Literary Challenge #66 - Xindi Paradox - Discussion Thread

pwecaptainsmirk

Literary Challenge #66 - Xindi Paradox

This is the comments thread for Literary Challenge #66.
We also have an Index of previous challenges HERE.

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. Please be respectful of your fellow participants! Do not troll your fellow Captains, give them constructive feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked about their stories, and respect their rights to change their entries as they see fit.

Good luck Captains!

ryan218

Jonsills, can I just say I'm totally going for your challenge? I've been wanting to do a dedicated story on why Ryan joined Starfleet for a while now!

*Patrick Katsulas voice* My muse is speaking to me! :P

sander233

Xindi Paradox sounds interesting, and it sounds like the sort of job Jesu LaRoca would be ideally suited to handle. Hopefully I can find the time to work up a story for that.

As for the other two, well, anyone who doesn't already know why my characters joined Starfleet and/or the KDF just hasn't been paying attention. And I'm not touching "The Magnificent Ferengi" - that's one of my all-time favorite episodes and there's no way I could improve upon that script.

marcusdkane

sander233 wrote: »

Xindi Paradox sounds interesting, and it sounds like the sort of job Jesu LaRoca would be ideally suited to handle. Hopefully I can find the time to work up a story for that.

As for the other two, well, anyone who doesn't already know why my characters joined Starfleet and/or the KDF just hasn't been paying attention. And I'm not touching "The Magnificent Ferengi" - that's one of my all-time favorite episodes and there's no way I could improve upon that script.

Maybe Commander Davis could get to interview H'mL'n after all, and find out what put her in a Starfleet uniform... :cool:

starswordc

Mm, sorry, smirk, I like these prompts better.

With regard to 66.1, I despise almost anything remotely having to do with time travel. The entire Temporal Cold War arc never happened as far as I'm concerned because it was stupid, nonsensical, and spoke to a complete misunderstanding of the term "cold war". They just threw three random words together and called it good. And if somebody wants to change history? They're welcome to it, and good riddance: Star Trek canon strongly indicates that severe temporal incursions just split off alternate timelines rather than change the original. And as Teal'c so eloquently put it in SG-1: "Point of View", "Ours is the only reality of consequence."

And none of my captains would likely work with Franklin Drake anyway: Eleya considers Drake a smarmy, self-righteous prick and her XO Tess hates him (from Bait and Switch chapter nine), and Brokosh and Morgan never had the dubious pleasure of his company, being respectively A) a mercenary working for the Klingons and a Lawful Good Rihanha more likely to put a disruptor bolt between his eyes on general principles than willingly work with him.

66.2 wouldn't make for a very long story because their reasons are pretty straightforward. Eleya was a sergeant in the Bajoran Militia with a specialty in naval gunnery, and the service had just shut down the space arm. Starfleet was the only way for her to stay in space (where her skillset was), and her test scores were good enough for her to get into Starfleet Academy's OCS program rather than continuing as a noncom. Brokosh signed on with the KDF because his wife was pregnant and he needed the steady paycheck (the House of Chel'toK was pretty impoverished at that time). Morgan joined the RRF to get even with the Tal'Shiar, and before that joined the RSN out of patriotism.

66.3? I've never really been comfortable with the episode rewrites, with the exception of episodes I'm familiar enough with to feel they actually need a rewrite. "The Magnificent Ferengi" doesn't particularly IMHO. EDIT: Actually, on second thought, if I'd been writing it Quark wouldn't have even been involved. The job would have fallen to the Ferengi Alliance Defense Fleet, not a gaggle of unqualified civilians.

takeshi6

Interesting.

Don't really like #1, Episode Rewrites aren't my cup of tea, so #3 is out, but #2... might have potential.

Might need to examine some of my short origin stories, see if any need expanding.

In the meantime, I'll read other people's entries, and might potentially leave a review.

jonsills

starswordc wrote: »

66.2 wouldn't make for a very long story because their reasons are pretty straightforward. Eleya was a sergeant in the Bajoran Militia with a specialty in naval gunnery, and the service had just shut down the space arm. Starfleet was the only way for her to stay in space (where her skillset was), and her test scores were good enough for her to get into Starfleet Academy's OCS program rather than continuing as a noncom. Brokosh signed on with the KDF because his wife was pregnant and he needed the steady paycheck (the House of Chel'toK was pretty impoverished at that time). Morgan joined the RRF to get even with the Tal'Shiar, and before that joined the RSN out of patriotism.

Okay, so Eleya joined Starfleet so she wouldn't have to leave space. What drew her there in the first place? And what gave a former sergeant the drive to command a starship? The job isn't for everyone, you know.

And the story of Brokosh reaching the point where joining the KDF for the paycheck seems like the best option sounds like an interesting tale to me. They don't all have to feature massed phaser fire and a desperate battle against the odds.

worffan101

I'm in. Working on one as we speak.

ryan218

Right, spent the last 3 hours writing mine up! Decided to take a slightly looser interpretation of the prompt than usual, focusing more on Ryan's defining moment as a Starfleet Officer rather than his reasons for joining Starfleet.

