Stomach of Darkness: Part 1 Ready for Reviews.

ovaltine74 · May 2013

Since I know nothing about Dungeons and Dragons. I decided I would draw my inspiration from classic novels.

My first foundry quest is "Stomach of Darkness", and it was inspired by Joseph Conrad's Novel Heart of Darkness (1899, Public Domain).

Many of you may have read the book in high school or college. If not you can read it online for free. It is an excellent book. The Movie Apocalypse Now was based on Conrad's novel. John Milius wrote the movie and Francis Ford Copolla directed it. In an interview Milius said that anyone who has ever tried to direct a film about Heart of Darkness has failed. I heard that, and could not resist. If you haven't seen Apocalypse Now, than you should. Both the movie and the novel by Conrad are classics.

Milus explained that his version was not exactly the same as Conrad's version. He just took from his memory, and had a few ideas for scenes. He didn't want to recreate the book in Apocalypse Now, he just wanted the basic plot. I am following that same advice in the creation of this quest. I use the basic plot, many of the characters have changed. The plot flow is slightly altered. Some events happen at the same time in my quest where in the book they happen at different times. Some scenes are definitely not in the book.

Much of part 1 is explaining how you got involved in the quest. In the book, the main character is a man named Marlow. In this quest, you are the main character. I had to explain that. Much of part one covers this. I explain it while at the same time, move the story forward. It is all happening simultaneously.

Well I don't want to spoil the entire story, but I thought you might like to know where my inspiration came from.

I hope you enjoy it.

My version is not a direct adaptation of course, but the basic plot line is followed.

Synopsis: A Man named Kurtz has failed to report to his employers from his outpost deep in the jungle. His employers hire a person (you) to go find out what has happened to Kurtz and bring back the product Kurtz has failed to ship. The journey will take you deep into the heart of the wilderness. The further you go, the more you begin to lose your sanity. The mystery of what has happened to Kurtz becomes more clear the closer you get to him.

The original story was released in Blackwoods Magazine as a three part series. My initial desire was to tell the entire story in one quest, but it was just not possible. It would have been too long. It will be at least a two part quest.

Part one will take approx. 45 minutes to finish if it is your first time through. If you skip all the dialog, you could complete it in thirty minutes. None of the encounters are impossible, and all can be defeated without dying if you use the environment and have a decent amount of health pots.

My signature contains the code for playing it. It also has a link to a you tube video preview.

ovaltine74 · May 2013

I have gotten several reviews over the past few days and some helpful feedback. Thank you.

Update: I have corrected all known errors and bugs in the quest, corrected all grammar and spelling. Added more detail to one map, and added a few more objectives.

Working on more NPC interactions in the beach environment since that area of the quest seems the most popular. I will be introducing some new characters that you will learn more about in Part 2.

About the long dialogue. I knew that it would be the number one complaint, but I also knew the deep story would be one of the things people liked. It has benefits and disadvantages. Bottom line you have to make the quest the way you like it and not try to please everyone. Deep story, interesting characters, detailed environments, and difficult final encounters. That is what I like in a quest, so that is what I have created.

About hidden bosses. I am not really trying to get people to quit the quest by hiding a boss, but I would rather they quit than click through all the dialogue without reading it. In the dialogue it tells you where to find everything you need to advance in the quest. If you read it, you will have no issues. I put a warning right at the top of the quest description that states that the quest is dialogue heavy and that you can get stuck if you fail to read it. The point of the quest is the story. Clicking through it just to finish as fast as you can is not what I want players to do with this quest. So no apologies for the long dialogue and lack of hand holding.

