Shooting for the Stars (5 of them) / Review Trade

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

Version 1.2 of A Strange Merchant is out now. The last version got solid 4's, with a few 5's. Thanks to the awesome feedback I received, I hope that 1.2 is worthy of many more 5's.

The key items I improved are:

- Much more detail in the rooms
- Climatic ending
- Many, many smaller details

I would love to know if A Strange Merchant is now 5-Star material (also, I'm one review shy of being eligible for the Daily Foundry Quest...).

I am also especially interested in your feedback about balance for the final scene. I started with overpowering, and dialed it back to where my own well-not-greatly-equipped character can survive it, knowing what to expect (there's also an alternative solution that involves much less combat...).

If it is not a 5 yet, please help me understand where I can improve.

If you need a detailed review of your own quest, please just let me know!

Quest details are in my signature.

oortexplorer · June 2013

I will add your quest to my list. It's getting to be a pretty long list, so it may take me a couple of days, but it will get done.

I'd appreciate it if you could return the favour for mine (info in sig).

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

All's Fair in Love and War
NW-DJ5BFT52F

A review by TripsOfThrymr

NOTE: Picky comments will not affect the rating

- When I took the quest I was on The Buccaneer's Tear. There was no indication of where in the world I have to go to speak with Megan (the quest is active, there's the red arrow with the X showing that there is no auto-pathing, and the overland map does not show where to go). Not sure why.
- Shows on the map after heading to Protector's Enclave.
- In Megan's Neighborhood, the streets look awefully empty. No barrels, carts, chickens. Few people...
- Love Megan's sense of fashion :-)
- Nice NPC names given the theme. (Especially the rogue twins... or did they drink a clone potion?)
- Dwarf's dialog is especially well-written.
- Lion statue is poking into the ceiling. You can lower the base about 4' and it will look fine.
- Rooms also look bland... not much detail.
- Traps seem to be in odd places considering the place is actually used by people.
- Fun fact: If you pull an encounter over by NPC's (e.g. the cats), the NPC's will also be targeted.
- The exit portal appeared before the final conversation with Megan.

Overall a solid, funny, well-written story. It could use polish in a few areas. It is a wonderful addition to the foundry.

oortexplorer · June 2013

Thanks for the great review. These are all pretty good points. I had wondered about location if people were out of PE, but figured the sparkly would just lead everyone to the right place. Maybe the first quest point should say "Speak to Megan in Protector's Enclave". Filling rooms with the items available is tough, I may have to try working with smaller rooms in the future, lol. Lion suggestion is good, will do that (probably at the same time I add an extra dialogue scene I'm working on). I feel like the traps were placed there at the same time as the encounters (or by them). I also noticed that issue with exit portals, but haven't managed to fix it yet.

Very well thought out and I'm glad you liked it. Looking forward to yours.

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

oortexplorer wrote: »

Filling rooms with the items available is tough

That was the hardest thing for me to improve on, too, given the limited items. One cannot even scale the items, so many things that could work if smaller or larger just don't work. Still, an opportunity for creativity :-)

anrix2 · June 2013

The following is my opinion, so please take it with a grain of salt. I start off with a positive, the combat was entertaining for a solo 60 CW. But IMO that alone will not a quest get a 5 star rating. The maps need to tell a story just as much as the quest, likewise for the costumes. Authors need to be patient when designing and detailing both.

I think there is to much pre-fabrication in this quest that isn't being owned by the author. What I mean is that this quest starts off in the tower district, yet there is very little added in terms of detail to make it stand apart from the normal tower district. The differentiating point is that this rendition seems more cluttered. If I were to do a pre-fabricated map, I would make sure to mark of a specific path for the player and then decorate until I maxed my details for that map. What was put in place to wall off the player wasn't complete. I made it to the uncles house without having to fight.

