understanding your own foundry, it's about the others understanding it. As far as it goes, you're yourself. So if the tester says it's not clear, it means you got a problem. I don't want you to see me aggressive here, just pointing out that it's about the other player's perspective of the quest, not the creator, that it should matter.

caustic8 · June 2013

I just finished your quest. It went pretty quickly but the story line was good and there is potential there. The encounters were challenging for my level 53 cleric. If it hadn't been for Shebum distracting large numbers of mobs during the boss encounters I probably would have bit it.

Just a few more notes:

I thought some of the quest objectives were a little ambiguous. For example, one just read something like "peepers creepers".

One piece of decor seemed out of place. The giant upright sword. Some more decoration might make the burrow feel more burrowy.

I was able to get to the first green torch room ahead of the objective for killing the tailor. Preventing access by linking a closed door to an objective or using an invisible wall would keep people from getting there ahead of schedule.

Thanks for putting this quest together.

A Short Dig - NW-DA8O42CFF

visteroth · June 2013

jawarisin wrote: »

This isn't about you understanding your own foundry, it's about the others understanding it. As far as it goes, you're yourself. So if the tester says it's not clear, it means you got a problem. I don't want you to see me aggressive here, just pointing out that it's about the other player's perspective of the quest, not the creator, that it should matter.

Fair enough.

visteroth · June 2013

caustic8 wrote: »

I just finished your quest. It went pretty quickly but the story line was good and there is potential there. The encounters were challenging for my level 53 cleric. If it hadn't been for Shebum distracting large numbers of mobs during the boss encounters I probably would have bit it.

Just a few more notes:

I thought some of the quest objectives were a little ambiguous. For example, one just read something like "peepers creepers".

One piece of decor seemed out of place. The giant upright sword. Some more decoration might make the burrow feel more burrowy.

I was able to get to the first green torch room ahead of the objective for killing the tailor. Preventing access by linking a closed door to an objective or using an invisible wall would keep people from getting there ahead of schedule.

Thanks for putting this quest together.

A Short Dig - NW-DA8O42CFF

Thanks so much for playing it. I'll review in kind.

darkanind · June 2013

NW-DUCYKYQHA is mine, just finished yours.

Not bad, but not great. It's a good start to a great foundry, however! Needs a bit more forced dialogue so you know what's going on, for example. More descriptive quests so you know what you're looking for or attempting to do.

visteroth · June 2013

darkanind wrote: »

NW-DUCYKYQHA is mine, just finished yours.

Not bad, but not great. It's a good start to a great foundry, however! Needs a bit more forced dialogue so you know what's going on, for example. More descriptive quests so you know what you're looking for or attempting to do.

I can work with that . . . I'm a simple fellow after all. And I'll kindly review in turn of course.

By the way, for anyone nice enough to take the time to run through the quest (even those who hate it), Shebum Nom will personally run through your quest and review it . . . in character . . . jk about that last tidbit . . . maybe. But it may tickle you (or disgust you) to know that Shebum is now seeing to this review trade business himself.

Time to go get Shebum some potions.

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

I have your quest on my list now. I would love a review from you! Details in my signature.

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

Shebum's Room at the Moonstone Mask.
NW-DTBBQW2RI

A review by TripsOfThrymr

NOTE: Picky comments will not affect the rating

Overall a good, fun quest. It needs more motivation behind the story, and more detail in the dungeon rooms, to become great.

Here are some specific comments:

- Why am I in Shelbum's room? Why do I care about him?
- Why am I reading his journal and searching for secret doors with him standing right there?
- Not sure what "much newer and therefore potentially falser" means.
- Why am I in Shelbum's room? Why am I going into the burrow he made?
- Waves of Minions are annoying.
- I fought a strong melee + wizard + minions in a side room, with nothing interesting in there to see (strongish encounter, no story advancement or fun easter eggs).
- Rooms look fairly barren. There are some details but the feel is very much of a stock dungeon.
- Many rooms are too dark
- I don't like being forced to talk to a leader surrounded by minions, knowing they are all going to jump on me once the dialog is one.

visteroth · June 2013

caustic8 wrote: »

I just finished your quest. It went pretty quickly but the story line was good and there is potential there. The encounters were challenging for my level 53 cleric. If it hadn't been for Shebum distracting large numbers of mobs during the boss encounters I probably would have bit it.

Just a few more notes:

I thought some of the quest objectives were a little ambiguous. For example, one just read something like "peepers creepers".

One piece of decor seemed out of place. The giant upright sword. Some more decoration might make the burrow feel more burrowy.

I was able to get to the first green torch room ahead of the objective for killing the tailor. Preventing access by linking a closed door to an objective or using an invisible wall would keep people from getting there ahead of schedule.

Thanks for putting this quest together.

A Short Dig - NW-DA8O42CFF

I did a playthrough of your quest, twice, but for some reason it would not let me review or rate it. Well, at least you have the playthrough from me (as my Shebum character, to show his appreciation as well).

Needless to say, a short dig became a long dig for me.

I did enjoy it, both times, especially the design, number and type of encounters, and fun interactions. Speaking of which, while I thought the last barrier before the Drow Matron Mother was well placed and fun to bring down, some of the other switches for doors were just a tad tedious to find. This might just be because I was too lazy to look for all of them, but perhaps they may lose their punch and fun if there are too many of them. IDK.

Again, enjoyed it and will play it again once it becomes daily foundry eligible.

pavvo · June 2013

Hi just played through your quest. It's quite entertaining. Love what you've done with the wererats and skin.

However, the last 2 parts - Appaling Visage Part 1 and 2, please do not stack encounters. Don't put more than 1 encounter stacked at a time, unless you warn the player first in the quest description. They may work fine at lower levels, but my lvl 60 DC got one shotted by all those mobs that spawned at Part 1. If you want to have a higher level of difficulty, try spawning monsters instead of stacking them.

I had to quit the quest and re-do as a lowbie to give you a rating. Appreciate a review of my quest - Amulet of the Shining Sun (Short code in sig below) Thanks

Trading Reviews NW-DTBBQW2RI

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