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NEW MISSION: The Caitian Gambit - Part 1 of 2

helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
Caitian_Pt1_Banner_DILAVORO_zpsdcc3f6cc.jpg

The Caitian Gambit - Part 1 of 2

by @helixfungus

Entry point is Kei System in Sirius Sector
The first of two part story centered around the same character, Starfleet
Caitian Admiral Bim Chip. The mission contains a deliberate
tribute to Star Trek: the Motion Picture. I rebooted it in
Caitian sausage... The second part will resolve the Rodo
thread.
Contain moderate combat, ground and space ones.
Don't skip dialogs, or you will fail immersion !

Revised grammar and typos with the invaluable help of @Tomar317
Post edited by helixfungus on

Comments

  • kjwashingtonkjwashington Member Posts: 2,529 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    Caitian_Pt1_Banner_DILAVORO_zpsdcc3f6cc.jpg

    The Caitian Gambit - Part 1 of 2

    by @helixfungus

    Entry point is Kei System in Sirius Sector
    The first of two part story centered around the same character, Starfleet
    Caitian Admiral Bim Chip. The mission contains a deliberate
    tribute to Star Trek: the Motion Picture. I rebooted it in
    Caitian sausage... The second part will resolve the Rodo
    thread.
    Contain moderate combat, ground and space ones.
    Don't skip dialogs, or you will fail immersion !

    Revised grammar and typos with the invaluable help of @Tomar317

    I'm sorry but you claim that if someone skips dialogue that they'll fail immersion, but your center character has an extremely un-immersive name. Seriously, "Bim Chip"? You could have at least looked up Caitian naming patterns.
    FaW%20meme_zpsbkzfjonz.jpg
    Support 90 degree arc limitation on BFaW! Save our ships from looking like flying disco balls of dumb!
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    I'm sorry but you claim that if someone skips dialogue that they'll fail immersion, but your center character has an extremely un-immersive name. Seriously, "Bim Chip"? You could have at least looked up Caitian naming patterns.

    Caitian naming patterns...? This is really not the case... there is some amount of humour into it... if you gonna be too nitpicking about it, you surely are about to ruin the fun to yourself with this one...
  • kjwashingtonkjwashington Member Posts: 2,529 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    Caitian naming patterns...? This is really not the case... there is some amount of humour into it... if you gonna be too nitpicking about it, you surely are about to ruin the fun to yourself with this one...

    If it's a nickname I can get over myself, but there has to be a good reason that he goes by something that you would name a house cat. :rolleyes:
    FaW%20meme_zpsbkzfjonz.jpg
    Support 90 degree arc limitation on BFaW! Save our ships from looking like flying disco balls of dumb!
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    If it's a nickname I can get over myself, but there has to be a good reason that he goes by something that you would name a house cat. :rolleyes:

    You are missing the point... sorry... if you want to enjoy some trek humour, then just play it, otherwise there's plenty of options.
  • otisnobleotisnoble Member Posts: 1,250 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    Is this a foundry mission? If so I will def play it with my Caitain Admirals and maybe my Klingon Kitty if allowed.:)
    Fleet Adm Sh'ma U.S,S, Shalom
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    otisnoble wrote: »
    Is this a foundry mission? If so I will def play it with my Caitain Admirals and maybe my Klingon Kitty if allowed.:)

    This is a foundry series.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • otisnobleotisnoble Member Posts: 1,250 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    ashkrik23 wrote: »
    This is a foundry series.

    Is it out yet?
    Fleet Adm Sh'ma U.S,S, Shalom
  • ashkrik23ashkrik23 Member Posts: 10,809 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    otisnoble wrote: »
    Is it out yet?

    Part 1 is. That is why he posted here.
    King of Lions rawr! Protect the wildlife of the world. Check out my foundry series Perfection and Scars of the Pride. arcgames.com/en/forums#/discussion/1138650/ashkrik23s-foundry-missions
    ashkrik_by_lindale_ff-d65zc3i.png
  • otisnobleotisnoble Member Posts: 1,250 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    ashkrik23 wrote: »
    Part 1 is. That is why he posted here.