Once I got into the uncles house it was another pre-fabricated map with little added to it to make it feel like it was of the author's creation. It was also sparsely decorated with the exception for the quest objective area which kind of stood out as not belonging to the rest of the decor. Additionally there was stacked interaction objects which made it somewhat annoying to recognize where the objective actually was. They should probably be separated a bit. Additionally there was a black and white effect, I am not sure I caught the meaning of this either which probably led to my confusion of the map transition to follow.

The next map was a dungeon which seemed very much unfinished, and I am not sure if I understood the transition from the house to the dungeon, it just felt weird. I think there needs to be an overall theme to this place, and each room needs to place a piece in that theme. There is little bit of walking without a lot to look at. Additionally there are a lot of paths that are not worth exploring, I would recommend dressing them up and putting easter eggs in there for players that like to explore. But again max detail. There are also misplaced details like floating blood in the portal room, and misaligned walls.

After the dungeon there is another map transition to a pre-fabricated map in The Graveyard. This whole map seemed unnecessary. And at this point I felt like I had transitioned enough. Additionally there are waves of undead I guess the player is intended to fight, but you can slip pass them and hit the portal back to Liana without them noticing.

Overall, because the combat was entertaining, I gave it a 3 because despite all my issues with the decor the quest was some what fun, it just felt rushed, and I know decorating is tedious and most players don't take note of the very fine details, but there is a threshold that needs to be cross before getting into that space, and I felt the decor fell short well before that level of detailing.

voivodak · June 2013

Your quest has been added to my to-do list of foundry adventures.
Check my sign to return the favor

(i suppose to play your quest this evening)

vaelic · June 2013

tripsofthrymr wrote: »

Version 1.2 of A Strange Merchant is out now. The last version got solid 4's, with a few 5's. Thanks to the awesome feedback I received, I hope that 1.2 is worthy of many more 5's.

The key items I improved are:

- Much more detail in the rooms
- Climatic ending
- Many, many smaller details

I would love to know if A Strange Merchant is now 5-Star material (also, I'm one review shy of being eligible for the Daily Foundry Quest...).

I am also especially interested in your feedback about balance for the final scene. I started with overpowering, and dialed it back to where my own well-not-greatly-equipped character can survive it, knowing what to expect (there's also an alternative solution that involves much less combat...).

If it is not a 5 yet, please help me understand where I can improve.

If you need a detailed review of your own quest, please just let me know!

Quest details are in my signature.

I'll check it out! my updated version is in my signature

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

Thank you for your detailed review. I appreciate your perspective.

anrix2 wrote: »

What I mean is that this quest starts off in the tower district, yet there is very little added in terms of detail to make it stand apart from the normal tower district. If I were to do a pre-fabricated map, I would make sure to mark of a specific path for the player and then decorate until I maxed my details for that map. What was put in place to wall off the player wasn't complete. I made it to the uncles house without having to fight.

It was intentional that players do not have to fight on this map if they don't want to. Some reviewers appreciated that they could sneak around the monsters. I guess it is a matter of taste. Your point is well-taken with the map being too stock. I think I will also add a tricky encounter or two do the map (but will also leave in tact the ones that can be snuck around, since some enjoy that aspect).

anrix2 wrote: »

Additionally there was stacked interaction objects which made it somewhat annoying to recognize where the objective actually was. They should probably be separated a bit. Additionally there was a black and white effect, I am not sure I caught the meaning of this either which probably led to my confusion of the map transition to follow.

I'll see what I can do to separate the interaction objects. The B&W is explained in the text, but I'll see what I can do to make it clearer. I will certainly add an option requiring Arcana to more fully understand what just happened.

anrix2 wrote: »

Additionally there are a lot of paths that are not worth exploring, I would recommend dressing them up and putting easter eggs in there for players that like to explore. But again max detail.

