the Battle for Arbendor village <need reviews>

givearandomname

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Join Date: May 2013




Dragons Horde part one

new name think all the bugs and everything now worked out.

Campaign Name -Dragons Horde part one Short Code: NW-DHNVMMGVJ
Mission Type: balanced
Average Duration:15 to 20 min
Amount of Combat: medium
Starts at: any city gate
Mission Summary: Your on your way to meet an old friend for an adventure. Things don't go as planed and the adventure begins.
Author tips/hints: DO NOT RUN DOWN THE HILL DURING THE ATTACK SEQUENCE IT MAY RESULT IN YOUR EARLY DEATH..
Screenshots/attachments:
[video=youtube_share;0KbqTWeJqxc]http://youtu.be/0KbqTWeJqxc[/video]

ash4ll

If you would be willing to trade reviews, feel free to visit my thread. Here there is bunch of people that will definietly trade you some plays if you do play through theirs.

givearandomname

still looking for reviews will trade reviews

hawthornberry

Posted a review. The storyline is promising, but you need some proofreading on the text throughout.

irtoof75

Greetings

Nice quest. It has alot of potential but I think you should clean it up a bit. Below is my feedback.

Dialogue fixes

Patrol: We're a bit lost.../ can show you where
Dancer: I would / you're very welcome
Bouncer: we're guests
Belur: you have 2 Ys on yes / We're on the road
Amber: Their outfits
Sgt. Pyane: make sure their ok
Missing scout: Their all dead / Their prepping for attack
Sgt payne: prepare for an attack

Other stuff
The water plane when you zone in, it needs to be fixed. Build more of a boarder around it to get rid of the square edges.
In town, your buildings are sitting to high. Its because of the terrain, you can build a base to cover this up with some of the building roofs in the editor, use them as a kind of platform.
Change your distressed dancer to non interactive, so she doesn't draw aggro.
Belur still follows you after you tell him you are going to bed. (i haven't done much with NPC following so not sure how to fix this)
Your Villiger NPCs should be named Villager
Missing scouts name still has the First/Second contact in it.
Change the name of your Rimfire Golem mobs during the big battle.

Suggestions

You may want to add some details to the outside of your Inn, it seemed kind of empty to me. Maybe some windows an NPC or two outside, spice it up.
There are quite a few places in the dialogues that end with continue, perhaps come up with something that fits better than continue.
Some of your interactive items end with Press F to interact. May want to change those also. The chair, bed and door.
The scout conversation, hmmm he is deathly wounded but when I talk to him he stands up like he's fine. I don't think you stand up when you are deathly wounded, just my opinion You can change that in the dialogue editor to have him sitting.
After you tell Sgt Payne what is happening he says we need to prepare, maybe have the guards stop the push ups and run off to prepare?
Finally I'd like to see more details on the map. I can tell you have poured a ton of work into this so don't stop short. Add the little things that will bring your maps to life. This is a great first foundry I hope it does well.

Sweetness

krisrmurray

Check out my adventure!
http://nw-forum.perfectworld.com/showthread.php?372812-NW-DDTLPFIKS-Forgotten-Treasure-Pt1
NW-DDTLPFIKS : Forgotten Treasure Pt1

Quest 1: "You're lost but..."

Bears are solitary animals for the most part, so it's kind of wierd to see 4 clumped up together.

The really cool place that Sgt Payne has his soldiers in feels out of place in the village.

For Belur, "wasn't" should be "weren't". But it might sound better to say: Startin' to think you wasn't comin'
It might be a good way to give him more character to have him always talk in slang.

The fight with the drunk seemed way to hard for just a drunk. I'd recommend working in something else to the story as to why it's a hard fight, or make the fight easier.

Maybe name Amber as "Amber" after you already saved her instead of just distressed dancer.