    I checked foundry missions and entered The Caitain Gambit and nothing came up, can FEDs play?
    Fleet Adm Sh'ma U.S,S, Shalom
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    otisnoble wrote: »
    I checked foundry missions and entered The Caitain Gambit and nothing came up, can FEDs play?

    A fundamental condition has to be met to find my mission... +31 lvl (you can read it on the banner) means that you must have a level 31 or more character to play with, Federal or Romulan Fed allied... If you are below that, your only path is to continue playing to the ingame missions til you reach the DS9 story.

    Then you can search it by putting only gambit, or helixfungus (author's name... me)

    Caitian Gambit is best played with no Caitian toon on your part.
  • otisnobleotisnoble Member Posts: 1,250 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    A fundamental condition has to be met to find my mission... +31 lvl (you can read it on the banner) means that you must have a level 31 or more character to play with, Federal or Romulan Fed allied... If you are below that, your only path is to continue playing to the ingame missions til you reach the DS9 story.

    Then you can search it by putting only gambit, or helixfungus (author's name... me)

    Caitian Gambit is best played with no Caitian toon on your part.

    Thanks but I am a Caitain Vice Admiral
    Fleet Adm Sh'ma U.S,S, Shalom
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited September 2014
    otisnoble wrote: »
    Thanks but I am a Caitain Vice Admiral

    Maybe it's because there is a mispell: my mission is The Caitian Gambit, not The Caitain Gambit...
  • velocitorevelocitore Member Posts: 32 Arc User
    edited October 2014
    Hi,
    I recently played your new missions, part 1 and 2 they were fun to play and well done with lots of map work. Nice homage to "The Motion Picture".

    One thing though was the map in part 2 where the holodeck stuff takes place. I was able to walk off the maps through a gap in the wall. I almost got lost outside of Earth Space Dock. If this is not intended maybe you should check the map to close the gap in the wall.

    Overall I give it a good rating and recommend it.

    Thanks,
    Velocitore
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited October 2014
    velocitore wrote: »
    Hi,
    I recently played your new missions, part 1 and 2 they were fun to play and well done with lots of map work. Nice homage to "The Motion Picture".

    One thing though was the map in part 2 where the holodeck stuff takes place. I was able to walk off the maps through a gap in the wall. I almost got lost outside of Earth Space Dock. If this is not intended maybe you should check the map to close the gap in the wall.

    Overall I give it a good rating and recommend it.

    Thanks,
    Velocitore

    Thanks. Somewhere in the editing process I must nave shifted the blocking walls (that were there, only misplaced) aside.
    All is normal now. Speaking of which, it was my first original idea, to use a Starbase interior and to build the playable zone OUTSIDE... la situation where you for example witness a battle but you can't partecipate to it... well, I will use this another time...
  • otisnobleotisnoble Member Posts: 1,250 Arc User
    edited November 2014
    You should lobby for Spotlight Missions and some Rewards. Players don't usually play for nothing. Good job though.
    Fleet Adm Sh'ma U.S,S, Shalom
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited November 2014
    It takes 25 + playthroughs by other players to qualify to get golden rewards in dilithium in a mission. It does not matter if you not leave a written report, just the final vote (even 1 star) counts. Submitting the mission with so few plays it's useless... and however, I NEVER play foundry missions to get dillithium or rewards of other sort... as playing a well written one is a reward in itself... but that's me.
  • evil70thevil70th Member Posts: 1,017 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    Mission Name: The Caitian Gambit part 1 of 1
    Author: @helixfungus
    Minimum Level: 31+
    Allegiance:Federation
    Project ID: ST-HERZBK76Z
    Estimated Mission Length: 30 to 40 mins

    In this mission you help the USS Constitution, a fed ship with a full Caitian compliment on board, to survive a major crisis menacing the Caitian homeworld... this is in part a reboot of The Motion Picture, only with Caitians as protagonists... but there is more, a side story on a Founder rogue shapeshfter that is harassing this crew for a very good reason...
    Part 2 of 2 resolve this subplot for good ...