I'm not sure I understand this point. I'm pretty sure there was either an item or a tidbit of the story down every optional path. I had quite a hard time putting in enough objects to get a ton of detail without the map feeling lame due to the very limited stock of 3D objects. Do you have suggestions for getting close to max detail with the limited variety?

anrix2 wrote: »

Additionally there are waves of undead I guess the player is intended to fight, but you can slip pass them and hit the portal back to Liana without them noticing.

There was a book next to the crystal ball in the previous room suggesting that fighting the waves might not be the wisest course of action. The fight is intended to be possible but extremely difficult (I probably need help finding that balance). I will consider options to make the other path more challenging (and open to suggestions).

Thank you again for the detailed review!

oortexplorer · June 2013

Really liked your quest. An ambitious undertaking to be sure. I enjoyed the environment throughout. Especially the design at the end when you return outside on the way back to Liana, looks great! I kind of liked the clever way you set up your maps to give 2 or 3 different routes to explore several times. It can be annoying if you're not sure where to go during a quest (especially when our sparkly friend decides to disappear) so it's a balancing act, but I didn't mind exploring knowing there's lore & encounters scattered throughout.

Now, the story. Overall I like, and thought everything to do with the merchant was interesting and kept me invested in the plot. Also liked the lore and the orc "writing". Providing a horse to ride back to town was a nice touch. Some of the other stuff, however, does need a little work. I really liked your use of the black and white in that particular scene, but it was unclear exactly what was happening and I think it may be possible to re-write that section to make it more interesting/memorable. Some of the other story elements (esp. regarding the elf) were a little fuzzy, now that makes sense on a certain level since no one we meet up to that point understands exactly what's going on, so it's hard to provide a suggestion on exactly how to improve it. Even at the end of the quest (which is not a completed story yet), it's unclear exactly what has happened. I just feel like the writing needs a bit more polish. I think at that point, we should have a better idea of what has happened, and what will happen next. Hopefully that makes sense.

Couple of glitches: In the early Authors Note, Subtitles is mis-spelled (subtlties). Crystal ball is named "Village Crystal Ball 01 Glow". Several times battling a creature with a specific name, a group of "Zombie Rotters" were spawned. Same thing happened to me with my quest, if that was unintentional you need to either rename the rotters or choose a different encounter type to re-skin that doesn't spawn the zombies.

Gave you 5 stars but I'd say it was more like 4.5. Nice work.

anrix2 · June 2013

tripsofthrymr wrote: »

I'm not sure I understand this point. I'm pretty sure there was either an item or a tidbit of the story down every optional path. I had quite a hard time putting in enough objects to get a ton of detail without the map feeling lame due to the very limited stock of 3D objects. Do you have suggestions for getting close to max detail with the limited variety?

I wasn't sure if the roaming was intentional, because it did look like there was some effort to wall off a path on that first map.

A map can never have too much detail especially one that is aspiring to be 5 stars, and were you just asking for a normal review I probably wouldn't harp on it. But the author should own his decor as much as possible. I suggest making your own objects if an object you like doesn't exist in the catalog. You can clip together a lot of existing things and hide parts of things in walls, ceilings, and floors to make unique objects. I know you are probably thinking I am being pretty harsh, maybe even petty when it comes to decor, but these things are meaningful, just as meaningful as text, if not more, because it helps with immersion.

I recommend running any of @Apocrs1980 quests(his ravenloft quest has a custom built inn...the entire building inside and out, along with a custom village) as reference for 5 star decor, or Chartreuse Halls by myrmecoleon for 5 star effects and visuals. These authors really push the capability of Foundry and their quests are good examples to help other authors think outside the box.

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

Thanks for the detailed review!

I have already fixed up the glitches and will work on the writing this evening.

oortexplorer wrote: »

Several times battling a creature with a specific name, a group of "Zombie Rotters" were spawned. Same thing happened to me with my quest, if that was unintentional you need to either rename the rotters or choose a different encounter type to re-skin that doesn't spawn the zombies.

How can I rename the group of spawned monsters?

Thanks again for taking time to give me detailed feedback. I have your quest on my list to play & review.