This is one entry that won't be going into 'Victorious', but it is in continuity with that if you want to read it (follow the link in my description: feedback is not only welcome, but desperately desired! :P).

Okay, so, any thoughts on my entry? Love it? Hate it? Wanna propose marriage to it? Wanna burn it at the stakes?

worffan101

Posted Three's origin story, working on D'trel's.

Ryan, nice story as usual. You want me to swing it by Springhole?

hawku001x

six active prompts -- doesnt get any better

ryan218

worffan101 wrote: »

Posted Three's origin story, working on D'trel's.

Ryan, nice story as usual. You want me to swing it by Springhole?

Please! By the way, have you checked out my Victorious fan fiction?

worffan101

ryan218 wrote: »

Please! By the way, have you checked out my Victorious fan fiction?

I'll do it tomorrow so you can be sure of a review from DEA, and yes! I like it very much so far. :cool:

ryan218

worffan101 wrote: »

I'll do it tomorrow so you can be sure of a review from DEA, and yes! I like it very much so far. :cool:

Thanks! Oh, and I just read your entry! Once again, Three showing just how bat-s*** insane she is! :P

Anyway, do you have any comments to make on the storyline I'm pursuing in my entry?

jonsills

I was about to review my stories, hoping for inspiration (I've already written #2 from Nniol tr'Keiniadh's perspective), and a vagrant thought occurred to me, as they are wont to do:

Would it be excessively self-aggrandizing of me to collect my stories thus far into a single thread here in Ten Forward? This is an honest question, as I'm on the autism spectrum and often uncertain how various actions might be perceived by "normal" folks.

ryan218

jonsills wrote: »

I was about to review my stories, hoping for inspiration (I've already written #2 from Nniol tr'Keiniadh's perspective), and a vagrant thought occurred to me, as they are wont to do:

Would it be excessively self-aggrandizing of me to collect my stories thus far into a single thread here in Ten Forward? This is an honest question, as I'm on the autism spectrum and often uncertain how various actions might be perceived by "normal" folks.

By all means! I'm basically doing the same thing with my stories by chronicling my LC entries in with my fanfic. And the link in my sig leads to a thread where I've organised all the fanfics I've started (all unfinished and one abandoned. Don't worry, Worffan, Game of Houses will get finished! Eventually... ).

But, I digress. Bottom line; organising your stories in a single thread sounds like a great idea!

worffan101

ryan218 wrote: »

Thanks! Oh, and I just read your entry! Once again, Three showing just how bat-s*** insane she is! :P

Anyway, do you have any comments to make on the storyline I'm pursuing in my entry?

Heh, Three's insane. Stay tuned to that post, D'trel's backstory is coming.

It looks...interesting. I will definitely be watching your posts to see what happens next.

worffan101

Part 2 is up, with D'trel's origin story. Rated PG-13 for violence.

starswordc

I really enjoyed ryan's piece, and was that a Babylon 5 reference near the beginning?

jonsills wrote: »

Okay, so Eleya joined Starfleet so she wouldn't have to leave space. What drew her there in the first place? And what gave a former sergeant the drive to command a starship? The job isn't for everyone, you know.

And the story of Brokosh reaching the point where joining the KDF for the paycheck seems like the best option sounds like an interesting tale to me. They don't all have to feature massed phaser fire and a desperate battle against the odds.

That... actually helps somewhat. Thanks.

worffan101

Any thoughts on mine, starswordc?

I wrote the second part after midnight; I just couldn't sleep until it was done. :rolleyes:

It's becoming a running theme with me.

ryan218

starswordc wrote: »

I really enjoyed ryan's piece, and was that a Babylon 5 reference near the beginning?

Guilty as charged.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

cmdrscarlet

Hmm. Never thought about Kathryn and #2 ...

worffan101

OK, Ryan, here's your review. I can get DontEven Ask to look over the story later, too.

[11:12] <ptortoise> " His parents is the hardest subject for Ryan to talk about" *are the hardest

...

[11:19] <ptortoise> "Likewise, Ryan can never tell if Daya is just letting out her Trill mischievous streak by teasing him or if she actually is trying to get him to open up to her; or even both!" Is a ! really necessary there?
[11:20] <GroundPetrel> Not sure.
[11:20] <ptortoise> It's not, it's more serious.

[11:21] <ptortoise> This story doesn't have much of a point, does it?
[11:21] <GroundPetrel> It's an origin story.
[11:21] <GroundPetrel> Lemme get the prompt...
[11:22] <ptortoise> Origin for..?

[11:22] <GroundPetrel> It;s basically "write your main character's origin story"

[11:27] <ptortoise> okay nice
[11:27] <GroundPetrel> ?
[11:28] <ptortoise> it has my stamp of approval
[11:30] <GroundPetrel> OK.
[11:30] <GroundPetrel> Can you give it a rating out of 10, where 0 is "My Immortal" and 10 is "The Dragon King's Temple"?
[11:31] <ptortoise> never read either
[11:32] <ptortoise> I give it a banana
[11:32] <GroundPetrel> A banana? OK.

ptortoise gave both of Masopw's stories from the last LC bananas, too, so I'd say your story rates about a 7 or an 8.