    Federation Mission - The Caitian Gambit part 1 of 2
    Author: helixfungus
    Allegiance: Federation
    Project ID: ST-HERZBK76Z


    Report Start


    Summary: This is a good mission and a nice tribute to the TOS movie. The map designs are pretty well done; the battles are fine and the story dialogue works well despite needing some refinement. Despite needing a little work here and there I would still recommend this mission to other players.

    The main issue with the dialogue was punctuation usage. In almost every dialogue window you had "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points. They just do not go together. If it is a pause or interruption then use "…" in the dialogue. If it is a question of exclamation then use one of those characters alone. Another issue with almost all the dialogue and response buttons was a space between the dialogue and punctuation. When you add those issues with random carriage returns in the middle of dialogue sentences it becomes a distraction from the story and mission. Consider going over the entire mission dialogue and response buttons to correct these issues.

    There were some issues with map design involving the insertion of steps. While I like the use of space on the maps the alignment of the steps was a bit of a distraction. This is most likely caused but the "Snap to grid" feature being turned on in the map design. You can deselect this feature by clicking on the grid pattern at the top of the map design window. That feature is selected by default and must be turned off each time you edit the foundry mission. This gives you the ability to more precisely align the objects on maps. The other issue regarding consistency was on the U.S.S. Constitution - Conference Room map you have the step go up to the rail but then nothing on the other side. To make it look better you should add steps on the other side of the railing. It would look better during the play.

    Below are some things I noted while playing the mission that I wanted to let you know about. Everything in this write up should be seen as suggestions on ways I felt you could improve certain elements of the mission. They are yours to do with as you see fit.

    Mission Description: The description needs to be more about the mission and what it is about. You goal is to draw the player in and make them want to click the 'Hail' button. I noted one item to consider changing:
    -Consider changing the Entry info to [MissionInfo] dialogue so it will stand out in the description.

    Grant Mission Dialogue: The grant dialogue is okay but needs a work. This entire dialogue feels more like informational rather than urgent and needs to be rewritten. Your goal here is to make the player want to click the 'Accept' button and there is nothing in the current write up that does that. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Consider changing "Greetings, [Rank]" to read "Captain we have received a distress call from the U.S.S. Constitution in the Kei system". Then strike the second line starting with "There is a distress call".
    -Consider changing the entire sentence that starts with "One of our ships" to read "The U.S.S. Constitution is under attack and needs immediate assistance". The crew being made up of a single race is irrelevant to this part of the mission.
    -Consider removing the entire sentence that starts with "It's not the first time" as it has nothing to do with the ships current status.
    -Put a space in between "forces." and "Admiral".

    Mission Task: This is a good initial task. I noted no spelling errors with this task.

    Mission Entry Prompt: The prompt for the mission needs work on the use of punctuation. You have a space after the word "Sir" and the exclamation point.

    MAPS:
    Kei Star System: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "What would this be ?" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -Consider changing "is't an old wild Ferasan" to read "It's an old wild Ferasan".
    -Check dialogue for use of seemingly random carriage returns in the middle of a sentence. I noted it in a couple of places on this map.
    -There were a couple of fights where the Constitution seemed to become more than one ship. It looked like there were two ships as it separated into a saucer and main section that did not match the design of the original ship. Consider checking the ship you have skinned as the Constitution.

    U.S.S. Constitution Interior: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Consider changing the initial task "Give an hand" to read "Give a hand".
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "every mode but stun !" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -Consider changing the NPC Optional dialogue triggered dialogue using an invisible object. That way the dialogue will disappear after the player interacts with it.

    U.S.S. Constitution - Conference Room: This is a good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "is that so ?" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -This is more of a plot observation. In both the description and grant dialogue you indicate the entire crew of the Constitution is Caitian yet on this map you have both Reman and Orion females. Additionally both the Reman and Orion females are missing their legs. I suspect this is because Cryptic did not map legs for the costumes you chose for each NPC. Consider changing them or removing them for consistency to the story.
    -The Caitian and Reman attraction tasks do not appear to serve any purpose in the story or mission. Consider removing those two tasks.
    -The steps you designed to go up to the other level are good but they need to be aligned more evenly. When traversing them I kept getting stuck and had to jump on each one. Additionally you should have steps down on the other side of the rail for consistency. It appears that when you were setting the steps up you had the "Snap to grid" turned on in the map design. I will discuss this in my summary above.