Name on the missing scout is all messed up. And you can give him some dialogue animation to keep him lying on the ground. Since he's dying he probably doesn't have the strength to stand up

Lastly, fights could be harder. I went in with my wizard and cleaned everything up easily with AOEs since they were so close.

givearandomname

irtoof75 wrote: »

Greetings

Nice quest. It has alot of potential but I think you should clean it up a bit. Below is my feedback.

Dialogue fixes

Patrol: We're a bit lost.../ can show you where
Dancer: I would / you're very welcome
Bouncer: we're guests
Belur: you have 2 Ys on yes / We're on the road
Amber: Their outfits
Sgt. Pyane: make sure their ok
Missing scout: Their all dead / Their prepping for attack
Sgt payne: prepare for an attack

Other stuff
The water plane when you zone in, it needs to be fixed. Build more of a boarder around it to get rid of the square edges.
In town, your buildings are sitting to high. Its because of the terrain, you can build a base to cover this up with some of the building roofs in the editor, use them as a kind of platform.
Change your distressed dancer to non interactive, so she doesn't draw aggro.
Belur still follows you after you tell him you are going to bed. (i haven't done much with NPC following so not sure how to fix this)
Your Villiger NPCs should be named Villager
Missing scouts name still has the First/Second contact in it.
Change the name of your Rimfire Golem mobs during the big battle.

Suggestions

You may want to add some details to the outside of your Inn, it seemed kind of empty to me. Maybe some windows an NPC or two outside, spice it up.
There are quite a few places in the dialogues that end with continue, perhaps come up with something that fits better than continue.
Some of your interactive items end with Press F to interact. May want to change those also. The chair, bed and door.
The scout conversation, hmmm he is deathly wounded but when I talk to him he stands up like he's fine. I don't think you stand up when you are deathly wounded, just my opinion You can change that in the dialogue editor to have him sitting.
After you tell Sgt Payne what is happening he says we need to prepare, maybe have the guards stop the push ups and run off to prepare?
Finally I'd like to see more details on the map. I can tell you have poured a ton of work into this so don't stop short. Add the little things that will bring your maps to life. This is a great first foundry I hope it does well.

Sweetness

Thanks for the feedback will look into the dialogue fixes but pretty sure there all right except for the double yy that’s a typo when copying and pasting it from Microsoft word for grammar and spell check. My grammar isn’t all it’s cracked up to be lol. Ran everything thru spellcheck and grammar check if anyone with better English then mine can confirm the right grammar for those

The graphic anomalies are being worked on they came up after publish it reset the y axis on a lot of stuff not sure why working on fixes for next update.

As for the scout standing up he is using the sitting bound emote going to try add in some dialogue emotes to keep him down. The guards doing pushups would love to be able to do more with them but with limits on resources is only so much can do in order to have them do something else would have to place duplicates of them all and already at the limit on npc for the maps. I want to add more details but it’s a big map the forest alone is custom and the limits are to low already at 1490 assets placed to add more detail would have to take some out.

krisrmurray

givearandomname wrote: »

Thanks for the feedback will look into the dialogue fixes but pretty sure there all right except for the double yy that’s a typo when copying and pasting it from Microsoft word for grammar and spell check. My grammar isn’t all it’s cracked up to be lol. Ran everything thru spellcheck and grammar check if anyone with better English then mine can confirm the right grammar for those

The graphic anomalies are being worked on they came up after publish it reset the y axis on a lot of stuff not sure why working on fixes for next update.

As for the scout standing up he is using the sitting bound emote going to try add in some dialogue emotes to keep him down. The guards doing pushups would love to be able to do more with them but with limits on resources is only so much can do in order to have them do something else would have to place duplicates of them all and already at the limit on npc for the maps. I want to add more details but it’s a big map the forest alone is custom and the limits are to low already at 1490 assets placed to add more detail would have to take some out.

It comes down to contractions. Even though the words sound the same they mean different things. I never rely on grammar check...

