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Literary Challenge #65 - Myths & Lore - Discussion Thread

pwecaptainsmirkpwecaptainsmirk Member Posts: 1,167 Arc User
edited July 2014 in Ten Forward
Literary Challenge #65 - Myths & Lore

This is the comments thread for Literary Challenge #65.
We also have an Index of previous challenges HERE.

Feel free to link directly to the entry you are commenting on. Please be respectful of your fellow participants! Do not troll your fellow Captains, give them constructive feedback! Let the others know what you liked and disliked about their stories, and respect their rights to change their entries as they see fit.

Good luck Captains!
Post edited by Unknown User on
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    gulberatgulberat Member Posts: 5,505 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Aha...looks like you snuck in just as I was hitting send on that other post about finding a topic. ;)

    I may not have one this month--if I did, it would be a hell of an uphill battle with Admiral "OpSec" ch'Harrell about letting cameras on his ships, and Alyosha's response was in these words: "Oh, no. Oh, GOD, no. No cameras aboard this ship. GOD no."

    Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
    Proudly F2P.  Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    gulberat wrote: »
    Aha...looks like you snuck in just as I was hitting send on that other post about finding a topic. ;)

    I may not have one this month--if I did, it would be a hell of an uphill battle with Admiral "OpSec" ch'Harrell about letting cameras on his ships, and Alyosha's response was in these words: "Oh, no. Oh, GOD, no. No cameras aboard this ship. GOD no."

    Why, 'cause they'd reveal him as Devidian? (Just curious.)

    Yeah, these prompts aren't hitting any writing nerves for me either.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    gulberatgulberat Member Posts: 5,505 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    I don't think the cameras would reveal him as a Devidian, but they could reveal "odd habits" or other things that they think will make juicy story material. It could make someone speculate. The whole idea just gives him the creeps.

    The other problem is the fleet admiral, ch'Harrell. In a sector where he has to fight the True Way and be concerned about information security breaches and so forth, he would fight tooth and nail to keep camera crews out of his sector.

    Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
    Proudly F2P.  Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
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    jonsillsjonsills Member Posts: 10,365 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Got a couple of stories brewing now. The 4028 story will, of course, feature Grunt, and for the movie it might be Burwell, or it might be Tovoa, a new toon I started just the other day - a Human orphaned as an infant, rescued by and raised as a Romulan, and currently a Centurion commanding the RRW Thrai, a Rhode Island-class seconded to the Republic. Both offer good hooks for a documentary...
    Lorna-Wing-sig.png
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    ambassadormolariambassadormolari Member Posts: 709 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Right, I'd better get cracking at a story idea, then.

    ...just as soon as I think of an idea, and just as soon as I find a way to overcome the writer's block that's more or less nipped my LC writing in the bud.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    takeshi6takeshi6 Member Posts: 752 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    No ideas atm - will see what everyone else does, though. :D
    76561198160276582.png
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    moonshadowdarkmoonshadowdark Member Posts: 1,899 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Heeeeeeeey. That second prompt is looking pretty darn good to me. :D
    "A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"

    -Leonard Nimoy, RIP
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Lemme see what I can do. Glad to hear that we're still getting LCs!
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    moonshadowdarkmoonshadowdark Member Posts: 1,899 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Lemme see what I can do. Glad to hear that we're still getting LCs!

    Just so we're clear with Three, when I said it could be any genre of film, that excludes snuff, erotica and indie.

    The first two are pretty self explanatory.

    I just refuse to believe that the idyllic, enlightened future Star Trek portrays would still consider indie films an actual genre of film.

    JUST BECAUSE THAT ONE FLICK GOT OUT OF SUNDANCE AND MADE TONS OF CASH ON DVD DOES NOT MEAN IT'S A VIABLE OPTION FOR A SUMMER MOVIE! NO!