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

anrix2 wrote: »

I suggest making your own objects if an object you like doesn't exist in the catalog. You can clip together a lot of existing things and hide parts of things in walls, ceilings, and floors to make unique objects.

I already tried that for my next update to the Tower District map. The example quests you suggested are on my list for tonight. I look forward to seeing what they have done!

anrix2 wrote: »

I know you are probably thinking I am being pretty harsh, maybe even petty when it comes to decor, but these things are meaningful, just as meaningful as text, if not more, because it helps with immersion.

Harsh... not at all. I want to be pushed to make the best possible quest, and very much value your feedback. The Tower District map has already improved significantly from your feedback (in the not-yet-published version 1.2.1).

oortexplorer · June 2013

tripsofthrymr wrote: »

Thanks for the detailed review!

I have already fixed up the glitches and will work on the writing this evening.

How can I rename the group of spawned monsters?

Thanks again for taking time to give me detailed feedback. I have your quest on my list to play & review.

To be honest, in my case I took a quick look and couldn't find where to rename the zombie rotters, so I just swapped in a different encounter type.

vuelhering · June 2013

I'll check it out. Please reciprocate.

posting so that it's in my subscriptions... and a friendly bump.

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

Bring out yer Dead
NW-DAI945C2G

A review by TripsOfThrymr

NOTE: Picky comments will not affect the rating

- The Dark Forest looks very bare. It could use a lot of additional detail.
- First dialog with Patsy in Dark Forest you use [OOC]Ask me if you ever need any advice. I know this area well.[/OOC]. That's not "out-of-character", not a standard use of the yellow colored text.
- "This plague mortician is visible upset". Should be "visibly".
- Same dialog, all options are orange color (quest choice).
- Dialog is well written and entertaining.
- "Press F to Talk to Spellscarred Peasant" dialog should be something like "Inspect".
- Spider webs near the tree after mortitian form a straight line in places when contacting the ground... unnatural
- At "Pass through the magic archway" there is no indication on the map where I should go and no sparkly lines.
- For the objective "get across the bridge" there was also no map indication of where to go
- Head Dwarf and black knight were I think the same encounter. Not much variation in fighting style.
- Black Knight interactions were funny.
- MISSION BLOCKED with the table on Patsy. I could not target Patsy, so could not continue.

rdxcyclo · June 2013

I'm a horrible person for giving you only 4 stars for an otherwise fun and well thought out quest. My only beef with it was running through long, empty hallways and the ogre encounters... Too many ogres make me unhappy

I really liked reading from the book - that had me laughing so hard. The graveyard was awesome. I really liked how many of the fights were optional - otherwise this quest might take a really long time.

Please give my quest a quick run through, I won't be asking more than 4 stars(for now) ^^ (in my signature)

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

rdxcyclo wrote: »

My only beef with it was running through long, empty hallways and the ogre encounters... Too many ogres make me unhappy

I really liked reading from the book - that had me laughing so hard. The graveyard was awesome. I really liked how many of the fights were optional - otherwise this quest might take a really long time.

Please give my quest a quick run through, I won't be asking more than 4 stars(for now) ^^ (in my signature)

I actually have a new version with less emptiness (MUCH more detail) waiting in the wings. However, I'm waiting for the version of Foundry that is currently on Preview to go live since it fixes an important issue (probably 2 weeks).

Thank you for reviewing my quest and for your input. I have yours on my list now.

tripsofthrymr · June 2013

rdxcyclo wrote: »

Too many ogres make me unhappy

Ogres can generally be bypassed if you find the right way (though in some cases you need a particular class) :-)

xila56 · June 2013

I just completed your quest, and it was very well done! Thanks for creating it. I'm looking forward to more. I did give you 5 stars as it's obvious how much work you've put into it.

If you have time, could you check out my quest (in sig)? Thanks!

Shooting for the Stars (5 of them) / Review Trade

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