Example:
your - possessive meaning that it belongs to you
you're - short for you are which describes something about you.

givearandomname

going to make another pass on dialogue tom will hit your quest first thing in morning as well

lumicakery

Hey man, Ill take a look at your quest. In return, check out the second second quest in my sig, thx .

lumicakery

Hey man, just finished it. It was okay but it could use some improvements. Anyway, here are my comments.

1) NPCs do no animations during dialogue? This one is kind of a must, else its like talking to zombies o:

2) Music. Why no music?

3) The mean drunk. Whoah I did not realize a mean old pervy drunk had so much power . You might want to change the encounter to make it more believable.

4) The stairs for going up the wall was kinda hidden. The one you supposedly need to go up to talk to Belur. I actually went up the mountains then jumped onto the wall .

5) The demons that assault the town were a bit too easy. The allied mage encounter has an aoe thats pretty strong. A couple of fireballs from them and theyre all dead, without me not having to do much.

6) Premise/Plot. So, why was there a whole army of demons wanting to attack the town? The mastermind wanted an artifact or something? Then why didnt she just sneak into town while everyone was fighting the demons? Or was the artifact not in the town, but she thought it was? Demons arent exactly the type to go around rampaging villages just for the sake of it (at least to me). I dunno, I think you need to elaborate more on the story.

Anyway, thats my review, hope it helped .

givearandomname

fixed the grammer errors and some of the graphic around pond and elsewere. added few details here and there made the tavern front a little more tavern like. will be doing a bigger update later today.

not sure why everyone is bothered by the drunk fighter. just because he is drunk and is in a bar doesn't mean he is not a skilled fighter lol.

givearandomname

lumicakery wrote: »

3) 5) The demons that assault the town were a bit too easy. The allied mage encounter has an aoe thats pretty strong. A couple of fireballs from them and theyre all dead, without me not having to do much.

6) Premise/Plot. So, why was there a whole army of demons wanting to attack the town? The mastermind wanted an artifact or something? Then why didnt she just sneak into town while everyone was fighting the demons? Or was the artifact not in the town, but she thought it was? Demons arent exactly the type to go around rampaging villages just for the sake of it (at least to me). I dunno, I think you need to elaborate more on the story.

Anyway, thats my review, hope it helped .

the demon assult is very tricky if don't give enough assistance higher levels will find that many mobs very diffucult to contend withl as well as some classes like clerics.

I chose to give extra help to ensure all level ranges could do the battle with ease.

as for the plot this is just the first part of a multi quest adventure if want to know why the demon army attacked will have to wait for part 2

lumicakery

givearandomname wrote: »

the demon assult is very tricky if don't give enough assistance higher levels will find that many mobs very diffucult to contend withl as well as some classes like clerics.

I chose to give extra help to ensure all level ranges could do the battle with ease.

Well, as a lvl 60 person, I could tell you that it was a bit too easy. In fact, I think its possible for me to just sit there while the friendly encounters do all the work. Id recommend mixing some elites/tough encounters in there.

givearandomname wrote: »

as for the plot this is just the first part of a multi quest adventure if want to know why the demon army attacked will have to wait for part 2

Alright, fair enough. However, I would prefer more surprise/drama/panic from the npcs. I mean demon attacks dont happen that often (unless if they do in that town), and it kinda looked like were cool about it. Demons? No problem, just part of our daily life . For example, like the commander gets suspicious because they appear when you arrive, etc.

givearandomname

lumicakery wrote: »

Well, as a lvl 60 person, I could tell you that it was a bit too easy. In fact, I think its possible for me to just sit there while the friendly encounters do all the work. Id recommend mixing some elites/tough encounters in there.



Alright, fair enough. However, I would prefer more surprise/drama/panic from the npcs. I mean demon attacks dont happen that often (unless if they do in that town), and it kinda looked like were cool about it. Demons? No problem, just part of our daily life . For example, like the commander gets suspicious because they appear when you arrive, etc.

published new build that shows more action on npc part can see some of it in the new videos I addded to op. thought about adding more dialogue but is enough of that already. working on part 2 now