    :mad:
    "A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"

    -Leonard Nimoy, RIP
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    aten66aten66 Member Posts: 654 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    This is actually viable... and I actually have a perfectly acceptable vision for all three of these L.Cs

    And a very *cough*sucky*cough* way to do Enter-I mean Voyager rewrite. *Dark Chuckle*
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    grylakgrylak Member Posts: 1,594 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Hmmmm. Gonna have to give this one time to stew for ideas.
    *******************************************

    A Romulan Strike Team, Missing Farmers and an ancient base on a Klingon Border world. But what connects them? Find out in my First Foundary mission: 'The Jeroan Farmer Escapade'
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    moonshadowdark wrote: »
    Just so we're clear with Three, when I said it could be any genre of film, that excludes snuff, erotica and indie.

    The first two are pretty self explanatory.

    I just refuse to believe that the idyllic, enlightened future Star Trek portrays would still consider indie films an actual genre of film.

    JUST BECAUSE THAT ONE FLICK GOT OUT OF SUNDANCE AND MADE TONS OF CASH ON DVD DOES NOT MEAN IT'S A VIABLE OPTION FOR A SUMMER MOVIE! NO!

    :mad:

    ...you do realize that I'm going to have an indie film for it if I do that challenge now?
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    ryan218ryan218 Member Posts: 36,106 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    ...you do realize that I'm going to have an indie film for it if I do that challenge now?

    #wellthatplanbackfired :P

    I think I have an idea for this one. Oh, yes. It's even better because Alpha actually is a Soong-type android. It's like christmas!
    Old Wounds
    Trials of Blood and Fire
    Moving On Parts 1-3 - Part 4
    In Cold Blood
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    moonshadowdark wrote: »
    Just so we're clear with Three, when I said it could be any genre of film, that excludes snuff, erotica and indie.

    The first two are pretty self explanatory.

    I just refuse to believe that the idyllic, enlightened future Star Trek portrays would still consider indie films an actual genre of film.

    JUST BECAUSE THAT ONE FLICK GOT OUT OF SUNDANCE AND MADE TONS OF CASH ON DVD DOES NOT MEAN IT'S A VIABLE OPTION FOR A SUMMER MOVIE! NO!

    :mad:

    No snuff?? Damn :mad:
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    gulberatgulberat Member Posts: 5,505 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    I suspect the term "snuff" may mean something you are not used to seeing it mean. I won't get into it any further on the forum, though.

    Christian Gaming Community Fleets--Faith, Fun, and Fellowship! See the website and PM for more. :-)
    Proudly F2P.  Signature image by gulberat. Avatar image by balsavor.deviantart.com.
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    gulberat wrote: »
    I suspect the term "snuff" may mean something you are not used to seeing it mean. I won't get into it any further on the forum, though.

    Yeah, I'm pretty sure that it's an accidental misspelling of a four-letter word that is an anagram of a popular antiacid.
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Just finished mine. Warning, somewhat dark and contains violence and implied horror.

    marcusdkane, the character Gol'dun is a member of that species we talked about. Like you said, the concept was just too cool not to use.

    Thoughts, anyone?
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    gulberat wrote: »
    I suspect the term "snuff" may mean something you are not used to seeing it mean. I won't get into it any further on the forum, though.

    I understood the context, I was just being snarky that Three won't be participating in a snuff movie ;)
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    I understood the context, I was just being snarky that Three won't be participating in a snuff movie ;)

    LOL! :D:P

    Well, she's already been in one of the *ahem* ruder kind, but I have no interest in writing that out.

    And besides, I can't really see her in any of these, unless it's beating up Janeway and Neelix because reasons.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    Just finished mine. Warning, somewhat dark and contains violence and implied horror.

    marcusdkane, the character Gol'dun is a member of that species we talked about. Like you said, the concept was just too cool not to use.

    Thoughts, anyone?

    This was no worse than what the Cardassians did to Picard, but when D'trel's mission could have covered any number of other scenarios, I would have preferred to read something different, and I will admit, I very nearly stopped reading before D'trel and co beamed down...

