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Sometimes games help you heal. (thank you Developers and players alike)
jaidona
Member Posts: 15 Arc User
I used to play STO with my wife long ago, we were some of the first people to log on,bought the collectors edition, both of us science fiction nerds before it became fashionable, the Star Trek universe being one of our favorite.
To us games were always more than a luxury, more than a leisure pursuit, in 1997 after a whirlwind romance and moving in together a month after meeting, she was 21, I was 26 we had no clue and everyone thought we were crazy, her parents disowned us and my mother thought she was after me for my money.
Love is blind and yes we spent the first 6 months sleeping on an inflatable bed, then she fainted on the way to college and we began our 21 year fight against incurable cancer, you could keep it away with medication but that same medication was slowly killing her, we got married in hospital and once all that could be done was done we came home to our new life.
Side effects from the medication started straight away, within a month Paola could not walk without a cane even inside the house, more than 2 hours sleep a night was a miracle and progressive joint pain meant she was never really not suffering in some way.
I quit work and became her full time carer.
Films TV and books can only distract you so much when you are stuck inside a small house 24/7 for 20 years, we all like our time off, our quiet space but imagine never actually being able to leave your house except for hospital visits.
Computer gaming was not only entertainment but a window onto a world or worlds we could no longer be a part of, we couldn't walk the dogs together or even visit the local shop anymore but we could fight dragons or explore new worlds.
We never really joined big guilds because Paola liked to play a healer and she could without warning need to log off and never felt right about leaving people in need, that was her all over, no matter how much pain she was in she was always thinking of others.
So we explored together, STO when it launched became one of our main games, it fit us perfectly, her taking the science path me taking the engineer path, we could explore the universe and just for a moment a precious moment forget the dark path we were on.
Sadly a couple of years ago things got worse the medication caused a nasty form of diabetes which killed off her kidney's and did other damage we did not know at the time, she went into complete renal failure and we did home dialysis, a transplant was not on the cards because whatever killed off her own kidney's within 6 weeks was still there.
We still gamed but single player games became the norm, watching each other play was still a lot of fun, more and more time began to be eaten up by hospital and treatment.
On November the 13th at 3am I called the Ambulance to take us into the hospital as my instincts told me something was very wrong, the diabetes had damaged her heart and she had a silent heart attack, she rallied for 7 days and even then her last moments were playing minecraft on her phone and listening to favorite music, she had 2 cardiac arrests and died on the 20th November, I stayed in the room as they tried to bring her back, they let me hold her hands as I told them to stop and talked to her as she slipped away.
The Doctors and support staff were amazing, its not like it is in the movies and very few people come back from a cardiac arrest and even fewer come back without brain damage.
So what happened to me, I was numb and in shock, I visited the ward the next day to thank those amazing people, I was at a complete loss, for 20 years my entire life revolved around this amazing woman.
To top it all off while dealing with the funeral and everything else I was diagnosed with Bowel cancer, I go into hospital on the 3rd January for an operation, they do not know how bad it is but we will see.
Since she died I have been trying to pull myself out of the numb disconnected pain I feel, nothing has worked, we had no close friends and I have no family, I am alone in life now, nothing interests me, nothing makes sense anymore.
I have all the time in the world to myself, I have no need to work or ability to due to the reactive depression (I think they call it) I could do anything I want but all I want to do is impossible.
Two days ago I was desperately looking for something to do, something I could connect with, something to give me just a few moments piece and then I remembered STO and our time together, so I came up with a plan, I bought the lifetime subscription and the Vanguard gamma pack, dropped a not insubstantial amount of money on the game, not because I needed to, I know how good STO is without any money input, but to give me an anchor, I don't like wasting money, to commit myself to logging on and playing.
I tried going back to playing my level 60 character but I had been gone too long (I logged on for a day maybe every 6 months), so instead I created a new character in my image engineer, and my first officer science is my wife as near as I could make her.
And for the last two days I have slowly begun to explore and enjoy myself for the first time, in some small way exploring the universe with her by my side.
I am in no rush, you will probably see me Jason (nickname Pyros) wandering the star bases and space, taking time to just look out the windows or visit the club, maybe just watch people go by.
I don't care if its healthy, I don't care if its crazy.
Sometimes games help you heal.
To us games were always more than a luxury, more than a leisure pursuit, in 1997 after a whirlwind romance and moving in together a month after meeting, she was 21, I was 26 we had no clue and everyone thought we were crazy, her parents disowned us and my mother thought she was after me for my money.
Love is blind and yes we spent the first 6 months sleeping on an inflatable bed, then she fainted on the way to college and we began our 21 year fight against incurable cancer, you could keep it away with medication but that same medication was slowly killing her, we got married in hospital and once all that could be done was done we came home to our new life.