DEA wasn't on the chat, so if you want her thoughts I can try again later.

marcusdkane

ryan218: Boring, generic, and hellishly engagingly written The attack on the Horizon really pulled me in, the pace was tight, and the characterisations all stood apart nicely :cool:

worffan101: Excellent stuff, want to hear something funny? I actually preceded the Three story to D'trell's, and felt that ran on a bit (by comparison to the shorter and tighter Three story) but very nice work. Much more palatable than your usual output of torture and sexual harassment shenanigans :cool:

angelus214: A nice introduction and concept, I'll be looking forward to seeing more of Angelus in future LC's :cool:

worffan101

marcusdkane wrote: »

worffan101: Excellent stuff, want to hear something funny? I actually preceded the Three story to D'trell's, and felt that ran on a bit (by comparison to the shorter and tighter Three story) but very nice work. Much more palatable than your usual output of torture and sexual harassment shenanigans :cool:

Yeah, that's the closest the unit gets to "Job interview" mode.

I mean, she was actually polite and respectful! :eek:

D'trel has more backstory than the unit, at least more backstory that really has a bearing on her personality. Three...Three's a cloned living superweapon, and that's all that really needs to be said.

I COULD have shown some snapshots of Three's life, or her Original's millennia of being a living terror weapon, but that would've been creepy as heck and would've taken up more space than I had.

Thanks for the review!

marcusdkane

worffan101 wrote: »

Yeah, that's the closest the unit gets to "Job interview" mode.

I mean, she was actually polite and respectful! :eek:

D'trel has more backstory than the unit, at least more backstory that really has a bearing on her personality. Three...Three's a cloned living superweapon, and that's all that really needs to be said.

I COULD have shown some snapshots of Three's life, or her Original's millennia of being a living terror weapon, but that would've been creepy as heck and would've taken up more space than I had.

Thanks for the review!

No worries, and I just realised the iPADD altered the word 'preferred' >_< But yeah, it worked well :cool:

ryan218

worffan101 wrote: »

OK, Ryan, here's your review. I can get DontEven Ask to look over the story later, too.



ptortoise gave both of Masopw's stories from the last LC bananas, too, so I'd say your story rates about a 7 or an 8.

DEA wasn't on the chat, so if you want her thoughts I can try again later.

Haha! Thanks. Yeah, I was struggling to realise whether I'd use 'is' or 'are' for the subject part...

But, yeah, I'd definitely appreciate all the feedback I can get. Thanks!

ryan218

marcusdkane wrote: »

ryan218: Boring, generic, and hellishly engagingly written The attack on the Horizon really pulled me in, the pace was tight, and the characterisations all stood apart nicely :cool:

Thank you!

I even joke about how generic Ryan's original reason for joining Starfleet is in the story! :P

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Which part of the battle did you prefer?

bluegeek

I kind of have an issue with the Xindi Paradox idea.

Not so much that Starfleet would conspire with a temporal operative to preserve (or even commit) a genocidal act to protect the timeline. That's pretty bad and totally contrary to what Starfleet's supposed to do under ordinary circumstances, but this isn't ordinary. The ethics are debatable if one allows for the possibility of time travel and chronological tampering. Preserving the timeline is something of a Temporal Prime Directive issue.

What I find a little troubling is that the Xindi are now part of the Federation... and presumably perhaps in Starfleet... what would THEY think of this? Especially in light of the previous prophesy that the Terrans were going to destroy the Xindi.

Would the Xindi agree that the risks to the timeline justify the extinction of one of their own? Or would their history with the Sphere Builders have taught them the dangers of interfering, and of trusting someone who claims to have future knowledge?

Of course, maybe it's a rogue Xindi who's the one going back in time.

Lots of potential for a story there, for sure. But starting with the supposition that everybody's going along with the idea peacefully, well...

gulberat

I had an idea to sidestep the problem entirely, but I don't have the time or inclination to write it. I may see if I can farm it out to a friend who might be interested...

starswordc

worffan101 wrote: »

Any thoughts on mine, starswordc?

I wrote the second part after midnight; I just couldn't sleep until it was done. :rolleyes:

It's becoming a running theme with me.

Yeah, I read Three's last night but I wanted to wait until you'd finished D'Trel's part.

So, Three ended up in Starfleet by accident? She was trying to meet up with those aliens who turned up in your LC65 "Movie Night" piece and took a wrong turn somewhere in the spacetime continuum? Funny.

D'Trel's was pretty good too, really gets across that the Tal'Shiar took everything she ever had from her and left her with only rage and revenge. But you goofed on the Rihan name structure. The i' or ir' part is a locative signifying their home region, not their family name (that's t' or tr').