    On a technical level, it was a well-written, tightly paced piece. I did find the amount of turakil words somewhat jarring without explanations, and not always immediately obvious as to their meaning, so I felt that broke the flow of reading a little, but otherwise, it was a very solidly written piece...
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    This was no worse than what the Cardassians did to Picard, but when D'trel's mission could have covered any number of other scenarios, I would have preferred to read something different, and I will admit, I very nearly stopped reading before D'trel and co beamed down...

    On a technical level, it was a well-written, tightly paced piece. I did find the amount of turakil words somewhat jarring without explanations, and not always immediately obvious as to their meaning, so I felt that broke the flow of reading a little, but otherwise, it was a very solidly written piece...

    With the turakil words, I was trying to get a bit of flavor without stopping for lengthy explanations. The intent was to have context and such help explain the words as the piece went. If it was jarring...Well, it's something to work on in the future.

    On the first part: Yeah, I'm not going to write anything truly awful, but I kind of wanted that scene at the end, which I personally feel went off really well, so I made it about as dark as I'm willing to go and left the precise details out.
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    marcusdkanemarcusdkane Member Posts: 7,439 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    worffan101 wrote: »
    With the turakil words, I was trying to get a bit of flavor without stopping for lengthy explanations. The intent was to have context and such help explain the words as the piece went. If it was jarring...Well, it's something to work on in the future.

    On the first part: Yeah, I'm not going to write anything truly awful, but I kind of wanted that scene at the end, which I personally feel went off really well, so I made it about as dark as I'm willing to go and left the precise details out.

    I think because it's a totally unknown culture, it was more jarring than if it was a culture which was understood, but of course, the notion of a first contact scenario does somewhat preclude that.

    It wasn't so much the content as the concept... A whole galaxy of possibilities, of things D'trel could have seen, and you write a torture scene... I'm not going to harp on about it, but frankly, I was disappointed.
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    marcusdkane wrote: »
    I think because it's a totally unknown culture, it was more jarring than if it was a culture which was understood, but of course, the notion of a first contact scenario does somewhat preclude that.

    It wasn't so much the content as the concept... A whole galaxy of possibilities, of things D'trel could have seen, and you write a torture scene... I'm not going to harp on about it, but frankly, I was disappointed.

    --Yeah, first contact is always tricky...

    --Mmh, good point. I guess it's a result of my mood; I've been pretty depressed lately at everything from stupid politicians being even more stupid than usual, to the Al Qaeda in Iraq situation, to the fact that that twisted psychopath Assad is still in power...

    You get the idea. I bet that if I wasn't so cynical right now, I would've written something else.

    But again, that scene at the end with Anderson the filmmaker was worth it, in my opinion.
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    proteusrexproteusrex Member Posts: 62 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    @worffan101

    That was a good piece, I thought it was refreshingly dark, and not at all what I expected when I read the premise for Challenge 2. I think you did an excellent job with the implied badness without needing any graphic gory details. From my perspective, if you had gone much futher it would have been unnecessary and made for a harder read.

    It also seems in-line with what we know of the Tal Shiar, and their obsessive desperation to acquire new technology at all costs.

    I really liked what you wrote about Gol'dun and his species, and I hope to hear more about their culture in the future. I really love it when authors highlight the differences between these alien cultures and our own status quo.

    Also, I thought you captured his alien perspective very well. I hope D'trel kept an unedited copy of that holocam footage, I suspect there may be some repercussions when Gol'dun's people come looking for him.
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    proteusrex wrote: »
    @worffan101

    That was a good piece, I thought it was refreshingly dark, and not at all what I expected when I read the premise for Challenge 2.
    Thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
    proteusrex wrote: »
    I think you did an excellent job with the implied badness without needing any graphic gory details. From my perspective, if you had gone much futher it would have been unnecessary and made for a harder read.
    Yeah, that was my thought process too. The implication is enough.
    proteusrex wrote: »
    It also seems in-line with what we know of the Tal Shiar, and their obsessive desperation to acquire new technology at all costs.
    Indeed. Dorak's a particularly twisted monster, though.
    proteusrex wrote: »
    I really liked what you wrote about Gol'dun and his species, and I hope to hear more about their culture in the future. I really love it when authors highlight the differences between these alien cultures and our own status quo.