    Intruder Intercept - Inside the Nebula: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "Let's go ahead !" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -There is dialogue were the Science BOFF refers to two or more ships that confronted the player, however the battle only had one enemy ship the player had to battle. Consider reviewing the combat and rewriting the dialogue to remove reference to multiple enemy ships.
    -There were a couple of fights where the Constitution seemed to become more than one ship. It looked like there were two ships as it separated into a saucer and main section that did not match the design of the original ship. Consider checking the ship you have skinned as the Constitution.
    -Check dialogue for use of seemingly random carriage returns in the middle of a sentence. I noted it in a couple of places on this map.

    U.S.S. Vagrant Interior: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "what do you make of it ?" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -The steps you designed to go up to the other level are good but they need to be aligned more evenly. When traversing them I got stuck on one or two of them.
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -The trigger for the "Technological Miracles Happens Sometimes" task is visible sticking out of the console. Consider adding a console that would blend with the existing one for the map or use an invisible object as the trigger.

    T'rigger interior: This is a very good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "Commander ?" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -The appearance of R'riala happens after she begins speaking. Consider having her appear after the "To touch the Creator" task is completed.
    -Consider changing the task "What do T'Rigger wants" to read "What does T'Rigger want".
    -The map name is "T'rigger interior" yet the tasks and dialogue refer to the invader as "T'Rigger". Consider updating the tasks to be in line with the dialogue spelling of T'Rigger.

    Cait Proximity: This is a good map design with fun battles and well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "let's split up, shall we ?" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -Check dialogue for use of seemingly random carriage returns in the middle of a sentence. I noted it in a couple of places on this map.
    -There was a fight where the Constitution seemed to become more than one ship. It is also possible you have a fighting version appear and the other non fighting one remains. Consider checking the ship you have skinned as the Constitution and if you have combat versions of the ship appearing.

    U.S.S. Constitution Interior: This is a very good map design with well written story dialogue that needs a little work. I noted a couple of items to consider changing:
    -Check all dialogue for use of punctuation with spaces in between the word and the punctuation. For example "Sir !" in a response button or dialogue. It is quite extensive on this map.
    -The use of "…" in conjunction with question marks or exclamation points in both dialogue and response button is quite extensive.
    -During the "Doctor doctor" task Admiral Chip has dialogue as if his character is present in the transporter room but he is not. Consider having the character appear when the task is in progress.


    End Report


    Thanks again for authoring and for giving me the chance to review your work. You did a nice job designing this mission. I look forward to playing/reviewing the next in the series and more of your work in the future.
    Brian

    This critique report also filed 12/20/2014 on forum posting for: In depth mission reports upon request. The specific report in that posting can also be viewed here: Mission Critique Report - The Caitian Gambit part 1 of 2.
  • helixfungushelixfungus Member Posts: 172 Arc User
    edited December 2014
    As you probably know English is not my mother tongue, and though I make any effort possible to get some proofreading before publishing, it's not easy to have a good and solid one. This is a serious matter to me... one that in fact cooled down my eagerness to publish new missions for the Foundry... I publish in English because its a rather universal language, but I find angloamerican players to be obsessive on the grammar subject. In fact I get the most positive revvies from non-USA players.

    For anything else... let me expose my side of the story.
    The reman and orion women were there for relief purposes, I can understand some ppl do not like the approach thing - at the same time I know other ppl who does like them anyway, so I think that won't change them. For the sake of the story, they are there because they are passengers as Fed guests - in a Fed ship with a full Caitian crew.
    The steps that are in the final part of the map--- the snap to grid is not relevant here , the height valor of each step does. Every player has its edge with hardships during plays, but one I sincerely define as minor is to jump to climb some steps, I mean, it's not like you can't move anymore, you can jump...

    I skinned the Constitution's combat group with a Constitution class vessel and its shuttles, it's should be OK this way. I will check if I put the correct states on non-combat Constitution.

    Thanks again for the playthrough AND for the revvie, I consider it a valid resource to improve my mission.
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