Side effects from the medication started straight away, within a month Paola could not walk without a cane even inside the house, more than 2 hours sleep a night was a miracle and progressive joint pain meant she was never really not suffering in some way.
I quit work and became her full time carer.
Films TV and books can only distract you so much when you are stuck inside a small house 24/7 for 20 years, we all like our time off, our quiet space but imagine never actually being able to leave your house except for hospital visits.
Computer gaming was not only entertainment but a window onto a world or worlds we could no longer be a part of, we couldn't walk the dogs together or even visit the local shop anymore but we could fight dragons or explore new worlds.
We never really joined big guilds because Paola liked to play a healer and she could without warning need to log off and never felt right about leaving people in need, that was her all over, no matter how much pain she was in she was always thinking of others.
So we explored together, STO when it launched became one of our main games, it fit us perfectly, her taking the science path me taking the engineer path, we could explore the universe and just for a moment a precious moment forget the dark path we were on.
Sadly a couple of years ago things got worse the medication caused a nasty form of diabetes which killed off her kidney's and did other damage we did not know at the time, she went into complete renal failure and we did home dialysis, a transplant was not on the cards because whatever killed off her own kidney's within 6 weeks was still there.
We still gamed but single player games became the norm, watching each other play was still a lot of fun, more and more time began to be eaten up by hospital and treatment.
On November the 13th at 3am I called the Ambulance to take us into the hospital as my instincts told me something was very wrong, the diabetes had damaged her heart and she had a silent heart attack, she rallied for 7 days and even then her last moments were playing minecraft on her phone and listening to favorite music, she had 2 cardiac arrests and died on the 20th November, I stayed in the room as they tried to bring her back, they let me hold her hands as I told them to stop and talked to her as she slipped away.
The Doctors and support staff were amazing, its not like it is in the movies and very few people come back from a cardiac arrest and even fewer come back without brain damage.
So what happened to me, I was numb and in shock, I visited the ward the next day to thank those amazing people, I was at a complete loss, for 20 years my entire life revolved around this amazing woman.
To top it all off while dealing with the funeral and everything else I was diagnosed with Bowel cancer, I go into hospital on the 3rd January for an operation, they do not know how bad it is but we will see.
Since she died I have been trying to pull myself out of the numb disconnected pain I feel, nothing has worked, we had no close friends and I have no family, I am alone in life now, nothing interests me, nothing makes sense anymore.
I have all the time in the world to myself, I have no need to work or ability to due to the reactive depression (I think they call it) I could do anything I want but all I want to do is impossible.
Two days ago I was desperately looking for something to do, something I could connect with, something to give me just a few moments piece and then I remembered STO and our time together, so I came up with a plan, I bought the lifetime subscription and the Vanguard gamma pack, dropped a not insubstantial amount of money on the game, not because I needed to, I know how good STO is without any money input, but to give me an anchor, I don't like wasting money, to commit myself to logging on and playing.
I tried going back to playing my level 60 character but I had been gone too long (I logged on for a day maybe every 6 months), so instead I created a new character in my image engineer, and my first officer science is my wife as near as I could make her.
And for the last two days I have slowly begun to explore and enjoy myself for the first time, in some small way exploring the universe with her by my side.
I am in no rush, you will probably see me Jason (nickname Pyros) wandering the star bases and space, taking time to just look out the windows or visit the club, maybe just watch people go by.
I don't care if its healthy, I don't care if its crazy.
Sometimes games help you heal.
Post edited by baddmoonrizin on
0
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Comments
Happy Holidays and hope you have a great New Year.
I hope you find this game, not only a great escape, but a boon to you too OP.
I agree with you that games can help heal, and hope it does help you a lot. All the best too for your surgery in January.
Now, who is cutting onions around here?
I hope you can find support from someone in your family. Or even a friend....online, if need be.
“Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.” -- Benjamin Franklin
Losing someone close to you always bites. My mother was amazing up until she passed as well. When my dad passes it will probably hit me even harder. Daddy's girl and all that I am.
So don't feel bad about the game. Things like STO keep me going as well.
"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."
Pretty much what Matt said. Anything that takes you to a better place is a good thing, be it STO, Second Life, or anything else along these lines that one may enjoy. Go to a better place when life is being anything but, or simply to indulge one's creativity. I enjoyed the movies and shows as a kid, and now, in a sense, I can be a part of it as an adult.
And knowing is half the battle!
21 'til I die!
Don't let them promote you. Don't let them transfer you. Don't let them do anything that takes you off the bridge of that ship, because while you're there... you can make a difference.
-Captain James T. Kirk