    Also, I thought you captured his alien perspective very well. I hope D'trel kept an unedited copy of that holocam footage, I suspect there may be some repercussions when Gol'dun's people come looking for him.

    You will, but probably not for a little while; I need to find a way to bring them in.

    And yes, D'trel kept a copy. It's only right, after all, to give people's relatives closure.

    Thanks for the review, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
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    starswordcstarswordc Member Posts: 10,963 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    That was really good, worffan. Gol'dun had a more alien mindset than is common for Star Trek (always nice seeing people go the extra mile rather than just saying "Samurai IN SPACE!" and calling it a day), and I also liked the interspersing of turakil words. Nice trick for getting across that the other species has concepts for which it's hard to make an approximation.

    The first thing I thought of when I saw the prompt for #2 was the Stargate SG-1 two-parter "Heroes". That piece was reminiscent of the episode in a very good way.
    "Great War! / And I cannot take more! / Great tour! / I keep on marching on / I play the great score / There will be no encore / Great War! / The War to End All Wars"
    — Sabaton, "Great War"
    VZ9ASdg.png

    Check out https://unitedfederationofpla.net/s/
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    starswordc wrote: »
    That was really good, worffan. Gol'dun had a more alien mindset than is common for Star Trek (always nice seeing people go the extra mile rather than just saying "Samurai IN SPACE!" and calling it a day), and I also liked the interspersing of turakil words. Nice trick for getting across that the other species has concepts for which it's hard to make an approximation.
    I've been reading a lot of Diane Duane and Brandon Sanderson, what can I say? Both of them are great at writing alien and unusual human cultures.

    I actually spent multiple days on the turakil. They have a very interesting sort of reverse-sexist society based on inherent sexual dimorphism, and very strong views on proper funeral rituals (which I referenced in Gol'dun's fury at Dorak incinerating a prisoner).

    Ungkat is like a combination of Buddhist reincarnation and certain forms of nature worship mixed with aspects of Sumerian mythology and taken up to eleven. :D It was hard but fun to come up with.

    I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review!
    starswordc wrote: »
    The first thing I thought of when I saw the prompt for #2 was the Stargate SG-1 two-parter "Heroes". That piece was reminiscent of the episode in a very good way.

    Well, thank you! I have to say that I love "Heroes" as a piece of art, but I can never forgive them for killing off Janet...:mad:
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    proteusrexproteusrex Member Posts: 62 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    So I've been thinking about Challenge 2 and where I want to take it. Part of my plan involves some throw-away names for big name celebrities who I don't care much about at all.

    I'm not very good at names, especially alien names, so I'm looking for some help. I'm looking for some 2409 celebrity names that allude to our current Hollywood Celebrities.

    What would you name a Klingon Robert De Niro? or an Andorian Brad Pitt? or a Vulcan Jennifer Lawrence?

    Oh, and K'im Cardassian need not apply... :P
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    worffan101worffan101 Member Posts: 9,518 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    proteusrex wrote: »
    So I've been thinking about Challenge 2 and where I want to take it. Part of my plan involves some throw-away names for big name celebrities who I don't care much about at all.

    I'm not very good at names, especially alien names, so I'm looking for some help. I'm looking for some 2409 celebrity names that allude to our current Hollywood Celebrities.

    What would you name a Klingon Robert De Niro? or an Andorian Brad Pitt? or a Vulcan Jennifer Lawrence?

    Oh, and K'im Cardassian need not apply... :P

    Brad ch'Pitt

    T'lawrence

    R'obert of the House of Niro

    Best I could come up with really fast...
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    blackblackwyrmblackblackwyrm Member Posts: 53 Arc User
    edited June 2014
    Implied horror is best horror.

    I really liked this one. It was tight and controlled as well as playing to the nature of the stories that D'trel usually finds herself in. I also really liked the ending. Somber, yes, but also very positive in its own way.

    My only other note is that I found the alien thoughts words you crammed in to interesting and appropriate. You do have a knack for making alien species living things in your writing and I was happy to see another one.
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