Still need some more reviews, preferably from role players who can comment specifically on the story and the characters.

crok2 · May 2013

I played 2 foundry quests tonight that were exceptional. This was one of them. I want to play it again when I am not so rushed for time (IE I had 3 others with me hehe) Technically stunning in a few places! The sleep sequence was dead on and perfectly executed! I want to play it again just to see it again :P You put a TON of work into this and I think it paid off.

dzogen · May 2013

As long as this has nothing to do with gastrointestinal distress, I will give this one a go.

ovaltine74 · May 2013

Update: The server downtime caught me when I was in the zone. Part 2 is going to be very nice indeed. The comedy will become less and less frequent as we get closer to Kurtz. Though there is one scene with Miss Gosse I think will be rather humorous. That is just how this story goes. One of the common critiques in chapter one was the humor. It actually was kind of necessary as you will see where the story is taking us. One of the main motifs of Heart of Darkness was that as Marlow ventured deeper into the jungle, things became increasingly bleak. If I had began my version without any humor, I think I might of had a hard time pulling of the whole decent into darkness thing.

Well fear not faithful adventurer. You will be able to tell in the first ten minutes of part 2 that the story is about to get really dark. I will of course create a teaser video once I near completion.

zovya · May 2013

I'm just going to throw this out there, cause I know I'm not the only one thinking it:

Have you considered changing the name to something.... well. Is this a comical parody? or a serious remake? The title seems to suggest slapstick to me. I'm going to try it out, but the name really doesn't attract me to it.

vaelic · May 2013

I'll check it out for ya

ovaltine74 · May 2013

zovya wrote: »

I'm just going to throw this out there, cause I know I'm not the only one thinking it:

Have you considered changing the name to something.... well. Is this a comical parody? or a serious remake? The title seems to suggest slapstick to me. I'm going to try it out, but the name really doesn't attract me to it.

I fail to see how one organ is funnier than another. I did have many organs to choose from. Spleen of Darkness. Lungs of Darkness, Medulla Oblongata of Darkness...That one is kind of funny. Unless you can suggest another name that I really like, I am going to stick with what I have got.

nezroy123 · May 2013

ovaltine74 wrote: »

I fail to see how one organ is funnier than another. I did have many organs to choose from. Spleen of Darkness. Lungs of Darkness, Medulla Oblongata of Darkness...That one is kind of funny. Unless you can suggest another name that I really like, I am going to stick with what I have got.

I think the problem is that "Stomach of Darkness" is, essentially, not obviously silly enough. I look at that and go "is this supposed to be funny or is this guy a really bad writer trying to make a serious stomach metaphor and heart of darkness allusion?". Stomach looks too much like an attempt at a real gut-based metaphor

Spleen leaves no doubt.

EDIT: wow, these forums can't do accents huh?

ovaltine74 · May 2013

I guess I went with stomach, because it was the only other organ I felt darkness could describe. I plan on using stomach references somehow when we get to Crazy Kurtz. In the book, when Marlow meets Kurtz, Kurtz is near death and talks some crazy stuff. No, stomach will work. It should be quite a soliloquy.

Hey, what do you think of this.......Mind of Darkness. Not comical. It works. Sound better?

zovya · May 2013

Ok, so you don't want it to be funny. First, I don't want to tell you to change the name, just suggesting that it would help to attract a larger audience if it were changed. At the end of the day, it's yours, own it!

Not sure if the book actually meant the organ "heart" but the darkness of the soul or mind of man. So with that, I think Mind of Darkness would be a great name. Sounds like something I would try out.

ovaltine74 · May 2013

I am seriously considering it. Thank you for the brutal honesty. You probably are right. I do like the name as well. Only problem is I have already done a ton of stomach research....kidding.

zovya · May 2013

ovaltine74 wrote: »

I am seriously considering it. Thank you for the brutal honesty. You probably are right. I do like the name as well. Only problem is I have already done a ton of stomach research....kidding.

Lol. I'm glad when people tell me what they think too. I don't want sugar coating, I don't get anything from that.

dzogen · May 2013

You could also do "Bladder of Darkness." It's also very dark in there from what I hear.

Toe of darkness.

Appendix of darkness.

Just some community inspired thoughts.

ovaltine74 · May 2013

zovya wrote: »

Lol. I'm glad when people tell me what they think too. I don't want sugar coating, I don't get anything from that.

Yeah, as you can see I took your advice. If it gets more people to try my opus, I have you to thank for it. Going to have to start a new thread and change my video. Needed a good excuse to update the preview anyway.

Stomach of Darkness: Part 1 Ready for Reviews.

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